Calls & Texts Girl ask to fetch her for date

[vicknick]

Scheduled a date with time and place with a girl and told her we can meet up there. She say okay. Then on the day of date, she texted "Why don't you fetch me."

Since I already picked a place where it's convenient for her to go, I don't really want to fetch her at this moment, would like her to invest a bit. I was thinking one of the respond can be "I have things to do later, so not convenient to fetch you, will see you there". But I sense that this is a shit test, so another respond could be "So you think I am your driver?" with emoji to lessen the tone. Not sure better way to handle this.

 

[Skills]

Brah is not a shit test! Usully means she wants to fuck...

 

[Fuck This]

Picking her up at her door is SOP for me. It shows you are in control of your own transportation.

I would suggest you make your date plans with women where you pick them up so you don't end up in this predicament again.

 

[vicknick]

Picking her up at her door is SOP for me. It shows you are in control of your own transportation.

I would suggest you make your date plans with women where you pick them up so you don't end up in this predicament again.

So how do you reply to my situation? "Yes I'll pick you up"?

 

[Echoes]

So how do you reply to my situation? "Yes I'll pick you up"?

"Sure, but I need to use the restroom real quick when I get there." Used basically that before lol. Makes going back to her place easier. Wording could probably be better

 

[vicknick]

"Sure, but I need to use the restroom real quick when I get there." Used basically that before lol. Makes going back to her place easier. Wording could probably be better

I see. What if she replied "Why? Can't you just use the restroom at your home first?"

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Have a different view to what others have shared so chiming in.

Scheduled a date with time and place with a girl and told her we can meet up there. She say okay. Then on the day of date, she texted "Why don't you fetch me."

My intuition tells me this is a girl you've met from online and you're feeling apprehensive because you sense her investment levels are low and you've got this itching feeling that it could start a "lap dog" dynamic of you making everything super easy for her.

I don't think it's a shit test though.

It's either her having low investment or her being super keen.

Without having more background context of how you met and her investment levels up to this point, we can't say either way.

The way you proceed though is the same...

"Why don't you fetch me."

Personally I'd treat this as no big deal and say "sure share your address & I'll pick you up for X"

Then when you're on the date, be fun, flirty and build sexual tension. This will prevent her placing you in a boring nice guy box.

I go into detail on how I do that here

I would suggest you make your date plans with women where you pick them up so you don't end up in this predicament again.

Over-reaction in my opinion. Keeping dates simple is the way to go. Most my dates I meet outside the subway near my place but appreciate different cities have different transport dynamics.

Sure, but I need to use the restroom real quick when I get there."

Don't send this in advance as it will come across too calculated

If you want to go down this route make it spontaneous but personally I wouldn't bother as a failed or sloppy escalation will just make things harder for you down the road.

 

[Will_V]

If it was a shit test she probably wouldn't have said 'fetch me'.

Anyways a bit of teasing is always good when not sure where things are at.

 

[vicknick]

Have a different view to what others have shared so chiming in.



My intuition tells me this is a girl you've met from online and you're feeling apprehensive because you sense her investment levels are low and you've got this itching feeling that it could start a "lap dog" dynamic of you making everything super easy for her.

I don't think it's a shit test though.

It's either her having low investment or her being super keen.

Without having more background context of how you met and her investment levels up to this point, we can't say either way.

The way you proceed though is the same...

Before that it's I picking her up, and we have few minutes chat before getting her number.

 

[vicknick]

If it was a shit test she probably wouldn't have said 'fetch me'.

Anyways a bit of teasing is always good when not sure where things are at.

How do you tease in this case?

 

[Echoes]

I see. What if she replied "Why? Can't you just use the restroom at your home first?"

In my case, we were far from my place. I just wouldn't respond until I get there (I'm *driving*).

I used to have this "what-if?" mindset, but found it severely stunted my romantic pursuits and led to me pestering several senior members way more than one should.

Don't send this in advance as it will come across too calculated

If you want to go down this route make it spontaneous but personally I wouldn't bother as a failed or sloppy escalation will just make things harder for you down the road.

Not sure how it's calculated when she's the one changing the situation. "Sure, but I need to use the restroom soon, can I use yours real quick?" maybe? I used this exact gambit with a girl that became a fwb. Not saying you're trying to shift gears and just stay in her place (unless she seems to want that).

 

[Skjöldr]

Picking girls up before a date is good. Builds comfort.

 

[Fuck This]

So how do you reply to my situation? "Yes I'll pick you up"?

You should have never had her HAVE TO ASK.

Arrange time and then say "where shall I pick you up?" If it is a first date and she doesn't want you to know where she lives in case you are a creep, then she will suggest meeting you at the venue, or have you pick her up somewhere public.

In your case then you say "of course, I'd be happy to" as if you intended to all along...

 

[Will_V]

How do you tease in this case?

Give me 5 possible teasing responses you think might work, and I'll give you 5 more.

 

[StrayDog]

"So you think I am your driver?"

My question to you is what about her asking for a ride has you feeling so defensive? Like she is trying to get one over on you or something. Is there any reason for you to believe she would be shit testing you? Something that happened in the interaction. Some bad precedent that leads you to believe she is somehow jerking you around? OR are you just tripping?

She is asking for a ride on your date together, she isn't asking you to taxi her around to some event that has nothing to do with the two of you connecting. Picking her up for the date actually has strategic advantages.

-You have the mobility to bounce the date from location to location without worrying about the logistics of two separate cars.
-By default, you have to take her home by the end of the date. This is a natural pull back to her house baked into the trajectory of the date.
-Other dynamic and mobile opportunities. If the date is feeling particularly adventurous you drive around, enjoy the sights, be mischievous, fuck in the back of your car.


When I pick a girl up for a date I often will go up to her door to pick her up. 9/10 times she invites me in for a moment. Now there is a precedent of the two of us already hanging out in her house. This precedent makes it really simple to pull back to her house when the date calls for it later.

Unless she lives super far away and her asking for a ride would really put you out, or doesn't really make sense logistically, there is no reason to decline. And unless there is good reason to suspect ulterior motives on her part, be flexible, man. Take the path of least resistance. Instead of seeing roadblocks, see opportunities for collaboration. Not everything is a frame-grab power struggle

So how do you reply to my situation? "Yes I'll pick you up"?

"toss me your address"

she sends address and you say
"great. see ya in 20 (or however long it will tale you)"

simple

 

[vicknick]

My question to you is what about her asking for a ride has you feeling so defensive? Like she is trying to get one over on you or something. Is there any reason for you to believe she would be shit testing you? Something that happened in the interaction. Some bad precedent that leads you to believe she is somehow jerking you around? OR are you just tripping?

Not sure if you can sense it, but the thing is she is not asking a question, but directly tell you to do something (the actual text would be something like "Why don't you just come and fetch me"). From my experience, this kind of behavior already tell me that she sees herself as one up of the interaction. If she is asking politely then I will definitely consider fetching, but this is not the case. Thus, I come out with something that teases her (to slightly push her). That's why I was asking for opinion on a better response to deal with this.

Ultimately, it proves to be correct when she keeps on shit testing me on the date like she is the better one. But that's another story.

 

[Will_V]

Not sure if you can sense it, but the thing is she is not asking a question, but directly tell you to do something (the actual text would be something like "Why don't you just come and fetch me"). From my experience, this kind of behavior already tell me that she sees herself as one up of the interaction. If she is asking politely then I will definitely consider fetching, but this is not the case. Thus, I come out with something that teases her (to slightly push her). That's why I was asking for opinion on a better response to deal with this.

Ultimately, it proves to be correct when she keeps on shit testing me on the date like she is the better one. But that's another story.

I think everyone is correct about there being no problem about picking a girl up on a date. However it's true that a) it's better to show low investment before she's invested and b) only you know the exact context and instincts are often right as long as you are in a good headspace.

That's why light teasing is always good to clarify things, because she will be able to take it and it even increases attraction even if her text had nothing behind it.

The problem with the response 'so you think I am your driver?' is that she doesn't know your context. It's basically a flat sarcastic refusal with no play. Imagine if someone sent you that text, would you think they are annoyed? Quite possibly. So she's probably not going to reply. An emoji here wouldn't really help imo because emojis are often just bs, it's like when someone says 'just kidding' after saying something, half the time they are just covering up and you disregard it. The overall tone has to convey what you want.

Secondly, you must ALWAYS provide an avenue for continuation, especially when you don't know eachother well, so that attraction doesn't expire and momentum is maintained. The only continuation you provided is a response to a confrontational question which is something she's likely going to dodge simply by ghosting you. No woman ever likes being in a confrontation with some dude she hardly knows.

Thirdly, avoid dealing with 'shit tests' real or imagined over text. It's a terrible place to manage frame. It's better to laugh and let some things slide until you can be in front of her showing her what kind of guy you are.

So what do you think might instead have been a good response that would be playful and provide continuation? You have to build these skills to be able to enforce your frame while building rapport and attraction.

 

[Skjöldr]

"Why don't you fetch me."

sounds DTF to me

depending on the context i would say

A) "Say pretty please "
or
B) "Sure, what's your address?"

 

[Echoes]

So...what happened?

 

[vicknick]

So what do you think might instead have been a good response that would be playful and provide continuation? You have to build these skills to be able to enforce your frame while building rapport and attraction.

"Sure, but promise me you will be a sweet girl tonight" or "Sure, but treat me ice cream later". I can think of these two which are playful?