Calls & Texts Girl ask to fetch her for date

[Will_V]

"Sure, but promise me you will be a sweet girl tonight" or "Sure, but treat me ice cream later". I can think of these two which are playful?

That's something that depends on her agreeing, so if she doesn't agree and you accept anyway you lose frame.

I think even self deprecating humor works here. Here's my two suggestions:

"Sure I'll send my Cadillac over does xyz time work"

"Sure thing, make sure you're wearing that thing I like does xyz time work"

Does not depend on her involvement, teases, and provides continuation in form of logistics which is really what text is good for.

 

[StrayDog]

"Sure, but promise me you will be a sweet girl tonight" or "Sure, but treat me ice cream later". I can think of these two which are playful?

these examples will only put one more step between the two of you meeting up. Now she has to put a bunch of energy into interpreting where she thinks your coming with the text. Then does she want to accept this sort of negotiating for a ride. "Does he really expect me to buy him ice cream?" Now you have to resolve some other point before you can move on to actually getting her address, determining the time, and so on. Which by the way was already the direction your convo was headed in "Come fetch me."

The whole tit-for-tat "oh you want a favor, well you have to do something in return this ain't a free ride" thing can also come across as stubborn and overly transactional. She will easily see what you are trying to pull.

ABC (always be closing). Don't put up unnecessary roadblocks. Keep the energy moving forward.

Her: What if you come fetch me
You: Toss me your address
Her: (sends address)
You: Ahh that side of town (Keeping things ambiguous to build a little tension, but still leaving room to just push things forward)
Her: problem?
You: A whopping 3 blocks away. hope you know how to throw on a stylish outfit fast
Her: Lol, give me like 30 min
You: Okay, might be more like 40 but I'll shoot a text when I'm headed that way.
Her: Okay sounds good

Notice how your response always points to the next logical step in moving things forward (aside from the pause to build tension) as well as assumes that she has already bought into the next step

 

[StrayDog]

Not sure if you can sense it, but the thing is she is not asking a question, but directly tell you to do something (the actual text would be something like "Why don't you just come and fetch me"). From my experience, this kind of behavior already tell me that she sees herself as one up of the interaction. If she is asking politely then I will definitely consider fetching, but this is not the case. Thus, I come out with something that teases her (to slightly push her). That's why I was asking for opinion on a better response to deal with this.

It sounds like you have a pattern of these sorts of dynamics happening on your dates. Where women shit-test you a lot on your dates. So much so that you are now anticipating it. My question is, what do you think you are doing to contribute to this pattern?

Ultimately, it proves to be correct when she keeps on shit testing me on the date like she is the better one. But that's another story.

I don't know your style of game and what works best for you but I know that I made immense improvements once a was able to stop seeing everything as a struggle to be the one who has one up on her. I was able to see a much broader spectrum of dynamics at play. This perspective helps me more easily find ways around situations that would have been roadblocks before. Instead of getting hung up on needless power struggles, I see more opportunities to collaborate, build connection, or build tension. To move the interaction forward.

The roadblocks I kept seeing were ones that I was needlessly putting up. Oftentimes mini power struggles start to play out because we ourselves bring them to the table. Sometimes it is better to be flexible than it is to be the one who appears to be most "on top". So long as things are moving closer toward intimacy, what is the issue? Don't worry, you'll be "on top" of her soon enough

 

[vicknick]

It sounds like you have a pattern of these sorts of dynamics happening on your dates. Where women shit-test you a lot on your dates. So much so that you are now anticipating it. My question is, what do you think you are doing to contribute to this pattern?

I don't think I did anything that contribute to this pattern. I tried to be cooperative but some girls just like to shit test from the very start. If I met this kind of girls, then I will tried to avoid falling into their frame, hence my response in the text.

 

[vicknick]

"Sure thing, make sure you're wearing that thing I like does xyz time work"

Does not depend on her involvement, teases, and provides continuation in form of logistics which is really what text is good for.

What if she say "Why should I wear what you tell me?" here, how would you respond?

 

[StrayDog]

I don't think I did anything that contribute to this pattern. I tried to be cooperative but some girls just like to shit test from the very start. If I met this kind of girls, then I will tried to avoid falling into their frame, hence my response in the text.

true some women shit test more than others but they shit test for a reason. While that reason might not entirely have to do with you (like maybe she has a chip on her shoulder) but it has to do somewhat with you. She is shit testing you for a reason. Something she sees in you in compelling her to keep throwing up tests. Especially if she keeps shit testing you through out the whole date, and you are not effectively finding a way around that dynamic. Then yes you are definitely contributing. The sooner you discover exactly how the more equipped you will be to manage that sort of thing.

The solution isn't always to be "coopertive." But being flexible and dynamic in how you see/approach the framing around this sort of thing definitely helps.

 

[Will_V]

What if she say "Why should I wear what you tell me?" here, how would you respond?

Don't assume things before they happen.

That was just a suggestion, depending on if it fit your personality, her personality, and how well you'd got along up to that point. I think @StrayDog's suggestion was far safer and probably better for your situation.

In that scenario I'd expect her to ask what 'that thing' is exactly and I'd just keep playing around.

Obviously I'd only do it if I sensed it was something she would respond well to, but really though, if a girl is going to try and take me to task for an ambiguous tease I probably wouldn't bother wasting my time.

Anyways, it's probably better to just lightly make fun of the situation itself (rather than teasing her) or even just 'fetch her' if that's what she wants, and concentrate on frame control during the date.

 

[HoofHearted]

Don't put up unnecessary roadblocks. Keep the energy moving forward.

You know, this is a really salient point. I feel like y'all get so caught up looking at a tree that you forget you're in a forest.

Could it be you're so caught up in the battle of 'should I drive my car over' and trying to 'win' that situation, that you forgot you're actually trying to fuck a girl here?

In the debating, the back and forth, and endless ruminating, sometimes we forget the goal or even to move toward it.

Is a 'mistake' really a 'mistake', is a loss really even a loss, if it moves you toward a goal?

Maybe go chauffeur some pussy around and let me know.

 

[Will_V]

This threads got a bit out of hand so I will reiterate for clarity: if you don't know where things are at or are having trouble with not taking girls seriously, a bit of teasing works wonders to set a good playful tone. It works when she's good, when she's bad, it works Monday through Sunday, rain hail or shine. I tease all the damn time, and they love it. So yes keep your eye on the ball but no, don't be afraid of having some fun when she's awkward or you think she's having a nip. Just don't take it seriously.

 

[Beck Bass]

Sure, but promise me you will be a sweet girl tonight

Sounds kinda weak for my taste, like you expect something from her in exchange for you picking her up, also kinda hints that girls haven't been sweet with you for some reason... But that is just me (could be good depending on the context... But I think it's likely to backfire, way more than some good teasing, at least)

if you don't know where things are at or are having trouble with not taking girls seriously, a bit of teasing works wonders to set a good playful tone. It works when she's good, when she's bad, it works Monday through Sunday, rain hail or shine.

Yup, op is getting too invested in this date, he's overgaming (or at least trying to) her on text and this lead to some weird thinking behind his texts... If this girl really wants to go out with him, him picking her up or not shouldn't matter at all. If it's pratical for him, he can do it, no biggie, if not, tell her you can't and whatever, if she doesn't show up because of that, she wasn't even that invested to begin with...

I understand trying to have your best shot of taking a girl home and having the date go well for you, but not to the point were you're obsessing over what is the best answer that is gonna give you a 2.4% increase of chance of her sucking your D with minimal risk...
Because there ain't such thing. There's just too many variables, you barely know this girl, I'm assuming, since you haven't even taken her out, so you can't possibly know exactly what the best answer is. This whole thread just shows me he probably doesn't get that many chances with girls of her caliber and he's too invested on it to begin with, so his odds are low to begin with, or he's just trying to overgame for some reason, which it just annoying at this point (everyone here gave solid advice and he still asking about minute details). If that is like the hottest girl you had a shot with ever, or in quite some time, it's fine to want it to really go well, just don't get too attached to the outcome, because shit happens, even when you have experience, and when you don't, you likely will fuck up, and overanalysing everything is just gonna make it worse.
My advice for op is just chill and go with your guts, if it doesn't go well, next time you know what not to do with a girl like her

 

[vicknick]

Don't assume things before they happen.

That was just a suggestion, depending on if it fit your personality, her personality, and how well you'd got along up to that point. I think @StrayDog's suggestion was far safer and probably better for your situation.

In that scenario I'd expect her to ask what 'that thing' is exactly and I'd just keep playing around.

Thanks for your response. However, I am not sure why you think I shouldn't assume things before happen, since I am learning and mentally prepare for different scenario. If she really ask this kind of question ("why should I wear what you tell me"), I should just be playful and just say: "Cuz it looks good on you", to be more playful? Not sure what's a playful response to this.

 

[Will_V]

Thanks for your response. However, I am not sure why you think I shouldn't assume things before happen, since I am learning and mentally prepare for different scenario. If she really ask this kind of question ("why should I wear what you tell me"), I should just be playful and just say: "Cuz it looks good on you", to be more playful? Not sure what's a playful response to this.

No you don't need to 'mentally prepare' when you're learning. You need exposure. From exposure you learn what to prepare for. Otherwise you prepare for stuff that never eventuates.

I'll take back that suggestion I made because it's not useful to this scenario, what you need to focus on is chilling, having fun, and looking at girls in a more playful and non-serious way. At this point in my opinion you should completely avoid dealing with any 'shit tests' over phone and simply keep moving toward the date with positivity, and focus on fundamentals and escalation during the date. You'll learn frame control a lot faster in person and then you can try stuff over text if you want.

 

[Beck Bass]

You'll learn frame control a lot faster in person and then you can try stuff over text if you want.

Yeah, try to minimize texting and get girls out as much as you can, in person you have way more power and you learn way quicker.
Texting is a whole other universe and one where things are way harder to understand, because you have no clue how a girl is really feeling at the moment (or even where she is or what she is doing).
You might send the perfect text, but her day was terrible and she doesn't wanna hear from anyone, then your notification pops up and she gets mad. But you might not ever even find out because she won't bother telling you all of this.

 

[DonGately]

Scheduled a date with time and place with a girl and told her we can meet up there. She say okay. Then on the day of date, she texted "Why don't you fetch me."

Since I already picked a place where it's convenient for her to go, I don't really want to fetch her at this moment, would like her to invest a bit. I was thinking one of the respond can be "I have things to do later, so not convenient to fetch you, will see you there". But I sense that this is a shit test, so another respond could be "So you think I am your driver?" with emoji to lessen the tone. Not sure better way to handle this.

If it's on my way yes, esp as I have a nice car, if not I always just Uber them. Never ever had an issue.

 

[DonGately]

No you don't need to 'mentally prepare' when you're learning. You need exposure. From exposure you learn what to prepare for. Otherwise you prepare for stuff that never eventuates.
... what you need to focus on is chilling, having fun, and looking at girls in a more playful and non-serious way. At this point in my opinion you should completely avoid dealing with any 'shit tests' over phone and simply keep moving toward the date with positivity, and focus on fundamentals and escalation during the date. You'll learn frame control a lot faster in person and then you can try stuff over text if you want.

Great advice here from Will. One trick I learned when I started dating college girls again was to treat every point of interaction via text, phone as a positive - she wants to be with me, she needs reassurance because she wants to fk, she's afraid I'll flake on her, etc. It's all about having tight inner game sometimes.
'Oh Don, I might not be able to make it at 8pm tonight'
"Cool, I'll be at xyz bar hope to see you there if not I'll still be having fun...."

Now she knows you're non-needy and her jealousy hamster is spinning she might lose a high-value guy. When she comes out she is 5x more invested than before. And if she doesn't, who cares? You're out having fun and can even use it to game the next girl at the bar!