Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to me!

[Anonymous]

Hey Lads,

My issue is this:

There is this girl I've know for about a year now, and she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend (about 2 - 3 years or something), and in that time she made no mention of him to me! Not in conversation whether by name or just 'bf' etc. I would not have known that she had a boyfriend if she hadn't added me on facebook before I was going to ask her out, obviously why I didn't. The way I found out was through facebook. Anyhow, we aren't the greatest of friends, but at the same time we haven't really done anything outside of university together nor tried to get to know each other well, due to the fact that she has a boyfriend and I've been trying to stay out of the friendzone, even though I may already be in it....etc etc.

I would just like to know your opinions on three things:
- Does her not telling me at all about her boyfriend other than indirectly through her facebook relationship status mean anything?
- Also, how long should I wait until I start making a real attempt to date her/ask her out given that she has only just broken up with her boyfriend?
- Finally, would being her 'uni buddy' kind of friend be an advantage and not be considered in the friendzone etc?

Also, I would like to mention I have read the posts on law of least effort, not fixating on one woman etc. As I am still going after other women, I was just more wondering in relation to this girl and how long I should put her on the backburner if at all.

 

[Maxz]

Re: Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to m

Hey Jase22,

The only way to go here is just ask her out and see what happens. And don't ask her out through facebook either. Just shoot her a super chilled text asking her out. Her reaction will give you the answers you seek.

 

[Dunking Style]

Re: Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to m

I would advise against being a uni buddy. Not that it's bad or anything..but the more she sees you as her "buddy"..the lower your chances are to get her. After all..she expected you to be her buddy..not lover!
My point is..let someone else be the buddy who's hoping to get some but never does.

 

[Garrett]

Re: Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to m

I would advise against being a uni buddy. Not that it's bad or anything..but the more she sees you as her "buddy"..the lower your chances are to get her. After all..she expected you to be her buddy..not lover!
My point is..let someone else be the buddy who's hoping to get some but never does.

^ Dunking Style is right, you don't want to be the buddy. What you want to be is the lover. Ideally, it would be great to take a girl out, buy her dinner, help her with things, treat her like a princess, but unfortunately, that stuff doesn't work. If you want to get with her, you want to get her out and sleep with her. The thing with girls who have broken up with their boyfriend after being in a longterm relationship is, they usually carry baggage from their previous relationship. If I were you, I'd go for it anyway, because shortly after, she's going to start looking for someone new so you have to act fast before someone else does or else she'll be in lalaland with her new bf. You should date other girls regardless, so don't get hungup on her too much if you really want her. Also, when you get into the relationship with her, start off slowly and don't let her expect much, then gradually start providing more as the relationship progresses.

Garrett

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to m

Thanks lads!

Just a follow up question/s....

I have read the blogs which say it doesn't matter if you call her or text her, in this instance would there be any benefit in calling her and asking or are both just as acceptable?

Also, should I keep the date casual ie. come over hang out and watch some movies etc? or coffee? or should I go more formal and make sure she knows its definitely a date by asking her to dinner?

I realise that because I may already be in the friendzone, if I ask something too casual she may not realise its a date...unless I use it as a way to ask her to dinner in person :S

Cheers!

 

[Light]

Re: Girl broke up with bf, never mentioned bf in person to m

Listen, Some girls are oblivious to the fact that you may like them. In your case I don't even think she knows that you like her in such a way. You need to let her know that you are intersted in her.
Set your intentions known early in the game.

I would just go up to her and tell her that you like her, and would like to take her out for lunch. Nothing too romantic or too much effort... and definitely don't talk about her bf or ex. Pretend you don't know.

See what her reaction is from that and you will know where you stand. Otherwise you're just going to be doing meaningless things and getting meaningless results. Beating around the bush isn't going to help. You have to be indirect direct.