Girl escalated with me quickly and wants to meet again. How fast should I move, and what are the red flags here?

[anon123]

Was out at a bar last night where I knew a bit more than half of the people there. A girl (who seemed to know a few people there) was in town for a single night visiting a group of friends (one of which I know a bit).

She is an absolute 10/10 and caught my eye immediately. After an hour or so of chatting with various friends, she organically joined conversation with a group of us, and she and I had a one-on-one conversation for about 20 minutes and really hit it off. Although I found her attractive, I was more interested in catching up with friends I had not seen in a while than I was in her. I was not intentionally flirtatious - picking her up was genuinely just not even in my mind despite her being attractive and the good/short conversation we had.

After about two hours of floating around the venue chatting to others (with her occasionally joining in), she and I sort of became naturally isolated in a corner for about 30 minutes, where the conversation got a bit deeper. She asked if I would join her for a smoke outside, and while walking out asked flat out if I wanted to get a beer and chat in her hotel for a bit (a short walk away).

We got up to plenty of kissing, cuddling and foreplay, but did not have sex. We honestly kept interrupting ourselves with wonderful conversation until I was too tired. At some stage during all of this she explained that she was attracted to me after our initial conversation, because of what a ‘really good person' she said I seem to be, and said she would really like to come and visit me in a month or two when she is able (she works 6-7 days a week most weeks). She also asked if I would be willing to visit her sooner (she lives in a smaller town about a 2 and a half hour drive away).

Kissing/foreplay continued in the morning, I asked if I should get a condom. She said “I am dying for you, but if it’s okay, could we wait until we see each other next time, because I'll be fantasising about you and we will enjoy it more?” I honestly was so impressed with her game, that I straight up told her “you’re messing with me, but I respect that, let’s see if we do meet again and then we'll see how things go."

We went to a local place for breakfast and had a wonderful chat, then I dropped her off at the bus station. She again said “I would love for you to come visit as soon as possible, otherwise let’s keep in touch and I will let you know when I can come back here if you are still up for it.”

She has been beyond flirtatious with her texts today and reiterated that she really likes me, says "I still have butterflies in my stomach", and hopes that we can meet soon.

I guess I have two questions mainly:
- How fast do I offer to go and visit her? A part of me wants to let things cool down (ignore her messages, just respond every few days or so) and then propose meeting up in two weeks or so. However seeing how keen she is, I am thinking of messaging in 2-3 days to explore whether she can meet next week around Sunday/Monday, the soonest I could go and days when I know she works fewer hours at the cafe she works at).
- What are some red flags I should watch out for based on the above? What jumps out to me is mainly her escalating things so quickly and her eagerness to meet again so soon (maybe I am thinking about this too much from the opposite side, but she is very much chasing, hard and fast). If she did that with me, she must be doing it all the time with lots of guys. Is that something to worry about?

Thanks for any advice any of you guys may have.

 

[KJ Francis]

Go fuck her as fast as possible - tonight if you can.

Sometimes girls don't expect anything to happen and would prefer her pussy were shaved, or aren't comfortable telling you they're on their period or it didn't even occur to her you'd fuck her on it, or she is trying to display her long term value by presenting herself as not quick to go to bed with someone, since many men have Madonna-whore complexes.

There is also an underlying mate testing mechanism where she wants the genes of a man who will persist. So regardless of her logical thoughts, there is a subconscious factor that gets her wet if you keep at it in the moment. It is tough habit to learn since you need to be calibrated perfectly to every micro movement of her body. Just get it done or she'll be gone from your life before you know it, regardless of how good things went.

 

[anon123]

Wow, thank you! Unfortunately I can’t tonight (and probably not tomorrow) but I will text her this instant to try and set something up.

I think she may well have been trying to present long-term value as she seems to be really into me (which feels weird happening so fast) and wanted to ensure we meet again, or make me work for it, which I actually find really cool. Or her pussy wasn’t shaved yet. Or anything else that has nothing to do with me.

Let’s see what she says. Thanks again.

 

[TomInHo]

I personally wouldn’t read into it so much. A girl could be really into you today and then vanish tomorrow for apparently no reason

Not trying to scare you or anything but until you put your dick inside her all you had was a pleasant encounter with a beautiful girl and no guarantees of a future

 

[anon123]

Thanks TomInHo. How would you suggest to play it from here (knowing she is very busy with work next few days, and maybe through weekend) to maximize my chances of getting my dick in her and having a possible future?

Will her desire build if I allow a cool off period, message and build up excitement? Or better just to text now and show I want to see her tomorrow or the next day if possible?

 

[TomInHo]

First I wouldn’t even be thinking about a future lol

That’s probably why she was making you wait. You might be telegraphing too much desire for the connection and not enough on the sex

Think about the lay first, and let her worry about your future

And no, her desire will not build if you play aloof. In this situation you should hit her up asap, flirt a little and then see if she is available to meet up soon

If she seems keen, then go for it fast. But if she is busy don’t stress it and keep just enough contact with her so you can figure out when she’s available to link up next


AKA… Show interest but don’t be overeager

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Was out at a bar last night where I knew a bit more than half of the people there. A girl (who seemed to know a few people there) was in town for a single night visiting a group of friends (one of which I know a bit).

She is an absolute 10/10 and caught my eye immediately. After an hour or so of chatting with various friends, she organically joined conversation with a group of us, and she and I had a one-on-one conversation for about 20 minutes and really hit it off. Although I found her attractive, I was more interested in catching up with friends I had not seen in a while than I was in her. I was not intentionally flirtatious - picking her up was genuinely just not even in my mind despite her being attractive and the good/short conversation we had.

After about two hours of floating around the venue chatting to others (with her occasionally joining in), she and I sort of became naturally isolated in a corner for about 30 minutes, where the conversation got a bit deeper. She asked if I would join her for a smoke outside, and while walking out asked flat out if I wanted to get a beer and chat in her hotel for a bit (a short walk away).

We got up to plenty of kissing, cuddling and foreplay, but did not have sex. We honestly kept interrupting ourselves with wonderful conversation until I was too tired. At some stage during all of this she explained that she was attracted to me after our initial conversation, because of what a ‘really good person' she said I seem to be, and said she would really like to come and visit me in a month or two when she is able (she works 6-7 days a week most weeks). She also asked if I would be willing to visit her sooner (she lives in a smaller town about a 2 and a half hour drive away).

Kissing/foreplay continued in the morning, I asked if I should get a condom. She said “I am dying for you, but if it’s okay, could we wait until we see each other next time, because I'll be fantasising about you and we will enjoy it more?” I honestly was so impressed with her game, that I straight up told her “you’re messing with me, but I respect that, let’s see if we do meet again and then we'll see how things go."

We went to a local place for breakfast and had a wonderful chat, then I dropped her off at the bus station. She again said “I would love for you to come visit as soon as possible, otherwise let’s keep in touch and I will let you know when I can come back here if you are still up for it.”

She has been beyond flirtatious with her texts today and reiterated that she really likes me, says "I still have butterflies in my stomach", and hopes that we can meet soon.

I guess I have two questions mainly:
- How fast do I offer to go and visit her? A part of me wants to let things cool down (ignore her messages, just respond every few days or so) and then propose meeting up in two weeks or so. However seeing how keen she is, I am thinking of messaging in 2-3 days to explore whether she can meet next week around Sunday/Monday, the soonest I could go and days when I know she works fewer hours at the cafe she works at).
- What are some red flags I should watch out for based on the above? What jumps out to me is mainly her escalating things so quickly and her eagerness to meet again so soon (maybe I am thinking about this too much from the opposite side, but she is very much chasing, hard and fast). If she did that with me, she must be doing it all the time with lots of guys. Is that something to worry about?

Thanks for any advice any of you guys may have.

Click here for a GC article on moving faster

and just read a bunch of articles that run along the same lines by using the search function

this how I like to think of it:

I want investment right? That’s how I get a girlfriend or an eager fuck buddy to spend time with me and eat my kids

I get investment through compliance.

I kiss her,

her mind: “wow we just kissed, i liked that, I must like him, it’s okay if we kiss again”

boom, she’s invested in kissing you in future times

all the things: holding hands, grabbing ass, fingering etc.

they all increase compliance and overall increase the chances of her making up her mind and deciding to investing in you

some of these are best done in succession and if you end the escalation before sex happens, she could very well not talk to you again the next day

why? Because it gives her room for error in her mind

“wait we didn’t fuck? Maybe I don’t like him that much after all”

Sex is the penultimate form of compliance (not to mention arousal)

your literally sticking your self inside of her

your marking your territory, that’s you

it’s like when a dog pisses on the street corner

“this is my corner”

when you fuck a bitch

“this is my bitch”

Women know this is the ultimate thing you can do to them, so they’re guarded in who they chose for sex, they keep sex out of reach to get promise and commitment from men who want sex from them

It’s nice in all to have good conversations and make out while your doing it, but there is a primal side of seduction

you gotta seal the deal, you gotta go animal and grunt and thrust inside of her or you haven’t truly made her your lover yet

and even one time isn’t enough if you want her to invest in you, from what I’ve heard, chase says 3 times does the trick and I agree with that

Because if you don’t seal the deal, you haven’t really made an impact on her, you haven’t made your imprint and that’s what counts

Best of luck,
Biggus

 

[KJ Francis]

Wow, thank you! Unfortunately I can’t tonight (and probably not tomorrow) but I will text her this instant to try and set something up.

I think she may well have been trying to present long-term value as she seems to be really into me (which feels weird happening so fast) and wanted to ensure we meet again, or make me work for it, which I actually find really cool. Or her pussy wasn’t shaved yet. Or anything else that has nothing to do with me.

Let’s see what she says. Thanks again.

How old are you? Don't chase her or ask her to have sex! Persist physically and be ok switching to totally chill laid back, flipping to hot with desire for her...

Don't engage in logical conversation about resistance to sex. Give a little and pull back in cycles to tease and make Girls Chase you. Keep escalating, meaning slowly ramping up and get horny together!

 

[anon123]

@Francis, I am 36, she is 27.

@BIGGUS DICKUS: PUSSY MAN @TomInHo

Thank you so much for your really helpful responses. I texted her last night, she responded within twenty minutes and is clearly really excited to see me. I will be going there tomorrow, or Thursday at the latest if I can't get out of work in time. Her flirtation/excitement in messages in only escalating. This is going to happen.

Will be re-reading your messages until I see her and keeping them in mind as I prepare! I am high on confidence with this one and really looking forward to it.

Thank you again guys.

 

[SteelbookCollector]

interesting, since this normally never happens, 99 percent of women will never make a move on a guy they like, and you said "She asked if I would join her for a smoke outside, and while walking out asked flat out if I wanted to get a beer and chat in her hotel for a bit (a short walk away)."

Interesting, since women will normally never ask a guy out or to hang out, or she was leading which is what normally guys have always had to do and likely always will.

 

[anon123]

This is what I find almost disconcerting, like there must be some red flag I am missing. But she seems like a really down to earth sweet girl, and just said blanketly that she is really into me and wants to meet again.

Honestly the more I think about it, throughout the night I probably must have been dropping hints and making subtle flirtations without my even realising it? Thinking back on it:
- Whenever we were talking one on one, my body posture was always pointed like 45-90 degrees away from her (verbally I was really engaged but physically I looked interested in what others were doing), and I would turn to make eye contact on and off when one of us made an exciting point, I actually remember her sort of gravitating inward toward me during those chats
- I regularly told her I had to leave her and have a chat with X, but would see her in a bit, we sort of organically separated and rejoined each other throughout the night it felt like, but I may have been subconsciously making this happen?
- Once I knew she was hooked into the conversation and we had done several deep dives, I made some really sincere compliments (about her values and character) that were clearly well received
- Over the night, my light pats on the shoulder escalated more into hugs after one of us had shared something sentimental, or gently grabbing her hand for a few seconds then releasing. I think at one stage I had my hand just resting on the side of her waste as we were listening to someone else tell a story.

Fuck, maybe I did pick this girl up actually, she just moved things along faster by jumping in with the suggestion of relocating earlier than I would have. Maybe I was in fact leading in a really subtle way until she felt comfortable enough with me to make a bold move of her own?

I genuinely didn’t even remember that I did the above things until now. This all must have been eclipsed in my memory by what happened after with her taking the lead (and me amusedly playing along with it and even joking about it with her). I just remember that, even though she was gorgeous and enjoyable to talk to, in the moment my priority was my friends and not her, until she invited me back and I suddenly thought “well okay then”.

 

[SteelbookCollector]

a woman taking the lead? 99 percent of women will never do that, even if they really like a certain guy, even if they are really attracted to a certain guy.

 

[TomInHo]

a woman taking the lead? 99 percent of women will never do that, even if they really like a certain guy, even if they are really attracted to a certain guy.

Correction…

“99 percent of women never do that to me, even if they really like me”

That may be the reality of you and your friends, but I’ve personally seen women behave like this countless times

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Focusing on the aspect that She lives in a different town. (and needed to take the bus)

At my age and experience, my country, in my tax bracket, I would not make the trip. There's bound to be an equally attractive chick that's not going to be an emotional handful or a logistical nightmare.

If you do make the trip, there are some problems.

To me, the best outcome is that you go there, hook up, and things can stay casual.

Well maybe the best outcome is that this is your soulmate, you get married, have kids, and leave the game behind.

But the more likely outcomes

1. She's not feeling you like she was, and it's a wasted trip.
2. She's feeling you, but wants love, affection, deep emotional investment, so it's a lot of trips out there.
3. She's cool with having sex
   1. You have sex - you both hate it - wasted time
   2. You have sex - and you hate it, but she loves you now
      1. bad relationship
      2. pull out of it, and social circle ramifications
   3. You have sex - and she hates it
   4. You have sex and both love it, fall in love - but now have logistics to deal with - relationship gets fast forwarded because there's pressure to move in together.
4. there are probably more possibilities that I haven't thought of...

The only reason I'd make that trip, is if there was something about her that was beyond the flesh. And even after years of doing this, the dopamine/serotonin/brain chemicals still play tricks on the brain.

The way I'd play this, is where she needs to come back to you to bang. Not you head out to see her to bang.

So standard technology protocol

• Good Text Sequence
• Good social media
• Some phone calls
• Some silence
• Busy life

Let her know if she wants to come to town, you'll pick her up, and she can stay with you or her friends.

You want her to invest.

The way it's set up now, you have to move heaven and earth....

Stop dancing to their tune

WIA

 

[DonGately]

a woman taking the lead? 99 percent of women will never do that, even if they really like a certain guy, even if they are really attracted to a certain guy.

I don't know where you live but in major cities many young woman will make it very clear if they want to fuck you without hesitation, some will say it directly, some will pull you into the bathroom with them and unzip you, some will give the most obvious IOIs until you get the hint, some will ask you to walk them home then invite you in at 2am, etc.

 

[SteelbookCollector]

Correction…

“99 percent of women never do that to me, even if they really like me”

That may be the reality of you and your friends, but I’ve personally seen women behave like this countless times

maybe the world has slowly changed or slowly changing? anyway, not sure, but if women did that just as much as men do, than GC would not exist.

 

[anon123]

It would. Finding a partner is a highly selective and complex process rooted in hundreds of thousands of years+ of natural selection. Even if women “took the lead” as much as men, this wouldn’t necessarily mean that a man (or woman) would be getting the sex (or partners) they wanted.

 

[WalkWithMe]

My personal experience with a similar situation; had a woman who I was going to date that evening and I bumped into her in the elevator of the building we both worked in. Flirtatious moment and out of the blue right before getting off on her floor, she grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth. I took is as her taking the lead and me being weak for not trying before etc. We ended up in a 2 year relationship that was all about me being strong enough and confident enough so I could handle her. She was a handful and had her fair share of weaklings who she utterly dominated.
She just wanted to make sure to seal the deal with me and then was following and accepting my dominance. We often discussed that moment and it was really her making sure there was no mistaking what we were getting into that evening.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Even if women “took the lead” as much as men, this wouldn’t necessarily mean that a man (or woman) would be getting the sex (or partners) they wanted.

EG - Typical NBA player

 

[SteelbookCollector]

My personal experience with a similar situation; had a woman who I was going to date that evening and I bumped into her in the elevator of the building we both worked in. Flirtatious moment and out of the blue right before getting off on her floor, she grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth. I took is as her taking the lead and me being weak for not trying before etc. We ended up in a 2 year relationship that was all about me being strong enough and confident enough so I could handle her. She was a handful and had her fair share of weaklings who she utterly dominated.
She just wanted to make sure to seal the deal with me and then was following and accepting my dominance. We often discussed that moment and it was really her making sure there was no mistaking what we were getting into that evening.

interesting, well i'm still sure that women who do that, it still happens very rarely as compared to the other way around. Just a sarcastic mindset, but i'm sure even a full century from now or millenium from now, guys, men, will still be expected to do the approaching and asking out, be the ones to initiate or escalate with a woman.