Girl I Want Is In a Relationship

[NotJamesBond]

So there's this girl I dig who is in a relationship. I used to know her, long story short some female friends of mine said I should just shoot her a message and say what's up. I was going to ask how everything is and if she would want to catch up over lunch sometime next week.

One of the female friends even said, if she mentions how she has a boyfriend, to say 'That's fine, he's welcome to come," but this put a bad taste in my mouth.

Maybe I should shelf her and see where our lives are at in a couple months- there's this other girl who is single and it's her birthday so I have the perfect excuse to talk to her there (plus she gets excited when she sees me).

But you know how it is, I'm really feeling this one girl. I mean really feeling it. Just not sure how to go about this.

Thanks guys. Keep on keeping on.
NJB

P.S. Little update from my last girl situation- the girl I smoothed over with pool got engaged the day after lol. I guess he was in the military and wanted to get serious. More power to them.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey NJB,

One of the female friends even said, if she mentions how she has a boyfriend, to say 'That's fine, he's welcome to come," but this put a bad taste in my mouth.

Interestingly, this is exactly what the experienced seducers would recommend to address this objection . Your female friend should be teaching seduction.

First, I want to point out that there is no single seduction technique that will guarantee you to have that one particular girl you're interested in. Though, in general, the seduction knowledge will significantly increase the likelihood of success with her.

Second, the moment you're afraid to lose a girl, is the moment you start doing the wrong things. You're afraid to mess it up, and therefore start to take things with extreme caution. But the behavior that will increase your chances is the exact opposite: being daring, being confident, having the "devil may care" attitude, and being strictly no needy.

In your case, you are deferring the moment to take action until "the right opportunity comes". But this opportunity may never come. And other things may happen in the meantime: suppose in two month another guy comes in the picture and takes her away from her current boyfriend. How stupid would you feel? Don't laugh, I've seen it happen.

So here is my take.

You should just ignore the fact that she is "in a relationship". How do you know for sure that she's happy in her relationship, and not looking for a change? What if she is staying with him out of a habit? You just don't know, so don't assume anything.

Let her know, one way or another, that you are sexually interested in her. Even if she is happy in her relationship, believe me she will take good note and keep it in mind, and it could be a positive surprise in six months time. Or not. But better than no action.

And the right moment is now. Deferring until a "better opportunity" will do nothing good for you.

Take the advice of your female friend. Text her a ping message and see how the vibe goes. Ask her out and do the usual: being touchy, make her talk, make her comfortable, have a couple of sexy innuendo then isolate her and escalate. It is very powerful stuff.

The last golden rule is: you put many other eggs into many other baskets.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[NotJamesBond]

Seppuku, I think you're my favorite guy on here.

"She should be teaching seduction."
Ha. No kidding. Maybe I underestimate her...

I don't have her number but I have her FaceBook. I haven't talked to her in 9 years, but I wished her a happy birthday in December and she said thanks and "It's been a while!" but I let the convo end there. Point is, she didn't seem to have a problem talking at all. Like nothing changed (you know how weird some people can be). But I was seeing about this other girl at the time and in a long distance relationship. Now I'm not.

I was thinking of just saying- "Hey _____, I know this is kind of out of the blue but would you want to catch up over lunch sometime?" I haven't messaged someone randomly after 9 years before
Then I say or don't say "You can bring him" about the boyfriend. That seems like the kind of thing that's out of my skill level though But I've gotten so confident maybe it's something I can try.

Now is certainly the time. Always much obliged.

NJB

P.S. I liked something on her FaceBook (she posted a dope quote) a lil bit ago to drop a little reminder lol

 

[Seppuku]

Seppuku, I think you're my favorite guy on here.

Hahaha thanks. I appreciate a little pat in the back once in a while LOL.

I was thinking of just saying- "Hey _____, I know this is kind of out of the blue but would you want to catch up over lunch sometime?" I haven't messaged someone randomly after 9 years before

Not too bad. It's low key. If you really didn't communicate in a long time, maybe have a little informal convo before asking. I would just drop the "I know this is kind out of the blue" which sounds like justifying. "We should catch up over lunch sometime." Not a question, but an assertion. If the answer vibes positively, proceed to logistics.

Then I say or don't say "You can bring him" about the boyfriend. That seems like the kind of thing that's out of my skill level though But I've gotten so confident maybe it's something I can try.

You don't raise the boyfriend question by yourself. You just ignore. IF she mentions about the BF THEN try "Why don't you bring him too ;-)" (wink emoji). Most likely you'll get a "Hahaha" response and she'll come alone. But it really communicates the good things. IF EVER you end up meeting and she brings him anyway, then your game will be to win HIM. He might go jealous and needy and insecure, and you're the guy winning everyone over, you will stand out over him. But it's very unlikely to happen.

Don't wait more, and act. Remember that it's very possible that you may not get her. But if you let her know your sexual intent now, she may remember it later on.

And meantime, spread your eggs man! In as many baskets as you can. You can't bet your happiness on any one single girl.

Seppuku

 

[NotJamesBond]

Seppuku, you spoil me!

Yeah don't worry about me having too few eggs in one basket. There's a couple other girls on my radar this very moment

And yeah, I realized it'd be weird if I said "Hey let's meet up" out of the blue. I was just going to start it with, "Hey ____. How is everything?" and go from there. I had to remind myself to be confident last night but it clicked...(dropped the needy attitude, coming at it from a different angle, etc)

Solid contingency plan if she drops the B word though. I appreciate the elaboration. You got solid, common sense advice.

And now for something completely different: my female friend is going to bring a friend of hers around that I thought was cute. Any advice or proceed as usual?

NJB

 

[NotJamesBond]

BROTHERS.

I am resurrecting this thread because I met the girl in a relationship again. I saw her at a talk a visiting Bishop was giving (we're religious lol). Her boyfriend was with her.

My only question is this: I seemed to be winning him over. What does this mean? You can tell he perceived me as a threat but he was not going to be petty about it and did not let it get in the way of greeting me and conversing with me. He handled it gracefully, I respect the guy.

Obviously I do NOT want to compete with him. I just am glad I "established my presence" to her and will now focus on various other women. She said "see you around?" at the end.

 

[ProblemSolving]

NJB,

There are no special techniques or lines to "steal" a girl away from someone else. It doesn't matter if a girl is in a relationship or single, if you ask her out and she says "yes", she's interested, and if she says "no" or makes excuses, she's not. It's simple, so ask her out already. IF she says "yes", THEN you can start planning your next move.

It's not a good idea to spend this much time thinking about a girl whom you have very little chance of converting, so by all means, please focus on meeting other girls. Try to prevent uninterested girls from taking up any of your precious head space.

 

[Fuck This]

This particular girl's greatest value to you is as a conduit to new available women. She has the potential to give you a de facto endorsement through her actions and platonic displays of affection.

I recall a married Mormon couple in one of my classes. The husband was an arrogant prick, and was threatened by me obviously. But his sweet little wife would lock eye contact with me and give me full attention when we spoke. I was respectful and friendly and the other women in the class picked up on her interest but unavailability. They then vied for my attention and began hosting "study sessions" for the class at their homes. I did not convert on the opportunity as I was unaware of the interest.

Women watch how you treat other women. They will crave the attention that you give if it is the right kind. Reassuring, Welcoming, Strong. Not Needy, Chasy or pleading for attention.

One word of advice...Don't hug a guys wife/girlfriend or SO with out shaking his hand or giving him a Bro hug. Once you institute a tradition/habit of affectionate greetings when you meet and part, it will pay off greatly in social circle.

 

[NotJamesBond]

Thanks Rocky.

I actually ran into her at this talk a couple weeks ago. Her boyfriend was there. She was very surprised and excited to see me again and her eyes locked to me when we talked.

I shook her boyfriend's hand and hers before we parted. Her bf added me on FaceBook (she doesn't have one). I invited them to this thing and he said he'll let her know but she has a busy work schedule. So I'm letting go of that one for now. But I have one final question about it: when I was talking with them, I looked at both of them, but I kept looking over at the boyfriend. It probably wasn't noticeable but was this needy behavior? Whenever I looked over at the girl her eyes were as you said- locked to me. It was nice because she's one of those women that's the reason I'm learning this crap lol.

However, I have 3 dates this week with other women. So don't worry about that I'll actually ask about them in another thread, just minor stuff....

 

[NotJamesBond]

Small update on this:

So I actually hung out with her and this friend group (and of course her boyfriend) at this park. I brought some of my friends. It was a good time but at the end of the night, I went to shake her hand and she hugged me. Her boyfriend's head snapped right to it. I see them again soon, we're going hiking (this group we're a part of).

Just being nice or something more...? In the meantime there's other broads, don't worry.

NJB