Girlfriend checking out best friend. Cause for concern / how to handle?

[Fatjoe]

Hey guys,

I have 2 best friends, both high value guys. We all get girls, and have together in the past. 2 of us are now in a relationship, 1 is single.

I've been dating a girl for about 6 months- when I take her out with my friends, I see her giving subconscious IOIs to my single best friend.

Hair playing, body facing towards him, laughing at his jokes. I catch her looking at him even more than she looks at me if were all sitting around drinking.

How to handle this? I may have already fucked up, I brought it to her awareness yesterday in a cold way and she denied it. She says hes a cool and funny guy but shes not attracted to him. She started crying and denying. I think I fucked up bringing it up, so whats the move?

I said something along the lines of "Its normal to be attracted to other people, i just dont like feeling like this. Never openly disrespect me." to her.

Is this a cause for concern for something bigger? Should I break it off? Is it normal and not something I should pay attention to?
___

I should add, i don't normally get jealous at all. People hit on her, i could care less. Shes hot. This, however, is a situation I don't like.

 

[HoofHearted]

Hi,

Sorry you're uncomfortable. But i think this highlights a truth i've found: you never own 'em.

Which is not to say she'll ever do anything, who knows. But the system don't stop just because you cupcakin

Your buddy's successfulness at being attractive doesnt diminish your own value. If it's not a favorable side by side comparison, maybe you can even learn from the guy

But i cant help but think this could fundamentally be a problem with how women are perceived. I feel that to say what you wrote above to a girl is bad faith, and it probably really hurt her feelings.

"I don't like feeling like this" -- I get it man but she didnt do anything and those are your feelings to take care of. Maybe really sitting with yourself and thinking about why it bothers you could be helpful.

Also be nicer to your girl than that. She's just being a girl imo. If you're running it correctly it doesnt mean she gonna leave you. If shes crying she prolly cares and is not gonna leave you.

But if you keep hurting her feelings and making her cry she probably will leave

My two cents

 

[Fatjoe]

Hi,

Sorry you're uncomfortable. But i think this highlights a truth i've found: you never own 'em.

Which is not to say she'll ever do anything, who knows. But the system don't stop just because you cupcakin

Your buddy's successfulness at being attractive doesnt diminish your own value. If it's not a favorable side by side comparison, maybe you can even learn from the guy

But i cant help but think this could fundamentally be a problem with how women are perceived. I feel that to say what you wrote above to a girl is bad faith, and it probably really hurt her feelings.

"I don't like feeling like this" -- I get it man but she didnt do anything and those are your feelings to take care of. Maybe really sitting with yourself and thinking about why it bothers you could be helpful.

Also be nicer to your girl than that. She's just being a girl imo. If you're running it correctly it doesnt mean she gonna leave you. If shes crying she prolly cares and is not gonna leave you.

But if you keep hurting her feelings and making her cry she probably will leave

My two cents

Then let her leave.

The thing is. im not going around checking out other girls when Im with her, for good reason.

Its one thing to be attracted to other people, its another thing to not police yourself when youre around your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Doesn't make sense to just accept that shit, or do I have this completely backwards?

 

[HoofHearted]

Imo backwards fucked up and sideways

But there are a lot of perspectives around here. Let's see what they say, because i punt

 

[Skills]

Hey guys,

I have 2 best friends, both high value guys. We all get girls, and have together in the past. 2 of us are now in a relationship, 1 is single.

I've been dating a girl for about 6 months- when I take her out with my friends, I see her giving subconscious IOIs to my single best friend.

Hair playing, body facing towards him, laughing at his jokes. I catch her looking at him even more than she looks at me if were all sitting around drinking.

How to handle this? I may have already fucked up, I brought it to her awareness yesterday in a cold way and she denied it. She says hes a cool and funny guy but shes not attracted to him. She started crying and denying. I think I fucked up bringing it up, so whats the move?

I said something along the lines of "Its normal to be attracted to other people, i just dont like feeling like this. Never openly disrespect me." to her.

Is this a cause for concern for something bigger? Should I break it off? Is it normal and not something I should pay attention to?
___

I should add, i don't normally get jealous at all. People hit on her, i could care less. Shes hot. This, however, is a situation I don't like.

Do you trust your friend??

 

[Fatjoe]

Do you trust your friend??

Yes very much so, although hes definitely attracted to her too and flirts with her here and there @Skills

 

[moom]

Following this thread

 

[Conquistador]

Yes very much so, although hes definitely attracted to her too and flirts with her here and there @Skills

So? Flirting is a recreational activity for some people, especially if they are in fact mutually attracted. Just because they like each other doesn't mean he won't respect the relationship.

Edit: Or that she actually wants to cheat on you. Normal women in healthy relationships rarely cheat. I've met many married women who were clearly attracted to me and I them, doesn't mean they want to even if I did.

If you get jealous, it will make things much worse.

 

[Fatjoe]

So? Flirting is a recreational activity for some people, especially if they are in fact mutually attracted. Just because they like each other doesn't mean he won't respect the relationship.

Edit: Or that she actually wants to cheat on you. Normal women in healthy relationships rarely cheat. I've met many married women who were clearly attracted to me and I them, doesn't mean they want to even if I did.

If you get jealous, it will make things much worse.

I get that. I'm not worried about her cheating- even for fleeting attraction to somebody, there's an very low chance this girl would cheat.

So you're saying its ok for her to check out and flirt with other guys? Even while we're together? Or if we're in a group setting, its ok for her to show a lot more attention to another man vs her boyfriend?

 

[HoofHearted]

Oh god am i in another dumb thread. How come i never realize it in time.

 

[Conquistador]

So you're saying its ok for her to check out and flirt with other guys?

She's human. Within limits, yes. Same goes for you at least as much as her, obviously.

Even while we're together? Or if we're in a group setting, its ok for her to show a lot more attention to another man vs her boyfriend?

Not really OK but...
How much attention do you show her in public?
How much do you touch her in public?
How much do you do random intimate things while chilling?
How connected are you two emotionally?

Healthy relationships don't necessarily have these, but strong and lasting ones almost always do.

 

[Fatjoe]

@Surveyor Whats the limit here for flirting?

How much attention do you show her in public? Plenty
How much do you touch her in public? plenty
How much do you do random intimate things while chilling? Plenty, mutual
How connected are you two emotionally? Very

Something about this still doesn't sit right with me, perhaps its my own jealousy thats getting in the way

 

[POB]

How old is she?

 

[Fatjoe]

How old is she?

22

 

[POB]

Dude, please....you want your 22yo GF to not flirt with other dudes, and vice versa?
Good luck with that.

She is at least 8-10 years younger than a woman needs to be to be seriously commited to a guy.
Even if your cock tastes like haagen dazs covered with nutella, she is going to desire and sample other men (probably sooner than later).
I'm sorry, but that's the way it goes.

 

[Fatjoe]

Dude, please....you want your 22yo GF to not flirt with other dudes, and vice versa?
Good luck with that.

She is at least 8-10 years younger than a woman needs to be to be seriously commited to a guy.
Even if your cock tastes like haagen dazs covered with nutella, she is going to desire and sample other men (probably sooner than later).
I'm sorry, but that's the way it goes.

Don't you think thats generalizing a bit here- sure thats the case, but plenty of cases out there with women getting into long term relationships at that age or younger and staying with them.

 

[Skills]

Yes very much so, although hes definitely attracted to her too and flirts with her here and there @Skills

Being attracted to females is a normal for every human being... exercising on impulse and attraction is a different matter... you confronting her and making her cry is low value/turn off as long as she is not blantantly in your face disrespecting and crossing boundaries... does your friend has a history of sleeping with friends girls?

Do your girl has a history if cheating?

The time i slept with friends girls was post break up with no close friends just dudes i know...

Or with end of relationship dude i knew but no close...

However, if you are having issues it seems you can sense their sexual tension, and is bothering you....

But assuming she is invested and no history of cheating, unlikely... unless post break up, worst case scenario...

 

[Skills]

@Surveyor Whats the limit here for flirting?

How much attention do you show her in public? Plenty
How much do you touch her in public? plenty
How much do you do random intimate things while chilling? Plenty, mutual
How connected are you two emotionally? Very

Something about this still doesn't sit right with me, perhaps its my own jealousy thats getting in the way

Jealousy is anti seductive... i would review seduction findamentals lover and provider and maddona whore... jealousy is counter prodictove the jealous dudes get cheated more than non jealous none judgmental dudes, us a bad self fullfilling prophesy

 

[Fatjoe]

@Skills More rational answer here- no my girl does not have a history of cheating and no my best friend does not have any history of sleeping with friend's girlfriends (atleast that i know of).

My friend is loyal af, so im almost certain he wouldnt make a move. And even on the off chance he did, Im almost certain she wouldn't entertain it back and instead let me know (if anything then to save face), even if there is sexual tension.

Yes, I sense the sexual tension, and that's definitely whats bugging me. I don't ever get jealous outside of this scenario, guys have blatantly hit on her in front of me, some conversations which she's even entertained and it doesn't bug me one bit. These have always been guys I don't know

But this does bother me, may because it hits close to home. My friend and I were also competitive with girls in the past, and were both equally good i'd say with girls.

But at the end of the day my friend and i are loyal as fuck to each other. It's something I vetted way in the beginning

It makes me think, is it even worth bringing my girlfriend around to my friends or just keeping them completely seperate

 

[Skills]

@Skills More rational answer here- no my girl does not have a history of cheating and no my best friend does not have any history of sleeping with friend's girlfriends (atleast that i know of).

My friend is loyal af, so im almost certain he wouldnt make a move. And even on the off chance he did, Im almost certain she wouldn't entertain it back and instead let me know (if anything then to save face), even if there is sexual tension.

Yes, I sense the sexual tension, and that's definitely whats bugging me. I don't ever get jealous outside of this scenario, guys have blatantly hit on her in front of me, some conversations which she's even entertained and it doesn't bug me one bit. These have always been guys I don't know

But this does bother me, may because it hits close to home. My friend and I were also competitive with girls in the past, and were both equally good i'd say with girls.

But at the end of the day my friend and i are loyal as fuck to each other. It's something I vetted way in the beginning

It makes me think, is it even worth bringing my girlfriend around to my friends or just keeping them completely seperate

If is bothering u this much that would be the best solution...