Personally, I don't talk about pickup, at all, with women. I don't like talking about it, I don't like 'excusing' it, I don't want her to 'accept' it, it is just part of my path as a man that she'll never really understand and I'm 100% fine with keeping it that way.
If ever I end up veering toward talking about pickup or men's struggles with dating, I simply load the conversation with some dismissive 10-ton frame like 'all you have to do is go and talk to girls, men don't have enough balls these days' that she can't really argue with, and that frames me as having 'won' the dating game through some personal strength.
The reason why I so much dislike enunciating the struggles of men and why we do what we do is because otherwise how can I enjoy my conquests? It's so sweet because of how hard it was and all the work I had to do, and that is already a perfect balance without needing her to sympathize.
And besides, she'll never really understand. She's not ready to understand the mechanisms of nature, nor does she want to. If I as a man already struggled so much psychologically to reach my level of understanding, it's already way outside of her capability to navigate. So be it.
...
It seems pretty clear by this stage the problem is her feeling of insecurity. In my opinion, this is brought about by your lack of leadership.
A relationship is like building a boat. When you start off, you have to decide what you want to do with it, what it has to provide, and that determines the structure, the shape, size, and weight and the materials you need to build it. And from the very beginning, from the first piece of metal you bend into shape, everything has to conform to the plan of the boat that you determined. Every time you just add something random or stop paying attention, you risk putting a weakness into your boat that could ultimately destroy it, or at least cause you a lot of grief down the road.
With a relationship, you have to determine what you want to ultimately have with her every day. What kind of context do you want the relationship to have, what shared story is being written? Do you want a 'this' relationship or a 'that' relationship? Do you want to be a 'this' couple or a 'that' couple? Do you want her to worship your masculinity or do you want her to just see you both as 'equal partners'? Do you want her to see the relationship as a mission or simply as a personal support? What type of mission, and for what?
From this you determine the context of how you communicate, the ways you frame things, the things you talk about openly or brush aside, the things you reward or punish her for, etc, so that the relationship is shaped toward the way you want it to be. In doing so, you create a place within which she can develop as a woman to fulfill every need that the relationship has.
Determining this is the lonely seat of command, which somebody has to ultimately occupy (and if not you then who?)
Think about this forum. This forum has a purpose, a type of community that is desired to be built. There are notions that are strongly discouraged because they have been determined to be unproductive. Certain threads are closed or others left open. When people don't conform to the structure that has been determined for this community, first an attempt is made to set the right frame, but if people fight against it too much, they are punished, and if they persist, banned. Few people are banned, but many come, sniff around, and leave, because they and the ambience do not fit together.
This is what you have to do in your relationship. What kinds of topics are on the table, and what ones are not? How will you set the boundaries and reward her for staying in them and punish her for crossing them? What roles have you given her, how is she performing in them, and how well are they satisfying her?
...
I'm aware that she's had a rough time and needs plenty of empathy and a certain level of understanding. But do be aware that it's not necessarily that she wants an explanation, but instead she wants a way to simply feel safe. This can be done simply by dominance and leadership (because these are themselves equatable with investment and commitment, which is part and parcel with security) but will usually be done with a combination of mutual understanding and simply planting strong frames, hard, and expecting her to follow them.
The way you do this is up to you, every man has his own nature and desires for how a relationship should be. But understand that she is opening herself to you because she wants you to wipe away her anxieties and write a story inside, of how you and her will win and succeed and be happy. When you start writing that story, she will watch the pen move with rapt attention, and move to help you write it.
And if you don't have a clear idea of what that story will be, it's probably the best place to start.
