- Joined
- Jul 31, 2023
- Messages
- 344
Something that happened to me the other day and I’d appreciate some insight into this type of situation.
Story is I was at a bar/pub with pop music, and I was dancing around with a bunch of people I met there, including some different girls as well.
I felt that one two of them could be into me, but wasn’t sure how to escalate while dancing in front of their friends. Maybe I could have just pulled one close and gone for the kiss, most of the songs were very energetic though so I didn’t find a good moment.
Anyway, I felt that I had missed my window being there for a while and not doing anything, and I also wanted to leave soon, so I wasn’t hoping on anything happening. I still wanted to give a last chance and talk to some of these girls before leaving though.
They were outside smoking, I went out as well and after saying goodbye to a friend I had made there, I turned and saw them sitting at a table with another guy. Three of the girls sitting at one side of the table with their backs to the wall, and one of them and the guy standing at the opposite side of the table next to each other facing the first ones.
I went there and stood at that side of the girl and the guy with the girl between us two, and leaned on the table facing everyone.
Now this was a guy that I had seen inside dancing, specifically with an Asian dude, a bit clumsily. At some point he had also grabbed me to dance together and I had rolled with it and then he left us with the Asian dude and I danced with him for a second as well.
As I was standing there at the table, at some point there was a silence in the conversation they already had all together, so the guy turned to me and addressed me.
The convo is not exact, but the spirit of it is similar:
Him: Hey it’s the handsome dancer, you look so good.
Me: Thanks man, I appreciate it.
Him: Where are you from?
Me: [My country]
Him: Oh, so you are this sexy [nationality] guy, having a hard dick all the time, crazy about sex, how did this happen?
Me: I’ve always been like that man, it’s unstoppable .
Girl between us: Ugh, that’s weird
Him: No way, when did your sex addiction start and you couldn’t control your boners?
Me: Didn’t start, I was born with it, day one, insatiable.
Girl between us: Ok, I’m out of here
Then she went to the other side and sat together with her friends, that had also started to feel disgusted by the conversation. The guy was using quite vulgar language in fact, in a pretty uncalibrated way, so I was also weirded out a bit, but felt like I had to respond, and went for agree and exaggerate.
After that the discussion changed somehow, they started talking again, probably about what they were talking before I came there. I asked one of the girls where she is from. She said “Somalia”, not investing really in the answer, and I said “Nah there is no way” as they looked really northeastern European. Then realised the guy was from Somalia and he had made some joke about it before probably.
After a bit more the guy turned to me again:
Him: Hey, where did you say you are from?
Me: I told you man.
Him: Hey, but I don’t remember, where are you from?
Me: *Sigh* You don’t get it… ( moving my head left and right looking down at the table )
Around that time the girls just got up and went inside. Then the dude basically came to me and told me something along the lines that we are all alone now. I just left the place shortly after as I was planning anyway.
I think he was more of an uncalibrated over the top guy more than anything else.
That said he surely managed to ruin whatever chance I could have had even for a nice interaction. So it was a good lesson out of a situation that would probably have not led somewhere anyway with these 4 friends together, and the short time I had.
My eventual questions regarding all this are the following:
1) What do you do if a dude grabs you to dance? We were all in a pretty fun mood dancing around, and I don’t mind dancing with a dude for a bit as well, but I guess it feels like he is manhandling me? I just don’t want it to look to the girls like I am ruining the general vibe or that I am homophobic. I am also pretty expressive when dancing sometimes, and even have been told “wait, you are gay right?” when I started touching a girl more in the dance floor.
2) What do you say when they compliment you? Not sure if I am really handsome but I’ve gotten it sometime by dudes, or compliments about my dance skills. I feel it is a judge power move, that said it feels uncalibrated and rude to just dismiss it, so sometimes I show genuine appreciation. I think it gives them an opening to double down on the whole thing though. Something else I have in mind is to compliment back but I think it would be strange to have two dudes complimenting each other to see who can be a bigger judge.
3) How do you respond when they start asking you questions? Like where are you from, what are you doing here, what are you into. Again it feels strange to me to just not answer, especially since the guy was there already and had rapport with the girls before me. I was thinking of telling him to guess, or giving some teasing answer, but for some reason I gave something very literal, buying into his frame.
4) How do you respond when they are saying insulting things about you? Like: hey how long have you been a sex addict? how long have you had this constant boner problem? In fact my instinct there was to just tell him he is weird and turn to talk to the girls, but again I felt he was there before me having the connection and thought I should respond somehow and double down on it if I want to be part of the group.
Last words, I don’t know how I would handle it if I was there first, maybe I would have been a bit more dismissive. That said it is another question how much you should screen other dudes out when you are talking to one or more girls. I guess with many it’s not bad if they are cool, since they can occupy some targets, but if you are one on one and someone comes in, you have to very clearly box him out by giving him minimum attention, and focusing on the girl.
Story is I was at a bar/pub with pop music, and I was dancing around with a bunch of people I met there, including some different girls as well.
I felt that one two of them could be into me, but wasn’t sure how to escalate while dancing in front of their friends. Maybe I could have just pulled one close and gone for the kiss, most of the songs were very energetic though so I didn’t find a good moment.
Anyway, I felt that I had missed my window being there for a while and not doing anything, and I also wanted to leave soon, so I wasn’t hoping on anything happening. I still wanted to give a last chance and talk to some of these girls before leaving though.
They were outside smoking, I went out as well and after saying goodbye to a friend I had made there, I turned and saw them sitting at a table with another guy. Three of the girls sitting at one side of the table with their backs to the wall, and one of them and the guy standing at the opposite side of the table next to each other facing the first ones.
I went there and stood at that side of the girl and the guy with the girl between us two, and leaned on the table facing everyone.
Now this was a guy that I had seen inside dancing, specifically with an Asian dude, a bit clumsily. At some point he had also grabbed me to dance together and I had rolled with it and then he left us with the Asian dude and I danced with him for a second as well.
As I was standing there at the table, at some point there was a silence in the conversation they already had all together, so the guy turned to me and addressed me.
The convo is not exact, but the spirit of it is similar:
Him: Hey it’s the handsome dancer, you look so good.
Me: Thanks man, I appreciate it.
Him: Where are you from?
Me: [My country]
Him: Oh, so you are this sexy [nationality] guy, having a hard dick all the time, crazy about sex, how did this happen?
Me: I’ve always been like that man, it’s unstoppable .
Girl between us: Ugh, that’s weird
Him: No way, when did your sex addiction start and you couldn’t control your boners?
Me: Didn’t start, I was born with it, day one, insatiable.
Girl between us: Ok, I’m out of here
Then she went to the other side and sat together with her friends, that had also started to feel disgusted by the conversation. The guy was using quite vulgar language in fact, in a pretty uncalibrated way, so I was also weirded out a bit, but felt like I had to respond, and went for agree and exaggerate.
After that the discussion changed somehow, they started talking again, probably about what they were talking before I came there. I asked one of the girls where she is from. She said “Somalia”, not investing really in the answer, and I said “Nah there is no way” as they looked really northeastern European. Then realised the guy was from Somalia and he had made some joke about it before probably.
After a bit more the guy turned to me again:
Him: Hey, where did you say you are from?
Me: I told you man.
Him: Hey, but I don’t remember, where are you from?
Me: *Sigh* You don’t get it… ( moving my head left and right looking down at the table )
Around that time the girls just got up and went inside. Then the dude basically came to me and told me something along the lines that we are all alone now. I just left the place shortly after as I was planning anyway.
I think he was more of an uncalibrated over the top guy more than anything else.
That said he surely managed to ruin whatever chance I could have had even for a nice interaction. So it was a good lesson out of a situation that would probably have not led somewhere anyway with these 4 friends together, and the short time I had.
My eventual questions regarding all this are the following:
1) What do you do if a dude grabs you to dance? We were all in a pretty fun mood dancing around, and I don’t mind dancing with a dude for a bit as well, but I guess it feels like he is manhandling me? I just don’t want it to look to the girls like I am ruining the general vibe or that I am homophobic. I am also pretty expressive when dancing sometimes, and even have been told “wait, you are gay right?” when I started touching a girl more in the dance floor.
2) What do you say when they compliment you? Not sure if I am really handsome but I’ve gotten it sometime by dudes, or compliments about my dance skills. I feel it is a judge power move, that said it feels uncalibrated and rude to just dismiss it, so sometimes I show genuine appreciation. I think it gives them an opening to double down on the whole thing though. Something else I have in mind is to compliment back but I think it would be strange to have two dudes complimenting each other to see who can be a bigger judge.
3) How do you respond when they start asking you questions? Like where are you from, what are you doing here, what are you into. Again it feels strange to me to just not answer, especially since the guy was there already and had rapport with the girls before me. I was thinking of telling him to guess, or giving some teasing answer, but for some reason I gave something very literal, buying into his frame.
4) How do you respond when they are saying insulting things about you? Like: hey how long have you been a sex addict? how long have you had this constant boner problem? In fact my instinct there was to just tell him he is weird and turn to talk to the girls, but again I felt he was there before me having the connection and thought I should respond somehow and double down on it if I want to be part of the group.
Last words, I don’t know how I would handle it if I was there first, maybe I would have been a bit more dismissive. That said it is another question how much you should screen other dudes out when you are talking to one or more girls. I guess with many it’s not bad if they are cool, since they can occupy some targets, but if you are one on one and someone comes in, you have to very clearly box him out by giving him minimum attention, and focusing on the girl.
