Gotta push myself

[Yaxir]

You’re neglecting the effect of momentum.

The first approach is always harder than the second... and the second is harder than the third... and so on.
When you were approaching on the floor, you were doing that many times a day. And doing that month after month.
So at that point you were just flowing. Your subconscious was on the zone and very aware what to expect.

This is the same.

The more often you do it, the easier it gets to keep flowing.

(And also the reason why you get rusty if you spend a long time without approaching)

magical advice Uriel and it makes so much sense !

Encourages me to eventually go out and approach someone just for the sake of it !

this is why i love this place !

some things that could speed up momentum are:

1) Doing something social that involves talking to many people JUST before cold approaching. That way you are already in a social mood.

Can you give any solid examples of any social things that could help me gather some social momentum before approaching a girl ?

“Hey, do you know if there’s an ice cream shop around here, I’m dying for one?”
“Do you know where is the closest metro station?”
“Hey, I’m not from around here. Do you know a good place with regional food?”

Say i use one of these lines ( i'm looking at the 1st and 3rd line )

what do i follow up with ? how do i continue the conversation and keep her engaged ?

i just want to know how not fuck up after starting the conversation and how not to do anything stupid that gets me in trouble

oh and ofcourse, if nothing, at least walk away with her number. an instadate would be great, but it will also depend if she's busy or if she's available on going to the instadate with me

 

[ulrich]

Can you give any solid examples of any social things that could help me gather some social momentum before approaching a girl ?

Well, it could be meeting with friends... calling a cool friend on the phone for 10 minutes or more before going out... taking dance lessons... going to your favorite Starbucks and chatting with the staff (if they know you)

Anything where are sure you can have a FUN and friendly conversation can help jumpstart your social mood.

When I go shopping for clothes or buy a coffee, I always chat with the girls on the staff... I’ll do a couple of questions, say a funny remark and ask them about their day.
My objective is not to flirt with them (not always ) but to keep my social juices flowing.

Say i use one of these lines ( i'm looking at the 1st and 3rd line )

what do i follow up with ? how do i continue the conversation and keep her engaged ?

The ice cream shop opener is easy to follow up... once she tells you of a place (or tell you that she does not know around) I start talking about how I have to kill some time and I’m dying for something sweet.
Then I move on to ask her about what she is doing, where she is going, etc... so the conversation moves back to her.
When I feel like I can’t move it any further, then I ask her if she would like ice cream and tell her to come along, I’m inviting.
And there, if it works you got yourself an instadate.

The regional food would be followed with asking for her recommendations to good dishes and places to eat.
Basically ask her about the local cuisine and ask her to tell you about the food she likes the most.
If she is not from around, you can ask her where she is from and what do they eat and how is her region/country.


As you can see these are very indirect openers. They don’t lead fast to sex or arousal but they are great for starting conversations and you don’t risk looking like a creep.

 

[Yaxir]

As you can see these are very indirect openers. They don’t lead fast to sex or arousal but they are great for starting conversations and you don’t risk looking like a creep.

Brilliant mate !

i would quote the entire post but the last sentence really wins it for me !

i can actually use this without risking much at all ! i don't think my mind would be scared to ask a girl, who at the start will be an absolute stranger to me, about ice cream shops or regional food shops lol

and it's a double win, since for now, i can't pull a girl ( no logistics ) so instadate sounds good !

in an area where it's actually a bit friendly to approach wandering women, i could try this all by myself ( if i'm feeling brave lol )

OR if i can find a friend to be my wing, i bet we can do this to a 2-set ( although i am not sure if this will be as effective then )

If she is not from around, you can ask her where she is from and what do they eat and how is her region/country

interesting, I have thought of actually going for tourists first .. for the sake of training and safety

just one thing about this one (the girl who is not from the region/country), after asking her about her own country .. what do i do next ? she doesn't have any reason to come along with me

how to progress to an instadate OR number close with that girl ?

and lastly, assuming that the girl (whether she's from the country or not ) is in a hurry, how do i ask for her number ? i'm not sure how receptive Turkish women will be in giving their numbers ( to seemingly well-behaved strangers lol ) but i believe this is the vital part, a number close - which is probably the final step that i have to do to at least secure a small victory and boost my overall confidence !

overall, the best result that i can see to all of this is that i can 'befriend' a girl and either go to a date with her (either instant or later),

and for closing the dealing with her, what i can try in theory is try to 'pull' to her place after the date, in case if she lives by herself or in shared accommodation ( i know this pulling to a girls place thing is a separate challenge on its own and if there are any GC articles on this i would appreciate if you can guide me about them )

OR i can use her 'friendship' to get into her social circle, where i can get in touch with more girls

thanks for the brilliant suggestions Uriel, much respect !

P.S : the language barrier is a problem here and i don't know which girl will know English, but eventually i will have to take my chances someday !

 

[ulrich]

@Yaxir, don’t worry dude and don’t think it too much.
Let’s go step by step and everything will start making sense as you go.

You’re not gonna be able to pull or get a number unless you connect emotionally.
So don’t overthink it right now... just go and try to get her excited and connected about you and the things you do/the places you talk about.
Once she is excited you can simply say, “hey, let’s meet again later to do that XYZ we talked, give me your number”.
Pretty sure Chase has a killer article about that.

But yeah, go out, talk to girls and flow.
Don’t worry too much on sex right now, it will come in time.

 

[Beck Bass]

Im not sure there is a way to speed it up (or at least I haven’t found it)... but it will be a good idea to just accept that momentum is a thing that exists and drop the unreal expectation of approaching every 5 minutes (at the beginning).

Very true, even with night game, if I didn't go out for a while, I would be there searching for the mystical courage to approach girls for at least an hour (maybe more, even), when I would finally hit the clubs again.

Doing something social that involves talking to many people JUST before cold approaching. That way you are already in a social mood.

My last outing I finally managed to cold approach a girl outside a club or some party. I was great lol
I think that being with a friend of mine I'm very confortable with and talking all type of silly shit (specially some funny lines, kinda loud, for girls to hear) and trying to be social in general got me way more inclined to finally push myself to go and approach. Have I not had the momentum of having my friend there, chances are it wouldn't happen (having a wingman CAN be of great help, though you have to know how to manage that, and not just keep glued to him all day/night long).

@Yaxir, I feel like a total noob in daygame as well, but having just made my first approach outside a club/party (even if it was still at night), I can tell you that you just gotta chill and go and try to talk to the girl. Just force yourself to talk to girls, and after some approaches, you will learn what questions you should be asking yourself, where should you be trying to take those interactions, what could happen... But for now, you should just approach.Just walk up to her, even if you're nervous, and say "Hi, how are you?" or "Hi, can you help me with something?" or whatever you feel like saying.
Trying to think about all those complicated details about what should come next will only psyche you out of approaching, our brains are really good at finding bullshit excuses for not doing stuff that we don't know how it's gonna go and make us fear that. So try to think as little as possible, just go and look the girl in the eyes, appreciate her beauty, and start a conversation (don't look at her too much before approaching, this also can startle sometimes, try selecting "targets" with your peripheral vision, if they are not that cute when you really approach them... oh well, at least you approached lol).

With time and more approaches it should be easier answering those other questions you have, but right now your number one priority should be just approaching. Make sure you give yourself any reason as to why you HAVE to talk to those girls, then be excited, because, well, they are just cute girls, what are the worst thing that could happen? You go to jail or something silly like that totally is never gonna happen? You might as well be in jail if you have no cute girls in your life hehe
If you force yourself to do those approaches, your brain will start seeing "approaching cute strangers" as something you just do, instead of this seven-headed fire-spitting dragon it might think it is. Then, everything becomes easier.
And this applies to me as well, I'm gonna put in the work and we both gonna be total daygame players, sweeping the hottest women form our daily lives our there, promise me? haha

Godspeed you and @uriel and all of us, really

 

[Yaxir]

we both gonna be total daygame players, sweeping the hottest women form our daily lives our there, promise me? haha

I promise mate

haha !

thanks for the lovely post !

i'm going to read this thread (and the brilliant Rooting Strategy thread by Mr. @fog ) before i set out for my very first approach !

i'm so approaching cute girls soon as i'm done with exams and can go out !

it's time !

 

[RicoLeon]

Yes, it’s social momentum.

I don’t do cold approach very often because my life is somewhat hectic.
Also there’s times when I get 1 or 2 numbers from girls I like, then I spend some weeks following up with them and I stop cold approaching at all.
This is a bad habit of me.

What I notice if I go weeks without cold approaching is that the next time, it takes me 30 minutes to an hour of walking aimlessly until I muster the courage to go and say hi to a new girl. After that I’m on fire.
This doesn’t happen if I was approaching a couple of days ago.

Im not sure there is a way to speed it up (or at least I haven’t found it)... but it will be a good idea to just accept that momentum is a thing that exists and drop the unreal expectation of approaching every 5 minutes (at the beginning).

Yeah it's not easy to keep it a habit. Being my
age I want to make sure that I am using my time wisely to prepare for the future aka getting beautiful girls in my bed. One thing I started to pick up on is how more productive I've been now that I'm single.

It made realized wait a minute I have to approach women now to sleep with them I don't have sex on demand no more. Especially now that I'm not masturbating. One thing that doesn't go away now is being horny so the requirement to approach women doesn't go away either if I'm not using other outlets like porn or mastubation.

The thng is that after awhile, like you and me, we stop going out and approaching. Luckily I stumbled upon Chase 100 hour rule and that's when your doing something brand new like approaching women give yourself 100 hours of actually approaching not reading to try it out see where it goes. Then after 100 hours decide if it's something you wanna keep doing, if not you at least have 100 hours under your belt doing whatever it is you decided to do.

He talks about how you could only have 1 new major thing in your life that your are doing if your trying to be consistent. So approaching women for the first time in your life big emotional discomfort and investment with little to no return, at least for now. So if your learning a new language, new instrument or a new martial arts and you've never done any of those things before your brain is gonna be learning a new skill that is gonna take a lot of emotional effort and discomfort to get started with. Also a tremendous ammount of willpower, which regardless of who you are is always limited. So most likely than not you are doing more than 1 major new thing in your life like I was before. Approaching women for the first time plus learning to be a programmer.

Here's the article on it: https://www.girlschase.com/content/100-hour-rule

I prioritized getting girls at the momment over learning programming because I feel like it's more important in my young life now to know how to get girls. You have to have set SMALL attainable goals and a SCHEDULE a time to go out EVERY WEEK no matter what just like work if your wanting to turn this into a HABIT.

Anyways hope this helps, I'm giving it a shot because I think it makes perfect sense and from all the major skills I've ever learned in life I have realized at the momment they where the only major new things I was learning at the time.

 

[RicoLeon]

This is me keyjocking here but I guess that some things that could speed up momentum are:

1) Doing something social that involves talking to many people JUST before cold approaching. That way you are already in a social mood.

2) Actually ask for help on something you need in your first approaches.
I mean no bullshit questions or comments. Ask for some information you are actually planning to use (instead of checking your phone).

“Hey, do you know if there’s an ice cream shop around here, I’m dying for one?”
“Do you know where is the closest metro station?”
“Hey, I’m not from around here. Do you know a good place with regional food?”

BROOOO

Me and my wing legit did this the other day just to get the first "approaches" out of the way and to get in a social mood we would walk up to a cute girl and ask for directions at the mall.

I can say it helps ease up a little more especially when you technically just "approached" just next time we do it we have to show interest.

 

[Yaxir]

I think since I'm not thinking of the what if but instead thinking about my ego yknow getting rejected and such I'm not as confidence. A customer saying no thanks is no problem, a girl tho and all of a sudden it's not the same.

haha !

i just read this and this is the exact same way i feel !

WTF !

someone telling me ' sorry i have a boyfriend ' would absolutely crush my ego !

wtf , we have such bad egotistical habits

lol gotta get my head out of my ass, ego is such bullshit

i'm literally putting myself out there

ego can go f**k itself !

i am not looking to win points for being a good boy or self-absorbed idiot , no sir !

i am looking to close !

 

[Yaxir]

And to beginners it is a no-go, you have to plunge in, or you will pass opportunities up from AA/inexperience.

what do you mean by this ? can you elaborate ?

i ask too many questions i know

 

[RicoLeon]

Everyone will have time for cold approach if they just plan it out. It's all about making it a natural part of your day-to-day life. If you spot an opportunity you approach. 15 approaches per week as you guys talk about are only 2 approaches per day. It's very doable. At first, of course, you will have to go out specifically to cold approach and work through the worst part of your approach anxiety. But once your approach anxiety is on a level where you feel like you can control it, you should make it a daily occurrence. By talking to strangers daily you'll have a much more consistent momentum. Saying "I don't have time for cold approach" is a bad excuse in my book.

At first, your approach might be just doing a speaker-centered opener and talking about what's around you and that's it. When you feel comfortable with that, you might do the same but follow it up with a statement about her. Then towards qualification etc. etc. You just add one step to your approach when you feel comfortable during the previous step. By doing that, you will slowly but surely start getting results.

The hardest part is the beginning. I hate procrastinating but I am guilty of it. I don't get it, its overthinking everything and doing to much at once. I am making approaching women the biggest part of my life right now. I am to the point where it hurts not being able to sleep with a beautiful intelligent woman. I just have to work on my fundamentals and approach.

I have to be more consistent and everything your saying is 100 percent true. We make the time to approach women and it is our job as men to do so. Just got to make it a habit.

 

[RicoLeon]

When gyms are closed here i go for a run to an outdoors calisthenics ground. Running there and back plus the traffic passing me while i was working out i would do like 3-5 approaches every day just from that. I like to do daygame sessions however. Where you dress up, clean your place up, everything ready and prepared and then you hit the town up. This also opens the possibility for instant-dates. Also with daygame sessions is if you do 5< approaches per outing, if you make a mistake on the first couple of approaches or something you wanna fix, then you can focus on it with fresh memory on the following approaches.

Personally, i think the whole "be a high value dude and just go about your day and approach as the oppurtunity arises" is kinda meh. And to beginners it is a no-go, you have to plunge in, or you will pass opportunities up from AA/inexperience. However even for intermediate and advanced daygamers, i believe sessions definitely have their place. The more you put in, the more you get out. Simple. These days my everyday life doesn't allow me to get enough approaches in per week, so i do a few sessions per week to boost it up.

So far in May, i have done 27 approaches. Aim for 100 per month, minimum 20 per week

I have done probably 28 approaches MAYBE in my whole entire life. Obviously none of them turned out to be anything, but what do I expect?

I have to be more like you and start changing my life by approaching MANY, MANY girls. 20 per week for me sounds impossible right now, but if you can do it so can I. Inspiration is what you are.

 

[RicoLeon]

Hey man i'm a beginner like you. I just came from a bootcamp in Vegas so I understand your concerns about daygaming and approaching. Before I got to Vegas I had only done a few approaches cuz I was nervous as hell going up to women and complimenting them. I was worried so much what the girl would think of me, her friends, what people around me would think of me if they see and hear me approach ,but by the end of the bootcamp I did close to 55 approaches and gave 0 fucks. I approached all kinds of groups and all types of situations walking two sets,three sets,sitting down in a casino machine,sitting in a restaurant/bar, girls whose bf would pullup after approaching. When you think about approaching is what makes it the hardest. By the end of each night I was in a zone and I had built up social momentum which is your friend. Every approach builds up social momentum.

Your sales background won't help you as much with AA as people might suggest. I had 2 jobs where I was required to approach people ,be outgoing and promote a web app. Those positions I held years ago so the social momentum and confidence from going up to people and interacting with them weared off. It's a whole another game to interacting with people trying to sell a product and earning money to making yourself vulnerable to women and sharing your intent in order to try and date and sleep with women.

First approach of the day will always be the hardest one and the second one might give you some trouble too. What helped me was dropping the mindset of "I hope this girl likes me or wants me" when I go up to approach. When you think like that you put so much pressure on an outcome that you either opt out of approaching or you make yourself even more nervous when you approach. Just say a compliment to a girl walking by or go up to a woman and compliment them and you can eject if you feel they're not interested.

You almost want to not care how this girl recieves you and ironically that might lead to her liking your compliment or you. However you can overdo this because if you tell yourself you don't care at all you might decide you don't have to do it in the first place. When you approach take a deep breath,focus on what's in front of you,get present in the moment and just walk up to her and say what you like about her. You could say "hey I just wanna say I like your hair" or "hey I think you look very cute". You can get creative with it and find something unique about her that you like.

If you don't have a lot of daygame experience you might still have to go through the stage of desensitizing yourself to rejection and approaching. I'm still probably in that stage after 60ish approaches so anxiety and fear can still hinder me. But after enough approaches you will just do it and when you find a woman who's really into you it'll be worth it.

So you approached almost every girl you could see or just the ones you found attractive? I always felt better in the second approach compare to the first when I go out that is true. I guess your mind just desensitize you after you've done something before. That's how I felt in many parts in my life which would make sense why the more experience are better at it then the non experienced. They have been rejected so many times, approach so many times that they just don't care anymore of the outcome or at least they are what Chase calls outcome independent.

I care about what she thinks but not to the point where its gonna be o wow she doesn't like me I'm hurt. More like a hey I care if she finds me attractive that's why I work on my fundamentals and seduction because I want something out of you and this world I have to provide value to receive something. That value being a high value man who is attractive and fun in the sack.

I must work on communicating this and being confident enough to approach women on a daily basis. Oh boy do I have some many regrets on clear opportunities women gave me to approach where I just froze and didn't do anything. I HATE APPROACH ANXIETY

 

[RicoLeon]

haha !

i just read this and this is the exact same way i feel !

WTF !

someone telling me ' sorry i have a boyfriend ' would absolutely crush my ego !

wtf , we have such bad egotistical habits

lol gotta get my head out of my ass, ego is such bullshit

i'm literally putting myself out there

ego can go f**k itself !

i am not looking to win points for being a good boy or self-absorbed idiot , no sir !

i am looking to close !

The ego is such a double edge sword I swear it's the picture next to the word in the dictionary.

If we could get out of our heads with this bullshit you are right we could do so much more!!!

I'll say it with you fuck the ego.

We need it but at the same time my lord is it a wild beast to tame.

if we tame it tho, the rewards it would bring us...

 

[Starboy]

So you approached almost every girl you could see or just the ones you found attractive? I always felt better in the second approach compare to the first when I go out that is true. I guess your mind just desensitize you after you've done something before. That's how I felt in many parts in my life which would make sense why the more experience are better at it then the non experienced. They have been rejected so many times, approach so many times that they just don't care anymore of the outcome or at least they are what Chase calls outcome independent.

I care about what she thinks but not to the point where its gonna be o wow she doesn't like me I'm hurt. More like a hey I care if she finds me attractive that's why I work on my fundamentals and seduction because I want something out of you and this world I have to provide value to receive something. That value being a high value man who is attractive and fun in the sack.

I must work on communicating this and being confident enough to approach women on a daily basis. Oh boy do I have some many regrets on clear opportunities women gave me to approach where I just froze and didn't do anything. I HATE APPROACH ANXIETY

Well I didn't approach EVERY girl that I found attractive. Some I left alone depending. They were in a big group,with other guys,too intimidating to approach etc. There were some girls who I wanted to approach on my own before we met for the bootcamp or my coach pointed out for me to approach and I backed out cuz I was too nervous,over thought it,waited too long,didn't think I could hook past the opener etc.

My coach would point out average looking,skinny,not that cute girls for me to talk to for the sake of practice and building social momentum and i'm thinking wtf why would I talk to these basic ass bitches. Something I struggle with even now. Not approaching women I find tame looking. They might not be that cute in the face and try to use makeup to cover up,but they might have a nice body and look great in a sundress. Have to settle down my ego. Thinking because i'm the man who approaches I am automatically superior.

Yes usually your first approach won't be great. You're not warmed up,don't have any momentum,aren't in a flow state. My 2nd approach would be the better one. In fact I think my 2nd approach has usually been the one that's hooked the most.

I've missed out on girls who gave me iois. I've seen a lot of women play with their hair after taking a glance at me over the years and ik now thats a ioi. So if I approach much better chance of being recieved well. Those hurt especially if the girl was hot,but it happens. I hate AA too believe me. I am less affected than before at 0 approaches,but not impervious