Great vibe but now texting silence. Worth re-engaging?

[Thebear]

Met a girl on a night out. My friends left early, and her group kind of adopted me. We danced, kissed, linked arms, hugged, shared food, I wiped sauce off her lip, etc. Flirty and affectionate all night.

I invited her back, she hesitated (said her friend was picking her up for yoga early) but didn’t seem uninterested. She asked for my Instagram before she left and even took me home in her taxi.

After a few days and a few texts later, I get this message from her “I would defo be up for doing something sometime! I’m probably moving to Australia in September but feel like we seem to like similar things (sea dips, oysters etc), so would be up for something chilled x”

I replied lightly and said “ooo well jel! Ofc, drinks before deportation sounds good to me. When’s best for you? x”

This is where I’ve had radio silence for a week.

Here’s what I’m weighing:


Do I leave it and wait for her to re-engage?


Or does reconnecting around the 2-3 week mark give me a clean window to re-spark the vibe—without triggering her fear of anything too deep?

 

[Skills]

Why did you say deportation.... That was bad.... Could have turned her off... All you had say sounds like a plan once you get to know me you will not want to leave to australia we will have so much fun together....how does Friday evening sound?

If she didn't reply in 4 hours a ????

Deportation autism

 

[Thebear]

Why did you say deportation.... That was bad.... Could have turned her off... All you had say sounds like a plan once you get to know me you will not want to leave to australia we will have so much fun together....how does Friday evening sound?

If she didn't reply in 4 hours a ????

Deportation autism

Deportation was just a cheeky joke tbh, I thought from my end it was just light and playful and not hyper-literal.

 

[Will_V]

Met a girl on a night out. My friends left early, and her group kind of adopted me. We danced, kissed, linked arms, hugged, shared food, I wiped sauce off her lip, etc. Flirty and affectionate all night.

I invited her back, she hesitated (said her friend was picking her up for yoga early) but didn’t seem uninterested. She asked for my Instagram before she left and even took me home in her taxi.

Sounds like a fun night, but maybe you could've persisted more here. It's usually a bit tough to follow up on text after the emotions of a night out die down. I usually treat night game as a 'now or never' type scenario, especially if it seems like she's really thinking about coming home with me.

After a few days and a few texts later, I get this message from her “I would defo be up for doing something sometime! I’m probably moving to Australia in September but feel like we seem to like similar things (sea dips, oysters etc), so would be up for something chilled x”

What were the texts exactly?

There's an important element to her text here: she's verbally rationalizing why she should meet you at all. There could be a few reasons for this, but the most likely one (given that it revolves around similarity) is that after the excitement of the night wore off, she realized she didn't really know you that well, and a part of her was hesitant about you.

This should've been a signal to you to invest a bit more, to reward her for putting her hand out to you, to make sure she knows you're a chill, fun, smooth, normal guy. To make her feel in the moment like 'yes! it is the right thing to meet him'.

Instead your joke about deportation probably she simply didn't understand, it added to her confusion, and made her decide just to forget about the whole thing. Along with your response which was basically an eager "great! just tell me when and where" which comes across like you're just leaving all the details up to her, as long as you get to see her and maybe bang.

A good response might be something like:

"ok ocean girl I know a place you'll love, I'll be occupied for a couple of days but how about a little later in the week? Let me know when you're free"

- You give her a fun teasing name based on what she says about herself
- You take on the responsibility of finding a nice place for the date, and build a bit of intrigue (where's he taking me??)
- You imply you're not just some rando with all the time in the world to spare
- But you still give her space to find something in her schedule
- You end with a command rather than a question

This makes her feel like you're in control and you're going to make sure she has a good time.

Do I leave it and wait for her to re-engage?


Or does reconnecting around the 2-3 week mark give me a clean window to re-spark the vibe—without triggering her fear of anything too deep?

I'd re-engage no more than a week later, make it sound like you were the one who flaked not her, like

"Hey ocean girl, sorry I've been a bit busy lately <insert something interesting/intriguing about what you may or may not have been up to>, how's your week so far?"

That sort of thing.

 

[alexlaguma]

Without wanting to criticise too harshly ... saying "ooo well jel!" is so bad man. You're not her gay best mate, why are you texting like it?

I would definitely follow up though, she's already signalled she was interested in something casual with you before she moves away.

If it was me, I'd simply text her "don't think too hard" ... which is a call back to the fact she's ignored your question. And its kinda funny. This one usually works for me when I want to remind a girl to answer my question. (btw I stole this from PWF, his texting advice is pretty good in my opinion)