Group interaction and interverance - What can I improve on

[Little Jester]

- Group was 1 hot girl, 1 average girl who turned out to be leader of the girl group, and 1 below average simple girl.
- I briefly had chatted with each girl individually already and I even got contact information on one of them, so I can get in contact already, but not really for a date with hot girl yet.
- I came from the bathroom, was on my way to the girl group. Then bump into 'social approval dude'.
- This dude I had talked to earlier at the beginning of the night to warm up and he had later given me some social approval by telling a different girl "You can't let a great guy like that go, now can you?" while they were staring at me, so I felt like this guy was cool and wanted to keep him on good terms, so I offered a minute to chat with him again.
- I was now observing the girl group from a close distance while talking to social approval dude for a minute.
- During this minute, a different guy zeroes in on hot girl in the group. I'll call him smoke guy from now on, because he later on goes for a smoke.
- Smoke guy ignores leader girl and simple girl and starts a pickup attempt with hot girl I assume.
- Leader girl and simple girl are clearly discussed with this smoke guy breaking their group, hitting on hot girl.
- Then I see leader girl asking the 2 girls what they like to drink and I was done talking with social approval guy so I moved in.
- I overruled leader girl and took the order of all the girls. I also asked if smoke guy wanted something to drink. He politely refused.
- I moved the group downstairs (2 stage venue). Ordered the drinks at the bar. Leader girl wanted to pay for the girls, I declined saying it was no big deal.

- So I took 2 drinks and said to leader girl and simple girl, here you go. Then took my drink and brought over the last drink to hot girl and we started talking.
- Smoke guy, who didn't wanted a drink earlier was like, 'ey where is my drink?' and I said I asked him but he didn't want it and simple girl backed me up on that.
- Then smoke guy left, probably to get his drink and he went for a smoke outside. Leaving me and hot girl together in a one on one group. And leader girl and simple girl in another one on one group close by.
- For duration of drink I chat with hot girl. When she was telling me it was warm inside the venue I told her to hold up her hands together in front of her. I enclosed them with my rather cold hands and told her she might be nervous, because her body was warm. She smiled and agreed.
- Leader girl took note of that and was not so amused with me and pulled some remarks out like "He's just doing that so he can touch you" and "He is cold blooded, that is not good"
- I ignored leader girl, leaving her and simple girl to chat together while I continued chat with hot girl. Shared some laughs, had her tell me her life goals and open up to me.
- Best of all I really like her personality that goes with the looks, so I'm getting into aroused autopilot state. Touch her whenever appropriate, etc.

- At the end of our drink, I asked if we quickly wanted another drink, but that I was in a hurry because I had to catch my last bus home for the night.
- Hot girl refused another drink. She was soon to leave too with the other girls and she was the designated driver.
- I wanted to go for her phone number, I already had my phone out, but then smoke guy breaks circle with me and hot girl.
- Smoke guy starts blabbing some uninteresting story about himself towards my girl. She seemed to be kind and starts asking him stuff about his story. From time to time she shared eye contact with me with a look like she didn't care all that much, but she wouldn't ignore him.
- I was just standing there. Semi smile. staring at my girl no idea what to do... My mind went blank.
- Then when I started to feel awkward as smoke guy was keeping up the conversation and I really wanted to get my bus too, I walked into hot girl during smoke guy's story, put my arm around her, above her butt and did a low purr voice whisper in her ear that I had to go.
- She only said "oh okay" and we did a 3 cheek kiss thing as is custom in the Netherlands and then I left her with smoke guy and went to say goodbyes to leader girl and simple girl.
- Leader girl didn't really want to do the 3 cheek kiss thing. She really wasn't into me by now.
- Then simple girl was all good with me. Very warm and she said: "maybe see you later" and I agreed and walked off to catch my bus, but with only an e-mail address to get back to them and leader girl not really amused

Now I'm analyzing this one to see what I could have done better. Was overruling leader girl and buying drinks for the group, as in trying to take care of a group of friends, a bad move? Was it a bad move to try a little touching in front of leader girl? Was it right to derail smoke guy by moving the group and get hot girl for myself, only for him to get his revenge later? What should I have done when smoke guy came back for his revenge and hot girl didn't tell him to fuck off? I don't think it would have been right for me to move hot girl away from the group at that point. Also telling smoke guy he is rude also didn't seem right... And I never got that phone number......

Maybe some of you guys can shine some light on this one, so I can learn from any mistakes I most likely made. I have yet to run a near perfect full process. There is always something off in what I do, or things just get in the way. But i'm still enjoying this meeting people stuff, so I better learn the most from it, while I do

 

[Light]

Re: Group interaction and interverance - What can I improve

Was overruling leader girl and buying drinks for the group, as in trying to take care of a group of friends, a bad move?

- Yes -never offer to buy drinks for girls, you will realise that girls will offer to buy you drinks if they like you. Always accept their offer, and then maybe get the next round without asking - Remember what they were drinking. Girls love guys who remembers what they like!

Was it a bad move to try a little touching in front of leader girl?

- Yes - you've ignored law of least effort. Your aim is to get them to touch you. But your main flaw was that you failed to give leader girl the equal amount of attention. Remember leader girl is the key factor. You need her on your side. Say you spend about 60% of the time talking to the girl you like, you should spend at least 30% on leader girl and get her to like you. Making her talk about herself is more than enough, you just have to listen.
And 10% on the girl you are not interested just to make her feel welcome.

Was it right to derail smoke guy by moving the group and get hot girl for myself, only for him to get his revenge later?

- Yes - he was clearly a stranger to both you and the girl. Don't worry about him. See comment below.

What should I have done when smoke guy came back for his revenge and hot girl didn't tell him to fuck off?

- Read this blog by Chase: https://www.girlschase.com/content/breaking-circle

I don't think it would have been right for me to move hot girl away from the group at that point. Also telling smoke guy he is rude also didn't seem right... And I never got that phone number......

- Moving her away was a good idea, but you should have got into deep diving immediately and grab her number while you're both at the high point of the conversation. Suggest that it would be great to hook up again, if she agrees, ask for her number, then get back into the conversation you were both talking about before. THEN move her back to the main group of girls (if and only if you know you won't be taking her home that night, otherwise you take her home).

- You didn't have to tell smoke guy he was rude, the hot girl will already know this. Let him play the fool, and you play the silent polite yet cool dude. But act bored... when you're both looking at each other while he's talking, roll your eyes (she will giggle because she agrees with you).
The girl will appreciate you for it. You can win with non-verbal communications.

Maybe some of you guys can shine some light on this one, so I can learn from any mistakes I most likely made. I have yet to run a near perfect full process. There is always something off in what I do, or things just get in the way. But i'm still enjoying this meeting people stuff, so I better learn the most from it, while I do

- I hope I managed to shine some of my name on this, and hope it helped. Good Luck next time!

 

[Little Jester]

Re: Group interaction and interverance - What can I improve

Hey Light, thanks for shining your name on things man

Having your perspective on the matter is really helping me to relate to more useful mindsets here.

never offer to buy drinks for girls[/b][/u], you will realise that girls will offer to buy you drinks if they like you. Always accept their offer, and then maybe get the next round without asking - Remember what they were drinking. Girls love guys who remembers what they like!

I guess I knew this. I was already in doubt when leader girl had her wallet out. I was being too focused on leading / moving the whole move group and take care of the group thing, in order to get to my girl, it got a little out of hand there .. I realize that paying for her and her friends did my wallet no good and actually didn't improve my involvement with the group; Leader girl might have been thinking what a show off I was right there, throwing money at them for no other reason than to chat them up. (and she'd be 50% right, as the only other reason was getting smoke guy away from my girl)

you've ignored law of least effort[/b][/u]. Your aim is to get them to touch you. But your main flaw was that you failed to give leader girl the equal amount of attention. Remember leader girl is the key factor. You need her on your side. Say you spend about 60% of the time talking to the girl you like, you should spend at least 30% on leader girl and get her to like you. Making her talk about herself is more than enough, you just have to listen.
And 10% on the girl you are not interested just to make her feel welcome.

Yeah I can see how that didn't work out there. Already started wrong with leader girl the minute we spoke actually. In my OP I started with that I had already spoken with all 3 girls for a bit. I didn't know leader girl was the group leader at that point, but when we exchanged words I quickly felt we didn't fully click. She was more of being a tease and I'm more a deflect / ignore guy, so there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry there and I failed to improve on that over the whole event. Lesson learned; if I ever want to deal with a group again, I better make sure I'm liked with every member first or until I found the group leader and get the leader on my side, before I can start even thinking about messing with group politics

In response to law of least effort, you think I should erase the whole 'ask for hands and then take her body temperature' thing from my things I like to do with a girl, whenever she talks about room temperature? It's something I recently started doing when I was focusing on touching a girl early and often. I've been really enjoying the reaction of the girls I'm doing this specific example to (only 3 cases so far though). Looking back on recent chats I can't seem to find hooks where I can command a girl to touch me. Probably have to bait them, but I can't really pinpoint when an opportunity presents itself yet, because I'm so inexperienced in this area. Well I can only think of one, which is offering my arm, so she can grab it when we go for a walk outside. That one just doesn't happen often

Moving her away was a good idea, but you should have got into deep diving immediately and grab her number while you're both at the high point of the conversation.

I believe playing the 'move girl' hand here, was kind of an all in move with odds that were not in my favor. Basically low odds to move her and win the pot (her number), against high odds of never moving and busting bad (look weak). Reason being the flop was showing possibilities for smoke guy becoming a pain, leader girl becoming a pain, or hot girl upping resistance, because we already communicated we were about to leave with our own transportation to our own towns. Poker player that I am, I folded this hand, as I believe it is not smart to always play aggressive, especially against these odds. What I should have been doing is what you recommended next:

You didn't have to tell smoke guy he was rude, the hot girl will already know this. Let him play the fool, and you play the silent polite yet cool dude. But act bored... when you're both looking at each other while he's talking, roll your eyes (she will giggle because she agrees with you).
The girl will appreciate you for it. You can win with non-verbal communications.

Thanks for this. I was acting a smile at that time, but I felt awkward and I know I have been sub communicating that awkwardness with my non verbals right there. Next time I'll try to non verbally fish for a laugh from my girl, making fun of the situation, getting smoke guy to back off if he is socially attuned for that. Makes sense. Gets you in control of the game and then when I leave the venue with the group of girls, all kinds of new poker hands can be played. i.e. 'hey hot girl aka designated driver, can you drop me off at my place? It's only a 20 minute drive from here and not that much out of your direction'. Of course I'd have to get leader girl approval there, but the flop might probably have been much more favorable. And cool prices to win from the pots thereafter too. Wish I'd realized this hand back then, so that I didn't leave the poker table a little bit too early. (I ended up waiting for my bus ride for 15 minutes, so can't say I was totally out of time there either)

Anway, enough of relating to poker for now

Cheers!

 

[Light]

Re: Group interaction and interverance - What can I improve

In response to law of least effort, you think I should erase the whole 'ask for hands and then take her body temperature' thing from my things I like to do with a girl, whenever she talks about room temperature? It's something I recently started doing when I was focusing on touching a girl early and often. I've been really enjoying the reaction of the girls I'm doing this specific example to (only 3 cases so far though). Looking back on recent chats I can't seem to find hooks where I can command a girl to touch me. Probably have to bait them, but I can't really pinpoint when an opportunity presents itself yet, because I'm so inexperienced in this area. Well I can only think of one, which is offering my arm, so she can grab it when we go for a walk outside. That one just doesn't happen often

Try this next time. Instead of asking for her hand, just hold your hand out and look at her. If shes smart, she will know what you want. If she doesn't understand, just say "your hand" with a sexy smile. Be Cool... Be Smooth...

The key is too appear effortless - https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-gentleman

'hey hot girl aka designated driver, can you drop me off at my place? It's only a 20 minute drive from here and not that much out of your direction'. Of course I'd have to get leader girl approval there, but the flop might probably have been much more favorable.

"oh.. you can take me home next time then "

 

[almosteasy21]

Re: Group interaction and interverance - What can I improve

I mostly agree with light but I would like to offer another solution.

Don't speak to anybody but the girl you want if you don't have to. Try a really strong preopen until you get a friendly reaction. Then walk up to her and ask "how have you been" kind of loudly. Usually the other people in the group will hear you and think that you two know each other then will leave you two alone to talk for a short period of time. The important thing is to preopen until you get a friendly response or she might be like "wtf".

Disclaimer: I've haven't tried this yet but it makes sense that it would work.