Haraklus' 90 days of game project

[Teparus]

For those who don't remember me, I'm a late 20s man with a modestly successful "natural" background with women, mostly oriented around social circle and relationships. However, I've become discontent with just settling for the people I happen to meet through my social groups by coincidence, and not having the razor sharp social acumen that comes from being an icy cold player.

I'm back again for awhile, with renewed commitments and drastically altered mindsets. My journey has taken me away from seduction/pickup/pimpiiiin for a few months, but in the last month or so I've returned to it.

After spending about six months celibate after my last relationship, dealing with many other aspects of my life and relationships, I've jumped back in with a lot of energy and improved self-understanding and self-care.

That last post was a false start -- I had noticed that I was using success/validation with women as a way of covering up shit that was fucked in my life so that I didn't have to take proper care of myself. It leads to the cycles of validation -> outcome dependence -> disappointment -> unhappiness that are just ugly and not what I want for myself.

I've been back at it for about six weeks. I have one regular girl I'm having sex with, I've kissed a couple of others, and I have a couple of good numbers in the pipeline. Approaches are now a daily thing to me, and my approach anxiety in general is dropping off, although it's still common for really good looking women, which is the main demographic I go for these days. Women who are my own personal sense of an 8+.

I think that in the last month I've made probably 30-40 approaches. Two weeks ago, I set a goal to do one approach each day, and today I set a daily stretch goal of 3 approaches per day. My main goal at this point isn't reactions, or results, but instead habit-building, momentum, and desensitization. The way I see it, an approach is just the door price for getting into the game, and getting to the point where I have lots of door credit is going to be the key to accumulating sufficient experience to get really good.

I'm not too bad these days at the dating phase -- although I do usually take 2-4 dates before I start having sex, I find that if I don't push it too hard for early escalation I do get good results and enjoy the process. At this point, opening/getting girls into the pipeline/getting them to show up is my major weak point. Once I address that, I'll start possibly worrying about less time to sex.

The Rules:
1 approach per day, every day at the beginning, with regular escalation to higher numbers as I feel like it's appropriate. My goal is to keep myself right on the edge of my comfort zone most days.

Pure daygame -- hired guns are allowed if I do a well-calibrated escalation to a real romantic/sexual interaction, regardless of the result. Street game is preferable. The goal here is mostly to stop relying on third party social context, and to learn to escalate. Hired guns don't help with the former, but they're proving pretty helpful with the latter.

 

[Teparus]

Well, I'm winding down from the day. I did hit my goal, but I gotta admit, it was a bit of a letdown, albeit a productive/salvageable one.

I DID achieve my daily goal of 1 approach. Actually, I think I did closer to... 5? 6? On girls. Even more on guys, old ladies, etc.

Basically, I was done with the work week, and just fucking LET GO. Ughh. After being surrounding by middle aged men with untrimmed nostril hair emanating stress from all pores for 5 days straight, it was easy to lose outcome dependence and just be cool.

I startes gaining momentum with hired guns (no escalation past getting their attention. Even some really negative girls were really on my energy, eyeing me, smiling, etc.

Is, good reactions. Not all good, but the bad ones rolled off of me like nothing.

I think probably the most interesting one was a Japanese girl, kinda cute, with her teacher. I actually walked past them once on this walkway thing, then ran into them on an escalator. I was behind them and saw a bag the student had that said, "Grand Opening 2007". I asked her what opened in 2007... she turned to me, smiled, and asked me what I said. I pointed to her bag and asked her what opened. As this happened, her teacher actually stepped away, haha. Polarization, baby. Anyway, she spoke a bit and I asked her if she was Japanese in Japanese. She said yes, I told her my Japanese was bad, she said it was good, etc. We walked and talked maybe 5 minutes until I got next to where I was going. I pointed and said I was going, and she said "Thank you" really sweetly, haha. At this point, her English professor kind of dragged her away, haha. So no attempt to get a # on my part.

After that, I walked by this trio of cute young (late teen to early 20s) girls and said they all had really lovely dresses and looked fantastically feminine. They smiled, one or two said thank you, we kept walking opposite directions. One had serious fuck me eyes. I ran into them again 5-10 minutes later and they thanked me for the compliments. Fuck me eyes from the jailbait of the group again, haha. Not even going there.

There were several others. Those were the happy, energy building ones.

I will also shortly follow up with a write up on more inner game / mood-oriented topics.

 

[Teparus]

So, those were the two bigger/more interesting approaches (The rest were very basic opens, some hooked, some didn't, none really went anywhere).

However, to me, right now, what went on in my head and my body is even more important.

So....a few things that happened.

First, it was the end of a long week, as I said, and I wanted to unwind HARD. Like, I just wanted to not give a few for a few hours and relax.

I got to my usual dinner place and am helped by gay dude there who totally digs me. He's always really positive, and we fuckin' talk about how great it is that it's the end of the workweek and the weekend is coming. He's pretty cool in that even though he probably works the next day, he's still totally into it.

I'm exhausted and beginning the unwinding process. I feel ego depletion, a bit of stifling, but a building well of excitement, energy, and freedom. I eat my dinner. I'm being eyed by basically every woman in the restaurant. (Only 3). One is playing with a dinosaur toy with her kid at the next table. She smiles at me. So do a couple of others. I try to keep a bit of a low key here because I gave two of the waitresses my numbers (bad move on multiple levels, I know) and I'm still kind of slow gaming one of them. Plus, I don't want to become that guy here. So, I occasionally game outside the front door, but rarely inside.

I'm not feeling terribly energetic, but I do feel good and just don't give a fuck by the time I'm done eating. I walk outside and see a dog. A common thing I do for my own self amusement is do an upwards hood-style nod at dogs and say, "Sup dawg" to them. I shot this one some fingerguns, too. His owner laughed, I told him his dog was adorable, the moment passed.

There was a group of teenagers in a car as I crossed the street to my favorite coffee shop on the block. I shot them with finger guns, too, since I still had ammo left after finishing off the punk ass little dog. Just kidding dawg, you're cool.

Did the coffee shop thing. Still exhausted, but having hot chocolate. The dopamine hit from the chocolate really warmed me up...the most reserved goth waitress there was smiling like I've never seen before at me and being kind of flirty. Cool. Whatever. I charm her and the other barista there, then convince one of the patrons to watch my stuff so I can go take a piss. I instruct him to violently destroy anyone who attempts to violate my hot chocolate. He laughs happily and nods.

Yadda yadda. Shit got done there. I took my fuckin' sweet new electric car downtown to charge it for free. Run around the area a bit. I think I opened a couple of girls there. My energy is really coming out, my ego is gone, and I'm having lots of fun. As I walk back, I see a young Asian mother with a little boy on her shoulders, and they're walking around and laughing together and looking really healthy and vibrant. I walk up to her and ask,
"Can I high five your kid? Can I be that weird white guy for him?"

She smiled and said yes. I high fived him, and he was totally fucking into it. We were a couple of bosses together in that moment. I go over to my car and open the door, and she's there asking me if this is my car and if she can ask me some questions about it. I indulge her and throw some other info her way, ask her about her shit, interrogate her a little bit, whatever. Her kid kind of wails from about 15 feet away, I tell her I won't be offended if she goes to take care of her child. She thanks me and runs off. Super cute lady, seriously, wonderful button nose.

By now, I am REALLY fucking on. This is when I went into the mall and opened the girl with her teacher, the young girls in dresses, a bed bath and beyond clerk (after straight up telling her I was wasting her time and she'd get no sales from me, I just needed a chat and free aromatherapy). She actually thanked me from coming in and cheering her up.

All this shit and I didn't even try for one number, haha. Reason being, I was expecting to go out dancing in a club and I figured I'd actually prowl there -- everything else today was meant to be pregame. I went to my favorite venue for it, it was sold out, went to my backup venue, and realized that I hadn't opened up my new ATM card yet and couldn't get cash for the cover. D'oh. Stupid fuckin' mistake I should have fixed about a week ago. I got down on myself and lost state pretty hard, won't lie. I recovered it a bit, went elsewhere, almost got food, decided against it because even if the vibe was great their menu was crap, grabbed sushi, wrote that earlier shit up, and now I'm at home, just shaved, relaxed, no pants, feeling good.

I learned some important things today. First of all -- lots of good general experiences. I've learned that even if I'm a little weird, as long as I am well-intentioned and spreading the party, everyone thanks me for not giving a fuck. This has happened a few times now, and that much is pretty fucking consistent.

Another thing is that I just got more general reference experiences. Always valuable. More XP. The one with the Japanese girl and her professor was really interesting to me. She opened and hooked immediately while her professor actually actively stepped away. Just another reminder that some girls will like you and others will not, so a bit of negative feedback doesn't really mean anything except that you're at least trying.

The last one is that I noticed that there were basically two components to activating that mood. One is that I had lots of pent up energy from stifling my energy at work for several hours. Another is that I had ego fatigue which caused me to lose my fucking ego when I finally pushed it.

So, I think that I may be able to turn the occasional night of long working hours at a desk into a really productive hack for generating an initial burst of social momentum -- the ego fatigue of trying to focus, stay on task, and at least look productive may lead to an enhanced ability to let go.

I'm also noticing, from a lot of insights from experiences outside of this journal, that I have basically three "game modes" that seem to work really well, and I'm starting to view them through the lens of energy management.

1) Extremely high energy, don't-give-a-fuck, ego fatigued mode. When I'm like this, I push my positive, free energy into other people and get them reacting to me. The vast majority of them seem to appreciate it. A lot. And I mean the vast majority. That said, I've only really been paying attention to my results from this for a little while, and I've noticed that girls are actually very eager to give me their numbers when I ask in this mode, but they don't necessarily follow up very well. I do think that if I start an interaction high energy like that, leave a positive energy, and then reapproach with a calmer positive energy later, it will be a very powerful tool. I also think it's a great tool for gaining momentum to use after the inevitable downshift in energy that happens after a couple of hours.


2) Moderate-low energy, detached, 'energy drawing' mode. In this one, I'm extremely calm, in an almost meditative state. People are reacting to me, but it's almost like I'm pulling them to me instead of pushing my energy into them. I've noticed that when I'm like this, women will do a lot of hovering near me and are just generally extremely warm. The first few cold approaches I did were like this, and all of them got #s and dates when I actually had the presence of mind to escalate. I wasn't able to create this mode consistently, though.

3) Broody, irritable, 'predatory' mode. This actually does work on girls who are operating from a place of negative energy. Sit down, maybe sip a bit of whiskey or other ambiguous alcohol, look pensively at a wall or the drink, use peripheral vision to wait until a girl is checking me out, flip my eyes up at her. Later actually go open her. It's smooth as butter. I've only effectively used this one a few times, as well.

However, I have to say, almost every time I've had a really good time with a girl and it went somewhere, it's been in one of those three 'modes'.

So, in addition to just getting used to opening a lot in order to give myself more opportunities to succeed, I am also wanting to learn how to manage my energy (happiness/joy/freedom projection vs drawing their energy in vs broody dominating) in a proactive way, and also building the habit of smoothly and automatically escalating without jarring myself out of those modes.

 

[Teparus]

Kudos to anyone who actually makes it through the above post.

 

[Teparus]

Day 2

Today I did a number of approaches after my weekend morning ritual which lasts until about 12 or so. Most of them were throwaways or warm ups. Complimenting or sassing old ladies and random passerbyes and shit.

First real approach of the day was at a bookstore I like to visit in the scifi/fantasy section. I saw a cute girl that I had actually bumped into and made eye contact with earlier (I'm noticing that this has been happening a lot recently). She was maybe 4 feet away facing the section of an author I recently read a novel from that I enjoyed quite a bit.

I stepped over next to her, looked at the author's selection, and said, "Do you read much Neil Gaiman?" without looking at her.
She looked at me. "No..." She said, with a somewhat tense/awkward but warm smile.
Me: "What do you read?"
She pointed all around the room.
Her: "Fantasy. Some science fiction, mostly fantasy."
Me: "I'm kind of the opposite."
Her: "I really like doctor who, though, which is a science fiction, so I like some scifi a lot, too!"
Me: "It's fantastic scifi. So it totally fits your repertoire."
Her, laughing: "Exactly!"
I let the silence percolate.
Her: "The thing about this place is that they're all mixed in together, so you kind of have to see even what you aren't looking for."
Me: "I think it's good. It exposes you to stuff just a little bit outside of your horizons. That's generally a good thing."
Her: "Yeah, I guess so." (or something agreeable along those lines)
Letting the silence percolate again.
Me: "Mmm, the veil of awkwardness."
Her: "That's life."
Me, laughing: "That's perfect... *dark, dramatic voice* Life is like a veil of awkwardness!"
Her, in a somewhat dramatic, playful tone: "This just got deep."
Me: "I love how much stuff you can turn into a deep, profound standing statement, just by throwing in, "It's like an allegory...for life!""
Me: "Do you want to get coffee?"
Her: "Sure!"

Here I thought about asking for her arm (by pointing at it or offering it or whatever, but I didn't make the additional attempt to get compliance or whatever).

Me: "I know a place right nearby."
We switched environments, walked over to a nearby coffee shop, got our drinks. After I ordered mine, she said she could get hers, and I told her I'd sit at a table outside, which I pointed to. So, I let her come to me.

I'm gonna skip a lot of interaction here, but I think the remaining important point here is that I started making it more man-to-woman by saying that I liked her cheeks and thought they were cute while she was talking. She took the compliment well.

Anyway...we spent probably half an hour walking around, then sat down and got a late lunch together before she had to go. She returned a lot of compliments to me, I very overtly checked out and approved of her ass after she said it was kind of big, played with her hands a bit, got to know her better, shot the shit, etc. We actually just generally connected and get along really well.

When she said she had to go, she extended her hand for a shake, I took it and pulled her in, but the height difference and the massive, heavy chairs spaced apart we were on made it weird. Antismooth, hahaha.

I just started laughing and kind of pushed her off.
Her: "What was that?"
Me: "I was actually trying to kiss you, but the positioning just didn't work and it got awkward and hilarious."
Her: "Oh! I wasn't going for htat."
Me: "It was so bad, haha, I loved it."
Her: "I'm sorry."
Me: "No, I really enjoyed it, actually, I was like "ahhhh this is soo weeeiiiird" but was trying so hard not to laugh...it was great." (true story)
Her: "I like that you like awkwardness. You're really confident."
In retrospect, I probably should have kissed her here. We kind of made eye contact, but I let the moment pass.
We talked a bit more and then she had to get going. We had swapped numbers a bit earlier in the day, but she lives a couple of cities further north and is only in town until about noon tomorrow and has a bit of a full roster 'til she leaves, so I don't expect much.

The good:
I made many more escalation attempts than I normally do.
I kept the interaction moving fairly smoothly
I only sputtered internally a couple of times.
I succeeded in quite a few forms of escalation and compliance-gaining: moving with me, per my leadership and guidance, backing off and letting her come to me, getting her to buy in to my frames, getting her to overtly approve of me checking her out.

The shortcomings:
My escalation to smoochin' was kind of weak.
I didn't persist.
In general, I didn't warm her up physically. I think that I could have turned physical touch into handholding. It would also pay off to know venues where I can cuddle up next to girls or keep an eye open for such places when walking etc.
I didn't screen for logistics early on, although I'm okay with the somewhat bad logistics at this phase; I think that my own ability to execute is still more of a limiting factor than logistics. Learning and taking very basic action are still my bottlenecks.

Overall:
I'm pretty pleased with this interaction given where I'm at. The day and the weekend and my life are still young, but this was a productive experience which both gave me somewhat higher than usual results for any given day, and lots of lessons to internalize. Plus, I had tons of fun and met someone new and cool.

 

[Teparus]

She sent me a long ass text about an hour later thanking me for the morning, saying she couldn't meet up with me tomorrow since they were leaving early, but that she was planning on doing something touristy with her friend later and that I was welcome to join. I said I was open to the idea, but if it was too late it was a no go. I did my thing for the day and felt sleep begin to call me about half an hour ago, so nothing else to write up, except to say that she was apparently an even more eager buyer than I thought.

I may end up visiting her city before the year's end, though, in which case I may look her up, but either way it's not a big deal. I enjoyed our interaction for what it was. Sleep tight, GC boards.

 

[Teparus]

I made a kind of weak/low intent approach today on a girl sitting on a bench with her dog. Used the dog to open / the dog opened me as I segued into talking about her. I didn't really feel it too much, but I essentially just wanted to not break the chain. Doing shit ATM, but wanted to get this post out.

 

[Ex Procastinator]

Kudos to anyone who actually makes it through the above post.

5 years later and iv finally completed it

 

[Teparus]

Several low-intent approaches today. I use dogs to start conversations a lot. Dogs and clothes.

Also sat down next to a girl and started a conversation with her that lasted a few minutes. Wasn't really feeling it, so I just rolled with it.

I caught myself value-scanning and losing outcome independence early on. I'm noticing certain patterns in my socialization, daygame, and mood that go back further than this journal.

Basically, I have a really good 2-3 days in a row, then several days of needing validation and external stimulation. To the point where I'm thinking about game and girls all day. It does seem to be getting weaker over time, but it's there. I'm also noticing that having the pressure to artificially approach when I'm not in the mood kinda makes me weird -- but once I actually have 2-3 interactions under my belt, I feel much better, I get a bit more intent, and people in general react to me better.

After a few low effort, low result days, I have maybe one or two agitated, high intent days, with mixed results, and finally I have another couple of really good, zen-ish days.

This has been happening again and again for several weeks now.

I'm not making any changes based on these observations just yet, except perhaps to make myself aware of them and try to avoid hitting the stimulation-seeking sauce too hard, which I think is mostly what yanks me out of the good, acting with intent, but free of outcome mode.

 

[Teparus]

Another quick approach today, although I'm feeling intent/eagerness/willpower building back up.

Saw a woman looking through avocados at the grocery store. Walked up to her, started doing the same, told her "Good luck, these are all either overripe or too young..." We chatted a bit about fucking avocados, haha.

Some potential lessons for these casual, incidental interactions that I'm noticing: I can make these incidental approaches personal with very little effort by asking them why they do this thing, if they do it often, why they do it often, etc.

1) This both makes it more personal (and thus moves us closer to potentially getting us together if the mood does strike me),
2) Is very low effort, and
3) Isn't very likely to trigger any defensiveness

That's a pretty good combination. Small lessons.

 

[Teparus]

It's worth noting that yesterday I did a shitton of other approaches and hooked a couple of girls pretty hard, with multiple minute conversations. I ultimately was the one to walk away from these because I didn't really have any idea on how to escalate them or blanked out and didn't feel like being too much of a weirdo today, that shit is kind of stressful.

Anyway, just going with the ones who hooked -- I saw a cute girl in her front yard picking fruit from an enormous tree. I thought it looked like a fig tree, but it was the biggest fig tree I've ever seen. I asked her what kind of tree it was, and when she confirmed it was a fig tree, I was kind of in awe. I expressed that it was huge, especially for the local climate, and she laughed, agreed, and started telling me random shit about it, her neighbors, etc. I wanted to escalate this but at the moment wasn't sure how. We were kind of talking throw the overgrown brush of her front yard, with just her head peaking over. In retrospect, I could have asked her if I could try one of the figs she picked, and I'm pretty sure she would have gone for it. Would have been a pretty strong piece of investment+compliance, too. So file that away in the mental database.

The second one, a girl I walked by in a bookstore had a patch on that I misread. At first I thought it was hilarious, so I told her I liked her patch as I walked by...and she stopped, turned around, and faced me, as I did the same. We kind of checked each other out. I then reread it, and saw that it was actually not a tongue in cheek joke but a pretty serious message. I actually read it as kind of a bummer...but it was really interesting. Anyway, I expressed that it was actually kind of a bummer, not the joke I thought it was, and she seemed to mentally disengage a bit. I think I could have reengaged her by asking her what motivated her to get it and/or how she interpreted it. In general, one guiding principal for early escalation that I am trying to drill into myself now is, "make it personal". So, the thing that I would have asked is "why did you choose to get it?" which would have had a non-insignificant chance of reengaging her before her disengagement set in.

Two things, then:
1) Ask for an object or offer an object to move closer to her / remove physical barriers in a socially smooth way
2) Ask for her motivation or opinion on something connected to her in order to smoothly keep her engaged and make the engagement more personal

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

I just read Chases article on conversations. He mentioned switching subjects when it looks like the conversation is lagging. I tried this today plus I also was thinking ahead for the next subject as we were talking. This helped me get some conversation going with a girl that is difficult to get conversation back from. The thinking ahead seems to be important so you don't blank out. It is good to have 2 to 3 seconds of silence but after that it becomes.

BDSC

 

[Teparus]

Topic switching is a good conversational skill. It's not the whole story, though. I'm trying to up my efficiency, especially for daygame interactions. It takes time to converse, and in daygame, just a few minutes may be all I have. I generally want to cram the entire open/screen/qualify/compliance/number or instadate into a very short period of time, ideally just a few minutes. That's my goal right now.

That means every thing that I do or say needs to have some kind of purpose, or life tends to interject. Girl sees conversation going nowhere? She needs to get going, even if she likes you. Girl's housemate comes outside and interrupts her? Same deal. So, the goal is to have some kind of plan. Right now, I'm thinking it looks like:

1) Open on anything. Incidental yields very low defensiveness
2) Turn the conversation to her
3) Get investment/compliance
4) Escalate to instadate or number

Once the investment kicks in, I find it really easy to get a number. I also find it fairly easy to open once I'm in a moderately social mood...and I'm good at getting/keeping myself in a moderately social mood.

What I don't do automatically or remember to do in the moment is screen, qualify, and obtain investment. All of them are forms of escalation. One of my biggest weaknesses in general (which daygame really highlights) is meandering interactions with a lot of moving from "durr" to "hurr". There's a time and a place for that, but I use it too much. I've had a tendency to just sort of blunder into my seductions occasionally because I was in just the right mood and the girl in question really liked me. I'm trying to move that mood and those actions into an autopilot habit,

Thus making it personal and getting investment as current themes.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

I understand what you are working towards now. I think that screening happens throughout the process. From the moment you see her to when the relationship ends you are always deciding if she is what you want. This should already happen naturally. I would focus more on qualifying and investment. Qualifying requires in the moment thinking as you have to set up the qualifiers to be relevant to the current conversation and situation. A good qualifying statement can also build some investment. It might be easier to do small compliances in short time frame to build investment. Some examples would be having her hold your phone which can lead to having her give you her number. Another would be to get her to change the direction she is facing. This is good if she was on the move when you approached. Change her direction away from where she was headed. If she is sitting you can have her move over. I think this would be faster than getting verbal investment. Just a few ideas.

Like anything this takes practice. I know I have a lot of practice to do to get this to occur naturally. Good luck.

BDSC

 

[Teparus]

Fucked up a lot of small stuff yesterday -- missed several parts of my daily routine that get me in the zone and had some unexpected time sinks. Only went out briefly for dinner, didn't see a ton of girls. Opened one and only one, and very briefly. Normally I'd consider it more a warmup than anything else, but it fits the rules, so the chain is not broken. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for recovering even if only in a small way.

 

[Teparus]

Been focusing on staying in a social mindset today, opened some cuties and then kind of stalled out. I'm definitely noticing slight progress both in myself and in women's reactions. Opened a girl in the grocery store today, asked her how the snap peas were, and how she cooked them. She told me, and I literally thought, "That sounds squishy" but just didn't say it. I wasn't quiiiite uninhibited/switched on enough. She was socially hooked, fully expected me to continue the conversation, and I just kind of derped it. Opened another girl from across a huge hallway in the building where I work (different workplace). She initially just played with her hair and didn't say anything. I asked her how she was doing as we got a bit closer, and she kept playing with her hair and said, "I'm doing fine" in a bit of a mousy voice. Kinda cute but I was in a hurry. Much stronger open, follow up, and reaction, though.

I missed a couple of really good ones in the grocery store, though, including one gorgeous one that I swear to God was looking at me, but then looked away as I turned towards her. I just had this really strong feeling, something about her body language and how she was oriented. She was on the other side of a glass wall, though, and I was on my way out...I didn't react fast enough to think, "Oh, yeah, I can just walk around this thing, sit next to her, and ask if she minds if I join her for a minute".

Today was much better than yesterday. Actually, given that I usually actually start to get unstifled much later in the day, I'd say this is pretty good.

Real talk, though, GC boards. I am hungry for results. I know that if I go out into a night venue regularly for a couple of weeks, I can have another fuckbuddy. I'll also be sleep deprived, kind of cranky, and unable to focus on the million other things in my life. I also know it may cause me to drop the ball on my daygame shit because back when I was doing it, I wasn't able to consistently approach during the daytime due to sheer exhaustion. I've decided to compromise and go out a couple of times a week just as a means of getting some volume of approaches in and let out some of that energy.

That said, after reviewing today and a few other days, I've decided that another micro-habit that I am going to add to my list for weekday is to chat up at least one coworker before lunch -- that seems to get me on a much more effective social path for the whole day and seems to boost my productivity, too.

 

[Teparus]

Bam. # Close. Sat down, chatted up a university student for a few minutes, her dad came, I shook his hand and told him I randomly started a conversation with his daughter, he told me not to let him interrupt and excused himself. We chatted a few more minutes, I gave her my # and told her to text me. We chatted a bit more and I left...realized she hadn't texted me, turned around, went back into the restaurant, got a to go smoothie and stopped by her and got her to text me. We chatted a few more minutes and then I went on my way.

I immediately walked towards my car and chatted up another girl with a good looking body, she looked up, old face, and she said she had to go...and ran off with a good looking gentleman about ten years my senior, haha.

I ended up approaching/opening/talking to another girl after a quick drive to my destination. She looked like she was racing a friend and narrowly losing, then stopped as her friend crossed the street. I looked at her and said, "She's fast."

She laughed, smirked, and took off down the street once the light turned green and beat the girl to the next intersection. Showed me who's fast.

 

[Teparus]

Set up a date with the girl from yesterday for the middle of next week. She's fucking eager, but we're both kinda busy for a few days. Cool.

I was kind of a mess last night because she looks insanely like my ex-wife. Dead ringer facially...but slimmer, a bit taller, and about 8 years younger. Now, I was the one who initiated my divorce, but I fell for this girl hard -- so hard it halted my development as a manwhore for about five years. A bit of unresolved baggage there. I actually spent about two hours last night just processing my feelings and letting them churn around, then dissipate.

The good news is that I did keep a grip on my sense of presence and let my feelings actually process without either acting upon them or pushing them away. I dealt with an emotional landmine that's been buried pretty deep for years. I'm mostly over that now, I'm sure it'll come up again, but I feel like it's been productive and being forced to confront and process those feelings will also be productive.

I'm also mostly back on track after that roller coaster and ready to keep it up. In the past I've often just gotten too excited about really good interactions, often gotten the girl, but fell off the "always be closing" bandwagon. Even in the last 2 weeks, where I've been consistently approaching every day, my heart wasn't in it for a couple of days after making out with a stranger, or whatever. Today, I'm pretty eager to get out and keep being social and meeting girls. It may not sound like much, but it's a big step for me that I'm happy about.

 

[Teparus]

Opened various girls smooth like butter on lunch break today.

I didn't invest a lot in each one, but I got my obligatory opens for the day.

Probably the cutest one was stocking beer. Had really nice dyed red hair. I asked her what company she worked for. We chatted a little bit, I don't remember about what exactly. Her reaction was pretty good, lots of hair flipping etc. I sort-of made it personal, asking her about what company she works for, but then was sort of like..."Meh" and wandered off. After beginning to walk off, I was like "I should have told her she was really cute and kept talking", but I felt pretty committed. In retrospect, I think that this is a bad habit I have that I need to correct. Very simple, incidental or indirect opens are starting to become second nature to me, at least on good days, but I really need to work on staying in the interaction until I have some reason to leave -- the deal is sealed or I blow out or whatever.

I actually don't think I failed to open a single really cute girl I came across this morning, although all of them were fairly weak / low intent.

I think I'm upping my "number of obligatory approaches" to 2 while this momentum is still strong. Most days it won't be hard, but eventually I'll have a state crash and won't run into many girls. Then I'll have to act out of state, and that will be hard -- but that's what the minimum is for, to train that state independence.

I am enjoying this weather so much...and looking forward to the weekend.

 

[Teparus]

I had this one weird interaction that seemed to be a bit of a turning point with an FWB. We were getting out of my car going into my house, and she said something in a somewhat spiteful tone about my, "Deep, attractive voice". I didn't think much of it, laughed, brushed it aside, and continued talking about whatever I was talking about.

Then, as we walked away from the car, I turned to look at her and was captivated by her eyes (which have always been like magnets to me...I got insanely turned on the very first time I looked into her eyes). It sort of neatly segued into the conversation (something about distractions), so I said,
"...Like...your...eyes...", walked towards her, and kissed her. Mind you, this is actually how we interact most of the time.

Afterwards, she looked up at me, and said, "Smooth." Again, just a little edge of spite in her voice.

In retrospect, I've seen this behavior before in another girl and the circumstances were very similar.

Which is:
1) We'd really hit it off
2) I made it clear that I wasn't going to be her boyfriend -- I set up frames of non commitment, dropped hints about non-monogamy, got her to bed quickly, very openly disagreed with her about a lot of stuff, wasn't afraid to piss her off, never apologized for my actions because I never regretted them, etc
3) Still gave her quite a bit of provider value even from the nonmonogamy/noncommitment frame; I never let her pay for anything even when she tried to (a favorite pastime of mine in this very feminist city), was happy to make future plans for adventures and so on, openly talked about the future and my plans for a family and so on (even while making it clear it realistically wouldn't be our family)
4) (This might be the killer right here) Made it clear by very occasionally mentioning that I had "hit on some girl the other day" or told her stories about making out with a girl, and gave enough information about the circumstances to make it clear that it was happening after we got together
5) We had been seeing each other for 2-3 months

Anyway. Both of these girls were kind of sassy, self-assured, and were among the few who got together with me who didn't always do everything I wanted with no effort on my part.

After that interaction, we went into my room, talked, laughed, had sex -- our usual thing. It's been a couple of weeks and she's been super cagey about meeting up. She seems constantly on the fence and a bit resentful, but like she's trying to seem agreeable at the same time. Playing hard to get or something.

Anyway, since I'm not trying to prolong our relationship artificially or anything, I just sent her a text that told her I haven't been very available because I'm working on self-development shit and have a ton of projects keeping me busy, not because I think she's lame or anything. I then told her that when she feels like things aren't on anymore, that's cool, and she'll still have my best wishes.

I'm not really trying to "salvage" the situation, but just expressing my feelings sincerely. She's a legit cool girl and I could see myself keeping her as a part of my life for a long time, but I also have no desire to offer her commitment of exclusivity or keep her trapped.

My suspicion is that this is a bit of delayed-onset autorejection. I think I laid on the hints about seeing other girls too thick for her to ignore, but I'm nice enough in other ways that she's experiencing some frustrating cognitive dissonance. Most likely no matter what I do, it's going to land on the side of her kind of hating me. Oh well. Player problems, yo.