Haraklus' 90 days of game project

[Teparus]

Yesterday. 2 opens, both decent but my balls are drained, I'm exhausted, and I had a date lined up, so I didn't go anywhere with them.. Another "date" with the woman from last Monday. Hahaha. Done with that. She revealed that she's just not very comfortable being physical with someone she's only met 3 times, and that she really only hooks up with her friends, which kind of shocked me.

I then told her that I am not really comfortable dating someone 3 times if I'm not physical with them. We shared dating styles a bit.

She kept dropping "once I'm comfortable I'm extremely physical", and when pressed on that, said, "I have an insatiable sex drive." She then told an anecdote about how she felt like after a week she needed to have sex. I teased her and said, "Ah, the insatiability...once a week!"

She then tried to further qualify herself on her high sex drive.

I think my attainability is a bit low, too / I've given her the sense that I may fade out. When we parted ways, I didn't go for a hug or anything, just started walking, and she said, "Oh..that's awkward."

I laughed, walked over to her, picked her up, and spun her around. She then said, "Aaahhh I don't like it!" I set her down and took a big step back.

I told her there's no way it could work between us if that freaked her out. I told her that I liked her, she was fun, and she was interesting... But we weren't a stylistic match.

She said, "It's because I'm short, isn't it?" As I responded, she started to tell me she was joking, then stopped and listened.
I told her, "No, I love the height difference. In fact, I'm going to take a moment to appreciate it."

Then very pointedly looked her up and down for several seconds. She smiled.


I said, "Is this just a comfort thing again?" She said yes, then went back on qualifying herself on being highly physical in a relationship.

I said, "Well... maybe, then. I'll let you hug me without spinning you around, then."

I then walked over to her with my hands iny pockets and opened my arms away from my body pointedly. She got a kind of...confused or disappointed look when she realized I wasn't going to hug her back. She did hug me, though, and I put my chin on her head.

Me: You're okay.
Her: See, and that! It's like you pat me on the head and said, "You're satisfactory." What does that mean?!
Me: I guess it means I'm satisfied.
Her: Well... would you like whipped cream on that?
Me: *seductive voice* Would I ever...

We then parted ways again.

I thought about it and deleted her contact info & chat logs. If she reaches out to me, I'll possibly roll with it.

I learned so much from these interactions with her, though. She was a blunt person and it gave me some insight into her mind.

1) Comfort is actually harder to achieve than value. I felt like I've slowly been realizing that over time, but this drove it home.

2) I come off as somewhat unattainable, too. The whole, "You're okay" thing and her reaction to it. She kind of wonders, "Does this guy even like me?" Stuff like this kept happening.

I may be somewhat overdoing the aloof thing, or I may be doing it just right. I'm not sure.

3) I should be setting the casual relationship frames sooner. Once those came out, she started qualifying herself more on being sexual, very physical, sharing sex stories, etc.

Straight up, my only issue with this girl is that she wasn't comfortable even with really starting the process of physical escalation. Once it got beyond very light social touching, hugs, and handholding, she would freak out.

Things in learning about my own dating psychology:
1) I get bored dating / need a lot of touch, eye contact, etc even when I like the other person, or my attention wanders.
2) I take rejection of physical escalation as a bigger shutdown than it actually is.

Very educational, all of it. Now to feed that funnel.

 

[Teparus]

Got a # today. Missed a really good opportunity when I was with a friend. Girl eyefucking me in the line in front of us. Her cart was full of healthy foods -- good meat cuts, fresh veggies, etc. I immediately liked her.

Anyway, the digits I did get were from a speech pathologist with a deep south accent. Lots of fun talking to her. Withdrew my attention, used turning my body towards & away from her to get her chasing.

Southern girls fucking love me. I'm wasted on the West coast.

Anyway, she's relatively new to town, so I invited her for a tour around town. She said she had to go to work soon, I suggested we do it later. She sat and thought... Then started nodding, increasingly vigorously, then said,
"Yes."

I gave her my phone, had her put in her #, and texted her right away. We then talked about her dog -- Rufus the Doofus in her adorable accent.


At one point she said, "I love food!"

The way she said food...ugh. So cute. I made her repeat it.
Me: I love the way you say food... Say it again.

She looked me in the eyes, turned her face down slightly submissively, and said in a sultry voice:
Foooood.

It was hilarious and hot. Loved it.

Other approaches today were fairly weak. Nothing special. My energy levels are still kinda shit, but I've got that girl from yesterday out of my head, and my intent is rebuilding as time passes and I get more balanced hedonically and I get more nutrition in my system.

 

[Teparus]

My mind went back to the girl I met on Monday again, going over the beginning of the internet.

I'm realizing that I started off pretty fucking strong -- flirted hard and got her number in under a minute with lots of investment and excitement on her part. It was really fucking congruent, smooth, playful, self-amused, and totally without hesitation.

Then she showed up, and I was fairly strong. I've started holding up my arm on all dates, gesturing to her, and saying, "Arm". I love it. Automatic test for compliance and physicality.

In this case, I said, "Arm", and she said, "No. You haven't earned it." in a somewhat playful but firm voice.

Shit test which totally went under my radar. This girl wanted me bad and wanted to take me down a peg so that I would realize that she's great and I would either validate her and keep her around. I ended up giving her a cockeyed look, walking alongside her, and saying in a skeptical voice, "My car is this way, too..." as though I was contemplating leaving, but never made good on it.

In the "fail faster" line of thought, something that I could have done to really polarize her into high attraction and remove the need for boyfriend comfort would be to just stand there and tell her to walk away. She might have walked away -- given how invested the rest of her behavior had been, though, I don't think she would have. She was seriously into me, but my relative inexperience and inconsistency. Either way, it would have been a learning experience.

This whole thing has got me thinking about compliance and pushing things in general, and I'm realizing that what I actually want to do is provoke tests and force her to choose compliance or noncompliance when possible.

I feel like I'm about to come out of this downturn. We'll see.

 

[Teparus]

Some fairly boring approaches yesterday. I don't even remember the first one.

I really feel like, at this point, I am just "grinding for xp".

My awareness and areas of focus have shifted from opening, to emotional control so that my opens are received better and are more congruent, to frame control and calibration.

Something that happened yesterday on my later open was that I automatically pulled back my upper body a bit (without breaking eye contact or otherwise disengaging or feeling 'off') when I saw in her expression that she was slightly startled...and then, instantly, the look of startlement was gone, and it was left with just mild confusion and curiosity. However, I also felt like I didn't know quite how to escalate smoothly. It was, I felt, a really fucking good open, but I didn't have the frame to move forward with it, so I started looking to her and my environment for cues on how to behave. Realizing that this is what was happening right there in the moment, I just said, "Mmm, actually, I'm not feeling it. But you do. Look gorgeous tonight, that is." and sauntered off. She thanked me (a bit less confused and more enthused this time) as I walked away.

I'm starting to see why this takes so much time and effort to learn. You need to build up a massive, massive pool of experience in order to do it well. It's really not like seductions in social circle at all -- where you get lots of retries and can inch your way in, and it's all considered socially acceptable and expected. With cold approach, you are basically building up a new reality and gaining adequate confidence in it to inspire others to follow your lead in it. That's not a small thing at all.

It's actually pretty exciting to be getting past the point where opens are the interesting part, and getting into the real meat of it.

But now I just need to keep on exposing myself to these situations. I feel like I don't even actually know my specific boundaries/barriers yet, because they're different every time. More grind for me.

 

[Teparus]

4 opens today. Nothing special -- work has been insane and I've been eating up my willpower/mental energy to get through the day. I have enough for bare opens, not much for anything else. Other priorities are eating my effort, which is a pity... because I'm increasingly in the mood for some good pickup.

 

[Teparus]

So. It's been a little under a month.

I definitely fell off the wagon, but I don't necessarily think that's an awful thing. I had found that being "hungry for approaches" had made me overly reactive. It was too much of "a thing".

Anyway. I have had the occasional bit of success here and there -- meeting girls out, opening them, getting decent investment.

I'm writing today because today was interesting. I actually got opened by a fairly cute girl today in a coffee shop. She wasn't that good at it, but I helped smooth it over. Eventually just fired point blank, do you want to fuck?" This was after about 1-2 hours and a couple of venue changes.

She did want to fuck. I drove us to my place. She took off her clothes and revealed a smoking hot body. I was not aroused. It was too sudden/weird for me and I had just had an orgasm just a couple of hours earlier...so I decided to play with her.

I told her...maybe I would fuck her. But maybe not. Maybe she had to earn it. Maybe she had to beg for it. She did. I still said no. I told her she would have to take me to dinner, to meet my parents...and although I didn't expect marriage, girl, I expected a ring on this finger. Basically I just continually frustrated her for an hour or so.

Earlier I had mentioned to her that I have a pink flog. I pointed to it up in my closet, where it was sitting next to a collar and leash. She asked what else I had -- I filled her in. Police handcuffs, fuzzy handcuffs, ropes, leg cuffs, various gags...I then said that maybe I would handcuff her. She begged me to. I obliged -- and also cuffed her legs together and put her in a hogtied position, then facefucked her.

I actually wanted to fuck her at this point -- I was insanely turned on. But...I had already told her I wouldn't and didn't plan on going back on my word.

Instead...I dragged her naked and cuffed up into my shower, finished myself with her mouth, and cuddled and took a bath with her.

I am such a raging asshole. Seriously, I was a huge dick to her. I've done this sort of thing once or twice before. Girls go crazy if you give them LMR. Like...this girl basically tried to rape me constantly for an hour. It was nuts.

It was fun, funny, and interesting. We swapped contact info. I may see her again -- may not. She was bangin and fun in the sack, but I found her personality kind of annoying, and it got worse as time went on. Pity.

 

[Teparus]

It's been a crazy time. I've racked up about notches in the last two months more or less unintentionally. I feel dirty, not gonna lie. Definitely getting more chasing out of girls. In this case, most of them really pushed to meet nee instead of me going for them.

It's interesting: I see them very clumbsily using what seems like really basic game on me. Asking me if I "like movies" and saying we should go to my room and watch movies.

Withdrawing if I give them LMR, then saying, "Fine, no sex, then", as though they're withholding from me (they never actually do). Repeated escalation attempts, etc.

Meanwhile, since I'm focusing on other things right now, in perpetually conflicted -- do I meet this girl today, or catch up on some fucking sleep so I can perform better in some goal of mine tomorrow? Then my habituated response kicks in and days, " Take the chance" -- and it usually goes pretty well.

I've also realized that when I get too into girls, I have a tendency to talk quite a bit about other girls with the girl I'm laying in bed with. Weird and awkward.

The amount of shit I've found I can give girls without them actually changing their behavior is huge. Like, genuinely enormous. I'll think, "If I say this asshole thing to her, she'll leave me alone" and then it backfires, they call me an asshole and try harder. I roll with it.

I also don't want to play this one up too much, either -- these girls aren't crazy good looking. I'd say 5-7 range.

I feel like the power of outcome independence and non-reactiveness is really becoming clear to me. I've racked up as many reference experiences by not giving a fuck in these last 2 months as I did in probably the prior 2 years. It's been interesting.

I'm still focusing on other things right now, fitness, finances, and the like -- but seeing this sudden surge of success has made me start thinking about pimping it etc a little more. You may hear more from me in the bearish future.

 

[Teparus]

Last point should have read "about six notches", not "about notches"