Has anyone overcome their personal anger, bitterness, or general hatred?

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

I guess I spoke too soon. Today I only slept 6 hours and since I woke up I've been thinking about failures from the past. Seems like it doesn't take much stress or disruption for me to fall into those thoughts; cus my life is full of failure. And I feel like I am going to die sad and alone. I can't seem to handle the troubles of life. Never learned or built myself up to it. I'm already 25 and a lot of it is hardwired into my personality. I should've had help when I was young and I never did. I sank deeper into my troubles and reinforced my inner weakness.

Sometimes I think about committing sudoku but I'm not capable of that either. But more so, because if I did it would probably make a few people happy and I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction that I gave up.

Ah well, life isn’t a straight forward road some days. You obviously have some sort of issue at play here. Perhaps you were out drinking heavily on Saturday?

Anyways, there was an old PUA truck from back in the day where you would put an elastic band on the wrist and then flick it to bring you back into reality. This was more for people who were getting caught up in approach anxiety but it would do just as well for you.

I don’t believe “Hard wired” into personality. Sounds like an excuse, unless you’ve got no legs and no arms and cancer I don’t feel hard wired is much of an excuse.

Maybe let me be an arm chair psychologist for ten minutes, throw me some written examples of some actual failures you keep remembering and I bet I’ll find some ways to use it an inspiration.


Cheers
MuSt0

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

touché

Re-edited the post was a knee jerk response. If you want re read and see if it vibes. Apologies about that

Cheers
MuSt0

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

I don't drink and I don't go out either. Tbh, the thought of being around a lot of people makes me anxious. But I know that the reason why I feel that way is because I've been spending time being a hermit and not going out of my comfort zone in some time.


Like having a gf that was deeply in love with me and would do anything to me, to overtime she started to hate me and disrespect me. I loved her too. All my past relationships the girls have been left worse off and wishing they had never met me in the end. I didn't have deep feelings for any of them except that one I mentioned so I never cared. But it makes me think about all the wrong things I've done and the girls that I could have had by my side to this day if I didn't treat them like I did.

You are a guy. You aren’t a perfect Adonis and don’t expect yourself to be either. Relationships are a union of two different people coming together, so you aren’t going to fit together like a perfect Tetris block.

If you get your hormones and chemicals use to something, such as being in a relationship when you break up your brains telling you to go back to the safe and the familiar. Sort of like this train decoupling.

Sounds like you are just slowly letting out the high octane air pressure that ls been built up from your last couple relationships.

Another thing I'll think about is that I was working at this place and there was a guy there, who I started a fight with because I made a mistake due to what I believed was him not caring enough if I got it right or not. It was building up not a one time thing. Or like I needed to drive him and another worker somewhere and he would take his sweet ass time. I felt like they were treating me as a subordinate, and the boss when something went wrong would tell me about it, even though it wasn't my doing, I would own up to it because I viewed both of them as being under my responsibility in a way. Even though I was the new worker the boss was putting responsibilities on me and on weekends he even taught me how sail a boat and stuff like that. I told him I wanted to make more money and so he was putting things on me more. So it just made me angry that the same care and concern that I had for them, they took for granted and actually saw me as being below them.


So I got into a fist fight with the main guy. Even though he had a few inches on me and probably weighed 100lb more. I told him to meet me somewhere. He knew how to fight so when I threw the punch he leaned back and hit me next to my temple. I didn't fall or drop, he tried taking me down and I stuffed his takedown but he was still much heavier so I fell down with him but our arms were interlocked while he had his face on my nuts. I started biting the shit out of his back and eventually we got up and when we square off again he hit me again but still I did not really feel it. I didn't know how to fight nor had really been in a serious fight before. He had a longer reach and I made the mistake of throwing my weight into the punches which left me off balanced and vulnerable to being hit. After that he started walking away and I felt a sense of release/catharsis from my anger at the time and I walked up to him and put my arm around him and we started talking along like bros with the other worker that watched. Just talking it out like nothing had happened and everything seemed cool. But after I walked away he ended up snitching to my boss. I went to work the next day like nothing and I was gonna fight him again because he was a bitch in my mind to snitch on me but he never showed up to work. A lady from hr came in and told me that he didn't feel safe with me around and she was visibly scared of me. Like her lips were trembling. She didn't literally say I was fired but she said indirectly. He was the most experienced worker there so they could afford to lose me.

I get angry thinking about that because I never got the chance to get one over on him. He hit me with everything he had and I took it like nothing. I knew that as soon as I connected with one punch I would break his face. Even the other coworker said if I had connected I would do damage.

So yeah, those are just 2 things that I think about sometimes.

I had something similar back in the day, I was eighteen and working for this Japanese company that only held one piece of property after going bankrupt.

Anyways the old contractors had ran the place to the ground. And it was me this other guy and one hold over from the original contract. And this one hold over guy was retarded and one day punched me lolololol but I was the younger guy so I left and eventually got another job.

And it’s funny now I think there is something up in the air about the job market just as there is in the world with women. A lot of *[my dates recently have been with disfunctional people.

Anyways that’s the sort of stuff I talk to my friends and family about, and since that was super long ago for me atleast I when I retell the story laugh about it. But I’m out of the “grunt” working world now adays so I’m not the best person to advise on those matters.

If you need an accountability buddy or some shit shoot me a pm with a number or snap or telegram or whatever and if you are feeling down or whatever you can shoot the shit.

From what you’ve written though you might need to go outside a little more often, perhaps coffee shops and a yoga class?

Anyways hope this helps
Cheers
MuSt0

 

[Chase]

@Ed Nigma,

From what I can see here:

• Slip into laziness with personal habits — because you’re unmotivated.
  
  
• Girlfriends hate you — probably because you get lazy with them / they don’t feel special — I would guess because you’re unmotivated (and probably dating girls who don’t really excite you).
  
  
• Let people goof on you at work and took blame for stuff you didn’t do, holding it all inside until you blew up at the best guy there, got whooped, scared everyone at work, and got fired.

So the main vices here:

1. Unmotivated
2. Dating women who don’t excite you
3. Tolerating unpleasant situations too long until you explode

These are really all shades of the same thing. You put up with unpleasant situations until you can’t put up with them, then you lash out / become a dick.

At some point you are going to need to realize that people will saddle you with whatever they can if you let them. And will only ever saddle you with as much as you’ll let them get away with.

You also at some point are going to need to figure out what you want in life, and what exactly you are after, and build some missions and motivation around that — else you are just going to keep floating around, letting other people put stuff on you, then resenting them for it and blowing things up.

Some reading I’d suggest:

How to Be an Asshole – and Become Adored by Women

If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate towards, they're pretty much all assholes. Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole with a heart of gold", for instance. But, they're still assholes. If you yourself are not an asshole though, adopting some...

www.girlschase.com

The Purpose of Life from a Practical Point of View

Note before you starting reading: This article is almost 10,000 words in length, and dives into a lot of material that goes beyond dating, women, seduction, and relationships. So, you may not want to start in on this one until you're in a more reflective mood, or have a good chunk of time to...

www.girlschase.com

Cheers,
Chase

 

[Chase]

Oh, okay. Well, ADD comes with a hot temper and ADD meltdowns when you get overwhelmed or something someone else says or does that you think is stupid triggers it. It'll make you a jerk with a hair-trigger temper to many people.

So far as I can tell there doesn't seem to be a way to "cure" that or turn it off.

The best thing you can do from what I have seen is get enough sleep and stay away from overwhelming situations. Also, avoiding particularly aggravating individuals. Get good at stepping away to give yourself space to calm down when things get hot.

I've yet to see an ADD person who forms a relationship with anyone he never blows up at or gets critical toward in a hot-tempered way. The best you can do is look for people who don't't piss you off too much, and then hope they are Zen enough to be able to handle your episodes. Also explain when you're calm that the things you say when you fly off the handle you don't really mean.

There's a bit of a learning curve for people dealing with ADD, since for most people, things said in anger are revelations of their "true/inner feelings"... but with ADD it is just venting emotionally trying to get the emotions out.

That needs to be explained to people, otherwise they will just assume when you start sniping at them that you are telling them how you really feel. Since that is how it is for most people -- when they blow up, you are getting their true feelings from them.

The other thing I will add:

since I woke up I've been thinking about failures from the past. Seems like it doesn't take much stress or disruption for me to fall into those thoughts; cus my life is full of failure.

There's a theory on depression -- which I think is likely correct -- that depression is the brain's "problem solving mode."

When people have problems they really struggle to solve, they become depressed, with their brains ruminating on the problem areas again and again, trying to solve it.

It sounds like you are coming back to these issues you are having where you lose your cool and blow up at people, but do so in self-destructive ways that harm your relationships, cost you your job, etc.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is recommended for anger management.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is especially recommended and has a lot of evidence that it really does reduce angry outbursts. The only problem with DBT is the folks who benefit from it rarely seek it out, and when they do, rarely stick to it.

Here's a DIY guide:

Amazon.com

So... there are options, if getting the temper under control is the goal.

Just depends how bad you want it and how willing you are to stick with it.

Chase

 

[Ed Nigma]

close this thread youre all clueless tbh

its a waste of my time trying to explain anything

i'll keep my subjects female related.

 

[Ed Nigma]

Apologies for my rudeness, it was undeserved.

I still want this topic to end here. Thank you to all who contributed.