HELP! Embarrassed myself hard in social circle

[Kaida]

Alright, so I sent a voice message to this girl over instagram. I dont feel like going into detail about what I said, as it looks cringe bc i got bad results from it (if its necessary for the help I’ll share it).
But basically this girl showed me a lot of interest at first, and I wanted to make something happen. I knew it wasnt the best thing I could have done (im a beginner, couldnt think of much else), but I didnt think the slightly cringey vm was a bad idea because:

1. I was heavily aloof for most of our interactions, and she was flirting with me a lot before. This would have been her reward for it.

2. If it hit it wouldve gotten the ball rolling well, generating compliance and almost 100% getting at least a date after.

3. I knew attraction expires soon, and shes already shown interest in me for 2 weeks, so I wanted to make a high risk high reward move as soon as possible. Even if it was just for practice. (It didnt occur to me to avoid risky moves like this in social circle lol)



Well the aftermath was bad.

She left me on read, which I didnt really trip over. Because hey, it was a test. I’ll learn from it.

But then she told ALL of her friends. The entire group of them. This was a group that all into me before. In fact, it was the preselection from her that got her friend group very into me.

It got so bad to the point where the girls were repeating what I said in the vm out loud in a mocking voice and laughing, causing an even bigger crowd to ask what was going on and hear the message.

This whole ordeal was quite hilarious to me (I was laughing so hard when I heard at first) other than the fact that I was a fairly high status guy amongst these girls before this. Now, my reputation has sunk, and now I look low status. If this gets bigger, I might get framed as a low status guy by the whole school. And its not a social circle situation I can just leave either.

Questions:

1. How do I deal with the girls and people making fun of me about it?

2. How do I do damage control, fix my reputation as a sexy man, and get my status back?
@Chase
P.S Please keep in mind that I CANNOT leave the situation, as I normally would, because this is school and I’m not planning on dropping out.

 

[Warped Mindless]

Cut them out of your life. This is bigger than seduction, why keep negative people like that around?

On a more tactical note, go attract some women from a different social circle while ignoring these ones. They will hit you back up.

 

[Kaida]

Cut them out of your life. This is bigger than seduction, why keep negative people like that around?

On a more tactical note, go attract some women from a different social circle while ignoring these ones. They will hit you back up.

Yeah thats the first thing I would do if this was any other situation. Thing is, this is school. I cant leave bro, this is something i have to fix cuz I see them every day.

Any tips on how to handle this

 

[Alpha13SC]

If you did something bad in your circle, it isn't like everybody will forget. And it's not even about that.

What you should do is to: Own it.

Being comfortable with your person, what you're saying, how you're fucking things up and so on is much more important in other people's eyes than the fact itself(unless you're killing somebody or something like that)

Back in highschool, I had two colleagues in my class who got a purple eye, different time. One of them tried to cover it with sunglasses and others started to make fun of him and his story about "how he fell into a rock".

The other guy was like "fuck it", came with his face beaten up and just made fun of himself like the others, while keeping his integrity. Didn't affect his image in front of the others.

Of course, you should have supportive friends and so on, but when you're in this kind of situation, reacting to that behaviour from others is like puting gas on fire.

Alpha13SC

 

[POB]

If you could post at least an overview of what you said, it would be easier for us to give you direction.

 

[Chase]

What you should do is to: Own it.

^ yes, this.

You can't run away from it. You won't fool anybody by concocting some story. And if you get butthurt over people teasing you over it they know they've got you.

When you're getting skewered over something, people REALLY pay attention to your reaction. It's what separate the wheat from the chaff.

Cool guy response: shit-eating grin: "Yeah, yeah, all right, I sounded goofy. Whatever, I thought she was cool, can't blame a guy for trying."

No apology, no takebacksies, no getting butthurt at the girl, just "Hey, whatevs, she seemed cool, figured I'd see what's up. Turns out nothing's up I guess!" The very light implication there is you read her wrong and she's actually not cool... just a very light implication, don't overdo it. Don't seem butthurt.

Then you just keep being cool, socialize with other folks, get some preselection going with other girls.

Sooner or later this girl will get curious because you didn't get butthurt or didn't turn into a shrinking daisy and she'll start feeling you out again.

Then when you get the "How come I never hear from you blah blah?" stuff, you just reply with:

"I dunno, last time we talked I got put on blast. I just figured that's more drama than I want," and then shut up and let it sink in for her the faux pas she made. She'll probably need a minute to process that, then you'll start getting flirtation again, which you can respond to, just prefacing it with, "Well, I probably shouldn't say this because then I'm going to hear about it from everybody, but blah blah blah," to keep push-pulling her while forcing her to qualify that no, she's not going to do that again, she's really sorry, etc.

She's a teen girl (it sounds like). She has no idea what she's doing. She's like a bull in a china shop with other people's emotions and doesn't realize she's screwing things up. She probably even still likes you or at least is curious about you... but you've got to push her away a bit in a socially savvy way, show her she messed up socially, and let her chase a bit before you can do anything else with her.

Also, pro tip: when you're the one being chased, you need to transition to the active role smoothly, otherwise it looks weird:

Girl is chasing you --> then, zip! suddenly you are chasing girl --> this is very confusing for her ("Huh? Did I read him all wrong?") and you get weird reactions from girls over it

Chase

P.S., pro tip #2 -- if you talk to a girl in person, never ask her out over social media. Phone/SM ask-outs are for girls you don't get to interact with IRL. The only time it's acceptable asking her out over the phone if you see her in real life is if you get into a really good back-and-forth with her there and it just feels natural to ask her out. Otherwise, asking out over phone when you could ask out in person = scared to ask out in person. Let her see your balls hanging out: ask her in the highest fidelity channel you have available (which, if you see her in real life, is going to be real life). Also, you're a lot less likely to get put on blast for something you say in the flesh that only she hears and that there's no record of than something where your message can be passed around and played for all to listen to and lampoon... just saying...!

 

[Alpha13SC]

^ yes, this.

You can't run away from it. You won't fool anybody by concocting some story. And if you get butthurt over people teasing you over it they know they've got you.

When you're getting skewered over something, people REALLY pay attention to your reaction. It's what separate the wheat from the chaff.

Cool guy response: shit-eating grin: "Yeah, yeah, all right, I sounded goofy. Whatever, I thought she was cool, can't blame a guy for trying."

No apology, no takebacksies, no getting butthurt at the girl, just "Hey, whatevs, she seemed cool, figured I'd see what's up. Turns out nothing's up I guess!" The very light implication there is you read her wrong and she's actually not cool... just a very light implication, don't overdo it. Don't seem butthurt.

Then you just keep being cool, socialize with other folks, get some preselection going with other girls.

Sooner or later this girl will get curious because you didn't get butthurt or didn't turn into a shrinking daisy and she'll start feeling you out again.

Then when you get the "How come I never hear from you blah blah?" stuff, you just reply with:

"I dunno, last time we talked I got put on blast. I just figured that's more drama than I want," and then shut up and let it sink in for her the faux pas she made. She'll probably need a minute to process that, then you'll start getting flirtation again, which you can respond to, just prefacing it with, "Well, I probably shouldn't say this because then I'm going to hear about it from everybody, but blah blah blah," to keep push-pulling her while forcing her to qualify that no, she's not going to do that again, she's really sorry, etc.

She's a teen girl (it sounds like). She has no idea what she's doing. She's like a bull in a china shop with other people's emotions and doesn't realize she's screwing things up. She probably even still likes you or at least is curious about you... but you've got to push her away a bit in a socially savvy way, show her she messed up socially, and let her chase a bit before you can do anything else with her.

Also, pro tip: when you're the one being chased, you need to transition to the active role smoothly, otherwise it looks weird:

Girl is chasing you --> then, zip! suddenly you are chasing girl --> this is very confusing for her ("Huh? Did I read him all wrong?") and you get weird reactions from girls over it

Chase

P.S., pro tip #2 -- if you talk to a girl in person, never ask her out over social media. Phone/SM ask-outs are for girls you don't get to interact with IRL. The only time it's acceptable asking her out over the phone if you see her in real life is if you get into a really good back-and-forth with her there and it just feels natural to ask her out. Otherwise, asking out over phone when you could ask out in person = scared to ask out in person. Let her see your balls hanging out: ask her in the highest fidelity channel you have available (which, if you see her in real life, is going to be real life). Also, you're a lot less likely to get put on blast for something you say in the flesh that only she hears and that there's no record of than something where your message can be passed around and played for all to listen to and lampoon... just saying...!

Reading this thread remind me of this post of yours: Operant conditioning which I think is a must for everybody who want to develop a healthy social life.

 

[POB]

I'll go out on a limb and say this girl was heavily interested in you in a romantic way....but once she figured out you wanted her too, she used some shameless power play to come out on top. She probably knows you have attracted other chicks, even outside her social circle, so she's playing queen of the hill with your sorry ass just to gain social momentum and stand out from the crowd - at your expense of course.

I would go back to school on Monday looking happy as a motherfucker! If you don't get laid this weekend, pretend that you did with the most gorgeous girl you can think of. In fact act on it and get that smirk smile rolling all day.

I've been embarrassed by girls most of my school/college years because I was a skinny shy twig who had no businesses getting good with women. But once that phase was over, oh boy, I got so much better than everyone that I don't even think about it anymore.

You make your own world, always. Fuck what other people do. You got the balls to ask her out (does not matter the way or if you did it stumbling like a baby, you stuck your neck out...that alone puts you in the upper echelon of men). She is the one at fault here for not respecting the initiative of a man with balls.

Remember: Outcome independence is aphrodisiac! Other chicks will sure take note if you don't react badly to her shitty behavior, especially in a tight social circle. If you use the @Chase suggestions and they still keep busting your balls because of it (at the point of it becoming a real problem to your studies), ask your coolest teacher what you should do (we all have those, the ones you know you can count on for shitty situations).

My take? It's gonna fizzle on it's on and even become a conversational topic you can use to bait other chicks.

Good luck!

P.S. don't forget, the world comes around....some chicks who mock you today will line up to suck your cock tomorrow....field tested countless times

 

[Kaida]

If you did something bad in your circle, it isn't like everybody will forget. And it's not even about that.

What you should do is to: Own it.

Being comfortable with your person, what you're saying, how you're fucking things up and so on is much more important in other people's eyes than the fact itself(unless you're killing somebody or something like that)

Back in highschool, I had two colleagues in my class who got a purple eye, different time. One of them tried to cover it with sunglasses and others started to make fun of him and his story about "how he fell into a rock".

The other guy was like "fuck it", came with his face beaten up and just made fun of himself like the others, while keeping his integrity. Didn't affect his image in front of the others.

Of course, you should have supportive friends and so on, but when you're in this kind of situation, reacting to that behaviour from others is like puting gas on fire.

Alpha13SC

I appreciate the advice heavy dawg. This is along the lines of what I intuitively thought I should do, but I wasn’t 100% sure so I didnt want to fuck things up more. I appreciate ur reassurance

 

[Kaida]

Also, pro tip: when you're the one being chased, you need to transition to the active role smoothly, otherwise it looks weird:

Girl is chasing you --> then, zip! suddenly you are chasing girl --> this is very confusing for her ("Huh? Did I read him all wrong?") and you get weird reactions from girls over it

‍Damn, My intuition told me this over and over. The problem was that I simply did not know how to do it smoothly while still getting results fast so I figured I must be wrong.

Do you have any details on how exactly to transition from pursued to active smoothly?

 

[Tim Iron]

When they use the mocking voice at you, exaggerate it a little bit back at them, then roll your eyes and look away or keep moving.

 

[Kaida]

When they use the mocking voice at you, exaggerate it a little bit back at them, then roll your eyes and look away or keep moving.

Wouldnt that look too butthurt? I was thinking cool, calm ownership of the fuck up would for better

 

[Kaida]

I'll go out on a limb and say this girl was heavily interested in you in a romantic way....but once she figured out you wanted her too, she used some shameless power play to come out on top. She probably knows you have attracted other chicks, even outside her social circle, so she's playing queen of the hill with your sorry ass just to gain social momentum and stand out from the crowd - at your expense of course.

I would go back to school on Monday looking happy as a motherfucker! If you don't get laid this weekend, pretend that you did with the most gorgeous girl you can think of. In fact act on it and get that smirk smile rolling all day.

I've been embarrassed by girls most of my school/college years because I was a skinny shy twig who had no businesses getting good with women. But once that phase was over, oh boy, I got so much better than everyone that I don't even think about it anymore.

You make your own world, always. Fuck what other people do. You got the balls to ask her out (does not matter the way or if you did it stumbling like a baby, you stuck your neck out...that alone puts you in the upper echelon of men). She is the one at fault here for not respecting the initiative of a man with balls.

Remember: Outcome independence is aphrodisiac! Other chicks will sure take note if you don't react badly to her shitty behavior, especially in a tight social circle. If you use the @Chase suggestions and they still keep busting your balls because of it (at the point of it becoming a real problem to your studies), ask your coolest teacher what you should do (we all have those, the ones you know you can count on for shitty situations).

My take? It's gonna fizzle on it's on and even become a conversational topic you can use to bait other chicks.

Good luck!

P.S. don't forget, the world comes around....some chicks who mock you today will line up to suck your cock tomorrow....field tested countless times

Man I appreciate this a lot. Your personal experience combined with the actionable tips made this a very inspiring read.

I havent heard many people talk about it today, so its already started fizzling. And apparently I heard from a friend that she wants to apologize to me, so that seems like a good opportunity for me to frame myself well.

 

[Tim Iron]

Wouldnt that look too butthurt? I was thinking cool, calm ownership of the fuck up would for better

If you do it with a fake smile... they would get the message and just move on faster.

The message is that you don't give a fuck.. so what if you asked a girl out that way, the mistake was doing it online.

 

[Skills]

If you could post at least an overview of what you said, it would be easier for us to give you direction.

Yeah post the voice transcript. .. I already know you pay way toooo much importance of what others think of you... when women and people in general feel this weakness, like I don't even know you and I can tell...this magnifies and make the collective shit test that you are failing and prolonging more...

 

[Tim Iron]

Yeah post the voice transcript. .. I already know you pay way toooo much importance of what others think of you... when women and people in general feel this weakness, like I don't even know you and I can tell...this magnifies and make the collective shit test that you are failing and prolonging more...

He is a kid (below 18 years old), it's very normal for his age... I was like that as a teenager.

 

[Kaida]

I already know you pay way toooo much importance of what others think of you... when women and people in general feel this weakness, like I don't even know you and I can tell...this magnifies and make the collective shit test that you are failing and prolonging more...

I disagree, although since you only have a post to work with and dont know me irl I cant blame you for assuming that. I was chillin and laughing over this with my friends before I realized that this might severely hinder my chances with other hot women, which is why I started to go into damage control mode. Reputation control is necessary to get the things you want sometimes. Over-monitoring is not ideal, but you cant not care what people think. Then ppl wont wanna be around you

 

[Rakehell]

Yeah like everyone said I don’t think you should feel too bad. Depending on the context you could’ve flipped it on her asking if she was gonna expose every guy who dm’d her on instagram.

Either way she isn’t a girl who’s very high status, otherwise she would’ve never rejected you so publicly. (I’m really curious to what you said tho)

 

[Skills]

I disagree, although since you only have a post to work with and dont know me irl I cant blame you for assuming that. I was chillin and laughing over this with my friends before I realized that this might severely hinder my chances with other hot women, which is why I started to go into damage control mode. Reputation control is necessary to get the things you want sometimes. Over-monitoring is not ideal, but you cant not care what people think. Then ppl wont wanna be around you

dude you did not understand what i said, listen if they feel is getting to you (group) they are going to pile on cause they know is getting to you.... Also you edited the part about the transcript (my conclusion was before you edited that you would post transcript) that gave me a feel that you did not want to post transcript to guys here trying to help you, i translated that (you care too much)....

 

[ulrich]

If it’s any consolation, even if people make fun of you, you get respect out of these kind of situations.

Yeah, your social circle may mock you and you will be the clown for a time but deep down they know it takes guts and now they know you have them.

They will not say it explicitely but you will note that they will ask for your opinion or your help from time to time.

You will be seen as confident (even if akward)… so it’s not really a status loss.