HELP! How to do cold approaches

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Hello guys, I’ve recently decided to do the newbie assignment but I’ve had some questions First off, how do you approach a girl that is walking? do you just say your opener and hope they don’t walk away? Cold approach is just so socially unacceptable, I can’t imagine myself doing it, even though I want to do it. The only time I think I could pull it off is if she is sitting down or just standing, alone, without any friends/family. What do you guys think of this, how do you do a cold approach in non ideal circumstances? Also any tips for approach anxiety, I find it challenging enough saying hi to strangers.

 

[Will_V]

Hello guys, I’ve recently decided to do the newbie assignment but I’ve had some questions First off, how do you approach a girl that is walking? do you just say your opener and hope they don’t walk away? Cold approach is just so socially unacceptable, I can’t imagine myself doing it, even though I want to do it. The only time I think I could pull it off is if she is sitting down or just standing, alone, without any friends/family. What do you guys think of this, how do you do a cold approach in non ideal circumstances? Also any tips for approach anxiety, I find it challenging enough saying hi to strangers.

Start with talking to staff at the coffee shop, and finding girls relaxing (not moving) in low key environments such as parks. Focus on both of you having a good time and just enjoying the moment. Don't try to hide your nerves, but focus on expressing yourself anyway. Err on the side of being nice, there's plenty of time to tweak it later - but if there's an opportunity to say something teasing that you think is going to land, try it.

Right now the main thing is to start getting plenty of positive contact with girls, not results.

 

[Lobo]

Cold approach is socially unacceptable?

Says who.

You can't even imagine it, inside your own head?

Who is stopping you from doing that... but yourself.

You asked how I do cold approach? The first step in doing anything is to allow yourself to do it.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Start with talking to staff at the coffee shop, and finding girls relaxing (not moving) in low key environments such as parks. Focus on both of you having a good time and just enjoying the moment. Don't try to hide your nerves, but focus on expressing yourself anyway. Err on the side of being nice, there's plenty of time to tweak it later - but if there's an opportunity to say something teasing that you think is going to land, try it.

Right now the main thing is to start getting plenty of positive contact with girls, not results.

Thank you for the tips, I will implement. I’m on the part in the newbie assignment where you just say hi and ask how they are doing. Doing this in a coffee shop I imagine would be awkward because once you finish, it’s just the two of you sitting at different tables, trying not to make eye contact. I’m thinking in any situation where it’s a small room, you have to commit all in or else it will be awkwards afterwards, would you agree?

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Cold approach is socially unacceptable?

Says who.

You can't even imagine it, inside your own head?

Who is stopping you from doing that... but yourself.

You asked how I do cold approach? The first step in doing anything is to allow yourself to do it.

I agree with you, I have to change my mindset

 

[Will_V]

Thank you for the tips, I will implement. I’m on the part in the newbie assignment where you just say hi and ask how they are doing. Doing this in a coffee shop I imagine would be awkward because once you finish, it’s just the two of you sitting at different tables, trying not to make eye contact. I’m thinking in any situation where it’s a small room, you have to commit all in or else it will be awkwards afterwards, would you agree?

No don't approach girls at the coffee shop, that's one of the most difficult things, I mean talk to the waitress or cash register girl when you get your coffee. It doesn't matter that she's always going to be nice, she's still a girl and you can still talk to her, and it's good practice.

You just want to make easier approaches - girls strolling around or sitting down somewhere, and you can come in relaxed and chill and just have a conversation and practice expressing yourself. Trying to stop girls hurtling around in the mall at this point is going to be very difficult and unless you're really game and have a super high pain threshold I'd avoid it.

Over time you'll start to see opportunities in all kinds of situations but right now my suggestion is to make it a bit easier on yourself and work up.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

No don't approach girls at the coffee shop, that's one of the most difficult things, I mean talk to the waitress or cash register girl when you get your coffee. It doesn't matter that she's always going to be nice, she's still a girl and you can still talk to her, and it's good practice.

You just want to make easier approaches - girls strolling around or sitting down somewhere, and you can come in relaxed and chill and just have a conversation and practice expressing yourself. Trying to stop girls hurtling around in the mall at this point is going to be very difficult and unless you're really game and have a super high pain threshold I'd avoid it.

Over time you'll start to see opportunities in all kinds of situations but right now my suggestion is to make it a bit easier on yourself and work up.

What other places do you recommend for beginners besides the park?

 

[Will_V]

What other places do you recommend for beginners besides the park?

The best places for me are wherever the flow of traffic is slowed or stopped.

Architecture has a very powerful effect on the way people behave socially, and their mood in public. Especially in older cities, you have plenty of large communal spaces of different kinds where people congregate to relax and mingle - places you might say that have an ambience that they enjoy lounging around in. In these places, people are much more open, much more outward focused, their restless energy turns into a more reflective, relaxed one, their fast march turns into a wandering stroll. In short, they are much more open to meeting you.

On the other hand, when you have narrow footpaths of officeblocks with cars hurtling alongside you, and every few hundred metres you have to walk right past a dank alleyway, naturally people are going to be on high alert, walking fast, and with defenses up. Not to mention that you could only approach really from directly ahead or directly behind. Almost everything is going to be startling.

In the mall, I find the sheer mass of people, noise and activity makes women simply tune out of their surroundings, put their defenses up, and march around focused on what they want to buy or whatever.

So I've found the best places to be parks, courtyards, plazas and public squares, riversides etc. They tend to be where someone goes for a breather to get out of the matrix for a while. Beside the river is where I've had most success. But the river is just a symbol - other places have other symbols.

The most difficult places are narrow funnels of traffic, places that make you feel like you have to be moving fast or you're an anomaly in the matrix, any place along her route to and from home (people are protective of their 'territory'), any dark or too far out of the way place, or places that feel boxed in and have few or one exit point.

Pay attention to your impression of an area - is the ambience blaring and annoying, does it make you feel like you need to be alert, etc. Whatever your impression is, she probably feels 100x stronger. Also, pay attention to the way women behave, her body language, in different areas. They love being approached, and meeting men, but do not like being startled or feeling pressure by having it happen in a way that is so out of place with their expectations that they are virtually forced to reject on the spot.

Now I am NOT saying it's impossible to pick up girls in these areas, or that you might not be able to get some very positive reactions, but generally speaking it's where I find women least open to meeting strangers. Calibration is key. I've picked up girls in shops and along random streets. But I'm also good at picking up IOIs, reading her mood and demeanor, and above all, at re-calibrating very quickly to new information. It takes a while to develop that.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

The best places for me are wherever the flow of traffic is slowed or stopped.

Architecture has a very powerful effect on the way people behave socially, and their mood in public. Especially in older cities, you have plenty of large communal spaces of different kinds where people congregate to relax and mingle - places you might say that have an ambience that they enjoy lounging around in. In these places, people are much more open, much more outward focused, their restless energy turns into a more reflective, relaxed one, their fast march turns into a wandering stroll. In short, they are much more open to meeting you.

On the other hand, when you have narrow footpaths of officeblocks with cars hurtling alongside you, and every few hundred metres you have to walk right past a dank alleyway, naturally people are going to be on high alert, walking fast, and with defenses up. Not to mention that you could only approach really from directly ahead or directly behind. Almost everything is going to be startling.

In the mall, I find the sheer mass of people, noise and activity makes women simply tune out of their surroundings, put their defenses up, and march around focused on what they want to buy or whatever.

So I've found the best places to be parks, courtyards, plazas and public squares, riversides etc. They tend to be where someone goes for a breather to get out of the matrix for a while. Beside the river is where I've had most success. But the river is just a symbol - other places have other symbols.

The most difficult places are narrow funnels of traffic, places that make you feel like you have to be moving fast or you're an anomaly in the matrix, any place along her route to and from home (people are protective of their 'territory'), any dark or too far out of the way place, or places that feel boxed in and have few or one exit point.

Pay attention to your impression of an area - is the ambience blaring and annoying, does it make you feel like you need to be alert, etc. Whatever your impression is, she probably feels 100x stronger. Also, pay attention to the way women behave, her body language, in different areas. They love being approached, and meeting men, but do not like being startled or feeling pressure by having it happen in a way that is so out of place with their expectations that they are virtually forced to reject on the spot.

Now I am NOT saying it's impossible to pick up girls in these areas, or that you might not be able to get some very positive reactions, but generally speaking it's where I find women least open to meeting strangers. Calibration is key. I've picked up girls in shops and along random streets. But I'm also good at picking up IOIs, reading her mood and demeanor, and above all, at re-calibrating very quickly to new information. It takes a while to develop that.

Thank you so much for the advice, I will go look for those places!

 

[Regal Tiger]

Thank you so much for the advice, I will go look for those places!

Report back when you do! The people here want to help as long as you show that you're doing stuff to try!

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

The best places for me are wherever the flow of traffic is slowed or stopped.

Architecture has a very powerful effect on the way people behave socially, and their mood in public. Especially in older cities, you have plenty of large communal spaces of different kinds where people congregate to relax and mingle - places you might say that have an ambience that they enjoy lounging around in. In these places, people are much more open, much more outward focused, their restless energy turns into a more reflective, relaxed one, their fast march turns into a wandering stroll. In short, they are much more open to meeting you.

On the other hand, when you have narrow footpaths of officeblocks with cars hurtling alongside you, and every few hundred metres you have to walk right past a dank alleyway, naturally people are going to be on high alert, walking fast, and with defenses up. Not to mention that you could only approach really from directly ahead or directly behind. Almost everything is going to be startling.

In the mall, I find the sheer mass of people, noise and activity makes women simply tune out of their surroundings, put their defenses up, and march around focused on what they want to buy or whatever.

So I've found the best places to be parks, courtyards, plazas and public squares, riversides etc. They tend to be where someone goes for a breather to get out of the matrix for a while. Beside the river is where I've had most success. But the river is just a symbol - other places have other symbols.

The most difficult places are narrow funnels of traffic, places that make you feel like you have to be moving fast or you're an anomaly in the matrix, any place along her route to and from home (people are protective of their 'territory'), any dark or too far out of the way place, or places that feel boxed in and have few or one exit point.

Pay attention to your impression of an area - is the ambience blaring and annoying, does it make you feel like you need to be alert, etc. Whatever your impression is, she probably feels 100x stronger. Also, pay attention to the way women behave, her body language, in different areas. They love being approached, and meeting men, but do not like being startled or feeling pressure by having it happen in a way that is so out of place with their expectations that they are virtually forced to reject on the spot.

Now I am NOT saying it's impossible to pick up girls in these areas, or that you might not be able to get some very positive reactions, but generally speaking it's where I find women least open to meeting strangers. Calibration is key. I've picked up girls in shops and along random streets. But I'm also good at picking up IOIs, reading her mood and demeanor, and above all, at re-calibrating very quickly to new information. It takes a while to develop that.

I went to 3 places, to scan out the area. The private pool, the park, and downtown. All of these had women but pool and park had a lot less people, and therefore less women. I’m not sure if you meant a city park because I can see a place like that being ideal for pick up. See, I live in the suburbs where parks don’t have that many people, like only 5 ppl at a time. Please clarify if you meant a city park. I’m gonna try to go to more places a couple times a week, see if I can find a good spot. Currently working on my fundamentals and talking to strangers before I try to hit on a girl, I don’t have those balls yet, keyword YET.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Report back when you do! The people here want to help as long as you show that you're doing stuff to try!

I went to 3 places, to scan out the area. The private pool, the park, and downtown. All of these had women but pool and park had a lot less people, and therefore less women. I’m not sure if you meant a city park because I can see a place like that being ideal for pick up. See, I live in the suburbs where parks don’t have that many people, like only 5 ppl at a time. Please clarify if you meant a city park. I’m gonna try to go to more places a couple times a week, see if I can find a good spot. Currently working on my fundamentals and talking to strangers before I try to hit on a girl, I don’t have those balls yet, keyword YET.

I feel like a pussy, I haven’t done enough. I remember the first time I tried to pick up a girl, freshman year of high school, I asked out one of the hottest senior girls. I miss that feeling, need to get it back.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I feel like a pussy, I haven’t done enough. I remember the first time I tried to pick up a girl, freshman year of high school, I asked out one of the hottest senior girls. I miss that feeling, need to get it back.

Hey man it happens to the best of us. I went to a nearby riverside park before meeting up with a friend. There was only a single approach opportunity! I wanted to try out a different opener and ended up bitching out myself because she didn't look at me when we walked by each other

Shit happens to the best of us. All we can do is get out there and try again!

 

[Will_V]

I went to 3 places, to scan out the area. The private pool, the park, and downtown. All of these had women but pool and park had a lot less people, and therefore less women. I’m not sure if you meant a city park because I can see a place like that being ideal for pick up. See, I live in the suburbs where parks don’t have that many people, like only 5 ppl at a time. Please clarify if you meant a city park. I’m gonna try to go to more places a couple times a week, see if I can find a good spot. Currently working on my fundamentals and talking to strangers before I try to hit on a girl, I don’t have those balls yet, keyword YET.

I did mean the city park, basically you want places that are near the most trafficked areas but are areas where people go to chill a bit.

But in the beginning, just do whatever is in front of you. If you see a hot girl anywhere, go and say your piece. You cannot begin without taking action.

I actually think you should begin by going and talking to some very hot girls, because look, chances are your first approaches won't go great, but at least it won't have been some roundabout conversation with someone you're not really attracted to. And believe it or not but hot girls really are generally very nice people. All my worst rejections (blanks, exclamations of 'NO!', grimacing and scuttling off like I just crawled out of a sewer, etc) have been from very average (or less than average) girls who I decided to approach for experience and not because I really wanted them.

Every girl appreciates a guy who genuinely finds her attractive and doesn't hide it, no matter what she says or does. Real desire validates her and validates your approach. So get used to feeling the attraction and acting on it with faith that it can carry things through, because ultimately it can. She might not accept YOU yet, but she will acknowledge your truth, and as a man, that is a very validating and satisfying thing.

My suggestions were simply about making the technicalities of the approach easier, but it does not mean you should waste too much time 'preparing' when you could go and get a few worthwhile experiences with girls you really want. Once you start getting feedback, you will zero in on exactly what you need to work on in more depth.

 

[Conquistador]

The best places for me are wherever the flow of traffic is slowed or stopped.

Architecture has a very powerful effect on the way people behave socially, and their mood in public. Especially in older cities, you have plenty of large communal spaces of different kinds where people congregate to relax and mingle - places you might say that have an ambience that they enjoy lounging around in. In these places, people are much more open, much more outward focused, their restless energy turns into a more reflective, relaxed one, their fast march turns into a wandering stroll. In short, they are much more open to meeting you.

On the other hand, when you have narrow footpaths of officeblocks with cars hurtling alongside you, and every few hundred metres you have to walk right past a dank alleyway, naturally people are going to be on high alert, walking fast, and with defenses up. Not to mention that you could only approach really from directly ahead or directly behind. Almost everything is going to be startling.

In the mall, I find the sheer mass of people, noise and activity makes women simply tune out of their surroundings, put their defenses up, and march around focused on what they want to buy or whatever.

So I've found the best places to be parks, courtyards, plazas and public squares, riversides etc. They tend to be where someone goes for a breather to get out of the matrix for a while. Beside the river is where I've had most success. But the river is just a symbol - other places have other symbols.

The most difficult places are narrow funnels of traffic, places that make you feel like you have to be moving fast or you're an anomaly in the matrix, any place along her route to and from home (people are protective of their 'territory'), any dark or too far out of the way place, or places that feel boxed in and have few or one exit point.

Pay attention to your impression of an area - is the ambience blaring and annoying, does it make you feel like you need to be alert, etc. Whatever your impression is, she probably feels 100x stronger. Also, pay attention to the way women behave, her body language, in different areas. They love being approached, and meeting men, but do not like being startled or feeling pressure by having it happen in a way that is so out of place with their expectations that they are virtually forced to reject on the spot.

Now I am NOT saying it's impossible to pick up girls in these areas, or that you might not be able to get some very positive reactions, but generally speaking it's where I find women least open to meeting strangers. Calibration is key. I've picked up girls in shops and along random streets. But I'm also good at picking up IOIs, reading her mood and demeanor, and above all, at re-calibrating very quickly to new information. It takes a while to develop that.

This is pure gold ^^ and I'll definitely pay more conscious attention to that factor. I'd like to humbly add a bit of commentary:
-Friendly places, like walkable town centers, are also good places to work specifically on eye contact, body language etc. which are extremely important in "day game".
-If a female of any age or appearance hands you an obvious situational opener on a platter (two tourists chatting in a language you can't identify, she's carrying a prop etc.), but you're not interested in her, consider chatting her up anyway. It's good practice, and you might learn something. Also, you might get (usually implicit) feedback on your fundamentals or behavior patterns. Unfortunately most of us guys don't like talking to strangers as much if we have things to be doing.

 

[Wolfie]

Hello guys, I’ve recently decided to do the newbie assignment but I’ve had some questions First off, how do you approach a girl that is walking? do you just say your opener and hope they don’t walk away? Cold approach is just so socially unacceptable, I can’t imagine myself doing it, even though I want to do it. The only time I think I could pull it off is if she is sitting down or just standing, alone, without any friends/family. What do you guys think of this, how do you do a cold approach in non ideal circumstances? Also any tips for approach anxiety, I find it challenging enough saying hi to strangers.

Hey man I see you got some great response from members here but I thought I would chime in some tips, about what I do when I get AA.

1) you DON'T care what happens just talk to her


2) You are the vessel for womens pleasure ( inspired by zan perrion)


3) They won't call cops on you


Bonus - if you are still afraid, imagine yourself balls deep in her looking in her eyes or maybe her on knees sucking you off or whatever kink gets you hard

Ciao
Wolfie

 

[switchblade]

I mainly just approach in bars personally.
I open with an observation or something. Then make a few cold reads and stack some assumptions etc. (kind of a mix between Todd valentine and the London day game model) - Keep good relaxed eye contact etc too. Basically 'game' her. Not to say it always works of course, but that's the case for everyone.
I made about 12 approaches on Saturday, but most of the girls weren't really into it. Not really talking back etc. Hoping for more luck next week!
Just keep going

 

[HoofHearted]

The best places for me are wherever the flow of traffic is slowed or stopped.

Architecture has a very powerful effect on the way people behave socially, and their mood in public. Especially in older cities, you have plenty of large communal spaces of different kinds where people congregate to relax and mingle - places you might say that have an ambience that they enjoy lounging around in. In these places, people are much more open, much more outward focused, their restless energy turns into a more reflective, relaxed one, their fast march turns into a wandering stroll. In short, they are much more open to meeting you.

On the other hand, when you have narrow footpaths of officeblocks with cars hurtling alongside you, and every few hundred metres you have to walk right past a dank alleyway, naturally people are going to be on high alert, walking fast, and with defenses up. Not to mention that you could only approach really from directly ahead or directly behind. Almost everything is going to be startling.

In the mall, I find the sheer mass of people, noise and activity makes women simply tune out of their surroundings, put their defenses up, and march around focused on what they want to buy or whatever.

So I've found the best places to be parks, courtyards, plazas and public squares, riversides etc. They tend to be where someone goes for a breather to get out of the matrix for a while. Beside the river is where I've had most success. But the river is just a symbol - other places have other symbols.

The most difficult places are narrow funnels of traffic, places that make you feel like you have to be moving fast or you're an anomaly in the matrix, any place along her route to and from home (people are protective of their 'territory'), any dark or too far out of the way place, or places that feel boxed in and have few or one exit point.

Pay attention to your impression of an area - is the ambience blaring and annoying, does it make you feel like you need to be alert, etc. Whatever your impression is, she probably feels 100x stronger. Also, pay attention to the way women behave, her body language, in different areas. They love being approached, and meeting men, but do not like being startled or feeling pressure by having it happen in a way that is so out of place with their expectations that they are virtually forced to reject on the spot.

Now I am NOT saying it's impossible to pick up girls in these areas, or that you might not be able to get some very positive reactions, but generally speaking it's where I find women least open to meeting strangers. Calibration is key. I've picked up girls in shops and along random streets. But I'm also good at picking up IOIs, reading her mood and demeanor, and above all, at re-calibrating very quickly to new information. It takes a while to develop that.

I really loved this. I've been thinking about it a lot, and there's such a subtle, nuanced thought in how spaces affect us by design. I'm not sure it's ever been stated in quite this way in anything I've found so far. The tone and presentation is calm and wizened with a softness to it. (Curious stuff, I have often learned half the battle is simply not scaring the fish. It makes me think about how I operate, not nearly as demur, I'm really playful and silly by nature).

Share more like this, it's a tangible answer about cold approach.

 

[Will_V]

I really loved this. I've been thinking about it a lot, and there's such a subtle, nuanced thought in how spaces affect us by design. I'm not sure it's ever been stated in quite this way in anything I've found so far. The tone and presentation is calm and wizened with a softness to it. (Curious stuff, I have often learned half the battle is simply not scaring the fish. It makes me think about how I operate, not nearly as demur, I'm really playful and silly by nature).

Share more like this, it's a tangible answer about cold approach.

It's an interesting topic - architecture and socialization. If you like it I recommend the youtube videos by the late Sir Roger Scruton, he covers a lot of detail about how architecture has been used to shape the public consciousness, sometimes in pretty nefarious ways.

 

[HoofHearted]

It's an interesting topic - architecture and socialization. If you like it I recommend the youtube videos by the late Sir Roger Scruton, he covers a lot of detail about how architecture has been used to shape the public consciousness, sometimes in pretty nefarious ways.

Thanks!

Can you share more about your experiences cold approaches during the day? What is this like for you? Have you found a modicum of success? Errrr if someone were starting out, how would you start them? Finding places,etc


Thanks again