HELP! How to do cold approaches

[Will_V]

Thanks!

Can you share more about your experiences cold approaches during the day? What is this like for you? Have you found a modicum of success? Errrr if someone were starting out, how would you start them? Finding places,etc


Thanks again

There's a lot of great info on Girls Chase about daygame. Particularly this one and this one.

As @Chase mentions in the first article, the main thing about day game, as I have found myself, is to have social momentum.

Think of it like this: let's say you wake up early on a Sunday morning and you've got loads of activities planned out with your friends. The day is crisp and sunny, you go out and have some breakfast with your mates before all piling into a 4wd, heading down to the beach and jumping on some jetskis for a few hours, then you're all off to lunch together with some girls you know from work, lots of good food and laughter, maybe a bit of flirting. Then you all head off for some activity together in the afternoon, lots of fun and good times.

You're on your way home from that, feeling elated, socially buzzing. How hard is it going to be to smile and make small talk with some random girl at the train station? Not hard at all. Life is just too great.

On the other hand, let's say you wake up bored and lonely on Sunday morning after a week that sucks, you've got nothing planned, you play some Call of Duty feeling frustrated with your life, finally you're like 'hell I'm going to talk to some girls, this sucks'. You start doing laps around the mall trying to figure out how to dart out in front of a girl without making her run for the hills.

Cold approach is really about social skills, above all. A lot of what (it seems to me) guys get wrong is that they don't come across in a way that seems like the natural result of a positive state of mind. Think about it: why would a guy start a conversation with a random stranger? Only if he's feeling exceptionally great about himself and the world and can't keep the good news to himself, right? Otherwise he'd be doing what everyone else is doing, just getting by and keeping to themselves.

You often won't be going out cold approaching right after a big social activity, but you must gather social momentum over days and weeks, or everything feels clunky and stuck when you get around to going out. You must be a social creature, speaking and communicating with all kinds of people in many different ways, not someone who makes an insurgency into the social world when circumstances force them to do so.
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One of the best ways to get into a good frame is to think of yourself as an actor. You're playing a part in some chick flick where you are going about your day, and by serendipity you bump into some hot girl, the two of you lock eyes, it's cute and a little awkward but somehow you find the right words in your heart that melt her heart, you get to know eachother, fall deeply in love and live happily ever after. This is what girls expect might happen by chance, but she isn't expecting (or really wanting) a guy who is just going around trying to meet any girl he can because he's lonely.

So when you're out and about, think about your vibe, your subcommunication. Do you come across as cool, easygoing, relaxed, in your own little world but open to sharing it with someone else, in quiet, happy communion with your own soul? Is your posture open and welcoming, your walk slow and graceful, your eyes bright and discerning? This is the state of mind that a woman might expect a man to be in when he spontaneously comes over to find out more about a woman who has caught his eye. This is a man with something to offer, not one desperate to patch a hole in his life.
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The other article by @Bacchus makes a crucial point: arouse her curiosity. When you meet a woman out of the blue, you don't have time to impress her, to take care of all her fears and reservations, to prove that you are worthy and sufficient and outstanding and all that jazz. Even if you could, the setting would make it tactless to do so. What you do have time for, and what fits nicely into the vibe of a man who is spontaneous, is to make her curious. To be curious about her and have her mirror it back. To hint at things, to create little clouds of words that hypnotize her and make her wonder who exactly you are, to evoke feelings within her that she isn't certain from where or why they appeared.

Something Chase has mentioned in articles (I can't exactly remember which ones) that I think is vastly underrated is the idea that a woman is driven largely by curiosity about a man and will go to great lengths to resolve questions, even to the point of bending over for him if that's what it takes to get the answer she needs. Women are driven to find the best, most fulfilling man, that is their top priority in life, they spend most of their lives hovering around men and trying to understand them, comparing them and trying to quickly find ways to put them into labelled boxes to make the job easier. It's the job they were born for, they are nature's selectors, and nature gives them boundless energy and courage to fulfill their mission.

When a man seems too full of life, too happy with himself, too driven and playful and knowledgeable about life and how to exact success from it, and yet she is unable to understand exactly who or what he is, she will find him irresistible even if she hardly knows him. Because this seems like an anomaly, a successful specimen operating outside of the norm. Is he for real? Is he operating on some new level of male existence? Her little scientist mind gets obsessed with figuring out how it all works. You can see the exact formula in all kinds of women's novels.

So show her that you're socially skilled, that you can relate to her, that you are a man who was born to enjoy beautiful things .. but more than anything show her, without words, that life is a beautiful mystery that you can explore together. Everyone wants to know how to live a charmed life, to uncover the rich layer underneath the ordinary existence, and a man who can show her how to be everything she wants to be, with him, is a man she'll go to great lengths to follow wherever he takes her.
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Philosophy aside though, cold approach is simply practicing presence, self expression, and re-calibration, on repeat. You keep your attention on what's going on between you, you express yourself, you see a reflection in her, you adjust a little bit, you stay deeply relaxed throughout and create that bubble that she likes to be in, and overall, you just play and lead, play and lead. It's like a dance, it's about moving together not bumping into eachother.

I've never coached (and I don't know if I ever will) but if I were to start someone off I would simply tell him to pick out a girl he likes, go up and meet her and tell her something he honestly feels, and to say it as truthfully and candidly as he could. Inside every man is an Omar Sharif, an Errol Flynn, a passionate man who wants to express to the world the richest parts of his nature. Once you have that, you have a man who deeply enjoys expressing himself, who needs only to refine the message to figure out how to connect at the right emotional and sexual level with the woman he desires.

 

[HoofHearted]

You're a gentleman for responding in this way. That's a lot of info and sharing and your magnanimous nature is appreciated.

I'm gonna pull out the chunk that I think is especially relevant. Some of what you shared hit the nose on where I'm at.

This is a man with something to offer, not one desperate to patch a hole in his life.

I have to say, this is where you nailed me pretty good. I took a look at everything I've got enough of, and everything I don't, and women were in the latter category. So there's a boobshaped hole in my life, and I'm out for these women in that way. This was well said and helpful and I thank you for that. Need to think about this, there's something here.

As for everything else-- momentum (great stuff, agreed, I use this, often gathering it from random people to sally forth. This is truly known to me), and mystery/intrigue (I learned these things by fucking up a lot).

You must be a social creature, speaking and communicating with all kinds of people in many different ways, not someone who makes an insurgency into the social world when circumstances force them to do so.

Also incredible insight. I'm solitary, individualistic by nature, deeply introverted actually. And to make art, frankly heavy solitude is required-- I don't know why it is, it appears so, so if you are an artist I imagine this struggle will not be foreign to you. To recede from the world.

So 'insurgency' is a great term for my feelings.

Fuck, dude, your post alone was gold for helping me process what I'm experiencing and put it into terms. I thank you for that.

It should also help a TON of these other guys if they're smart enough to come read it. You've done good here.

 

[Conquistador]

It's an interesting topic - architecture and socialization. If you like it I recommend the youtube videos by the late Sir Roger Scruton, he covers a lot of detail about how architecture has been used to shape the public consciousness, sometimes in pretty nefarious ways.

I wonder what other insights of Scruton's are relevant to seduction... XD

 

[HoofHearted]

Not gonna lie, it's good.

In terms of theory and guidance, it's kinda next level stuff.

BUT doesnt materially change the fact that i dont know where to find these women and I'm sinking a lot of time.

Its not like ive be trying and failing because of whatever vibe. It's that I'm not even getting to spin the wheel due to lack of contestants. Low return at best, zilch at worst.

Although the recommendation came to think about SPACE. So maybe a less functional, more reflective space is somewhere I should check. Like a waterfront, or a park. I have no clue. I'm just not convinced there will be volume.

 

[Conquistador]

BUT doesnt materially change the fact that i dont know where to find these women and I'm sinking a lot of time.

Its not like ive be trying and failing because of whatever vibe. It's that I'm not even getting to spin the wheel due to lack of contestants. Low return at best, zilch at worst.

Although the recommendation came to think about SPACE. So maybe a less functional, more reflective space is somewhere I should check. Like a waterfront, or a park. I have no clue. I'm just not convinced there will be volume.

The less crowded parts of pedestrian downtowns are good places.
Here in Southern California we have a lot of "town center" type places not to mention that many of the suburbs have their own, typically walkable, downtown.

 

[Will_V]

Not gonna lie, it's good.

In terms of theory and guidance, it's kinda next level stuff.

BUT doesnt materially change the fact that i dont know where to find these women and I'm sinking a lot of time.

Its not like ive be trying and failing because of whatever vibe. It's that I'm not even getting to spin the wheel due to lack of contestants. Low return at best, zilch at worst.

Although the recommendation came to think about SPACE. So maybe a less functional, more reflective space is somewhere I should check. Like a waterfront, or a park. I have no clue. I'm just not convinced there will be volume.

The fact is you can approach anywhere, some places are just harder. If you're not running into lots of girls, go somewhere busier.

 

[HoofHearted]

The fact is you can approach anywhere, some places are just harder. If you're not running into lots of girls, go somewhere busier.

Thanks for poppin' back in. I'm new at this, thanks for bearing with me

After trying and failing over the last week and a half, losing a lot of time, I will finally concede there is no parade of single, beautiful women I can track to canvas with some awkward approaching. I accept this conclusion now. My world grows darker at the edges, it was a sweet dream, but i accept it

I tried to go where it occurred to me to go. This included busy downtown streets, singles cocktail hour, bookstores during the early afternoon (one time this was pretty good). This is all for day btw, at night this problem doesn't exist. I went to salsa night lookin like shit and still got two or three hits from women you wouldn't find attractive but sit just fine with Hoofy

Question: So when you (any experienced guy) are out and about, how do you choose where to go? Is there advice about this? I think it's mostly chance, right? But do you have tips about working with that chance?

In the example above, if your park or your waterfront or your river were empty, how would you decide where to go next?

 

[Will_V]

Thanks for poppin' back in. I'm new at this, thanks for bearing with me

After trying and failing over the last week and a half, losing a lot of time, I will finally concede there is no parade of single, beautiful women I can track to canvas with some awkward approaching. I accept this conclusion now. My world grows darker at the edges, it was a sweet dream, but i accept it

I tried to go where it occurred to me to go. This included busy downtown streets, singles cocktail hour, bookstores during the early afternoon (one time this was pretty good). This is all for day btw, at night this problem doesn't exist. I went to salsa night lookin like shit and still got two or three hits from women you wouldn't find attractive but sit just fine with Hoofy

Question: So when you (any experienced guy) are out and about, how do you choose where to go? Is there advice about this? I think it's mostly chance, right? But do you have tips about working with that chance?

In the example above, if your park or your waterfront or your river were empty, how would you decide where to go next?

I have a few places I like to go, sometimes one isn't working, I go to another. At first, go to a bunch of places and pay attention to how things are working.

There's a place in my city for example that has a lot of bars and restaurants by a river, if you go up some stairs from the footpath that runs by the river, you get to this public courtyard with a fountain where girls will go to chill and unwind. I had a same night lay from those stairs, and I've picked up girls in the courtyard. Sometimes the place is empty, but at the right time (afternoon/early evening on a saturday or sunday) there's always a few opportunities.

There are a couple places like that (another one is a big park), but if they are all quiet, I simply go in the direction of the mall and do street approaches at the point where the traffic isn't crazy, but there's still enough.

I don't usually go out around lunch (I'm just not in the mood at that point, it's my main time for working and getting stuff done) but in more busy areas it can be a lot better than peak hour, because OK people have lunches but they aren't running from the train to work thinking about all the bs they'll have to deal with that day, they've already gotten halfway through, and they also aren't just thinking of getting to the shower and forgetting about the world.

Always pay attention. As you go through your day to day sometimes you'll suddenly find yourself surrounded by attractive women on errands or sitting around. Why is that? What are they doing here? Do they work around here, shop around here? etc. That's how you end up finding places that are better.

You say you found bookstores in early afternoon to be good. Tell me, why do you think this place and time brings attractive, approachable girls?

 

[HoofHearted]

At first, go to a bunch of places and pay attention to how things are working.

Tip noted. Thanks!

It seems in your example that you found some sort of natural flow to some interesting, smaller spots to fish from... And if the spots are dry that day, you just generally make a decision to go toward a more crowded area. That seems sound enough to me, nothing perplexing or mysterious about that logic.

Always pay attention. As you go through your day to day sometimes you'll suddenly find yourself surrounded by attractive women on errands or sitting around. Why is that? What are they doing here? Do they work around here, shop around here? etc. That's how you end up finding places that are better.

I'll keep my eyes peeled. I don't have an actual need to be out and about, maybe I don't get the best exposure, so sometimes I need to get creative. For example, I've been choosing busier grocery stores that are farther away. (If I sank zero effort into inventing adventures, it would just be home, gym, and grocery store probably. I do have hobbies and activities that are social, but I'm omitting them, I want to focus on cold approach). Thanks for the advice on this matter. If I see beautiful women in a spot, think of why, to understand the draw.

You say you found bookstores in early afternoon to be good. Tell me, why do you think this place and time brings attractive, approachable girls?

I might have some weird thoughts about this. First of all, there is a large, non-negligible demographic of women that titilate something within themselves by reading. No need to delve too deep into this premise, a lot could be said, but for speed let's just say there are a lot of chicks, more than we might think, that are into reading and into book culture, and it's different than how a man would be.

So the material is there. The bookstore is also independent and wildly popular, so there's a lot of people around and its highly social. Realistically, we should all be in a library if we love books, but there we have it-- you wouldn't have the final ingredient: "shopping."

Also if these chicks are anything like me, and you're trying to build an interesting saturday, hitting a lit bookstore before doing something fun at night could be pretty fulfilling. A nice daytime activity.

I just assumed the energy drew people, some of which seemed to be attractive girls. A word on my own part, my confidence is higher in this context as I have found greatest success with highly attractive, intelligent women, so that could also be why I like it. (Sometimes it feels The smarter they are the easier it seems to get for me). Also i love to read.

I like how you think, dude. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Thanks!

Can you share more about your experiences cold approaches during the day? What is this like for you? Have you found a modicum of success? Errrr if someone were starting out, how would you start them? Finding places,etc


Thanks again

Ahh I see your in my position, I approach on my college campus, because there's a lot of foot traffic BUT the vibe is laid back and open. I've tried approaching at the mall, its a lot harder because everyone is so packed in and busy, but I'm gonna go back there again. What I've noticed is vibe is everything. I know you were hoping for a response from Will, but I thought this might help a little. Every person has there own situation for what venues they can go to so you really have to think for yourself about a place that is logistically good for you and will be place that she will most likely be open to your approach

 

[HoofHearted]

Nonono, all responses appreciated. Thanks for putting in your two cents, in fact i think your last bit especially contains a lot of wisdom.

logistically good for you

this is how i try to run all my shit, since i am so goddamned old, tired and lazy-- and has led to some hilarious outcomes.

 

[ron]

That was very clear will, thanks. I had thought of making an approach just like that but I didn't know how it would be received. I didn't know women liked those kind of "air of mysteriousness" approaches. I guess they are like cats. You give them just a little bait, then pull it away all of a sudden. They'll wonder where it went and when/where can they get some more of it. I was in a coffee shop, standing behind some lady in line looking at some painting on the wall and I thought of saying a very thoughtful, misty, remark about it to her, and asking her some kind of related emotional & philsophical questino about it, but I decided not to because I was afraid it'd make me look creepy. Now I know it wouldn't have. It's all becoming clear to me now. I had the right idea all along. I know what to do now. By the way I am reminded of "Socrates" in that movie Bill and Ted - "our lives are but specks of dust" - if you remember that line. I think if the timing and delivery are right I can make a situational opener with some kind of emotion-provoking philsophical observation and/or question to her. I was always good at writing in school, I used to make the whole class excited to hear what I wrote, so I think this is a good avenue for me to travel on. I have to take advantage of my strengths, instead of letting them sit idly. Excellent. And let me know if I have the right idea.