Help with text after make out with model

[StrayDog]

Hey gents, curious how you might approach texting this woman after we made out and now she is being dodgey.

We met at the coffee shop. I was feeling particularly strong in my game that day and came in with solid confidence and swagger. She was a sexy pettite Instagram model (as I learned later). She took to my approach immediately and we quickly found our selves in an involved conversation. She did most the talking and I really got her opening up in a light and playfull way. I threw in some subttle sexual vibes but didn't lay it on too thick. We talked mostly about her life and passion for music and what not. She lives in the city an hour away. She told me she had to meet her friend in about four hours, she was just looking after his dog for the momentand was gonna take it on a walk. I got the sense maybe she had a thing going with this dude. After some solid convo, I suggested we take the dog out on a walk. She was game (we would have to pick the dog up first). I would have gone for a different pull suggestion but she seemed pretty pressed with the responsibility over the dog. We get in my car and start to cruise when she really starts to back peddle. Says she's just got way too much to do today and that she is just too distracted and stressed. I lightly push back, showing empathy for her situation but suggest that its important to follow new connections while the opportunity presents itself as the usually tend to fade when you don't. She is clearly conflicted. I can tell she wants to hang but something is in the way (if she is seeing this dude maybe she got in too deep and then caught her self). I stop at gas station to grab water really quick and give her a moment alone in the car. When I get back about a minute later she, with a dissipointed tone, that she just needs to get stuff done before she meets her friend. We drive back to the coffee shop and before I drop her eat her car we talk just a little more. She gives me a passionate hug and starts getting insecure about her decision and apologising a bunch. I tell her it is okay, she wasn't expecting to meet someone today and we will sync up again. I do console her anxiety by going in for a kiss. She kisses back. I think I maybe messed up here because she was clearly wanting to kiss more and I held back a bit. I probably should have escalated to one degree of passion higher, just to really seal the moment. But didn't for some reason. I think I didn't want to reward her too much at the time cause she bailed. But that probably wasn't the best move.

Any way. I send a simple icebreaker text. No response. That's fine. I call the next day. No response. I wait a few days and send a solid voice text just checking in. No response. I wait a couple days and send a text that says "...?"
The next day a get a fairly lengthy text from her apologizing for dodging me. She said she really enjoyed our conversationbut that she was "super turned off by the whole situation" because I was "weirdly" forward for someone she just met, that my intentions became clear when I kissed her, and that she is just not that kind of girl and she is "just not down for that."

I am curious how you all would suggest responding. A few key take a ways from her text. She is trying to frame the whole thing as me having these specific intentions with her and being "weirdly forward". She is framing it as I kissed her and not the truth which is that we kissed each other. She is expressing concern with how quick things moved. She is framing her self as "not that kind of girl".

I am thinking about framing my response as
-I understand the moment was spontaneous and maybe caught us both off guard. I wasn't expecting that kind of connection either (this address that there were no expectations or pointed intentions with her)
-reverse her frame of me being "weirdly forward" with a frame of "why would it be weird that some one is attracted to her (specifically)and feels compelled to act on that. Life is too short to let it slip through our fingers"
-frame the kiss as "you mean when I went in for a kiss and you kissed me back"

What do y'all think about this strategy?

I am not sure how I would close out the text. Does any of this strategy feel too chasey? It is clear that she has genuine concerns that need addressing. And also, should I address that she might being seeing someone like "look if you're seeing someone or something you can just be honest about it"

Appreciate any insights. Thanks guys

Edit: I ended up responding to her lengthy text with a simple "ah, I see what's going on"

Its ambiguous enough and can maybe leave room for a future re-open


-

 

[topcat]

She experienced buyer’s remorse.

Essentially you built tension well but then missed an escalation window and relieved all tension by making out with her.

Upon making out with you, she had a clear moment to reflect on the situation, and realize she knows nothing about you and that you are in fact a stranger, and that it was a mistake that she better nip in the bud before she make a graver mistake (ie. be a slut, sleep with a guy she doesn’t know and can’t really justify sleeping with due to lack of connection/poor social frame and poor management of the seduction arc on your part..).

She presumed that by ignoring your texts you would go away in peace. You didn’t, so she’s giving you her explanation in hopes you will.

Very difficult to come back from. I’d suggest pronouncing this one dead in the water and in future (unless you really know what you’re doing, which you don’t..yet), do not kiss her until you are at an escalation location and can properly close things out (ie. fuck her).

Bless

 

[trashKENNUT]

She was a sexy petite Instagram model (as I learned later)

Very difficult to get her out again, if you really find out that she is a model.

As in model, model. Even Instagram models who has a decent following on TikTok, gets very busy, with small projects from her acquaintances, and regular job that she is having.

You got her good though... away from her social bubble. You manage to pull something within a small time period. However, I'm just curious as to why you didn't follow up with the walking the dog part.

You went full 'logical' with her.

Importantly, you driving her back, implies to her that the seduction is dead. Nail in the coffin. In my sincere opinion, this is very very difficult to recover.

I recommend getting back to her a few months later. She might forget about the bad parts of the seduction.

z@c+

Sidenote:

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[climbingup]

Hey gents, curious how you might approach texting this woman after we made out and now she is being dodgey.

We met at the coffee shop. I was feeling particularly strong in my game that day and came in with solid confidence and swagger. She was a sexy pettite Instagram model (as I learned later). She took to my approach immediately and we quickly found our selves in an involved conversation. She did most the talking and I really got her opening up in a light and playfull way. I threw in some subttle sexual vibes but didn't lay it on too thick. We talked mostly about her life and passion for music and what not. She lives in the city an hour away. She told me she had to meet her friend in about four hours, she was just looking after his dog for the momentand was gonna take it on a walk. I got the sense maybe she had a thing going with this dude. After some solid convo, I suggested we take the dog out on a walk. She was game (we would have to pick the dog up first). I would have gone for a different pull suggestion but she seemed pretty pressed with the responsibility over the dog. We get in my car and start to cruise when she really starts to back peddle. Says she's just got way too much to do today and that she is just too distracted and stressed. I lightly push back, showing empathy for her situation but suggest that its important to follow new connections while the opportunity presents itself as the usually tend to fade when you don't. She is clearly conflicted. I can tell she wants to hang but something is in the way (if she is seeing this dude maybe she got in too deep and then caught her self). I stop at gas station to grab water really quick and give her a moment alone in the car. When I get back about a minute later she, with a dissipointed tone, that she just needs to get stuff done before she meets her friend. We drive back to the coffee shop and before I drop her eat her car we talk just a little more. She gives me a passionate hug and starts getting insecure about her decision and apologising a bunch. I tell her it is okay, she wasn't expecting to meet someone today and we will sync up again. I do console her anxiety by going in for a kiss. She kisses back. I think I maybe messed up here because she was clearly wanting to kiss more and I held back a bit. I probably should have escalated to one degree of passion higher, just to really seal the moment. But didn't for some reason. I think I didn't want to reward her too much at the time cause she bailed. But that probably wasn't the best move.

Any way. I send a simple icebreaker text. No response. That's fine. I call the next day. No response. I wait a few days and send a solid voice text just checking in. No response. I wait a couple days and send a text that says "...?"
The next day a get a fairly lengthy text from her apologizing for dodging me. She said she really enjoyed our conversationbut that she was "super turned off by the whole situation" because I was "weirdly" forward for someone she just met, that my intentions became clear when I kissed her, and that she is just not that kind of girl and she is "just not down for that."

I am curious how you all would suggest responding. A few key take a ways from her text. She is trying to frame the whole thing as me having these specific intentions with her and being "weirdly forward". She is framing it as I kissed her and not the truth which is that we kissed each other. She is expressing concern with how quick things moved. She is framing her self as "not that kind of girl".

I am thinking about framing my response as
-I understand the moment was spontaneous and maybe caught us both off guard. I wasn't expecting that kind of connection either (this address that there were no expectations or pointed intentions with her)
-reverse her frame of me being "weirdly forward" with a frame of "why would it be weird that some one is attracted to her (specifically)and feels compelled to act on that. Life is too short to let it slip through our fingers"
-frame the kiss as "you mean when I went in for a kiss and you kissed me back"

What do y'all think about this strategy?

I am not sure how I would close out the text. Does any of this strategy feel too chasey? It is clear that she has genuine concerns that need addressing. And also, should I address that she might being seeing someone like "look if you're seeing someone or something you can just be honest about it"

Appreciate any insights. Thanks guys


-

You should have tried to set the frame of that she should not be dog sitting the guy's dog for free and that she should tell the dog owner to hire a professional dog sitter then you will be able to have a proper date with her.

I do think you texted her a bit too many times though.

 

[StrayDog]

unless you really know what you’re doing, which you don’t..yet

A tad presumptuous but I am totally happy to accept. I know what I am doing, but I don't REALLY know what I am doing...yet

you are so right about kissing her. The move at that moment would have been to frame the whole thing as "it's a shame the timing isn't right, hopefully, this doesn't lose steam" and then leave her on the line a bit before reengaging. I had a sense of this and that's what drove me to hold back during the kiss, I realized I was rewarding her without warrant. Shouldn't have kissed her at all.

poor management of the seduction arc on your part

Definitely me kissing her was at the tail end of a greater missed opportunity and the real mistake lays somewhere in how I managed things up until that moment. From what I described can you see a way you would have managed this. 4 hours window, she promised this guy she was seeing she would walk his dog (tricky to frame us going back to my place) coffee shop I frequent so I am a bit trepidatious about pushing a sexual frame too hard. Maybe that was the move though. To get her a bit more hot and bothered and come up with a reason to swing by my place rather than walk a dog together. Frame it that she will have plenty of time to walk the dog any way? Also, I probably could have done more to set a precedence of compliance. Had a smaller moment of compliance in there (got her to show me her rings, show me pics of her loft, read me my horoscope from a paper conveniently nearby) but maybe could have gotten a bigger act of compliance from her. Just couldn't see the opportunity for that in the moment

I recommend getting back to her a few months later. She might forget about the bad parts of the seduction.

How exactly would you recommend getting back to her that allows her to feel re-engaged and forget the missteps I took? Her text was a pretty explicit rejection of our connection

You should have tried to set the frame of that she should not be dog sitting the guy's dog for free and that she should tell the dog owner to hire a professional dog sitter then you will be able to have a proper date with her.

I do think you texted her a bit too many times though.

I did frame it this way a bit, but probably could have gone harder on the frame. I saw walking the dog as a way to keep energy flowing and an excuse to keep connecting when the move to do would have been to pull her into my frame of "your walking some dudes dog for free and you're stressing about it so much that it's getting in the way of a cool new connection" all be it in a more subtle subtext.

I was persistent with my texting but they were rather brief and I don't think they came across as very needy. I think that's why she gave a lengthy thoughtful response. What would texting less have accomplished? Maybe I could have texted less and reached out a few weeks later or something, but it seems like the damage was already done by the way I managed the seduction and at least she gave me a solid reference point to go on

 

[StrayDog]

However, I'm just curious as to why you didn't follow up with the walking the dog part.

You went full 'logical' with her.

What do you mean I didn't follow up on walking the dog? That's what I used to pull her to my car. She bailed soon after we left the parking lot though. How could I have managed this element differently?

Where do you see me going "full logical?"

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hello,

topcat has answered the seduction arc part clearly. I think you don't need much else.

How exactly would you recommend getting back to her that allows her to feel re-engaged and forget the missteps I took? Her text was a pretty explicit rejection of our connection

You can always try. albeit a month later.

Calls & Texts - Check-In Text If You Haven't Texted in a While

Sometimes you won't text a girl for a long time, either because you were genuinely busy and just forgot, or because you weren't getting anywhere with her and you figured you'd let her cool her heels for a few weeks or a month or two and get back to her later. What's the best way to resume...

www.skilledseducer.com

What do you mean I didn't follow up on walking the dog? That's what I used to pull her to my car. She bailed soon after we left the parking lot though. How could I have managed this element differently?

Where do you see me going "full logical?"

You did.

That is the 'seduction arc', going up in momentum, when you have decided to give her a reason (walking the dog) for you to see where the date can go. Then when she starts to 'backpedal' in the car, you drove her back, thus killing the seduction arc and it's momentum, altogether.

Now, the consistent pressing issue for a lot of guys, and myself.. when we are new to pickup/dating, and intermediate and even higher intermediate.

The issue here is how do we know what is actually real (she really need to walk the dog) and what is token resistance?

Quickie: Token resistance is basically, her rejecting you in the hopes that you will persist thru it. (or often, the feeling is kinda "I'm just bored but I don't know if I want to follow him.")

..

You did the right thing here, by working out her objections.

I lightly push back, showing empathy for her situation but suggest that its important to follow new connections while the opportunity presents itself as the usually tend to fade when you don't

Now, the key here is when you both driving in your car, I'm trying to figure out whether you lay it out for her, what is it that is going to happen.

Now, you may tell her that we are going to walk the dog but you are jumping on her idea.
And when you jump on girls ideas and make it your own, it's important to draw the next 'end in mind'.

There was no 'end sight' in her mind.
There was no continuity after 'walking the dog' part, whether walking the dog part is real or not.

This is in my opinion, the key missing piece here. because you are a stranger, trying to get the same day lay, and you didn't plan her an 'exit strategy'.

When I get back about a minute later she, with a dissappointed tone, that she just needs to get stuff done before she meets her friend.

This is the part, where I hope you did your 'final reasoning' with her and lay out your "we going to meet your friend, I be waiting downstairs because I don't want to upset your friend. Once we walked the dog, let's go over to my place/isolation for a bit, and listen to music."

TLDR: She didn't see the next 'end in mind'. And you didn't plan her 'exit strategy'. Because if she did has a dog to walk, and her friend was happened to be at the house, is she going to say "I meet this guy just now"?

Probably she would not.

And don't worry on this. It's common mistakes, way more common in everyone, at least this is what I believe.

z@c+

 

[StrayDog]

Hello,

topcat has answered the seduction arc part clearly. I think you don't need much else.



You can always try. albeit a month later.

Calls & Texts - Check-In Text If You Haven't Texted in a While

Sometimes you won't text a girl for a long time, either because you were genuinely busy and just forgot, or because you weren't getting anywhere with her and you figured you'd let her cool her heels for a few weeks or a month or two and get back to her later. What's the best way to resume...

www.skilledseducer.com

You did.

That is the 'seduction arc', going up in momentum, when you have decided to give her a reason (walking the dog) for you to see where the date can go. Then when she starts to 'backpedal' in the car, you drove her back, thus killing the seduction arc and it's momentum, altogether.

Now, the consistent pressing issue for a lot of guys, and myself.. when we are new to pickup/dating, and intermediate and even higher intermediate.

The issue here is how do we know what is actually real (she really need to walk the dog) and what is token resistance?

Quickie: Token resistance is basically, her rejecting you in the hopes that you will persist thru it. (or often, the feeling is kinda "I'm just bored but I don't know if I want to follow him.")

..

You did the right thing here, by working out her objections.



Now, the key here is when you both driving in your car, I'm trying to figure out whether you lay it out for her, what is it that is going to happen.

Now, you may tell her that we are going to walk the dog but you are jumping on her idea.
And when you jump on girls ideas and make it your own, it's important to draw the next 'end in mind'.

There was no 'end sight' in her mind.
There was no continuity after 'walking the dog' part, whether walking the dog part is real or not.

This is in my opinion, the key missing piece here. because you are a stranger, trying to get the same day lay, and you didn't plan her an 'exit strategy'.



This is the part, where I hope you did your 'final reasoning' with her and lay out your "we going to meet your friend, I be waiting downstairs because I don't want to upset your friend. Once we walked the dog, let's go over to my place/isolation for a bit, and listen to music."

TLDR: She didn't see the next 'end in mind'. And you didn't plan her 'exit strategy'. Because if she did has a dog to walk, and her friend was happened to be at the house, is she going to say "I meet this guy just now"?

Probably she would not.

And don't worry on this. It's common mistakes, way more common in everyone, at least this is what I believe.

Solid advice. I really appreciate the perspective. When I think back I can recall sensing apprehension rearing its head right before we got in my car. She was like "where exactly are we going?" I kind of rushed the conversation along thinking I just needed to move things along quickly. The move here would have been to slow down for a moment and address what was coming up for her. Really come up with a game plan she could get on board with before moving things forward. By the time she was in the car she was remarkably more anxious about the whole endeavor. I imagine she was thinking "wait what the heck is exactly going on here?." While it was easier to just address this before we left the coffee shop, I still had an opportunity to do so when we stopped for water at the gas station. The move here would have really been to slow down and get to the heart of the issue. Instead, I just skirted it with a somewhat soft frame about this maybe being our best opportunity to connect (this frame wasn't bad per see, but it missed the real heart of the issue that needed addressing). If I had walked her through her apprehensions a bit and given her the opportunity to weigh in on a game plan that helped her to feel clear about how this moment fit into her day there is a good chance she would have come around.
I recognize a pattern I have had in seduction during tenuous moments where it could flip either way. I tend to get into this unhelpful mindset of "just move things to the next step." Sometimes this is definitely the move to make. but other times like this one, where she is having a moment of apprehension, the move is to slow the seduction down for a moment and address the matter at hand.