How do I not look like a nerd?

[Will_V]

Thanks! This is a great article. I had read it before but just gave it a reread. What I'm having a hard time with is having a purpose that must be bigger than myself to develop that edge. I have goals but they are all about self-improvement (like becoming filthy rich). Should I try to find a purpose or just try to imitate the edge?

I think it's best to find a purpose, rather than imitate someone with one. It's very hard to be someone you're not for any real length of time.

A purpose isn't really some big objective you set for yourself to impress other people, it's more about a sense of meaning, about doing something that, for you, transcends the ordinary value of life. In that article, none of the examples were of guys chasing material wealth or external validation, but instead chasing something that made life spiritually worthwhile (often at the cost of things people usually value).

What are the things you naturally gravitate toward over and over again, that make you forget the passage of time? That's a pointer in the direction of a real purpose.

Additionally I don't understand if a man has that kind of focus on his purpose, why would he even bother with too much personal self-improvement (six pack, seducing beautiful women, wealth) rather than dedicate time to his purpose, like Nikola Tesla.

That's a perfectly good point - as you can see with a cursory look at the internet, most of the dudes chasing and teaching self-improvement wouldn't be touched by beautiful women with a ten foot pole. Even the rich/jacked ones with big channels are often soft, needy, obsessed with self-validation and navel-gazing, and completely lacking edge.

Guys with edge, who are 100% dialled into what they are doing, usually only do what is absolutely necessary in everything else.

Thing is, if you want women, you have to make them a part of your purpose. They can be your whole purpose - as long as any individual woman is not your purpose, in which case she would distract you from your meta-purpose of seducing all the other women out there! - or they can be an adjunct to your purpose.

For me, seducing women is a sort of pure expression of my libido, which is the drive that drives everything I do. It's like operating within my purpose in the abstract, if that makes sense. It hones, strengthens, and reintegrates my libido. But I could never just spend it all on women.

I did enjoy this one a lot. Gonna try implement it.


I think I'm not too bad in this regard. I'm quite stubborn and consistent and if I set my mind on getting something, I usually get it. It might take me a long time and frustrations but I just don't give up. Only exception is if I logically convince myself over time to stop if the thing I want is legitimately not worth it, and there's something better to go after. This is actually a big part of my self-esteem though like everything, it could be improved.

I believe men are like metal, you can't get hard steel without the heat of stress and pain.

Some men, for one reason or another, become addicted to that heat, and they typically have a very strong charismatic edge. They know they can go again and again to where most people won't, at least not willingly, and this gives them a reckless, self-absorbed pride in themselves.

The best thing you can do as a man is to choose valuable things that are on the other side of stress and pain, and get into the habit of getting them. It's very hard to do that if you aren't used to doing it - the guys who thrive there usually got thrown violently into it against their will, with no escape route, the first time around.

But then again, life always presents hardship regardless of where you try to run, so maybe all you have to do is turn around and see reality clearly enough to realize that the pain you chose is better than the one you didn't.

 

[KJ Francis]

I won't say I really prefer the old-money/refined style. I just like buttoned up shirts (tucked in, ofcourse) and light colors to stand out. But I also really like black clothes, black leather jackets, long(er) hair, jewellery, ear piercings, tattoos and motorcycles, so I may be more drawn towards that edgy/bad-boy aesthetic.


Jeez yeah that's bad.


Thanks! This is a great article. I had read it before but just gave it a reread. What I'm having a hard time with is having a purpose that must be bigger than myself to develop that edge. I have goals but they are all about self-improvement (like becoming filthy rich). Should I try to find a purpose or just try to imitate the edge? Additionally I don't understand if a man has that kind of focus on his purpose, why would he even bother with too much personal self-improvement (six pack, seducing beautiful women, wealth) rather than dedicate time to his purpose, like Nikola Tesla.


I did enjoy this one a lot. Gonna try implement it.


I think I'm not too bad in this regard. I'm quite stubborn and consistent and if I set my mind on getting something, I usually get it. It might take me a long time and frustrations but I just don't give up. Only exception is if I logically convince myself over time to stop if the thing I want is legitimately not worth it, and there's something better to go after. This is actually a big part of my self-esteem though like everything, it could be improved.

hmm you might like rockabilly style, maybe as inspiration more than imitation. It's like punk + showering... Tucked shirts, leather jackets, combed hair.

I definitely wouldnt go with the double breasted blazer and brown loafers from the Italian pic, but the air of not caring is the essence.

Will's giving you gold... That fiery passion from a dialed in focus of purpose.

 

[Hydra™]

A purpose isn't really some big objective you set for yourself to impress other people, it's more about a sense of meaning, about doing something that, for you, transcends the ordinary value of life. In that article, none of the examples were of guys chasing material wealth or external validation, but instead chasing something that made life spiritually worthwhile (often at the cost of things people usually value).

What if you want to excel in all areas of life (health, wealth, relationships) for your own personal sense of accomplishment? Is that a worthy purpose?

What are the things you naturally gravitate toward over and over again, that make you forget the passage of time? That's a pointer in the direction of a real purpose.

The only time that happens is when I'm reading a good fiction book and totally lost in the story. I've sometimes thought about becoming an author and creating my own world, but I don't know if I like writing as I do reading (I'm not creative, and I'm bad at writing) and I'm not into art all that much other than as a hobby. Or anything else that would necessarily help others or advance humanity.

For me, seducing women is a sort of pure expression of my libido, which is the drive that drives everything I do. It's like operating within my purpose in the abstract, if that makes sense. It hones, strengthens, and reintegrates my libido. But I could never just spend it all on women.

What is your purpose, if you don't mind sharing? Or can you give me an example of a purpose that would fit in with everything, including seduction and other self-improvement.

I believe men are like metal, you can't get hard steel without the heat of stress and pain.

Some men, for one reason or another, become addicted to that heat, and they typically have a very strong charismatic edge. They know they can go again and again to where most people won't, at least not willingly, and this gives them a reckless, self-absorbed pride in themselves.

The best thing you can do as a man is to choose valuable things that are on the other side of stress and pain, and get into the habit of getting them. It's very hard to do that if you aren't used to doing it

+1. I need to write this down somewhere and look at it daily lol.

hmm you might like rockabilly style, maybe as inspiration more than imitation. It's like punk + showering... Tucked shirts, leather jackets, combed hair.

Ehh I don't know I need to figure this out. Still feel more drawn towards the bad-boy style rather than this. I guess I just need to find a few influencers and shamelessly copy them for now.

Will's giving you gold... That fiery passion from a dialed in focus of purpose.

Agreed

but the air of not caring is the essence.

yeah I'll gradually change my style while I get these nonverbals down

 

[FAB DRONES]

cunt

 

[Skills]

Thanks! Read all of the links. I'm gonna need to spend a lot of time with the kind of girls I like (which are abundant in my Uni, thankfully) to figure out what they like and become that. I'm assuming it's not nerdy guys though =p Working on fundamentals in the meantime.

Polarizing sounds great. I've always hated being average and being like every other guy (partly why I put effort in my clothing and image) and since Winter is Coming (ha ha) I can get some cool outlandish jackets and other peacocking items.


I don't know if instagram links are allowed but this guy in this reel nicely emulates the kind of aesthetic and style I try to go for. We have a similar build, facial features, hair, and race (both south asian). He may or may not be taller though (I'm 5'10).

Kunal Ahlawat on Instagram: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp"

173K likes, 1,189 comments - _kunalahlawat on August 1, 2024: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp".

www.instagram.com

I go for light-colored/old-money type of clothing but I also pair black jeans with a light shirt or vice versa and sometimes do all-black, and alternate between button-ups and t-shirts. Gonna get some nice polos soon. With both shirts and t-shirts I've been tucking them in kind of loosely (like the guy in the reel), I feel that it looks better and makes me stand out a bit. Not a huge fan of blue jeans so my pants are mostly light colored (beige) or black/white. And I wear cotton and denim pants.

Pictures:

https://imgur.com/a/fwtZVb9

See above ^



So far only guys. It just came up naturally in conversation and I asked them about it. The guy who said "serious and studious" is apparently a bit of a playboy (as he told me) and his fashion was pretty good imo. It wasn't jealousy or bullying.



Yeah if its not face, hair or clothes then definitely something about the vibe.

Yeah, gym and expressions is my top priority right now.

all the styles here are totally outdated brah! jesus 2016

 

[Skills]

I think if you are following GC dating strategy, dressing a little more edgy would not be incongruent. The idea is a disregard for rules. For example, wearing black in the daytime (outside of athletic gear), ripped fabric, etc. are non-trad. It's greaser/rocker/punk = fuck authority/norms. It's congruent with fast escalation, playboy lifestyle, etc. Black at night can also be done elegantly. Personally I don't since to me personally it comes across as waiter or bartender style (serving staff).

However, I don't think you need to dress more edgy or even should if you personally like the refined style.

I actually think you will stand out in a pretty nice way dressing like what you posted. I would ignore what other young guys you know in person say about it. Maybe not all girls would be into this style. It could screen some out? I don't know. But being a well dressed man wearing classic types of clothes does not sound bad at all. They are classic styles and items that have stood the test of time for a reason.

I guess I meant more like you want to avoid looking like this.

And more like this (which is really just dressing down... More casual shoes, denim, unshaven, good fit, unbuttoned a bit). I think you have the right idea with rolled sleeves, jewelry, etc.

I think the key is really to just retain masculinity. For example, if you are skinny, a polo shirt might look nerdy. The same basic item can look great with an athletic body type like the Daniel Craig examples below.

So yeah, it could just be mannerisms and vibe.. More the stuff Will was saying. If you have good eye contact and are leading women well, etc... Dressing classy might really make them swoon.

^ all of these styles out oudated! omg!

 

[KJ Francis]

^ all of these styles out oudated! omg!

Yeah I wasn't saying to dress like that. It was to demonstrate the Italian use of the word "sprezzatura" as it relates to fashion. I have seen the new baggy style and he seems to want to dress either elegantly, or like a motorcycle dude. Faded Levi's and baggy hoodies with new balances or whatever kind of look like 'Dad going to Costco' but hey I guess it's field tested, even if I've heard girls make fun of the broccoli haircut kids are wearing now.

He has an old money buttoned up style so the idea and says he is being told he's nerdy looking, so the idea is to just understand to have a devil-may-care relaxed vibe to his style, not necessarily dress like a 45 year old Italian rake who calls every girl Bella.

@Hydra™ if you like the straight up bad boy style, go for it. You can dress for the occasion and still wear your different styles in different settings. I would not wear light tan or cream kind of colored pants at night though, unless you are in a warm weather locale near water.

 

[Hydra™]

all the styles here are totally outdated brah! jesus 2016

They are timeless if anything. And none of them are skinny jeans. I know baggy is all the hype but idk its always felt a bit conformist and tryhard to me, though I will experiment with it at some point.

@Hydra™ if you like the straight up bad boy style, go for it.

Will do

 

[KJ Francis]

I think baggy is coronavirus style. I think it just switched from lululemon tights to light grey sweatpants for work from home or online class. Then when things went back in person it just influenced the denim cuts/silhouettes.

I don't think skills is wrong at all though. His recommendations are always strongly field tested by himself and other guys he knows. The "why" is not the concern, just the optimization for results...

Highest possible odds, "doing what works"

 

[Will_V]

What if you want to excel in all areas of life (health, wealth, relationships) for your own personal sense of accomplishment? Is that a worthy purpose?

Sure, those are perfectly good goals to have. But I think a purpose is more about the why than the what.

If you asked Picasso why he painted, would he say 'to be the best painter'? I don't know. But a purpose can be very abstract, very ephemeral and symbolic. I think of it as the thing that, in your own mind, sets you and your deeds apart from the masses, infuses them with transcendent meaning.

The only time that happens is when I'm reading a good fiction book and totally lost in the story. I've sometimes thought about becoming an author and creating my own world, but I don't know if I like writing as I do reading (I'm not creative, and I'm bad at writing) and I'm not into art all that much other than as a hobby. Or anything else that would necessarily help others or advance humanity.

Another way to look at it is: what are the defining moments of your life so far? The moments that are etched into your memory like dreams you'll never forget? Those tell you a lot about your constitution and proclivities.

The most important things we do, and the most important reasons why we do them, are always carried out against pain and difficulty and uncertainty, that's how we know that they define us. Otherwise it's probably only fantasy.

What is your purpose, if you don't mind sharing? Or can you give me an example of a purpose that would fit in with everything, including seduction and other self-improvement.

My abstract purpose, as far as I understand it at this point, is Construction. To build myself and the world around me, and the people in it, in whatever way I can, into a state of higher functionality and harmony. As opposed to being a User who only wants to consume and discard.

That's what makes this brief existence meaningful to me, gives purpose to my capabilities, and it's what I meditate on when things are most difficult.

 

[KJ Francis]

What Will wrote reminded me of this you might like reading. Note his purpose is not confined to self development. It's purpose beyond the self, related to what impact you have on the world.

The Purpose of Life from a Practical Point of View

Note before you starting reading: This article is almost 10,000 words in length, and dives into a lot of material that goes beyond dating, women, seduction, and relationships. So, you may not want to start in on this one until you're in a more reflective mood, or have a good chunk of time to...

www.girlschase.com

The Importance of Purpose

Some years and an entirely other identity ago, I was a rap artist. It’s not something I talk about a whole lot these days, because the person I am today is completely different from the person I was then and anyone I meet today has a difficult time imagining me in that light.

www.girlschase.com

"To find your own purpose, you need to sit down and decide what’s important to you, and what you’d most like to see change in the world. When you know what change you want to see – what people you want to help, what people you want to wake up to reality, what problem you want to find a solution for – when you know that, you will know your purpose."