FR How do I seduce a 10?

[Calibration]

Caveat: I really don't like numbering girls cos it's subjective but this one I met today would perhaps be universally acceptable as 10. Not only cos she looked like Sofie turner with Scarlet Johnson lips (Sansa stark from GOT) but had an amazing personality too (she was kind, feminine and easy going to begin with). So, I'm not hesitant to call her a 10.

Approach: I finished leg day at the gym today and was super tired. By the time, I finished groceries shopping and fixing a scratch on my car, I was exhausted. I thought I'll not do much but just go to Starbucks and rest there instead of sitting alone at home. As I went in, I saw a girl giving me eyes but I had to go to the toilet, so thought I'll come back and approach her. When I returned seat next to her was taken. So, I just sat in another seat and then there was another girl who was waiting for her coffee. She was wearing a backpack and had a logo on it. With Starburcks being super crowded, I thought indirect would be optimal. So, commented something about the logo making strong eye contact. She blushed. She spoke a lot about where she bought it and why she likes it etc. I kept just half smiling and making strong eye contact. She knew what was happening. Then, I spoke to her about why she is here and I don't know why she was talking a lot but she told me everything like she was waiting to tell someone. She said she was German, I said I thought you're Scandinavian and then she removes her mask to reveal her beautiful face to prove that she's not Scandinavian.. OMG.. I almost fainted looking at her. Those luscious lips, her smile matched with her deep blue eyes and as she spoke, I was enchanted. For some reason, I thought she's a hard catch and should up my game but also thought I should just be myself since these days, guys here (credit: @StrayDog) have suggested that. So I straight up told her what I thought.. I said, you don't look like what I thought. She asked "what did you think?". I said "how easily do you get offended?". She said, "not easily, try it". I said, "well tbh, you have a bitchy face or so you look until someone knows you.. take it as a compliment (laughing)". She said, she has heard that but asked me why I thought so. I said, look, beauty is common but being so approachable, is a perfect blend. She blushed. So, she said, either I'm not looking too bitchy today or you're too bold to come talk to me then since you still came and talked to me. I said, "I think I'm definitely bold, with a deep eye contact". She kept complaining that she hasn't slept well in 10 days due to travel and she's super sleepy and tired. I kinda ignored that and said, do you want a coffee? I have a free one in my app. She said, she already ordered. Her coffee arrived and she said she'll go upstairs and wait for me. I said ok and I bought one for me and met her upstairs.
When I went there, she was cleaning the coffee she had spilt (facepalm), she was like a reckless child. She said she was 30 but she didn't look a day older than 21. I don't know if she lied or don't know why she would? Anyway, I was teasing her saying, you're 60 years old and still you spill coffee like a kid. By then, I had teased her a lot and thought I should mellow down since I was teasing her a lot. Since Starburcks was getting very noisy, I could barely hear her and I didn't want to lean in since it'd display a bad body language. So I suggested her we leave and go out.. she said she was tired.

Bounce: I said, generally it's not this noisy, maybe cos you're here, it's like this.. teasing her one last time. She said "fuck you" laughing and she agreed to go out.
As we walked out, I was much relaxed. I'm generally more relaxed when walking than sitting and talking. But tbh, she was too hot to handle. Now, I started deep diving.. asked a lot about her and she was happy to just talk and talk and talk. I discovered she was a vegan. I don't know why I couldn't stop teasing her for everything she said. Although I'm a pescatarian myself, I teased her for being vegan. Then we went towards my favorite place in the harbour and she was giggling all along. I think I fucked up here. She mentioned something about her ex and she said I don't want to talk about him. I diverted the topic and then she said, she like to have kids but she hasn't found "Mr. Right". I was on her left, walking and I went to her right. She asked, what happened? I said "you wanted a guy on your right".. laughing. She found it funny but I think she took that seriously and said "I'm really not looking for a relationship right now. I just want to live my life.. Blah.. Blah.. Blah" (facepalm). I tried my best to let her know subtly that it was a joke but she didn't seem to accept that. After that, I started qualifying to see if she's compliant or I can just go back home. She was super compliant. So I asked her "why did you decide to be a vegan?". She said for moral reasons. I actually found that very appealing and said, you deserve a hug for this and said come here. But she suddenly became non-compliant and said "no thanks, a lot of them want that". It was a blow to my frame. I tried my best to hold it and said, come on.. I myself am a pescatarian for the same reason. I was a meat eater 13 years ago and I used to eat a lot of meat. I also turned pescatarian for the same reason. So she said, then why did you tease me earlier for being a vegan? I said, come on don't you know that I was joking? She said, yes.. so why are you asking me why I turned vegan? I said, people turn vegan for various reasons like religion, morals etc. I didn't know why you would've turned vegan. She said "do you think I'm religious?". I said, you can't judge a book by its cover. Like when I met you. She again asked, what did you think? She was basically fishing for compliments. I said nevermind. She was like, come on.. Don't do that. Tell me. I said, like I said earlier, you're soft natured and that's very appealing to me and that means a lot to me, more than physical beauty. I said, now stop making me complimenting you over and over again. You seem to just like a lot of compliments. Now either you pay me for every compliment or you can start complimenting me...(laughing). She teased me saying, there is nothing to compliment you (laughing) and said, sorry I was joking. I said, come on.. I look amazing.. every day when I look in the mirror, I tell myself.. Woah.. who's this handsome guy? (Of course, I was just joking)... I suggested we should go to another place.

Bounce 2: My legs were dying but I just tried pushing my limits and again walked for another 15-20 mins and she said she wants to go to a toilet. So, I suggested we go to a bar and we went there but she didn't want to drink anything. I didn't like to just use the toilet. So, I just bought an orange juice and we talked there for another 30 mins. I sexualized the conversation a bit by talking about how RayZ is good bed and so Beyonce is with her". I asked don't you think being good in bed is a good thing? She said "yes but that's not the only thing". I said of course you need connection. It's not all about looks and made a strong eye contact. I was looking for many opportunities to bounce her home. Then I knew she watches a lot of series and we talked about that. I said you look like Sansa Stark from Game of thrones and we talked a little bit about that. She said, she hasn't watched one of the episodes that I was talking about and said she don't know where to watch cos she doesn't have a tv. So I suggested, we should go watch at my place. She said ok but just one episode. I said, ya of course. Then I paid up and went out.

Not so happy ending: I don't know what happened, she said she likes to go back, cook, make some phone calls and wants her me time. By this point, I had already addressed many of her concerns like she wants to do groceries, tired, sleepy etc etc. I was exhausted as well. I did a hailmary and said "I love your lips btw", with a straight face. She wanted more validation and said "they are dry". I said "ya, I don't know that". I tried one last time and said "how about you cook at my place?". She said the same thing that she wants to have a good meal blah blah blah.. I said "let's cook together"... She didn't oblige and said the same thing about "me time, phone calls, tired blah blah blah". So, I just said "alright, let's cook another time" for which she said, "let's see". I said "of course, let's see...". We walked towards my apartment and showed her where I live and then showed her where she'd have to buy groceries. Before she left, we exchanged numbers but for some fucking reason, Whatsapp wasn't working. I came across a bit persistent in taking her number although she wasn't super eager. She asked social media, I said I don't use it and then finally added her on signal but from her last interaction, I can say she's not going to meet me again. A few things that I think I reflected on and thought went wrong were:
1. I was trying too hard but she wasn't someone who didn't know to ask questions. Perhaps, all her life, guys have primed her not to (facepalm)
2. That joke about "Mr. Right" caused it to go south.
3. She was the first girl who was so attractive, I've gone out with. So, honestly I didn't know how to game. She constantly needed validation.
4. Probably I went overboard with teasing but otherwise, she'd talk about how tired she is and how old she is etc.. which I didn't want to console her like a gay best friend.
5. @Skills mentioned about calibration in one of the posts and I had that in mind and I think my calibration was on point. Maybe I'm not doing something else right.

Although she was the most attractive I've gone out with, I still struggle with girls who are super attractive. Not sure what I need to change in my game. Any thoughts?

 

[StrayDog]

I never suggested "just being yourself" I suggested you focus on building a connection with the woman. Which you failed to do here. That's okay, I did something similar on a date recently. Getting too gamey.

Yes, you teased too much. There were tons of moments when you could have built a sense of connection but instead put a wedge between you two. Too much teasing comes across as needy. For example when she says that you approached her because either she didn't look too bitch or because you're bold. You say it's because you are bold. It's just bragging. It looks try hard. You could have easily used that moment to help qualify her "well obviously it's cause you're glowing today". You made a moment that could have been about the two of you and made it about yourself.
The Mr right thing is no good not only because it's corny as fuck. But you also fall into her frame of wanting a provider to raise children with. It sub communicates that you are chasing her. Then when she highlights this, you back track and start frame battling that it is just a joke. In general, you keep getting into needless frame battles with her over pointless shit. At one point she shit tests you about her having nothing to compliment you about, and you fall into her frame saying you like the way you look in the mirror.

It's like you spent a good portion of this interaction with an antagonistic tone between one another. Not collaborative.

She keeps telling you she is tired and hungry and you did nothing substantial to address these needs. Her: I'm tired
You: come here. We're going to take a moment to relax (rub her shoulders and take some deep breaths.) Or whatever. Even asking her what's got her tired could have been helpful. Offering her a moment to take a load off. Of course, you will face logistics issues here if you don't calibrate to her state.

When you sexualize the convo it is done at a moment where she is not receptive to it. She counters the frame and you accept her frame then try to squeeze your frame in. "yes it's not the only thing but it is important." It makes it pretty clear that you are aiming to get sex out of this interaction, even though she has given no indication that that is where the connection is at for her. You keep looking for reasons to take her home when you haven't even established common ground. It is very much a cart before the horse moment.

You are persistent in a way that signals a bit of an agenda. You keep suggesting the same thing despite her objections. You fail to get to the heart of her objections and address the matter.

You got all hung up on her looks. No reason to. She is just a human in a pretty body. You "almost fainted" and figured she was a "hard catch" based purely on her looks. you basically psyched yourself out and started over gaming.

Like I say. Focus on building CONNECTION. Give her a reason to feel connected to you. Help her feel compelled to collaborate with you. All the vegan stuff could have easily been about you two connecting on the importance of eating well, or you joking around about the endless bounty of nature "mmm nature is such a wellspring of nourishment" "look at us staying healthy". Instead, it got super intellectual, then it turned into a frame battle shit show because you needlessly teased her and then backtracked when she called you out on it ("it was just a joke"). The backtracking definitely comes across as chasing.

All that said. Way to make the approach last so long. Obviously, there was some juice there even if it spiraled out. Some of the teasing was helpful but you just took it too far and didn't balance it with a sense of genuine connection.

Also, a quick tip. If you carry around a bag when you are out gaming, bring some tasty snacks that are undeniably refreshing. Cherries, peaches, chocolate. That kind of thing. I have had many instances with "hungry" women were just having a peach on hand changed the flow of things for the better. At the very least you have some healthy energy boosters for yourself.

 

[Skills]

Teasing too much aka becoming a one trick phony.
15-20 minute walk too much max 5
Lack of verbal and physical sexual escalation.... your example of sexual escalation is extremely weak

What you did will not worh on a 6, 7, 8 , 9 or 10... weak

 

[Yes...IAmAMetsFan!:)]

Be yourself and be self confident!

We knew this guy back in the day who had a congenital jaw deformity.

He had no lack of female company. No, he was not rich! He had a retail job.

He was simply a great guy and had a ton of self confidence!

 

[Starboy]

Teasing too much aka becoming a one trick phony.
15-20 minute walk too much max 5
Lack of verbal and physical sexual escalation.... your example is extremely weak

What you did will not worh on a 6, 7, 8 , 9 or 10... weak

Good to know about the teasing. I almost did too much of this over texting which is a even worse place to overdo it. How do you balance between this and building rapport in person? Just get more experience?

 

[StrayDog]

Good to know about the teasing. I almost did too much of this over texting which is a even worse place to overdo it. How do you balance between this and building rapport in person? Just get more experience?

Bro, I have dropped teasing women over text almost completely. Rare moments maybe, but for the most part no way. I have bombed so many times with teasing jokes that would land just fine in person but over text just straight up tank

 

[Starboy]

Bro, I have dropped teasing women over text almost completely. Rare moments maybe, but for the most part no way. I have bombed so many times with teasing jokes that would land just fine in person but over text just straight up tank

agreed. I think the one caveat is if you meet a girl who you know is high interest and you're sure she likes you. Girls who are just so so or like you just somewhat yeah teasing over text can push her over the edge and you lose her.

 

[Calibration]

There are a lot of great points from both of you.. I agree to most of the points but I'm skeptical about some of them.. Although things that I did yesterday were pretty bad, I was conscious about what I was doing and there were reasons behind that and my thinking maybe totally flawed as well, that's why I posted the FR here.. Let me explain..

I never suggested "just being yourself" I suggested you focus on building a connection with the woman. Which you failed to do here. That's okay, I did something similar on a date recently. Getting too gamey.

Agreed. Like I mentioned in my OP, my bad habits came into play cos she was too attractive and I acknowledge that.

Yes, you teased too much. There were tons of moments when you could have built a sense of connection but instead put a wedge between you two. Too much teasing comes across as needy. For example when she says that you approached her because either she didn't look too bitch or because you're bold. You say it's because you are bold. It's just bragging. It looks try hard. You could have easily used that moment to help qualify her "well obviously it's cause you're glowing today". You made a moment that could have been about the two of you and made it about yourself.

Ok, the reason I got gamey here instead of complimenting her is, I'm quite certain she has heard everything that I would've complimented and I'd be dishonest if I just said her dressing is good or something not related to what I'm actually attracted i.e., her face and body. I also come across very disingenuous if gave her a fake compliment. So, an alternative was to create a sense of mystery for her to think why he is not complimenting like all the 1000s of guys she has met in her life. Someone who is average may really fall for me if I complimented her but someone like this girl might have heard everything I'd have said.

The Mr right thing is no good not only because it's corny as fuck. But you also fall into her frame of wanting a provider to raise children with. It sub communicates that you are chasing her. Then when she highlights this, you back track and start frame battling that it is just a joke.

Yes, a mistake.
I'd like to ask @Skills how he deals with such things. I have read in his blog that there is something similar, where he says, "you know what material this is?" and she says "no" and he'd say "boyfriend material". My teases are similar to what @Skills does and it totally matches my vibe. I can't count on one hand the number of girls, I've lost with such kind of teasing. Some girls fall for it right away and they are sold on you but it can backfire easily also. There is a similar one about "black beans and pinto beans" in his blog and its very very flirtatious.. Taking a piss at the girl and if she is into that kind of humour, she'll be eating from your hands.

2 days ago, I met a girl in a grocery store who didn't want to give her number but I could say that she was attracted to me but she was just hesitant due to safety concerns, which she admitted. I said, well do you have a pigeon? She asked "why?" I said "you can send a letter to me through the pigeon" with a straight face and she was so dumb (I can't believe girls can be so dumb) that she started explaining to me how she has heard of pigeons doing that in movies but has never seen one in real life doing that. I said "well, I'm just messing with you, don't take it so seriously" and started laughing. She realised that she came across so dumb that, she started hitting me..and I had met her just 5 mins ago. Instant attraction. I once told a girl, I like her teeth and she asked me what was so special? I said they are so bright and white, you can be used as a lamp post.. she wasn't expecting that. She said, that was very mean but kinda liked it for some reason.. you get the point.

In general, you keep getting into needless frame battles with her over pointless shit.

Mistake, agreed. I'd like to know how you build attraction without teasing and yet not falling into BF category or getting friend zoned.

At one point she shit tests you about her having nothing to compliment you about, and you fall into her frame saying you like the way you look in the mirror.

We were just messing with each other and she knew I was being sarcastic also. So, I wouldn't worry too much about this.

It's like you spent a good portion of this interaction with an antagonistic tone between one another. Not collaborative.

Mistake, agreed.

She keeps telling you she is tired and hungry and you did nothing substantial to address these needs.

Agreed, I was perhaps not confident that she'll comply with me.

Her: I'm tired
You: come here. We're going to take a moment to relax (rub her shoulders and take some deep breaths.) Or whatever. Even asking her what's got her tired could have been helpful. Offering her a moment to take a load off.

I did say that, "come here, you need a hug" and she didn't comply. She said, "no thanks. everyone wants it from me". Perhaps, this was why I was hesitant to go with a frame of an ally instead of an adversary. I'd like to know what you'd have done if she refused.

Of course, you will face logistics issues here if you don't calibrate to her state.

When you sexualize the convo it is done at a moment where she is not receptive to it. She counters the frame and you accept her frame then try to squeeze your frame in. "yes it's not the only thing but it is important." It makes it pretty clear that you are aiming to get sex out of this interaction, even though she has given no indication that that is where the connection is at for her. You keep looking for reasons to take her home when you haven't even established common ground. It is very much a cart before the horse moment.

Excellent point. I hadn't thought about it. Tbh, I've learnt the idea of bouncing a girl home only with such plausible deniability excuses. I felt I was just wasting my time when she was clearly attracted from what I could see. She even mentioned that she'd like to watch GOT episode but I don't really know what happened to her suddenly. @Skills mentioned that I overreach sometimes and I think he is absolutely right. Yesterday, right in the beginning she was attracted when she got to know that I do and teach yoga. She was asking a lot of questions about it. I could've just relaxed a bit and slowly escalated. But I over-cooked it and spoilt it with lots of teasing.

You are persistent in a way that signals a bit of an agenda. You keep suggesting the same thing despite her objections. You fail to get to the heart of her objections and address the matter.

What could I've done if she kept saying she wants to go back home, feeling tired and not complying when I tried to physically escalate?

You got all hung up on her looks. No reason to. She is just a human in a pretty body. You "almost fainted" and figured she was a "hard catch" based purely on her looks. you basically psyched yourself out and started over gaming.

Agreed. Bro, remember my dry spell for a year?

Like I say. Focus on building CONNECTION. Give her a reason to feel connected to you. Help her feel compelled to collaborate with you. All the vegan stuff could have easily been about you two connecting on the importance of eating well, or you joking around about the endless bounty of nature "mmm nature is such a wellspring of nourishment" "look at us staying healthy".

Agreed, this is a good point.

Instead, it got super intellectual, then it turned into a frame battle shit show because you needlessly teased her and then backtracked when she called you out on it ("it was just a joke"). The backtracking definitely comes across as chasing.

Yep, I think you pointed something really game changing here. The reason this happens is, I try to set a chase-frame which backfires and I end-up chasing (facepalm). You are absolutely right in saying that I unnecessarily get into frame-battles when that is not even required. Very good point.

All that said. Way to make the approach last so long. Obviously, there was some juice there even if it spiraled out. Some of the teasing was helpful but you just took it too far and didn't balance it with a sense of genuine connection.

Like I mentioned above, I'm really curious to know how you build connection without building attraction? Or am I doing a mistake by not assuming attraction?

Also, a quick tip. If you carry around a bag when you are out gaming, bring some tasty snacks that are undeniably refreshing. Cherries, peaches, chocolate. That kind of thing. I have had many instances with "hungry" women were just having a peach on hand changed the flow of things for the better. At the very least you have some healthy energy boosters for yourself.

Good idea. I'll carry chocolates.

Teasing too much aka becoming a one trick phony.

Agreed. Bro, I realised this but do you think this was the deal-breaker? Cos it was not only teasing, I was asking about her, her sister and her relationship with her sister, her hobbies, passions etc.

15-20 minute walk too much max 5

Noted.

Lack of verbal and physical sexual escalation.... your example of sexual escalation is extremely weak

tbh, I'm still hesitant to do sex-talk. I've had both good and bad reactions from it. So, I play-safe which may not be the best thing. I had girl walk away from the date when I just said something borderline sexual and I've also had girls who liked it but I find it quite hard to introduce sex talk to the level of "8 gambits" that you said in your video that you use very soon.

What you did will not worh on a 6, 7, 8 , 9 or 10... weak

I agree that what I did yesterday was pretty bad but I still think it was not as bad cos when I didn't know much about game, I still had moderate success with 6s and 7s just with my teasing and a bit of connection building and now my game has improved exponentially. So, I wanted to know what I could've done better other than the points I self-reflected on.

I watched it quickly once (during work ) I'll watch it again.

Bro, I have dropped teasing women over text almost completely. Rare moments maybe, but for the most part no way. I have bombed so many times with teasing jokes that would land just fine in person but over text just straight up tank

True. Ive lost count the number of girls I've lost only cos of teasing over texting. I'd say the exact same words that I said when I had met them but they'd ghost me. One good example is, I remember a hot girl I met in a meetup a couple of years ago. There were guys drooling over her. I just teased her so much that she left the group and we were talking 1:1 for the rest of the evening. I teased her calling nerd and she was all over me. She straight-up said, I don't like fuck boys but continued to talk to me for another 30 mins. She texted me first when she got home and I continued with the nerd shit over text and she actually blocked me. So, I've dropped teasing over text but occasionally when I see a girl gets it when I start with something small, its game-on for me.

BTW, thanks for your inputs, its really helpful for me.

 

[Skills]

Bro, I have dropped teasing women over text almost completely. Rare moments maybe, but for the most part no way. I have bombed so many times with teasing jokes that would land just fine in person but over text just straight up tank

Teasing is ok plowing on any type of seduction arsenal no matter what it is makes you one dimensional, teasing and flirting and humor is a positive cause easy to gauge were she is in the seduction but plowing is the issue... i would take flirting and teasing over no doing the problem is plowing...

@Skippy recently had a interaction with 0 teasing and flirting and polarity was going no were, as soon as he started doing that in the plain boring interaction the girl flipped like pancake

look at @Fluxcapacitor he has the right balance

LR - Revenge of the Sith

Dudes! I've just recently posted a LR because I think it gives a good background to this one. I met this girl on Saturday and she looked and acted a lot like the girl from the previous post. She responded to the same teasing style and physical touch but this was done in reverse. Title - I think...

www.skilledseducer.com

LR - Off the clock

Background Dudes! I wasn't going to post this LR but I think it helps with context for another LR about to be posted. This happened Tuesday last week. I met this girl a couple years back when one of my bosses daughters started working at the company. From the moment we made eye contact it was a...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[StrayDog]

Teasing is ok plowing on any type of seduction arsenal no matter what it is makes you one dimensional, teasing and flirting and humor is a positive cause easy to gauge were she is in the seduction but plowing is the issue... i would take flirting and teasing over no doing the problem is plowing...

@Skippy recently had a interaction with 0 teasing and flirting and polarity was going no were, as soon as he started doing that in the plain boring interaction the girl flipped like pancake

look at @Fluxcapacitor he has the right balance

LR - Revenge of the Sith

Dudes! I've just recently posted a LR because I think it gives a good background to this one. I met this girl on Saturday and she looked and acted a lot like the girl from the previous post. She responded to the same teasing style and physical touch but this was done in reverse. Title - I think...

www.skilledseducer.com

LR - Off the clock

Background Dudes! I wasn't going to post this LR but I think it helps with context for another LR about to be posted. This happened Tuesday last week. I met this girl a couple years back when one of my bosses daughters started working at the company. From the moment we made eye contact it was a...

www.skilledseducer.com

I meant teasing over text messages where the tone is difficult to interpret. I definitely use a healthy dose of teasing when I am out in the field. Over text though I have found it to rarely lands for me. Like Hector outlines in this video

I might tease very slightly via text but I am very careful with it.

That said, maybe my texts are lacking some spice I could be using. Do you have text examples of what you are talking about. Using teasing then not pushing the issue? I noticed in one of your threads on texting you tease the girl for being bad at flirting when she is not complying and you pull it off nicely.

 

[Skills]

I meant teasing over text messages where the tone is difficult to interpret. I definitely use a healthy dose of teasing when I am out in the field. Over text though I have found it to rarely lands for me. Like Hector outlines in this video

I might tease very slightly via text but I am very careful with it.

That said, maybe my texts are lacking some spice I could be using. Do you have text examples of what you are talking about. Using teasing then not pushing the issue? I noticed in one of your threads on texting you tease the girl for being bad at flirting when she is not complying and you pull it off nicely.

I learn how to text cause i could not speak english no only have i laid hundreds of girls through my texting i am directly responsible of multiple seducerd getting laid from my texting advice, i can give you dozens of text lay reports proving other wise, anyways here:

p.s. i just saw the video he is talking about a dude that texted and insulted a girl, thinking he was teasing, he was uncalibrated (back to the calibration post), he took that as causation correlation, don't tease throw text, don't give nicknames to the girls (i totally call women sexy nurse, or russian crush etc..) :

here and example of my teases:

"what are you doing besides thinking of me and smiling?"

when she sends pics: "you just woke up optimus prime, i sense a lot movement, the force is strong" things like that

"i work in real estate, microsoft, self help but my real dream profession is sussie future lover"

^ gets to the point the responses and what they do is really predictable....I got hundreds of samples, all field tested actual lays...you plowing is the problem, you insulting is the problem, you being uncalibrated is the problem...

Socializing - The fallacy of seduction success....

So I always write a blog and/or a post, based on an observation, my life, the field or something going on... So the sequence is, i usually make a post then get feedback then usually turn it into a youtube video..... Recently i made a goal of try to do a youtube a week, but it has been 2 weeks...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[StrayDog]

I learn how to text cause i could not speak english no only have i laid hundreds of girls through my texting i am directly responsible of multiple seducerd getting laid from my texting advice, i can give you dozens of text lay reports proving other wise, anyways here:

p.s. i just saw the video he is talking about a dude that texted and insulted a girl, thinking he was teasing, he was uncalibrated (back to the calibration post), he took that as causation correlation, don't tease throw text, don't give nicknames to the girls (i totally call women sexy nurse, or russian crush etc..) :

here and example of my teases:

"what are you doing besides thinking of me and smiling?"

when she sends pics: "you just woke up optimus prime, i sense a lot movement, the force is strong" things like that

"i work in real estate, microsoft, self help but my real dream profession is sussie future lover"

^ gets to the point the responses and what they do is really predictable....I got hundreds of samples, all field tested actual lays...you plowing is the problem, you insulting is the problem, you being uncalibrated is the problem...

Socializing - The fallacy of seduction success....

So I always write a blog and/or a post, based on an observation, my life, the field or something going on... So the sequence is, i usually make a post then get feedback then usually turn it into a youtube video..... Recently i made a goal of try to do a youtube a week, but it has been 2 weeks...

www.skilledseducer.com

Appreciate the info. I see the difference in teasing styles here. Your style is more of a positive tease, with a touch of silliness. rather than a super sarcastic one that requires in person tone to be interpreted as a tease.

 

[POB]

To the op...kudos on the approach!
It's really nice to have that "click" with a new chick.
Things to pay attention to:
- shorten your walks when bouncing her. Usually 5 minutes, top 8 mins when changing venues;
- shorten the "dates" on each location...usually 15-20 minutes each, so you don't have to enter difficult subjects (like kids);
- don't "reapeat dates"...you need to keep things fresh....usually you want a similar sequence to this: coffee/deli > walk to park/garden and sit >walk home using plausible deniabiliy line(s) that seem coeherent with the subject you guys been chatting (e.g. hey X, you know what....I have this awesome book full of delicious veggie recipes that I want to show you...maybe you can teach me how you would do some of them?).

Each bounce location should serve a purpose:
1) social, showing you are not a creep, banter, light kino and tease minor sexual tones (you did it very well)
2) ramp up sex talk and kino, throw non-judmental and secret society frames to avoid ASD (this part you missed)
3) break rapport, push pull, close the deal and pull to isolation (because you missed 02, when you tried 03 you got resistance).

 

[Will_V]

The first tease was fine (good even as a hook) but from then on, as you say, you couldn't stop. This is what happens when you don't know how to manage the tension you feel (probably because she was so hot), it's uncomfortable and the only socially acceptable way - or so it seems - to release it is by making jokes.

The best way to deal with this is to keep reinforcing the frame in your mind of 'she's just a girl'. It doesn't mean necessarily teasing her, but maneuvering your own perception consciously.

Example: she gets nervous and spills coffee. Draw your attention to the fact that she's just like any other girl, all nervous about meeting a new man, not sure what to say or do or how to express herself, but that's ok because you're the man, you're going to lead her and make sure she has a good time.

It's all about self talk, attention control, and presence. She's not this or that or a 10 or Sofie Turner or whatever, she's a woman, and a man and a woman are a certain way together, that's just how it is.

 

[Fuck This]

I didn't read your word salad much from the middle on..... There was a lot of minutia in there...

Long story short, if you aren't feeling 100% best bet is to make a date to meet her later. Get a number and go retreat to rest up.

 

[Skills]

I didn't read your word salad much from the middle on..... There was a lot of minutia in there...

Long story short, if you aren't feeling 100% best bet is to make a date to meet her later. Get a number and go retreat to rest up.

Good point if she is not feeling it dont plow and get number....

 

[StrayDog]

Good point if she is not feeling it dont plow and get number....

Always good to screen for logistics up front. If she says she is tired find out exactly why. Get a clear picture of all extenuating circumstances and adjust from there. Better to quit while you are ahead than to butt up against shitty logistics in the eleventh hour

 

[StrayDog]

Ok, the reason I got gamey here instead of complimenting her is, I'm quite certain she has heard everything that I would've complimented and I'd be dishonest if I just said her dressing is good or something not related to what I'm actually attracted i.e., her face and body. I also come across very disingenuous if gave her a fake compliment. So, an alternative was to create a sense of mystery for her to think why he is not complimenting like all the 1000s of guys she has met in her life. Someone who is average may really fall for me if I complimented her but someone like this girl might have heard everything I'd have said.

If you don't like her clothing you can find other ways to compliment her that arent her body. "Honestly, You hold yourself very gracefully and it caught my eye" "Obviously you are vibrant either way" and so on. Also instead of complimenting her, you could have just brushed it off "Well, either way here we are, and that's cool." Or frame it in a way that she is a part of your boldness "Something about your presence compelled me to be bold. So really it was a team effort." Or if you go a cocky route maybe soften it a bit "Just a man of action I suppose" (said while shrugging). But anyway it's not like this moment broke the interaction, just sets a certain tone. Cocky can do wonders in certain measures, but it can also really polarize

Yes, a mistake.
I'd like to ask @Skills how he deals with such things. I have read in his blog that there is something similar, where he says, "you know what material this is?" and she says "no" and he'd say "boyfriend material". My teases are similar to what @Skills does and it totally matches my vibe. I can't count on one hand the number of girls, I've lost with such kind of teasing. Some girls fall for it right away and they are sold on you but it can backfire easily also. There is a similar one about "black beans and pinto beans" in his blog and its very very flirtatious.. Taking a piss at the girl and if she is into that kind of humour, she'll be eating from your hands.

This is really about calibration. In this instance on the date, it was a joke that solidified her frame of wanting the right guy to raise kids with. You Literally put yourself in the position of saying "well maybe I am Mr right" (which she immediately disqualified you from). So not saying these kinds of jokes can't land (especially with a strong lover frame already set) but this one ultimately did you a disservice.

I am noticing you often have examples of joking in your field reports. Not saying joking is bad, at all. But I want to put forth that maybe you are relying too heavily on it, and it doesn't always suit the purposes of your seduction. I say this coming from a place of having been very jokey in the past myself. I have always been a funny dude, and I think I developed a social mechanism that said "making people laugh/being clever=success." But this often isn't true. It is often a reaction over results strategy. When I started cutting back I was able to see more results, as well as better understand humor more as a tool than a crutch

We were just messing with each other and she knew I was being sarcastic also. So, I wouldn't worry too much about this.

But it does matter, this was at the peak of things falling apart. The peak of you two frame battling. She was basically implying you have no merit to her (whether she was serious or not). There is tons of sub-communication going on here. It is important to understand the underlying dynamic, to better handle these sorts of moments.

I did say that, "come here, you need a hug" and she didn't comply. She said, "no thanks. everyone wants it from me". Perhaps, this was why I was hesitant to go with a frame of an ally instead of an adversary. I'd like to know what you'd have done if she refused.

Start by finding out what she is going through, then offer a solution that suits the moment. Telling her to come in for a hug is a gamble. Especially when there is little precedence of kino, or compliance beforehand. Gather info, then respond. The solution you offered was one that she sensed came with a personal agenda "everyone wants it from me" she felt like you were trying to get something from her, not offer her a solution to her emotional state.

Excellent point. I hadn't thought about it. Tbh, I've learnt the idea of bouncing a girl home only with such plausible deniability excuses. I felt I was just wasting my time when she was clearly attracted from what I could see. She even mentioned that she'd like to watch GOT episode but I don't really know what happened to her suddenly.

what indications did you have that this was the right moment to pull her? was there a strong indication that the momentum of your interaction was headed in this direction, or was this something that you read into the interaction that wasn't really there? Things aren't always as they appear. For example, just cause a woman is in your bed, doesn't mean she is ready to have sex with you.

I'd like to know how you build attraction without teasing and yet not falling into BF category or getting friend zoned.

I used to fall deeply in the boyfriend/friend zone. I rarely have that problem anymore (I have other problems), but when I did it was rarely due to a lack of teasing. It is about how you frame yourself and the interaction easygoing, a breeziness, an escape from routine, free flowing, eschewing social norms, a sexual authority, a strong display of personal boundaries, a non-judgmental mindset, and so on. Attraction is built through presence, command of oneself, and demonstrating competence. If you poses these qualities it is a reasonable assumption. The function of teasing is either a form of building connections or setting boundaries. It is only one piece of the pie.

 

[Calibration]

Your whole body orgasm is hilarious
Btw, I've tried both - kissing the girl outside and kissing her at home. I still can't say what is better but I've just stuck with the idea of kissing her at home. If you have specific reasons of kissing her outside, let me know..

To the op...kudos on the approach!
It's really nice to have that "click" with a new chick.
Things to pay attention to:
- shorten your walks when bouncing her. Usually 5 minutes, top 8 mins when changing venues;
- shorten the "dates" on each location...usually 15-20 minutes each, so you don't have to enter difficult subjects (like kids);
- don't "reapeat dates"...you need to keep things fresh....usually you want a similar sequence to this: coffee/deli > walk to park/garden and sit >walk home using plausible deniabiliy line(s) that seem coeherent with the subject you guys been chatting (e.g. hey X, you know what....I have this awesome book full of delicious veggie recipes that I want to show you...maybe you can teach me how you would do some of them?).

Each bounce location should serve a purpose:
1) social, showing you are not a creep, banter, light kino and tease minor sexual tones (you did it very well)
2) ramp up sex talk and kino, throw non-judmental and secret society frames to avoid ASD (this part you missed)

You are right cos this literally happened recently with another girl who came home with me and freaked out and left cos I had not addressed her ASD concerns. I didn't post the report cos it was too messed up. I jumped the gun too quickly. Problem I'm noticing with my seductions are, I skip steps quite often cos I don't remember them. Are there any tips to remember everything? I know it should not be memorized but until I get to a point where everything flows naturally, is there a solution to this?

3) break rapport, push pull, close the deal and pull to isolation (because you missed 02, when you tried 03 you got resistance).

Very likely.

The first tease was fine (good even as a hook) but from then on, as you say, you couldn't stop. This is what happens when you don't know how to manage the tension you feel (probably because she was so hot), it's uncomfortable and the only socially acceptable way - or so it seems - to release it is by making jokes.

This was a good point. I wasn't aware until now why I become overenthusiastic when with a hot girl, this gives me some reference to hold my ground.

The best way to deal with this is to keep reinforcing the frame in your mind of 'she's just a girl'. It doesn't mean necessarily teasing her, but maneuvering your own perception consciously.

Hmm..

Example: she gets nervous and spills coffee. Draw your attention to the fact that she's just like any other girl, all nervous about meeting a new man, not sure what to say or do or how to express herself, but that's ok because you're the man, you're going to lead her and make sure she has a good time.

It's all about self talk, attention control, and presence.

True inner game..

She's not this or that or a 10 or Sofie Turner or whatever, she's a woman, and a man and a woman are a certain way together, that's just how it is.

Easier said than done but I get your point.

I didn't read your word salad much from the middle on..... There was a lot of minutia in there...

Long story short, if you aren't feeling 100% best bet is to make a date to meet her later. Get a number and go retreat to rest up.

Always good to screen for logistics up front. If she says she is tired find out exactly why. Get a clear picture of all extenuating circumstances and adjust from there. Better to quit while you are ahead than to butt up against shitty logistics in the eleventh hour

i don't do this is, I've heard and experienced first hand countless times that attraction window doesn't reopen once it expires.

 

[Calibration]

If you don't like her clothing you can find other ways to compliment her that arent her body. "Honestly, You hold yourself very gracefully and it caught my eye" "Obviously you are vibrant either way" and so on. Also instead of complimenting her, you could have just brushed it off "Well, either way here we are, and that's cool." Or frame it in a way that she is a part of your boldness "Something about your presence compelled me to be bold. So really it was a team effort." Or if you go a cocky route maybe soften it a bit "Just a man of action I suppose" (said while shrugging). But anyway it's not like this moment broke the interaction, just sets a certain tone. Cocky can do wonders in certain measures, but it can also really polarize

This is really about calibration. In this instance on the date, it was a joke that solidified her frame of wanting the right guy to raise kids with. You Literally put yourself in the position of saying "well maybe I am Mr right" (which she immediately disqualified you from). So not saying these kinds of jokes can't land (especially with a strong lover frame already set) but this one ultimately did you a disservice.

I am noticing you often have examples of joking in your field reports. Not saying joking is bad, at all. But I want to put forth that maybe you are relying too heavily on it, and it doesn't always suit the purposes of your seduction. I say this coming from a place of having been very jokey in the past myself. I have always been a funny dude, and I think I developed a social mechanism that said "making people laugh/being clever=success." But this often isn't true. It is often a reaction over results strategy. When I started cutting back I was able to see more results, as well as better understand humor more as a tool than a crutch

But it does matter, this was at the peak of things falling apart. The peak of you two frame battling. She was basically implying you have no merit to her (whether she was serious or not). There is tons of sub-communication going on here. It is important to understand the underlying dynamic, to better handle these sorts of moments.

Start by finding out what she is going through, then offer a solution that suits the moment. Telling her to come in for a hug is a gamble. Especially when there is little precedence of kino, or compliance beforehand. Gather info, then respond. The solution you offered was one that she sensed came with a personal agenda "everyone wants it from me" she felt like you were trying to get something from her, not offer her a solution to her emotional state.

what indications did you have that this was the right moment to pull her? was there a strong indication that the momentum of your interaction was headed in this direction, or was this something that you read into the interaction that wasn't really there? Things aren't always as they appear. For example, just cause a woman is in your bed, doesn't mean she is ready to have sex with you.

I used to fall deeply in the boyfriend/friend zone. I rarely have that problem anymore (I have other problems), but when I did it was rarely due to a lack of teasing. It is about how you frame yourself and the interaction easygoing, a breeziness, an escape from routine, free flowing, eschewing social norms, a sexual authority, a strong display of personal boundaries, a non-judgmental mindset, and so on. Attraction is built through presence, command of oneself, and demonstrating competence. If you poses these qualities it is a reasonable assumption. The function of teasing is either a form of building connections or setting boundaries. It is only one piece of the pie.

All good points...Will get back to this after work...