When I start talking to a girl and even when I think it's going well after a few (3-5) minutes they'll just stop talking to me or say "nice to meet you" and start talking to their friend again. Sometimes they'll even just walk away without saying bye. Sometimes I'll be talking to a girl at the bar and then after she gets her drink she'll just take off, only sometimes saying bye (I guess I should ask them to stay here?). I try to start convos out light before building up to heavier stuff (deep divining) and moving them...but I often can't even get to that stage. What am I doing wrong? I talk to many girls at clubs and it's entirely possible that EVERY girl does this to me in a given night. I feel like my "presence" and openers are solid, I feel like I'm doing everything right but this just keeps happening. Any advice?
How do I stop girls from walking away from me in clubs?
- Thread starter Scofield
- Start date
Maybe you're not moving fast enough. A club isn't necessarily a great place for conversations. Usually I say Hi, maybe a quick introduction (but not always) and then I'll be dancing with her for a while before I start some small talk. And I'll make sure to always keep some sort of body contact.
If you take your bar example, a girl goes to the bar to order a drink and not to find a flirt. And a lot of girls are like "uh I can't leave my friends alone" so I wouldn't think this is the best place to pick someone up, at least from my experience.
But how are you opening anyway? While I find a lot of openers work awesome in a club, others work just terrible.
If you take your bar example, a girl goes to the bar to order a drink and not to find a flirt. And a lot of girls are like "uh I can't leave my friends alone" so I wouldn't think this is the best place to pick someone up, at least from my experience.
But how are you opening anyway? While I find a lot of openers work awesome in a club, others work just terrible.
I think my openers are working fine, the girls talk to me and even seem to enjoy it...until they leave. I vary a lot of my openers at clubs since I don't want it to feel rehearsed, I use a lot of common ones like what are you drinking, are you having a good time, i have to say i really like your hair/dress/whatever and so on. A lot of the same openers that I use during the day and get good results with.
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I recommend not hitting on every girl in the club, if it's the same venue you've probably burnt it out. If its happening in different venues your probably going in with too much energy, at the wrong time.
I'm not a big club game person, mainly because I go to just enjoy the music, but what I can recommend is this just be social with everyone. Don't go chasing it but if there's people around you who look 'open' to it then go ahead. Id also suggest just going a few times just to get the vibe of the place (I think posted something along these lines a while back).
If you goto enough clubs enough times, generally your going to pull something sooner or later, so really you don't need to go looking usually.
With regards to the actual situation maybe try just making an excuse and leaving before they do, this shows a bit of social awareness that girls like, and they know your not going to be hassling them all night (unless they want that of course)
Hope that helps
I'm not a big club game person, mainly because I go to just enjoy the music, but what I can recommend is this just be social with everyone. Don't go chasing it but if there's people around you who look 'open' to it then go ahead. Id also suggest just going a few times just to get the vibe of the place (I think posted something along these lines a while back).
If you goto enough clubs enough times, generally your going to pull something sooner or later, so really you don't need to go looking usually.
With regards to the actual situation maybe try just making an excuse and leaving before they do, this shows a bit of social awareness that girls like, and they know your not going to be hassling them all night (unless they want that of course)
Hope that helps
Id also suggest just going a few times just to get the vibe of the place (I think posted something along these lines a while back).
So you're saying to go there a few times...and not talk to people?
I don't necessarily "chase" girls at these clubs, but if I can find a way to position myself by someone I want to talk to I will make a move, and over the course of the night I can often get to like 80% of the girls I want to talk to. Of course sometimes I just end up next to girls that seem open to chatting and I talk to them for a bit ([hopefully] attractive or not) or even guys who are feeling chatty.
Is it really possible to move too slowly if I'm only talking to them for 3-5 minutes...?
How fast should I be moving then? Any examples would be helpful.
And I should add that I often go by myself, my friends just really aren't into clubs.
So you're saying to go there a few times...and not talk to people?
I don't necessarily "chase" girls at these clubs, but if I can find a way to position myself by someone I want to talk to I will make a move, and over the course of the night I can often get to like 80% of the girls I want to talk to. Of course sometimes I just end up next to girls that seem open to chatting and I talk to them for a bit ([hopefully] attractive or not) or even guys who are feeling chatty.
Is it really possible to move too slowly if I'm only talking to them for 3-5 minutes...?
How fast should I be moving then? Any examples would be helpful.
And I should add that I often go by myself, my friends just really aren't into clubs.
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I'm suggesting you go without the intention to hook up.
If your going to clubs just for hookups then your probably wasting your time. If however you actually enjoy the club scene then that's fine (it's not clear which your doing). I don't particularly agree your not moving too fast but without seeing or hearing what your doing it's nigh on impossible to say either way.
There's obviously something wrong, either it's your vibe or technique but without more info as I say it's impossible to work out
If your going to clubs just for hookups then your probably wasting your time. If however you actually enjoy the club scene then that's fine (it's not clear which your doing). I don't particularly agree your not moving too fast but without seeing or hearing what your doing it's nigh on impossible to say either way.
There's obviously something wrong, either it's your vibe or technique but without more info as I say it's impossible to work out
I see. I like going to clubs to drink a bit and talk to girls. I'm not frustrated that I'm not hooking up since I set my expectations low and as long as I meet/talk to enough girls to keep myself occupied for the night I'm decently happy with the progress. Of course it would be nice to meet someone and hook up or at least get some numbers. Since I am going out by myself I'm not there to just chat with friends or dance...again my friends really don't like going to clubs that it's impossible to get them to go out with me 90% of the time...but I go anyways because I like drinking and meeting/talking to new girls. Of course I would like to refine my technique a bit and be more successful. I talk to girls during the day as well, but when it's 11 pm on a Fri/Sat it's kinda hard to attempt daytime pickups so I figure I might as well try the club/bar scenes.
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Scofield said:
Then that sounds like its more than likely your technique. Like I say I don't really do club game, but I do know the club scene.
It could just be all you need is more practice, you don't sound too worried by it and that's a good thing.
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Here you go:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-bars-and-clubs
My Advise:
Practice your pick ups in other places first, because clubs requires more effort and requires advance skills.
If your pick up skill is normally 7 elsewhere, then your skill would be a 5 in a club.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-bars-and-clubs
My Advise:
Practice your pick ups in other places first, because clubs requires more effort and requires advance skills.
If your pick up skill is normally 7 elsewhere, then your skill would be a 5 in a club.
Thank you light...I saw/read that article and I do indeed practice elsewhere, and yes I notice the disparity between night and day game....I still do want to get better at night game though.
Okay so I was hanging out just off the dance floor, I just got done talking to this girl who left because her sister dragged her away and this other group of girls comes by. A really pretty one is positioned very close to me. She talks to her friends for a min or two and plays on her phone then she glances around, sees me makes eye contact and goes back to talking to her friends. About 10 seconds later she's out on her phone I put my hand gently on her upper back, lean in and say
me: you look so bored
her: probably because I am!
me: haha, why's that, you don't like it here?
her: i like it ok..
*we talk about the places we go for a couple minutes, i don't remember the exact wording. also of note, I was already locked in with a nice spot against the DJ booth
me: what's your name!
her: Jennifer, you?
me: Scofield!
her: what are you drinking?
me: gin and tonic
*she makes a weird face*
me: what you don't like it?
her: it's just too soda-y for me!
me: what do you usually like to drink then?
her: straight up liquor!
*we laugh
her: so why are you so lonely over here?
me: well my friend came in here with me but he left to meet up with a girl...and i can't really stop him can i?
her: haha no you really can't
EDIT: Just remembered we talked about our ethnicities somewhere in there...I don't remember where exactly, we were both able to correctly guess each other's enthnicities so it was kinda like a fun game.
I was about to ask her to move and start deep diving, find out what she does for a living etc and then some other guy from her group (i saw them together earlier...didn't seem like it was her boyfriend but it could have been) comes up to her and they talk for maybe 2-3 min (neither of us has changed positions at this point besides her turning a bit to face her friend) and then she and her friends leave without her saying bye or so much as looking in my direction. I don't know if they left the club or just went to a different part of it but I didn't see them again.
She positioned herself nearby me and seemed to enjoy talking to me. Convo lasted maybe 5-6 minutes or so and then she just left without saying anything. I don't even know if this was the best example from the night but it was one of the first ones I thought about.
Okay so I was hanging out just off the dance floor, I just got done talking to this girl who left because her sister dragged her away and this other group of girls comes by. A really pretty one is positioned very close to me. She talks to her friends for a min or two and plays on her phone then she glances around, sees me makes eye contact and goes back to talking to her friends. About 10 seconds later she's out on her phone I put my hand gently on her upper back, lean in and say
me: you look so bored
her: probably because I am!
me: haha, why's that, you don't like it here?
her: i like it ok..
*we talk about the places we go for a couple minutes, i don't remember the exact wording. also of note, I was already locked in with a nice spot against the DJ booth
me: what's your name!
her: Jennifer, you?
me: Scofield!
her: what are you drinking?
me: gin and tonic
*she makes a weird face*
me: what you don't like it?
her: it's just too soda-y for me!
me: what do you usually like to drink then?
her: straight up liquor!
*we laugh
her: so why are you so lonely over here?
me: well my friend came in here with me but he left to meet up with a girl...and i can't really stop him can i?
her: haha no you really can't
EDIT: Just remembered we talked about our ethnicities somewhere in there...I don't remember where exactly, we were both able to correctly guess each other's enthnicities so it was kinda like a fun game.
I was about to ask her to move and start deep diving, find out what she does for a living etc and then some other guy from her group (i saw them together earlier...didn't seem like it was her boyfriend but it could have been) comes up to her and they talk for maybe 2-3 min (neither of us has changed positions at this point besides her turning a bit to face her friend) and then she and her friends leave without her saying bye or so much as looking in my direction. I don't know if they left the club or just went to a different part of it but I didn't see them again.
She positioned herself nearby me and seemed to enjoy talking to me. Convo lasted maybe 5-6 minutes or so and then she just left without saying anything. I don't even know if this was the best example from the night but it was one of the first ones I thought about.
Flames said:That'll be it then, you need to deep dive, what you were doing is polite convo.
Well I was about to...you can't start off with just deep diving. And I would ideally move her first. Polite convo for a few minutes, move her then deep dive...am I messing up my order there? If I had asked her to move after 1 or 2 minutes I'm not sure but I don't think she would have. When I was about to ask I thought there was a good chance she would.
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Not neccerserily messing up, but personally I deep-dive straight off the bat, I've got pretty good at it due to the nature of my work so it's probably going to require a lot of practice unless your already a good conversationalist.
It's a lot to do with timing, and your essentially completely cold approaching so that makes it more difficult too.
Maybe at least try it sooner.
I tend to skip unnecersery steps a lot
I've been messing about with deep dives as openers recently I had one girl get so excited I thought she was going ask me out there and then, unfortunately she didn't
It's a lot to do with timing, and your essentially completely cold approaching so that makes it more difficult too.
Maybe at least try it sooner.
I tend to skip unnecersery steps a lot
I've been messing about with deep dives as openers recently I had one girl get so excited I thought she was going ask me out there and then, unfortunately she didn't
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You should have moved her Scofield.
She was clearly bored, and you kinda came across as boring too.. just standing there.
"My instinct told me that something good is about to happen by standing here... and I think it just did. Lets go over there!"
"Oh I was looking for my friend, but instead I found someone more intriguing.. *sexy smile* Lets move over there.."
Anything! But move her.
Another point I like to mention is that I think you may have put too much effort in your conversation with her. Remember the law of least effort.
You should aim to make her talk more without having to throw lines back at each other. Or use less words in your sentence.
Example 1:
her: what are you drinking?
me: gin and tonic
*she makes a weird face*
*Make a weird face back at her* !! - I dont' think Chase has covered this, but a great technique to use is mirroring other's action. Like attract like.
Example 2:
me: what do you usually like to drink then?
her: straight up liquor!
me: Challenge Accepted... - Loving the Barney Stinson Quote. Two simple words. Makes her laugh, and its an indirect invitation to drink with her. You can even use this to move her to the bar. Although you would have to somehow get her to buy you the drink
She was clearly bored, and you kinda came across as boring too.. just standing there.
- This was your cue to move her! You could have said something witty, funny.. like:
"My instinct told me that something good is about to happen by standing here... and I think it just did. Lets go over there!"
"Oh I was looking for my friend, but instead I found someone more intriguing.. *sexy smile* Lets move over there.."
Anything! But move her.
Another point I like to mention is that I think you may have put too much effort in your conversation with her. Remember the law of least effort.
You should aim to make her talk more without having to throw lines back at each other. Or use less words in your sentence.
Example 1:
her: what are you drinking?
me: gin and tonic
*she makes a weird face*
*Make a weird face back at her* !! - I dont' think Chase has covered this, but a great technique to use is mirroring other's action. Like attract like.
Example 2:
me: what do you usually like to drink then?
her: straight up liquor!
me: Challenge Accepted... - Loving the Barney Stinson Quote. Two simple words. Makes her laugh, and its an indirect invitation to drink with her. You can even use this to move her to the bar. Although you would have to somehow get her to buy you the drink
Hmmm you both make interesting points, thank you. I suppose you're right, I try to avoid deep diving too soon since if you do it can come off as creepy, I find that just a few minutes is the right time to start, however I should aim to cut it down to about 3 minutes. I could start deep diving just a bit before moving her to hook her and get her to invest in the convo, I suppose you're right about that.
And damn, I suppose you're right in that I totally missed a couple chances to move her.
See, that convo is solid during the daytime pickup where I do have more time to get girls to warm up to me....but I should aim to move faster during night time. I guess that's just the difference between nighttime and day time game, which I'm still trying to learn. I have only been doing night time game for about 3-4 months.
Thank you again, both of you.
If there is any more advice, I will still welcome it.
And damn, I suppose you're right in that I totally missed a couple chances to move her.
See, that convo is solid during the daytime pickup where I do have more time to get girls to warm up to me....but I should aim to move faster during night time. I guess that's just the difference between nighttime and day time game, which I'm still trying to learn. I have only been doing night time game for about 3-4 months.
Thank you again, both of you.
If there is any more advice, I will still welcome it.
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You're welcome.
Final point about picking up in clubs, and the reason why it's more difficult than normal day game.
SPEED!
You need to be in turbo mode in a club, because of the high energy vibes that is going around. She has friends, she wants to dance, there is alcohol involved. It is like a kid going to a theme park and they just can't stop moving. Even queing up for a ride can kill.
That is why you need to move extra fast, think extra fast, get her out of there extra fast if possible.
It is also the main reason why it is recommended that you're at an advance level before trying in clubs.
Speed is the key!
Final point about picking up in clubs, and the reason why it's more difficult than normal day game.
SPEED!
You need to be in turbo mode in a club, because of the high energy vibes that is going around. She has friends, she wants to dance, there is alcohol involved. It is like a kid going to a theme park and they just can't stop moving. Even queing up for a ride can kill.
That is why you need to move extra fast, think extra fast, get her out of there extra fast if possible.
It is also the main reason why it is recommended that you're at an advance level before trying in clubs.
Speed is the key!
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Scofield said:
Light already nailed it. Everything in the club must be sped up: banter, deep diving, logistics. I think the biggest speed bump to club game is the logistics. Unless you live really close to the club the commute back home leaves a lot of time for her logical brain to kick in.
Also, I don't know if you caught it, but this girl challenged you by saying:
"Why are you so lonely over there?"
You basically confirmed her negative assumption of you by trying to explain your situation, "You're right I am lonely, but it's because my friend blah blah blah".
Next time, challenge her back, "Oh? What makes you think I"m lonely?"
She'll probably say something along the lines of, "Well, you're sitting here all by your self."
At which point you can ask her to join you, "Well, you're welcome to join me" (Hand gesture to the seat beside you). This response bats her negative assumption about you way, while making you much more powerful and mysterious.
