@ph40,
Almost as a general rule, women who are pretty or even beautiful, from my experience, can't resist the attention of being in a club, or being on instagram, or sleeping with lots of men for validation.
You're talking about a specific subset of woman you don't seem to realize is that.
Validation junkies are a specific subset of women. Girls who are always wiggling their asses in the club, showing their tits online, or jumping into men's beds for feel-good points are women of a very specific type. And just like there are women like this, there are also men like this: guys who are out in clubs all the time, guys who are online showing their abs and their perfect gleaming white teeth off, guys who are shagging women constantly -- but, just as with women, this is a specific subset of men.
(quick aside: I suppose, in all honesty, I qualify for all three categories myself... having spent quite a bit of time in clubs, having shagged a rather inordinate number of women, and having built something of an online presence for myself. So you may consider this a bit of black pot discussing black kettle as I discuss these girls)
These girls are very different from physically attractive women
overall, who have FEWER sex partners than every other type of woman:
As a woman’s beauty increases, so too does her subtlety… while her number of sex partners falls. Do you recognize the signs beautiful women give you? Recently I found myself in an unfamiliar part of a familiar town. Kind of on the outskirts. And something stuck out at me: the women here were, on...
www.girlschase.com
Re: the clubs, I spent years of my life predominantly meeting women in clubs. There are a few kinds of women you will typically find in nightclubs:
- Attention whores
- More subdued club regulars
- High sex drive girls
All these girls tend to have high-ish partner counts. The more subdued regulars have lower counts than the other two, the high sex drive girls higher counts than the other two, but all their counts are high compared to
the general population of women who don't frequent nightclubs.
Beyond these you also have the "nightclub tourists", girls who do not usually go to clubs or bars but got pulled there by a nightlife regular friend, or drawn there by a group of coworkers at their new jobs. These girls are most likely to be new in town OR newly single, and they're getting back onto the social scene any way they can. They stand out by how uncomfortable and out-of-place they are there.
These 'nightlife tourists' will go to the club a few times, then either decide it's really not for them and stop going + quit hanging out with the girls who brought them out, or they'll decide it IS for them, and turn into one of the other archetypes (usually a regular clubgoer).
Re: Instagram -- Instagram and any kind of show-offy social media (especially at the higher follower counts / more active profile levels) attracts a lot of the "hot flashy" types I talked about in this article:
When I first moved to California, I set up a number of dates in advance (thanks, online dating!) so that I’d be able to hit the ground running when I got there. My first date I set up for one week after I’d arrived (I wanted a little time to unpack and make my place presentable first... plus...
www.girlschase.com
i.e., girls who are NOT the most naturally beautiful/well endowed... but who are REALLY good at doing their hair, putting on makeup, and looking and acting sexy (in other words, girls who've really maxxed out their fundamentals).
Women use makeup, hair, dress, and behavior to make you think they’re prettier and more sexually receptive than they are. But you don’t need to be fooled. After I’d been meeting girls in bars and on the street for a few years, I decided to undertake a project. I wanted to become instant and good...
www.girlschase.com
Usually past a certain follower count they all end up getting work done: big fake tits, nose jobs, chin jobs, etc. Gotta keep that follower count climbing. So even if they didn't start out fully that way, they do end up it once they're sucked into that treadmill enough.
These girls tend to either begin as attention whores, or transform into them as they get sucked deeper into the Instagram trap, because
- It is a LOT of work growing a large & active Instagram following, even for a hot girl (there are LOTS of hot girls out there... it's not like you just post a few pics and you've got 50,000 followers. You need to be ON there, and MARKET it). You have to be DEVOTED to it
- Meanwhile, most women get on Instagram, post some pictures, get a few thirsty guys drooling over them, get kind of turned off/annoyed by low value male behavior, discover they have a hard time getting more than 500-1000 followers, which is rather pedestrian in the grand scheme of Instagram follower counts, then lack any incentive to hang out on there much/at all anymore and let their profiles go to seed (as this thing they played with for a few months at most then got bored with and haven't really checked in on in ages)... or they may post infrequent pictures of their meals and places they go and the odd cutesy post here and there to share with their friends and orbiters (in which case it is serving a very different purpose than how the attention whore types use it)
So... if your definition of 'hot' is "flashy made-up girls with collagen-injected lips and practiced sexy fundamentals who show their cleavage off for their fans, wiggle their butts, and hypnotize the attention of thirsty Internet males", then yes, these girls are all regularly in the clubs and/or highly active on Instagram. Many of them are also making themselves up that way because they are trying to date up 'out of their leagues' and will put out when they attract a man who is the kind of guy they never could've gotten in high school, back when they were still Plain Janes.
That is not my definition of hot though. I have bedded those girls and been around them plenty with their makeup off and hair undone in sweats or pajamas, and I will take a naturally beautiful girl who is not flashy over these made-up average/cute girls. The naturally beautiful girl may not always make herself up as well, but if I really need her to look good I can just push her to put on makeup and a dress and she will outclass the validation-addicted Instagram/club hottie most of the time (some of those validation chicks are REALLY good at being super sexy though -- I will give them that. That's another kind of talent, aside from raw physical looks, and you do have to give them that).
Regardless, the hot attention whore girl NEEDS makeup and a dress and hair to look good, and if she ever slips off her game you are going to feel like you drew the short end of the stick choosing her. Which puts even more pressure on her to always maintain that image she's anchored herself to. At least until she feels secure enough...
I have also seen a bunch of the relationships of men who wifed up validation junkie made-up hot girls, and let me just say that when age sets in and they aren't getting the validation they did when younger, some of them do take it in stride, reason they accomplished what they needed to with it, accept the life they've built for themselves, and chill out. However, others turn into hot messes doing all kinds of things to get that male validation hit back, many of which things are not so conducive to maintaining a stable, happy, monogamous relationship.
Also, keep this in mind: if she has time to maintain a successful and active Instagram following, it is unlikely she also has time for an advanced education and a promising career (several of my screening criteria). It's a bit easier to be in clubs a lot and be hooking up a lot and also be educated with a good career, so you do need to screen for that one more, but I don't know if I've ever met an educated professional girl who also had a huge professional-level social media following. The two are, so far as I have seen, mutually exclusive. Only so much time in the day...
I'd go so far as to say that it's nearly impossible to find an *attractive* woman over 21 who has had fewer than 10 sex partners and hasn't spent a significant amount of time in the club hooking up with guys.
Is this based on deep, actual experience, or is it based on conjecture + media you've consumed churned out by sensationalist Internet publications?
If it's deep, actual experience (e.g., you've had 40+ women talk to you deeply and honestly about their sexual histories, and the majority of them are clubgoers with 10+ partners), I would question a.) where you're meeting all these wild-ass girls (you should probably share with the Boards, as I know for many guys here that is exactly their types, and they'd like to meet more of them!), and b.) probably also how exactly you're going about it (just in case you are doing something that screens these girls in while screening out the sort it sounds like you actually want).
If it's not based on direct, actual experience -- which, no discredit to you, it's a common cognitive error for people to make; when you get broad, sweeping generalities about a group of people, I find it tends to be the case -- I would offer to you that the sensationalist stuff you encounter in articles and videos online is NOT reality, but on the sensationalists' warped, exaggerated view of it.
And if he's finding them out in public during the day, where in God's name does he live where attractive woman like this exist in great numbers and can be approached regularly??
You mentioned small towns; I avoid those myself. You simply do not have the volume there.
Plus, small towns tend to empty out, as the best girls migrate to the capital cities to seek the best options for themselves (i.e., the top-tier men).
That said, we do have a testimonial from a One Date/TDA owner about his pickup adventures living in a town of 40,000 people. He's a bit of a cheat though, because he traveled a lot for work and many of his pickups happened in other cities or overseas.
So, in general, trying to make it work in small towns is not really advisable IMO. Not if you're going for scale or you have refined mate criteria you're trying to fill. Otherwise you're sifting through a small pool of leftovers, which isn't too likely to suit someone who wants to be picky.
Since I like the best-looking, best-educated, most ambitious girls, and these girls all flock to the biggest capital cities, the biggest capital cities are where I head to too.
I like girls who are into finance, so in the US, my cities of choice are New York and DC. Miami might be another potential choice but it's a bit too beach-y for me, and IME beach towns do not attract the type of women I prefer. San Francisco's another finance hub, but the male-female ratio there is insane and the women know it... I have picked up in San Fran but never a stunner and if they have stunners there I don't know where they are (the women there are for the most part too chubby for my liking).
DC is ranked as one of the bottom large cities in the US in terms of the attractiveness of its women, but it still has LOTS of amazing-looking girls. Every time I return to DC after not having been there in a while I go in thinking, "When I left DC, wasn't I texting my buddy over how much hotter the girls in SoCal are? Wasn't DC ranked as the #2 out of 25 ugliest cities for people's attractiveness in the US?
What if I get here and there it's nothing but UGs?" and then I arrive and walk through streets flooded with good-looking girls and I remember why I like it so much.
If you're not finding any of the kinds of girls you want, there are a few possible explanations:
- You're simply not approaching enough/at all. A lot of guys do this, where they watch a bunch of sensationalist manosphere videos about how "there's no good girls left", and they throw their hands up and say "Argh! There's no point to even approaching! There are no good women left out there!" and take it totally on faith from these manosphere guys that every chick out there is a used-up, beaten-up town bicycle ("Everyone's had a ride!")
- You have blinders on OR a very particular look you go for. Perhaps you just don't even SEE any women you'd like to approach? It may be your location sucks. However, if EVERY location sucks, it's probably something else. There is a subset of men I find whom you can plunk into a mass of gorgeous women, and they will look around and look back at you and say, "I don't see any girls here who are really all that hot." Usually these guys are either a.) not good with girls, and so develop 'girl blindness' to protect their egos from seeing all the girls they cannot have, or else b.) they have a very specific, very particular look they like, and for whatever reason they are not attracted to most women outside this very small slice of particular-looking women. The general advice I have for these men is "lower your standards"; guys I've seen who've successfully done this, if willing to do it, typically broaden their standards by a LOT and later will tell you "I can't believe I used to think there were no hot girls here. I was CRAZY!"
- You are approaching, but in the wrong places in your town to meet the girls you want. If you want a sexually reserved girl but 90% of your approaching is in nightlife or on apps, then congratulations, you are drawing from the most sexually liberated pool of women available this side of a sex club orgy, and are going to find a bunch of women who aren't what you're hoping for.
- You're approaching a range of girls, including the girls you want, but you're inadvertently screening them out. Sometimes I'll find guys who come in with an approach that frightens off more reserved girls, but attracts sexually open girls, who then complain about how every girl is a giant slut and it's impossible to meet a girl who isn't, without realizing that "giant man-slut game" doesn't appeal so much to most unslutty girls.
- You're in the wrong locale and the girls you want aren't there. Sometimes, like if you have choosy standards but are in a small town, or very choosy standards and are in a larger town that is not a magnet for the types of girls you want, you are simply not going to find very many of the women you want there. When I lived in San Diego, a city with an unfavorable male-female sex ratio, one that is the swinger capital of the US, that attracts people who want to take it easy and chill out on the beach, I discovered it was nigh impossible to find educated, serious, ambitious, low-count women, good-looking or not, because these women simply did not move to that city. The only one I could find there was the one I brought with me from DC! And she liked it because she was a bit of a partier already. When I broke up with her, I soon after broke up with the city as well, and moved on to greener pastures. (however, if your thing is laid back, chill party-type bottle blondes who are down to smoke a bowl and aren't going to pressure you to be Mr. Moneybags, San Diego would be your ultimate dream location. At least half your shags in San Diego will be varieties of this girl)
Depending on what your experience level is with girls, a lot of the time the best recommendation is "lower your standards."
In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?," Balla asks whether to lower your standards in pursuit of getting the best results with women achievable: “Hey Chase, I can agree with everything you wrote to a T. What I want to ask about is this. You say naturals are better to learn from...
www.girlschase.com
Often I find picky guys are actually passing up exactly the women they want because they are ASSUMING those girls aren't what they want.
e.g., they see a hot girl and say to themselves, "Oh, she's so hot, she's probably a massive slut who goes out and chokes on Chad's cock every weekend at the club, then posts some slutty Instagram selfie from his balcony to boast about it. I'll pass!" and in fact the girl's had two sex partners and doesn't even go to the club or post anything other than meal pictures on Instagram...
but they don't know that because they didn't even talk to her.
This is why "lower your standards" is such an important piece of advice:
Often in "lowering your standards" you will discover you start meeting the women you want accidentally without even suspecting you will.
One of my best girlfriends I met right after I'd narrowly avoided getting scammed by some chicks running some scam operation. I headed down into a train station and saw this beautiful girl dressed in stylish, flashy clothes... which I am wary of in general, and some chicks just tried to scam me. So I was even more on edge. When I approached her, the whole time I was thinking, "What is this chick? She's too good to be true. She's genuinely gorgeous AND she's flashy? That is rare! This has to be a trick as well!"
Until a few weeks after I shagged her I was still trying to figure out if she was some secret high-end escort or something and just not telling me.
Eventually it turned out she was actually a pretty typical genuinely beautiful girl, who did not care about dressing flashy, but she had an orbiter who was trying to date her who kept taking her clothes shopping and buying her all these attractive clothes, urging her to dress better so the boss would promote her at work. Once she dropped that orbiter she also stopped dressing flashy (to my somewhat disappointment, I must say).
But pre-approach, I never in a million years would've thought, "I'll bet that girl is only dressed flashy because some guy who wants to bang her has been taking her clothes shopping as a way to ingratiate himself with her and try to get her to sleep with him."
The things you think about women before you approach them tend to be simplistic, and very often WRONG.
There is only one way to find out the truth about a girl:
You have to approach her, talk to her, and get her to start opening up.
If you're not approaching enough women, in a wide enough varieties of areas, you simply have no real idea about what women are actually out there.
The only way to find that out is to approach, and approach enough, and enough different kinds of girls in different sorts of places:
If you can do 4 approaches per day for 30 days straight, you can build some incredible momentum – and get some fantastic new women into your life. A few nights ago, a friend of mine had a woman he describes as quite beautiful, with whom he's built a great connection over the past few weeks and...
www.girlschase.com
Do that, and your eyes will be opened.
Not by me or some guy telling you stuff on the Internet, but by your own direct personal experience, for which there is no substitute.
Chase
(just be quick enough with the realization not to miss escalation windows , I am very guilty of this lol!!)
