How much time do you spend making approaches?

[Arnav]

Think in numbers, not time.

Your anxiety level will fluctuate, especially in the beginning.

If you do 4 a day, some days you might be done in an hour, other days you might procrastinate until almost midnight because of anxiety.

That's why the number of approaches is the only reliable measurable outcome, not the time put in.

anxity and procrastination are not much of an issue. I have a good handle on thise, time management is. I habe a hectic work schedule coming up so was curious what kind of time commitment day gaming requires and hiw and where to slot it in my schedule. It seems from everybody's responses 4-5 apprpaches are good for steady improvement and they may take an hour or more than that, I suppose sometimes you see a bunch of pretty girls in quick sequence sometimes you have to move around longer to find them so i suppose that what varries the time.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Sounds like you have your own way of thinking about your approaches, but they're still approaches. If you are seeing a girl you want and going up and talking to her (rather than waiting around for a social opportunity to be served up), it's still an approach.

I agree with the idea that developing great social skills is absolutely essential, and that you want to develop a way of expressing yourself that's a 24/7 part of your personality, so you don't have to try and switch it on. As I've mentioned a lot of times around here (and I'm not the only one) seduction is mostly social skills.

But there's a point where romance meets reality, where you have to go out with a goal and a strategy of how to achieve it, and spend some time fumbling and failing and evaluating and working at it and not being able to do exactly what you wanted to, and no amount of mindset management is going to help you avoid it.

If you want to make substantial improvements at anything, at some point you have to accept that.

This! @Will_V thanks for weighing in.

I knew I was not going to change this guy's mind. I was writing for the ones who are going to go through this thread. To convey the message that there is nothing shameful about going out to specifically practice your skills.

Funny thing is, those of us who go out and do "approaches" never come on here and get on any thread and make fun of people who are going about having interactions as part of their day to day life.

But a lot of these guys, come over here with a "holier than thou" attitude and try to look down on guys who are doing "approaching". Wonder why that is!? And in most cases its always a sour grapes thing.

Guy does it, cannot continue, rejections pile up, he stops.

There is no problem if he just moves on to doing some other thing that works better. But for some reason, it seems like they have to tear down the previous way of doing things that they tried and failed at to justify to themselves why they don't do it anymore.

And that hurts newbies who are considering it or new guys in the early stages who are still riddled with doubt and have not yet reached a basic level of skill in it.

There is something to be said for live and let live that these guys seem not able to do.

And look at the long winded explanation that basically says the same thing lol.

All this over a minor difference.

I am not like you guys, who GO OVER and talk to girls. You creep! I am someone who talks to girls WHEN THEY ARE NEAR me. I am so cool. Wow. Big difference!!

And there is a lot of denigrating going on with trying to make caricatures of the "approachers". What is that non sense about routines and stuff. Another assumption that "approachers" memorize routines, they are lame etc.

None of which is true for most guys.

 

[James D]

anxity and procrastination are not much of an issue. I have a good handle on thise, time management is. I habe a hectic work schedule coming up so was curious what kind of time commitment day gaming requires and hiw and where to slot it in my schedule. It seems from everybody's responses 4-5 apprpaches are good for steady improvement and they may take an hour or more than that, I suppose sometimes you see a bunch of pretty girls in quick sequence sometimes you have to move around longer to find them so i suppose that what varries the time.

Maybe day game runs would be best.

These days I approach on Saturdays and Sundays.

From the numbers collected, I set up dates during the weekdays.

 

[KJ Francis]

How long did it take for you guys to get good? I've done 33 approaches. 9 turned into dates, leading to 3 pulls and 2 lays.

I had beginners luck where the first approach was my third ever lay. The first four all turned to dates. I have surely been on over a hundred dates from online though, so the skill set carried over.

I need to drive about an hour one way to find good volume, so am pretty curious if you put in 20 approaches a week or so, how long before you reach a lay per week? I may need to squeeze them mostly into two days, with maybe one or two on a couple weekdays.

 

[KJ Francis]

Seeing as AspiringStoic neither seems curious about alternative methods, nor wants to discuss things in good faith, I see no point in continuing any further communication with him.



If you're indeed getting success, then I'd say you're experiencing mastery, which is a key ingredient for gaining any skill. If that's the case, then I'd say that you're on the right track, so just continue what you're already doing.

If I were you, though, I'd still try to see what getting good at general socializing can do for you in terms of social momentum and likability, and how it can make you into a guy who's ready 24/7 instead of just a few hours a day. It isn't hard to do either. Just do some situational openers if luck hands it to you. And practise doing observations or mini cold-reads with anyone in your vicinity or with anyone who comes into your "bubble".

See, so this is why I say that I "don't approach". I mean, of course I still approach, but it's more subtle, because I never have to "man up and go over to her," as it were. I just chat to people who naturally come into my zone of socialization, so to speak. Moreover you don't need to allot a special time to do this, IMHO. You should do it every time you go out. Suddenly, you'll find yourself in situations where sexual tension is growing, and you realize that you're in full control of it, because all you did was to be social and have a good time.

Perhaps there is more to it. Perhaps I've learned to better see IOIs and to handle various protests, or mini-rejections, or scepticism from people. But generally, when I act like this, people are really forthcoming and happy about speaking to me. This makes it easier to get in a good mood, which makes it easer to flirt. So, it's a thing that gives you sort of self-driving social momentum. And since no interaction essentially matter in any meaningful way, since I'm not out to get anything in particular - I'm just testing the waters, and seeing where things could lead - then even if I don't get a date that day, I'm still happier for doing it. Which is attractive in its own right. Meaning that those times it works, it feels completely effortless. Yes, like a natural. But like I said earlier, I'm not a natural. I had to learn how to get here through exploring new ways of communication and approaching.



Nervousness builds when you need to achieve something. When you feel the need to perform. Being generally social takes the sting out of the need to perform, and skews it into being just curious, or just making a little flirtatious observation, and then having some fun that doesn't need to lead anywhere. But when you take on that frame, there's a much higher chance for sexual tension to develop since you're being naturally playful and happy, and hence it will also increase your closing rate regardless of how you made the initial approach.

When you do traditional approaching, the first step is noticing the girl, then the next thing is coming up with something to say, unless you use - say - the three second rule, and try to come up with something as you go over there. If you've got a routine, then it may or may not be easier, unless you're still thinking about how you should deliver that routine, or worst of all, you're struggling to even remember the words, because her beauty blinded you or something. None of that matters during general socialization, because you're just having fun and experimenting a bit.

You can look upon the need to perform as a begging frame, meanwhile the frame you want to be in, is the giving frame, or in the least the curious and qualifying frame. These are just concepts to describe your mental state. IMHO it's easier to get into those frames or states if you already are having fun, and you are - to put it in RSD terms - self amused.



Absolutely. That's where they work best. And due to this effect, women recognize it as such, and then it even helps you along. She recognized that moment from that romantic comedy, and can go "Oh shit, I'm now the protagonist in this beautiful romance!" Meanwhile you can act the hero. IMHO it's quite beautiful! And you can do this! In fact, a good starting movie to see is Don Juan de Marco. Copy everything Johnny Depp does in that movie lol! For funzies of course. For a laugh. But try it anyway, to see how the girls react when you use stuff from that movie. He's being a total romantic fool, but - having tried this myself, and mind you I look nothing like Depp - it actually works. (I took a deep dive into this movie after I saw Zan Perrion recommend it back on MASF, back in the day. What a legend!)



Being nice and social to more people does not require much skill IMHO. So, I would say, no, you don't need to put in a lot of work, actually. Unless you have social anxiety in general. But then you really need a therapist too.

What you need to learn to recognize is the opportunities it creates, and how to capitalize on it, and that's inner game work mostly. "Ah, this girl stayed and talked longer hmm... What would happen if I took her hand, or asked her on an insta date instead of chickening out?" That sorta thing. "Next time I'll try to capitalize on it!" So, as you can see, this is not so far off from regular daygame either. But hopefully you're managing to shift the angle of it a bit, or see it in a different light, where it's part of your entire life and not something you must assign a special time of day.

So, final words, of course continue learning traditional cold approaching and daygame. It's a good skill to have. I never claimed otherwise. But I would also challenge myself to try out these new ideas as well, to see where it leads, and if it feels good for you. If it seems horribly awkward and weird, then, fine, go back to traditional daygame. But if not, I simply wish you a happy life - full of romantic adventures that end in hot, steaming sex with super-hot girls due to ST overload.

Funny enough, just after reading this I went to grab takeout lunch and randomly befriended some dude. I could sense the social proof effect on some girls around, and it provided some social momentum. So I do think I will start doing this more, just chatting up everyone.

I don't want to pass up girls walking directly toward me on sidewalks though! Those are often the hottest girls I see throughout the week.

 

[Arnav]

How long did it take for you guys to get good? I've done 33 approaches. 9 turned into dates, leading to 3 pulls and 2 lays.

I had beginners luck where the first approach was my third ever lay. The first four all turned to dates. I have surely been on over a hundred dates from online though, so the skill set carried over.

I need to drive about an hour one way to find good volume, so am pretty curious if you put in 20 approaches a week or so, how long before you reach a lay per week? I may need to squeeze them mostly into two days, with maybe one or two on a couple weekdays.

33 approaches 9 dates , so 20 approaches a week, so got 9 dates in 2 weeks? that's really good. Were these your first 33 cold aproaches or you'been day gaming for a while?

 

[KJ Francis]

33 approaches 9 dates , so 20 approaches a week, so got 9 dates in 2 weeks? that's really good. Were these your first 33 cold aproaches or you'been day gaming for a while?

Oh no lol the first few were years ago. The very first was a fluke on a bus sitting next to a girl. I had read How to Make Girls Chase and a bit of the blog. She was playing a game on her phone and I learned we lived in the same area. We were passing a bar and I said they had good wings. She said "I like wings" and I took it as an escalation window and proposed we go. So I grabbed her number. I think it took two dates and then I came in like ten seconds

Almost all of them were spread out over the past six months or so. 33 total lifetime.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@Arnav

As @James D pointed out in the beginning your Approach anxiety, your general emotional state, your motivation, your ability to handle awkwardness, rejections etc will all fluctuate.

So while one day, you might end up being able to do 4 approaches in an hour, another day it may take 2 hrs to do 4.

Its natural. Don't be disheartened by this. To counteract this, what I use is actually the time thing.

Because I approach mostly in the daytime, I set myself a goal like this:

"I will go out today and walk around for 1 hour and TRY to approach as many girls as I can."

So if one day I end up doing 6 and another day just 2, I don't beat myself up about it as long as I put in that 1 hour.

The caveat is that in that 1 hour I don't allow myself to do anything else. Like running chores, shopping etc. It really is walking around and trying to talk to girls.

The reason I do that is because for me I needed to really focus on it. I could not just casually chat up girls while doing other chores.

If I did that, I would always come back home with some excuse like "there were no cute girls that I came across" "it was weird to open in line at the groccery store as everyone was listening" "the only cute girl I saw was walking in the opposite direction to where I was going, so I did not talk to her" etc.

So I really cut out my bullshit by saying I am really going to JUST GO TALK TO GIRLS. No more excuses.

See what works best for you and do that. But if you decide to take the "taking out time to just go approach" route start with giving yourself a time limit instead of an approach goal. It might help reduce the pressure.

And even if you do the approach sessions, there is nothing stopping you from talking to girls and people you come across while you are not specifically out approaching if you feel like it.

Ultimately what matters is that you are actually talking to enough girls, asking them out on dates, getting their contacts, texting them, going on dates and trying to get laid.

 

[Arnav]

@Arnav

As @James D pointed out in the beginning your Approach anxiety, your general emotional state, your motivation, your ability to handle awkwardness, rejections etc will all fluctuate.

So while one day, you might end up being able to do 4 approaches in an hour, another day it may take 2 hrs to do 4.

Its natural. Don't be disheartened by this. To counteract this, what I use is actually the time thing.

Because I approach mostly in the daytime, I set myself a goal like this:

"I will go out today and walk around for 1 hour and TRY to approach as many girls as I can."

So if one day I end up doing 6 and another day just 2, I don't beat myself up about it as long as I put in that 1 hour.

The caveat is that in that 1 hour I don't allow myself to do anything else. Like running chores, shopping etc. It really is walking around and trying to talk to girls.

The reason I do that is because for me I needed to really focus on it. I could not just casually chat up girls while doing other chores.

If I did that, I would always come back home with some excuse like "there were no cute girls that I came across" "it was weird to open in line at the groccery store as everyone was listening" "the only cute girl I saw was walking in the opposite direction to where I was going, so I did not talk to her" etc.

So I really cut out my bullshit by saying I am really going to JUST GO TALK TO GIRLS. No more excuses.

See what works best for you and do that. But if you decide to take the "taking out time to just go approach" route start with giving yourself a time limit instead of an approach goal. It might help reduce the pressure.

And even if you do the approach sessions, there is nothing stopping you from talking to girls and people you come across while you are not specifically out approaching if you feel like it.

Ultimately what matters is that you are actually talking to enough girls, asking them out on dates, getting their contacts, texting them, going on dates and trying to get laid.

You're right ,this is such a great frame of mind to go out with -
"I will go out today and walk around for 1 hour and TRY to approach as many girls as I can."
Love this, sets you up to do your best, without making you anxious about a fixed number.

 

[KJ Francis]

33 approaches 9 dates , so 20 approaches a week, so got 9 dates in 2 weeks? that's really good. Were these your first 33 cold aproaches or you'been day gaming for a while?

I was looking back again and think only like two or three were real "dates". The others were more like instadates or meeting again for a walk or something. Not like planned time at a sit down venue.

I am starting to think I should change my username to KJ Francis and take a little break from here until I do a hundred more approaches.

You guys are all super inspiring. Last night this girl sucked my dick on her front porch and then I fucked her on her inside steps. And then I got a text from another girl saying "my bed is waiting for you". But NONE of this compares to the feeling of approaching a stranger. I had a failed date and was still thinking holy shit I created this out of nothing.

 

[Marty]

I'd have to disagree.

Yes, indirect game and always being on are good methods. I myself made friends via social momentum and agree that it makes you seem less intimidating on campus. But trust me that calibration is indeed a skill that some need to develop.

Developing social skills and calibration is necessary but not sufficient. Unless you are naturally sociable, then adopting the following routine:

Being nice and social to more people does not require much skill IMHO. So, I would say, no, you don't need to put in a lot of work, actually.

...even assuming you have the requisite skill to do it, is mentally exhausting, draining, and ultimately unsustainable. That's why the big-city "anonymous" daytime cold-approach routine is so liberating to non-extraverted people, once we develop the ability and habit.

 

[Ragnar]

i haven't approached a woman in person in a long time. i've pretty much been using dating apps only but i'm getting tired of apps and want to try something different. you guys having success approaching in person gives me hope.

i think i'll start doing a few approaches a month. i'm awful at reading the signs/signals that women put out there, so i'm pretty much going to be making these approaches blindly.