How should I respond to "would it be a friendly meeting or a date"?

[enjoystick]

Hey folks,

I had a student work like 3 weeks ago, and the new semester is started so I quit that job and there was a colleague who seemed quite cute. At work, we usually went to have smoko break but nothing special. A week ago, she came to mind like "why not? it's worth to give a shot" so I texted her to ask her out "hey x-y, we should go to have something little to drink, what's your schedule look like this week?" she replied with something "I'll let you know, I've been very busy lately"... I dealt with this like ""it's ok if you're busy we'll do another time" and waited a week and I got this today:

Me: Hey x-y, Hope you feel better (She had something illness) So are you free this week, like weekend maybe Friday?

Her: Hey. yes, I feel better would it be a friendly meeting or a date? I don't want there to be any misunderstanding

so how you usally deal with this?

Thanks in advance,
enjoystick

 

[NealIRC]

Respond with the truth. That's what I'd do.

 

[Sandman]

Not a great situation.

I usually go something like this "let's just chill, no pressure "

The idea is something sexual is not off the table but you always don't wanna give away everything and make her go "oh I'm not looking a relationship atm" or "I don't see you that way". Never confirm to her frame.

One time I called the girl (I met her on Tinder) and I said I'm not gonna whip out my dick or anything"

 

[enjoystick]

Not a great situation.

I usually go something like this "let's just chill, no pressure "

The idea is something sexual is not off the table but you always don't wanna give away everything and make her go "oh I'm not looking a relationship atm" or "I don't see you that way". Never confirm to her frame.

One time I called the girl (I met her on Tinder) and I said I'm not gonna whip out my dick or anything"

Thank you, I liked the "I'm not gonna whip out my dick or anything" and used a quite similar thing to it , however it didn't work out, she ended up being busy this weekend too without offering another time though next time I'll know immediately how to react to a sucky thing like that!

 

[mindful]

"I can't promise it will be friendly, but I'm looking forward to seeing you "

 

[Big Daddy]

"OK" then try to fuck her.

I remember Chase wording in an article that you remove the pressure off the girl to make a decision there (in the example he was inviting her to dinner at Chez Pierre, which was actually his place).

Just make it easy for her to be with you; as a girl she knows that there's always a chance of fucking you. Once a girl told me she had zero intentions of hooking up with me (proved by her horrible panties when the pants came off) but during the "date" she started feeling a crazy desire to choke on my cock.

 

[foggy]

Girls love to be kept guessing. Nothing dries up their pussy quicker than giving them a straight answer.

I woulda said something like...

i haven't decided yet. you seem interesting, i wanna get to know you a little better.

You said your interaction with her was nothing special which makes me suspect she felt the same way. Thus she doesn't understand your interest in her. Did you qualify her at all?

But then again you gotta keep in mind that there's social risk for her because you work with her. So maybe the best answer here is to give her some plausible deniability by saying it's just a friendly meeting. Then work your magic, get her attracted, and go from there.

 

[lostnumber]

This is a very tough one. It doesnt sound like she is into you and she is basically trying to get you to agree that it isnt a date before she will meet you.

Answering either way is giving in to her frame, which is bad. Saying "yes its a date" is being too clumsy and direct and would have made her turn you down. Saying "no its just a friendly thing" is terrible since you want to make a move on this girl and you're essentialy lying and trying to get her to meet you under false pretenses, which won't go well.

Being ambiguous and saying "I haven't decided yet" is a weak answer and also still following her frame.

You need to replace her frame with yours somehow, which is difficult because she obviously isn't interested with you at this point, and a chase frame might scare her off. But I think it would be your best bet

I'd go with something like;
"I'm always a perfect gentlemen when I meet girls for drinks, but I can't be held responsible for anything you do."

And id probably combine that with a question to try and take the focus off it. you already asked about time frames and didn't get a response so the question should be about activity or location;

"I'm always a perfect gentlemen when I meet girls for drinks, but I can't be held responsible for anything you do. Do you like sushi?"

Give your description I'm not confident this would work, since it sounds like she has you firmly in the friend zone, but its what I would try

 

[Sandman]

I encountered this today.

I asked her out she said "as a friend? if you're looking for something else don't tire yourself for no reason". I replied: "why are you married (she's a girl in college so I knew she wouldn't be)". She: "hahaha no but there's no place in my life other than myself (laughing emoji). Me: "haha ok I don't want to marry you anyway". Then I set up the date.

 

[mindful]

Read the OP again. Yeah this isn't good at all, seems like an uphill battle. First she gives you the "busy this week" response which probably she hoped you would go away. Then you ask her again and so now she feels some pressure from your persistence and wants to make the clear distinction between a friendly meetup as opposed to a date.

Basically your interactions with her setup a platonic frame so she doesn't view you as a lover IMO.