How to answer sexual questions.

[Slimjim]

So I was texting a girl I’ve been on a date with , was sort of an informational date . Didn’t end in sex. Anyway I’ve set up another date with her, but we were texting and she brought up the topic of if you’d had sex in public place , and I was honest and said yes , she asked where , I said a public bathroom.

so from having quitelight hearted flirty conversation it changed she became quite judgemental, still not being completely serious but it seemed like it irked her and basically said it was gross the worst place to have it . Not gonna lie it kind of stung but I just laughed it off. anyway she keeps talking but the tone is more hostile she says wow I misjudged you again half joking but with kind of serious undertones . Then she kind of hurriedly ends the conversation saying she better get some sleep. Then returns to tell me some more of her public experiences then goes away again kind of peeved.

So why did I get this reaction , was it a mistake to be too honest about this ? Is it salvageable .Should I wait for her to hit me up again or should I message her an ice breaker tommorow. I feel like this may ruin any moves I might have tried to make for our date this weekend. I guess this is also a warning how texting can do more harm than good.

 

[BigPapa]

This is a personal opinion , public bathrooms are quite dirty in general and maybe she is a little bit of a freak when it to germs and bacterias . Me personally , I would never do this except if it is as a last resort and I am at the club “

if she indeed was not adventurous she would not have continued talking about public spaces and sex .

if I were you I would send her a text in the evening ( after work hours ) and say something like , “ actually thinking about it , I would love more doing kinky stuff on the roof of a building when is summer and the sun stars going down , having some ice rose with sparkling water on a table and nice comfy baldacchino that has a colonial vibe “ . Then at the end ask her something “anyhow, how was your day missy ? “

 

[Derek da man]

Another personal option, she is still talking to you so she is still interested, situation is more than salvageable.

the tone is more hostile she says wow I misjudged you again half joking but with kind of serious undertones

It sounds like she it testing your strength of character by pressing your buttons a little to get a response. From the tone of your post it sounds like you are suffering some self doubts, which is fine, but don't let this come across in your texts that you are insecure or needy or looking for her approval.

Stick with your frame "You asked the question, I answered it honestly" which is sounds like you did by laughing it off.

You've not posted or mentioned the other parts of the conversation about her public experiences, but clearly she has some, and I suspect she isn't necessarily proud of them all, maybe there are some she hasn't told you about that you may perceive as worse than hers.

My advice would be don't change your game plan (much) still go for a date. If she agrees then she is definitely interested, and quite likely hoping for a public performance or something a little risque. Just don't try it on in the bathroom, although making the odd humorous quip or joke about it would be a good way of letter her know you are strong and confident with who you are.

Remember, text messages are very flat, it's hard to read or calibrate to her sense of humor or body language. You've got a response from her, but it doesn't always mean what you see straight away. There was a girl I used to take the piss out of a little in a group with friends, she used to get very giggle and appeared to be ok with it but I didn't do it too often. One day her friend said to me that this girl I took the piss out of loved it when I humiliated her and found it exciting. I didn't understand it at to start with but after a while I realized it was a power thing and she liked a strong, confident man etc etc. So, just because she seems to have changed, it may not be what you think so just go with your game plan and keep your options open.

Just my opinion

 

[Fuck This]

With this girl I wouldn't bring up the subject again. If she brings it up your go to is "She REALLY wanted it. Who am I to refuse a beautiful, horny woman.", and change the subject.

In the future when asked, emphasize the adventurous discretion. That you enjoy activities where you are exposed but safe from prying eyes unless some one really was trying to spy on you. In a field after dark, is a good one. Show her you won't embarrass her.

 

[Slimjim]

So update

Went on the date , went well , made sure to touch , eye contact all that good stuff. Eventually during our conversation the bathroom sex topic came up , and she seemed a bit more light hearted in person about it but still said she judged me a lot over it. I laughed it off.

anyway we ended up going outside to walk around, and so I go in for the kiss and I think it was the most passionate first kiss I’ve had with a girl she seemed really into it. The we break of and keep walking. She grabs my hand and holds it as we do. We find ourselves walking around some quiet streets kissing on and off as we go. My hands going under her shirt . I feel her pressing her pelvis into mine. Long story short my hand ends up down here pants and hers end up down mine as we make out.

I think that if we had been able to fined somewhere really quiet she probably would have had sex with me outside.

so I guess the moral of the story is, actions speak louder than words.

my next question is, how do I go from just dating to making a girl a girlfriend ? That transition I struggle with cos i feel it comes across as very needy if you bring it up and how long do things generally go on for before that transition is made?

 

[BigPapa]

Men chase sex , girls chase relationships .

just stay after sex with her ( meaning you do not put your pants after sex and leave ) and let her make the steps towards the relationship

I would advise you though that you should take with a pinch of salt the first 1-2 months of whatever you will have with her , as she looks quite adventurous and experienced

and congrats on your progress !

 

[Fuck This]

The girl will push for a relationship soon enough. Get your logistics squared away and enjoy the physical side.

 

[Derek da man]

Congratulations - as above - logistics, logistics, logistics - you've got the other parts sorted and she sounds like she's the type that likes to live in the moment and take the opportunity whenever and wherever she can.

Take her to a nice out of town pub/bar and then go for a walk in the countryside = out door sex. You don't even have to go to the bar, just use it as an excuse to go into the country side and take a walk. It is a be weather reliant but there are plenty of other options.

 

[Slimjim]

So update, following that date , she asked me when I was free again, so I took the opportunity to organise a date at her place .

Escalated and ended up having sex with her, and spending the night and then going again in the morning. She was very affectionate after cuddling etc.

However now I have a new twist in the story. Her ex boyfriend, cheated on her she ended up being in an off again on again thing with him, where he’d hit her up then go see other women, then hit her up again , she eventually said she had enough of it and broke it off with him completely But they’d occasionally text on friendly terms. Until I came onto the scene.

Today she messages me saying that he has drunk texted her earlier in the week and that the texts had gone drone friendly to him saying he missed her. She said she had felt uncomfortable with that since she was seeing me and so she messaged him saying that she thinks it best that they don’t talk anymore because she’s seeing somone and she doesn’t want to disrespect him( me). Well that seemed to have sparked his jealousy because he started hounding her with messages to the point where she blocked him and he emailed her , till she blocked him, then he made new accounts , called from different phone numbers confessing his love and apologising. She consistently told himthat she’d never get back with him and as of now it seems like he’s finally got the message.

my question is, how do I respond , so far I’ve just been letting her rant a little to me and have been avoiding telling her how to handle it cos I don’t want to seem jealous. From the sounds of it she seems like she’s into me enough to try and cut contact with this dude , and she’s even planning our next date .So from my assessment it seems like this guy isn’t really a threat but what do you all think , should I be concerned. He seems to be doing a good job of making himself look desperate. So I feel like given enough rope he’ll get himself out of the picture without me having to change my game plan.

 

[Lover]

The desperate ex is her problem, not yours. Don't provide any feedback or solutions to her. If she wants to rant again, simply listen to her. That's all you have to do. She's not expecting more from you.

Be chill about it, and let him get himself out of the picture.

 

[punisher]

Kink girls are into rape, bondage, public sex and all sort of things that arent considered to be normal (vanilla), if your not a kink yourself, which i can clearly see you arent, dont waste her time cuz shes obviously a kink, move on

 

[Slimjim]

Kink girls are into rape, bondage, public sex and all sort of things that arent considered to be normal (vanilla), if your not a kink yourself, which i can clearly see you arent, dont waste her time cuz shes obviously a kink, move on

Jealous Ex? Is that you?

 

[Fuck This]

The Jealous ex is not your problem until he affects your happiness. He is old news and if she has cut contact with him then don't bring it up.

If anything his needy behavior just makes you look better.

Granted "watch your 6" in case he is the revenge type, and don't tolerate any shit if he shows up when you are around.