How to be relatable when you seemingly aren't?

[Skills]

This is a very interesting point. There probably won't ever exist a lay report where the lay happened specifically due to relatability.

The opposite will be easier to spot: There's definitely circumstances where you lose a lay or interaction for being unrelatable. The question is - is that because relatability is an issue... or you just made a correctable error: you don't know how to either cut the thread, or to stop broadcasting your unrelatability.

Which leads to the question I'm getting at in the OP: If a hypothetical individual has few life experiences so in conversations they find themselves constantly cutting threads and trying to find new ones that they and the person they're talking to can have a standard connection on... Is there any tricks around this or are they just kinda screwed until they add life experiences? Asking rhetorically.

just thought about something i do with reliability but is more kind of to hook... so i am going to give some example but i do it more for fun...


example 1 (country of origen)

her: i am from colombia

me: oh shit me too i am from cali or medelling or bogota (i name a city of colombia for example ) then i start speaking in the spanish way they speak since every spanish country speak spanish in a particular way..... Sometimes they can tell i am full of shit, and then i tell them my country or sometimes after a while i tell them is not true.... so is a form of busting balls to reach hook point...

here is another example:

her: i am from england

me: oh shit i am from manchester (it is quite remarkable, and i can not believe is raining in london) so i am just talking like an english dude...

or lets say i meet a girl from spain, i start speaking like a spainard and i say that i like churros with chocolate (a common food they eat) and the likes, so is fun joking busting balls..

^ so i use it with almost all type of countries as a way to reach hook point here is a sample, keys of vip used to do something similar in their challenges minute 3:44 the girl say she is a writer for advertising and he lies and say he is a writer for advertising..

 

[Skills]

I could link some reports I've posted here. . . and mention others I have seen.

Or write up more from my private journal and NextASF archives. However, I don't think that would solve the issue completely. Because I think its just a simple matter of practical understanding, so I'll try to explain this again. . . and if that does not help then I'll link.

There are lots of guys in this community who have an abundance mentality. Because they can get laid with new girls consistently. On the other hand, there are relatively fewer seducers. . . who get consistent results with the amazing women. . . they would rank as high quality.

Now there may be some variances in the beauty standards, personality traits, lifestyle and social class. . . of the chicks that each seducer considers high quality. One seducer might prefer submissive brunettes, with slender bodies who devote themselves to him. Another desires independent and self-improvement minded fitness chicks, with toned and. . . very curvy bodies. Another wants beautiful yet classy girls. Or highly educated women. . .

Perhaps an easy way to conceptualize high quality. . . is the type of girl you would make your girlfriend. A girl with a solid chance of becoming a main-chick instead of just another rotation member. Whether each relationship with these girls. . . will be monogamous or open is irrelevant.

Now to successfully seduce these women without relying on luck. You must make them comfortable getting sexual with you. You will also need to make them feel extremely connected to you. These are important factors for maintenance during the ensuing relationship too.

This is why the nuanced aspects of seduction I mentioned earlier have pragmatic value:

^ what does this has to do with linking a lay report so i can see it in practice.... All these "posturing" for me is meh! doesn't do it for me, i have been in the community toooooo long and seen the "quality girls" and i am always like ok cool, never been impress but i had to pretend to be impress to make the dude feel better...

if anybody could link a lay report so i can see it in action great, if not cool....

 

[Velasco]

@Skills

Then after her stories, she wanted me to talk about myself and how I got to NYC. So I shared my story and ups and downs as well, which generally found super boring because it was so different from her – it became pretty apparent that we’re from two totally different backgrounds – her from the military and no college, and me from high education and owning my own business.

To counter this, I immediately started to switch to discussing topics like BDSM and sex. From there on out, we spent the time talking about BDSM, festivals, sex and dynamics between men and women. I could see that she was getting really turned on, and we were in total alignment with what we were saying. Not only does she love BDSM, but as I was talking about festivals I’ve been to, I revealed I’ve been to many play parties in NYC as well as down the East Coast. Turns out that she hasn’t been to one, and I really piqued her curiosity about these.

For me my topics I relate with girls on is: sex (positions, stories / experiences, point of view), pop culture (celebrity she and I had a crush on growing up, favorite movies we both watched, favorite music genre and artist within that music genre) and travel (places she and I have traveled to, stories / experiences, point of view)

Which goes back to my first comment on this thread. When she talks about something then I say, "yeah its like blah blah blah" and then she feels like "omg yes!" (or her being impressed by a new perspective she had never heard of/thought about it that way, on a topic she and I like)

I'm just aiming to get as many "omg yes!"'s as possible to topics conductive to fast lays for the liking principle to take effect.

 

[Skills]

@Skills



For me my topics I relate with girls on is: sex (positions, stories / experiences, point of view), pop culture (celebrity she and I had a crush on growing up, favorite movies we both watched, favorite music genre and artist within that music genre) and travel (places she and I have traveled to, stories / experiences, point of view)

Which goes back to my first comment on this thread. When she talks about something then I say, "yeah its like blah blah blah" and then she feels like "omg yes!" (or her being impressed by a new perspective she had never heard of/thought about it that way, on a topic she and I like)

I'm just aiming to get as many "omg yes!"'s as possible to topics conductive to fast lays for the liking principle to take effect.

Yeah i do something similar with such as "really" with an up and down intonation and "look at you" and then i do just the same as grand poopa did, and yes similar to what you say you do to in this one...

 

[Skills]

Huh?







I was under the impression that you didn't see much practical value in reliability. That much is clear in my previous post. . . if you read it again.



LR: It's Only Cold Approach (But I like it)
LR: Poetic Injustice
LR: From Russia With Doggy Style
LR: Bisexual Chick, Day Game, Lay on First Date

i was looking at things from op perspective, and explaining that you do not really need commonalities to get laid cause other than the ones i mentioned just to reach hook point i actually do not think is necessary, meaning like the girls says i love "backstreet boys" and then the dude have to be like "oh my god i love them too" type of perspective cause it will come across as "nice guy" " in congruent" and "try hard" .... Again i am viewing things from op and try to cold read him and imagine what is his problem and what his doing.... Therefore my answers in this post in which i am trying to convey that the bang from the buck is better spend in some other fundamentals and game tech vs "trying to reach commonalities"

i took some notes from all your lay reports (thanks by the way, what i was looking for to try to understand relatability:


lay report 1.-
"As it turns out. . . we both originate from the same part of West Africa. As she points out this common ground. . . I see the spark of excitement in her hazel-green eyes. Seems like we’re off to a great start with this sharp-shoot."


lay report 2.-
“Thanks. I’m still getting used to the city. Figuring out. . . where all the important places are.”

“Oh where are you from?”

“Take a wild guess.” I said with a lingering smile.

We have a casual chat centered around travelling. Her curiosity had been piqued, so she asked a few of the usual questions. To which I gave my unusual and vaguely poetic responses. Travelling is a stimulating topic but after exploring it in a relaxed manner. I decided to take things up a notch. . .


Lay report 3.-

This briefly leads things to a conversation centered on travel. I learned she moved to Canada from Russia. I briefly remembered meeting another woman from the Former Soviet Union at this nightclub. That one fell through after she told me she “feels bad about making out” because her husband was waiting downstairs. But the desire to bed a Russian girl remained. We talked about some picturesque and photogenic-looking European cities before I circle back to a previous topic.

lay report 4.-

She was holding on to a folded-up tri-pod and a small bag that probably contained an expensive camera.

Asked her if she took photos. Blondie lights up and says yes. Told her I asked because I do “a bit of painting and sketching.” We talk about art and photography for a bit. Most of it is me listening to her talk.


^ in most of these this is actually YOU, traveler, artist, etc.... which you are using cause women like "new guys to cities" " guys coming out of relationships" 'foreign guys" which you are using as relatability...

^ if that is the case i do the same with "dancing" at times... But that was not the context i was referring to op on....

My opinion is you can do what teevester actually does in which by pass relatability and is more bang for the buck....

he throws out of the blue a topic about societal fairness or a societal observation or _________ topic that brings curiosity and then does his professorial talks center about sex in which the girls will either relate or be force to accept the well explained concept around sex anyways, no matter what is a win... That was my point again looking form op point of view.....

 

[Lofty]

i was looking at things from op perspective, and explaining that you do not really need commonalities to get laid cause other than the ones i mentioned just to reach hook point i actually do not think is necessary, meaning like the girls says i love "backstreet boys" and then the dude have to be like "oh my god i love them too" type of perspective cause it will come across as "nice guy" " in congruent" and "try hard" .... Again i am viewing things from op and try to cold read him and imagine what is his problem and what his doing.... Therefore my answers in this post in which i am trying to convey that the bang from the buck is better spend in some other fundamentals and game tech vs "trying to reach commonalities"

Agreeability is MUCH different than relatability. The former will likely result in exactly those aspects of undesirability that you mention, while the latter builds trust, understanding, and points of discussion. It's just like how you used that technique when speaking to the foreign girls. You didn't pretend like you were the same as them and instead found a way to display a unique understanding of their culture. Then they thought, "Wow, this guy actually gets me a little bit!" That can lead them to open up more, both in discourse and with their legs.

I'm sure that you've deep-dived plenty of times - that's another way of being relatable (Fluxcapacitor discussed something similar to this, too). It's just making her feel like she can be comfortable and real with you. Certainly, you've internalized components of something like this throughout your many experiences without attaching any specific word to it.

Overall, I think that there was just a simple conflation of the ideas surrounding agreeability and relatability. One leads to become the pestering annoyance that you describe, and the other can lead to become the thoughtful lover that many girls like.

 

[Skills]

Each topic you highlighted was used in a strategic manner to increase her receptivity.

That's all reliability is. . . a tool to side-step othering and increase receptivity. Because once a girl's receptivity is increased we can penetrate her mind, emotions and body with ease. So as long as you display a deeper level of understanding. . . whether you are sharing social observations about the reality of what it is like to be a woman. Or empathizing with the motivations and underlying feelings that surround an activity she enjoys.

Or even just acknowledging and describing what is going on. . . right now. . . in your shared environment.

Then she will most likely view you as a relatable person. Even if you basically have nothing in common, apart from being two living, breathing human beings. This process is also known as pacing. . . I highlighted its importance to the OP in my very first post in this thread.

I also mentioned a bunch of other ways to encourage receptivity. Like curiosity gambits, topics she will find interesting, or lightly provocative and intriguing bait. As you note what often follows pacing, is introducing pragmatic frames, inducing emotional states, or just. . . any topic of discussion that will help you shag the girl standing right in front of you. This is also known as leading. And she is more than likely to accept what comes next.

Because she already thinks the two of you are on the same wavelength. . .

^ Yeah very good, i do most of this, we are in agreement.... my point to the op was to say that you do not need to have something in common per se in order to seduce, but yes totally agree with the above...

 

[ulrich]

^ Yeah very good, i do most of this, we are in agreement.... my point to the op was to say that you do not need to have something in common per se in order to seduce, but yes totally agree with the above...

Finally,we reached agreement!!
Good work gentlemen

 

[Skills]

Finally,we reached agreement!!
Good work gentlemen

Actually Bacchus used to do something i stole from him which i use a lot with everybody get them talking i guess is relatability based on the new definition, when the girl would " i like ballet" or " i love poetry" or i love______ fill in the blank...

Oh really and what makes you feel so passionate about ballet?

you just get them to talk about what they are passionate and exited about.....

 

[ulrich]

Actually Bacchus used to do something i stole from him which i use a lot with everybody get them talking i guess is relatability based on the new definition, when the girl would " i like ballet" or " i love poetry" or i love______ fill in the blank...

Oh really and what makes you feel so passionate about ballet?

you just get them to talk about what they are passionate and exited about.....

Amazing

 

[LouisVuitton]

I have a question on relatability. I'm sure a lot of guys that come to this site wonder this to some degree. If you're a guy with relatively few life experiences, but you commit to getting better with women which means you're committing to approaching thousands of them, yet the vast majority of these girls have relatively lots of life experience, how are you supposed to relate to them in conversation?



I know the first volley of answers: Get more life experiences to get up to their 'level.' Or, employ Chase's 7 secrets to relatability. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you've just left your parents basement and you've just started your approaches. How are you supposed to relate to others in conversation before you've accumulated life experiences to be able to, in essence, speak the same language? Examples:
- Sex and/or dates: You've had basically none, she's had a lot by comparison
- Activities: You've played video games, she's read books
- Maybe you go to the gym, she hikes
- You're an indoors type, she's always doing stuff outdoors
- Music: You like older stuff, she likes newer stuff
- Religion: Maybe you're not religious, but she goes to church on Sundays
- Travel: You haven't traveled much, she has
etc etc and any could be vice versa. And this doesn't even have to be man and woman. This could also apply to relating to other guys. Thoughts?

You can relate to her by talking about things that are relevant to her. You don’t have to relate over commonalities. If she hikes and you go to the gym you can have her tell you about hiking. Actually listen when she says and be interested. If she likes newer music you can tell her you’ve been wanting to get into the new stuff but you don’t know where to start. Ask for recommendations. Listen to her. Then you can tell her about what you like.

What you’re missing in those examples is that the two things do related to each other. Hiking and gym are both exercise. New or old, it’s still music.

If you’re having trouble relating to people you are not putting enough effort in getting to know them. I’m not saying you should “try hard.” Perhaps just be more mindful of the present moment and enjoy the vibe.

Commonalities are not that important in the short term. In the long term you’ll develop commonalities together. I don’t think relatability is as important in person. But it is very important over texts and apps. Over the text she will lose interest if the conversation isn’t relevant to her.