The TL DR is that you can basically draw commonality from pretty much everything you've listed. Where she goes to Church regularly, you can state that you practice mindfulness or meditation. You like classic rock, she likes mumble rap - you can relate to her about singing along to your favorite song. In terms of practical technique, it's really a question of your imagination and intelligence. And if you want to be successful at this, you will have to use your imagination and intelligence, because most connections are not textbook, they just follow a similar timeline.
You just need to practice, and you can practice this sort of "I relate to you on dissimilar things" with any girl you meet on social media/online dating sites.
There really isn't much to it.
The rest of my post is about -
why the hell are you doing this in the first place? Trying to find common ground is what squares/AFCs/chumps/Chodes/simps/betas (whatever they're called this week) do.
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Before a student starts on any technique or new philosophy, they should ask themselves why?
Always start with why.
- Why am I learning this?
- Why am I learning to qualify? Why am I using qualification?
- Why am I looking for commonalities?
- Why am I trying to be relatable?
- What is being "relatable" going to get me in terms of my goal?
For example - You play video games, she reads books -
both of you are following someone else's narrative to get to some emotional pleasure of a journey. She might spend 4-6 hours reading a book. You'll spend hundreds of hours in a game. You can draw the parallels and understand her experience. You can talk about your trials and tribulations with your medium, as can she. All of the things you listed are practically the same at a high enough level. She's a vegan and you're zero carb (i.e only animal products) - you can relate to her on the visceral aspects of eating your favorite meal. You need to put yourself in enough situations where you learn to improvise on the spot.
But WHY are you doing this?
If you go the gym and get hot and sweaty, and she goes hiking and gets hot and sweaty - you can relate to the hot and sweatiness of it.
But why? Why is that important to establish with the girl?
"Hey Chica, I can stink up a car in 30 minutes just like you!!!"
What's this gaining you?
Are you telling the girl that "we are actually quite similar" so that she trusts you more? And her trust moves you closer to sex?
Or is it that you want to show similar feelings, thus you can be compatible in a long term setting?
What's your goal? What's your immediate goal with this technique? How does this intermediary goal get you to your ultimate goal?
If you're trying to bang, or trying to find a GF - do you really need to be similar?
Where did you get that idea? It can't be from real life, as there are couples all around you that are dissimilar. And there are similar people around you, that are not couples.
Does she need to find commonalities in order to have a sex with you? In order to have a long term relationship? Is that what her past is telling you?
At a more meta level, by trying to find/force commonality - is that good for whatever relationship you want -
are you changing yourself in order to appease her?
Is that a good thing? (it might be, it might not be, there aren't any absolutes here, just means to an end)
Breaking Rapport/Not seeking Commonality/Disqualification
One of the things that the community figured out early on is that NOT RELATING to her was a good thing. Breaking Rapport was a good thing. Pushing her away, instead of pulling her was a good thing. Distinguishing yourself, not trying to placate/appease/please her was a good thing.
- "We would never be a good couple"
- I don't even want to start in on "negs", cause in my opinion, very few people have definitions expansive enough to cover everything that is called a neg. An insult is a "neg". But if you're talking to your girl and your phone buzzes and you check it - according to her and her perception that's also a neg. ....Moving on.
Moreover, trying to please her, trying to relate, was a BAD THING. That said, a lot of guys would take not seeking rapport too far and not calibrate.
Most guys that don't know anything about the "crimson arts"
are always trying to relate to a girl.
She likes teacup poodles, well now you're a dog expert even though you have allergies and hate the mangy critters. Your
sudden interest is interpreted as false by the girl, and just an attempt to get in her pants. That's why it usually fails. On the other side - If I find out a girl likes Wu Tang, my interest leve in her skyrockets - suddenly I'm gonna turn in my player jersey and settle down and have kids - my sudden interest in the girl is not false to her - but false to me. (As i've dated plenty of girls that are "wu tang for life"). We don't talk enough about our own predilections.
Some more
advanced guys take note of the girls likes and dislikes, and lets her
discover that they are similar - even though these interests of his are plants. (I keep 5 or 6 magazines on my coffee table, 4 of which would be of interest to any given girl that comes to my place - you can do the same with your bookshelf or your art - or your clothing when you go out).
But similarity, commonality, often breeds familiarity.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
In terms of more tech - One of the plays that every man has is the exotic - to not be familiar - to have more layers to his personality. Him and his girl could be from the same milquetoast suburban background - but he could easily be involved in some clandestine yet middle class activity. I digress.
Indeed, getting back to resisting the notion that you need to have commonalities - one of the more subtle pleasures of the game, is the
girl wondering WHY she likes you. Having that question in her mind creates a tension.
"There's just something about him"
When newbies talk about being "mysterious" - they often really mean not answering the girls questions (which almost always comes off as evasive and untrustworthy in a bad way. (you can be untrustworthy in a good way...))
Instead, the mystery of a player, is that she can't figure you out, you are unpredictable.
She tries to be negative, and it has no effect. She tries to be positive and it has no effect. She's looking to get some sort of response from you, but your response is intermittent...but there might be a pattern. And it drives her crazy. Like 2048, like any video game.
So ask yourself again, why do I want to be relatable?
If you are a rock star and you happen to see a librarian with a Phat Ass, who is self conscious about you not relating to her - Do you truly want to meet that girl by professing your love for the Harry Potter series? Why are you coming down to her level?
If you are a wikipedia editor attracted to some vapid club queen, why are you trying to convince her that you're secretly a bedroom DJ?
Is her attraction to you based on commonality? Based on difference?
Or is it based on the fact that you can make her feel all sorts of things? Be it prestige and status, or sexual arousal, or intellectual stimulation - whatever your bag is?
I am just asking you to think about why, before you employ the techniques.
WIA
