How to deal with a jealous/insecure coworker?

[justonemoreperson]

Been working on this boat building job for just a little over 2 weeks now, there's only 1 other coworker who's been there 2 months, and we essentially work together on the same things and he's essentially taught me most of the process along with my boss.

I am someone that is a very quick learner. Within these 2 weeks, my work efficiency has increased to the point that I am operating at about 90-95% of the speed of my coworker, while also making less mistakes on the more delicate parts of the process as I am more detail-driven and careful than he is, and the boss man highly values doing it right the first time and quality first.

My point with all of that is that sometimes I see my coworker has made a mistake, and I will fix it, and he becomes defensive about it. Claiming it doesn't matter or making a dumb excuse. But yesterday, he became upset as I was finishing a part of my work, he told me he would wait until I'm done, and I countered that he can get started on the next step, since they don't bother each other. He became verbally upset over this, saying he knows what to do, and that I can't tell him what to do because he's been there longer. That when a new worker shows up, I could tell *him* what to do.

That obviously didn't sit right with me, I ended up telling my boss after work as he asked me early on to mention if there's ever any problems, and he said we will talk about it on Monday.

However I know that my boss alone can't fix that, it's up to me.

Since so far, the dynamic has been of me as a student and my coworker as teacher, my goal is to slowly but surely shift this dynamic until I am considered the best. To outwork him, outsmart him, and be more efficient is my goal to dominate his weak ego. For it to become undeniable, via his own eyes and the boss' actions that I am better than him.

I want to know how I can tell him to do something in ways that his pussy won't get hurt, and eventually getting him used to taking orders from me. I also want to know how to decline his compliance shit testing, where he will try get me to do something he can perfectly do himself just to win a dominance battle.

His main advantage is being extroverted and more socially dominant, whereas I am more on the quiet/thinking side and my social energy and strength of my voice depletes throughout the day which makes my presence weaker.

To summarize my goals:

1. Become the best worker through my merit and skills and have the boss recognize that

2. Defend against my coworker's petty attempts to gain control via compliance

3. Shift the dynamic in a way where I can tell him about his mistakes or teach him better ways to do something in a way he accepts it without becoming butthurt.

 

[Will_V]

Been working on this boat building job for just a little over 2 weeks now, there's only 1 other coworker who's been there 2 months, and we essentially work together on the same things and he's essentially taught me most of the process along with my boss.

I am someone that is a very quick learner. Within these 2 weeks, my work efficiency has increased to the point that I am operating at about 90-95% of the speed of my coworker, while also making less mistakes on the more delicate parts of the process as I am more detail-driven and careful than he is, and the boss man highly values doing it right the first time and quality first.

My point with all of that is that sometimes I see my coworker has made a mistake, and I will fix it, and he becomes defensive about it. Claiming it doesn't matter or making a dumb excuse. But yesterday, he became upset as I was finishing a part of my work, he told me he would wait until I'm done, and I countered that he can get started on the next step, since they don't bother each other. He became verbally upset over this, saying he knows what to do, and that I can't tell him what to do because he's been there longer. That when a new worker shows up, I could tell *him* what to do.

That obviously didn't sit right with me, I ended up telling my boss after work as he asked me early on to mention if there's ever any problems, and he said we will talk about it on Monday.

However I know that my boss alone can't fix that, it's up to me.

Since so far, the dynamic has been of me as a student and my coworker as teacher, my goal is to slowly but surely shift this dynamic until I am considered the best. To outwork him, outsmart him, and be more efficient is my goal to dominate his weak ego. For it to become undeniable, via his own eyes and the boss' actions that I am better than him.

I want to know how I can tell him to do something in ways that his pussy won't get hurt, and eventually getting him used to taking orders from me. I also want to know how to decline his compliance shit testing, where he will try get me to do something he can perfectly do himself just to win a dominance battle.

His main advantage is being extroverted and more socially dominant, whereas I am more on the quiet/thinking side and my social energy and strength of my voice depletes throughout the day which makes my presence weaker.

To summarize my goals:

1. Become the best worker through my merit and skills and have the boss recognize that

2. Defend against my coworker's petty attempts to gain control via compliance

3. Shift the dynamic in a way where I can tell him about his mistakes or teach him better ways to do something in a way he accepts it without becoming butthurt.

I don't think you're looking at this the right way. You're two weeks into a new job, very new, you don't want to be going around getting into spats.

The number one concern your boss has is that the job gets done on time and everybody does their part. If you want to make him happy, make that your concern as well. Instead of letting things turn into an ego battle with your coworker, frame it as you and him together getting shit done and having a good time doing it. If you really are a stronger personality and more capable at the job, the proper relationship will more or less take care of itself over time, as long as you don't start playing games with his ego.

I would avoid talking about my coworker to my boss, if I were you. It's clear from your post here that you are really keen to win an ego battle, and if your boss is halfway experienced at dealing with people, which he probably is, he'll sniff that out. And you can be sure it will cause all sorts of doors to close that you never even knew were there to be opened.

The person who becomes the leader between two people is not the person who is more skilled at screwing the other one over, but the one who is able to step outside of their ego, see the broader picture, and create a role for the other person that not only suits their personality, but satisfies them more than continuing to compete.

 

[KJ Francis]

Congrats on the job. Sounds like a pretty romantic profession you could lean into during seductions, talking about the feelings and flow state you have while working, imagining the adventures that will be taken on the boats, or whatever... Makes you sound like a sculptor or something.

Anyways, just one idea... Maybe try deep diving him. It could be about how he got into the profession, but other stuff as well... Get the whole life story and keep asking "why". I've never done it in a situation where the person is threatened by me, but it can definitely make people feel more appreciated, heard, and understood than ever before in their lives.

That could make him feel connected, disarmed (less threatened), and ultimately able to be influenced.