Whenever I tried to build sexual tension or divert the topics to about man-woman frame, some girls keeps diverting the topic back to friendly topics, like asking me why do I move to this city, or what I like about my job etc. For sexual tension, they just give a poker face look. How do you deal with this situation on dates?
Date Plans How to deal with girls who keep diverting to being friendly on dates
- Thread starter vicknick
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one way to look at it is like this...
when you start to build arousal without having enough social frame, she will go back to social topics. and she will continue to do this until you have built a strong enough social frame with her. she wants to feel ok that you are a guy she can fuck!
so, focus on building a stronger social frame before arousing her, especially if she shuts down any sexual topic quickly. while keeping in mind you will need to continue building social frame...as you get deeper into arousing her.
how to deal with the situation as you asked? i would answer the questions she has and tailor them to her archetype. and once ive built more social frame with her, i will stimulate and then sexually arouse her.
notice how i said stimulate THEN sexually arouse her. this is a key component to calibrating getting her horny and wet. she is more accepting of it when you do it this way.
when you start to build arousal without having enough social frame, she will go back to social topics. and she will continue to do this until you have built a strong enough social frame with her. she wants to feel ok that you are a guy she can fuck!
so, focus on building a stronger social frame before arousing her, especially if she shuts down any sexual topic quickly. while keeping in mind you will need to continue building social frame...as you get deeper into arousing her.
how to deal with the situation as you asked? i would answer the questions she has and tailor them to her archetype. and once ive built more social frame with her, i will stimulate and then sexually arouse her.
notice how i said stimulate THEN sexually arouse her. this is a key component to calibrating getting her horny and wet. she is more accepting of it when you do it this way.
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I read a few pages about social frame but I still don't understand what it does, and how to apply it. Do I just talk about topics to create rapport? I have done that, and the girls will gladly talk about friendly topics, but when you try to escalate to sexual topics, they will shut up and be surprised.
I cold approach her while she was waiting bus with her friend. They came to my country for travelling.
For texting, I say that "her eyes are cute, did anyone say so to you" to try to set a man-woman frame, but she kinda make the interaction friendly by talking normal things without related to man-woman. I invited her for coffee and she agreed.
For the date, we sit opposite of each other. I talked about normal topic, then after 30 minutes try to escalate by talking about relationship. So far she seems receptive to these topics. Finally, when I try to escalate to sexual topics by asking when is her first kiss and how's her last sexual life, she seemed uncomfortable and shocked. I tone down a bit by going back to normal topics.
Initially I tried to bring her to see the city view, since I think that I didn't do well on escalating and needed more time on that. However, that day was raining, and considering that she will be flying back to her home country two days later. I have no choice but to push this date to the limit by bringing her back to my place.
I exited the cafe and drive my car to the entrance of the cafe while she was waiting there. At first she opened the back door and try to sit at the back. I was a bit surprized since all the girls I invited out will sit in front with me. So I told her to just sit in front. Now that when I think about it, her action of trying to sit at back was a bit rude to me, since it subcommunicate that I am her "driver". She then sit at the front, then asked if I know her place (hotel). Here, I was thinking the date was failed since she expect me to send her back to her hotel (she stay at the hotel with her friend). But I just ignored it by saying "yeah", and then continue my drive toward my place while continue some normal topics in the car.
When we arrive at my place, she seems a bit surprised by saying "Oh, so you bring me to your place". We then talking for a while, then I escalate by touching her hair and she seemed okay, but her expression looked moody. I asked why she was moody, she said because of period and today was a busy day for her. After some talking, I tried build tension by looking into her eyes. She then said "I know what you are trying to do. I am not in the mood right now, I have period." I dismissed by saying we are just chilling. She then asked "So you approach girls and try to bring them home? How many girls you bring back home so far?". I said a few but I don't really count, just enjoy the moment with the girls. She then asked if I use Tinder. I said long time ago, but not now since I prefer approach and interacting with the girl. I then asked if she went to any guys home (since she asked about Tinder, so I assumed she slept with guys before). She said she had one-night stand before, but not today since she has period. Her looks were also a bit moody/gloomy. She asked if she can have a cup of warm water. I then gave her warm water. She then asked if I read books, I said yeah I read non-fiction. We then talked for a while.
After a few failed attempt at escalating, I said I need to fetch her back to her hotel. She said yeah, and suddenly her expression become bright again, since she is able to go home now. She said "Are you disappointed tonight?". I said no I just go with the flow. I then drop her at her hotel.
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I usually do not even bring up sexual topics before we've had sex. My escalation is all physical.
That being said, I'm missing out by not using verbal escalation. I haven't really dove into it. When I do it's mostly about topics I feel confident about like astrology, tantra, and deep connection. And I don't like to get into those topics because it sets the wrong tone for a FB (which before I get to know a girl well, she's in FB zone).
My suggestion is use incidental touch more often, and physically escalate little by little along with your verbal escalation. Things like leading her by the small of her back, rubbing her shoulders when she's close, close proximity, deep eye contact, dancing. I"m pretty good at massage and I usually will start with massaging forearms or upper arms, you can do that pretty early in an interaction. I usually ask her if she has any aches or pains too, that got me massaging a nice ass on the beach one time.
What if girls rejected your physical escalation, especially when at the beginning of the date?My suggestion is use incidental touch more often, and physically escalate little by little along with your verbal escalation. Things like leading her by the small of her back, rubbing her shoulders when she's close, close proximity, deep eye contact, dancing. I"m pretty good at massage and I usually will start with massaging forearms or upper arms, you can do that pretty early in an interaction. I usually ask her if she has any aches or pains too, that got me massaging a nice ass on the beach one time.
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OP
I had a very similiar girl this week.
www.girlschase.com
This article was spot on about my girl, except it wasn't straightforward as soon as we started kissing. I think she was inexperienced and repressed.
I have had that exact type of experience you describe. You just need to deep dive her, elicit her values and build a strong social frame. Until now, I have failed, for the most part, on these types of girls, but together with that article and alot of help from guys from this forum I think I'm starting to understand and succeed. I will try to schedule another date with the girl. I think she also needs more face time. Some girls need some time to warm up to you.
I had a very similiar girl this week.
Girl Types: Distracted or Sexually Repressed Women
Ever meet a girl whom you never see express sexuality in any way, around you or any other guy? She might not be asexual – she might just be repressed. Sometimes a woman's sexuality is repressed. Or, she is so distracted by her other interests in life that boys and sex take a back seat. When you...
www.girlschase.com
This article was spot on about my girl, except it wasn't straightforward as soon as we started kissing. I think she was inexperienced and repressed.
I have had that exact type of experience you describe. You just need to deep dive her, elicit her values and build a strong social frame. Until now, I have failed, for the most part, on these types of girls, but together with that article and alot of help from guys from this forum I think I'm starting to understand and succeed. I will try to schedule another date with the girl. I think she also needs more face time. Some girls need some time to warm up to you.
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- Nov 11, 2019
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You have to be smarter in your progressive model for seducing her. Use better tools.
Verbally
eg. Verbally - Instead of talking about relationships talk about things like being in the moment - a SOT > makes her feel more immersed into imagination and feelings. This immerses her so that she softens on the more resistant responses.
A simple roadmap is outlined here. For a wider framework it is the basics of SS style conversation management as outlined technically by David Riker which will improve all things around it better and also provides the fundamentals. This style is field tested to be super effective and comes recommended by eg. me and bacchus - originally @Teevster pointed it out to me as a resource to improve verbals. Once i learned it i never looked back.
Other strong moves once you get the core down
Super strong but subtle way to elicit https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-a-simple-verbal-3-word-mirroring-tech.23029/
Questions to drive various things https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...tions-to-get-to-know-women.26425/#post-150745
Additional tactic https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/interruptive-questioning.26422/
"Physically"
In the physical realm i dont touch her at all. instead i am sizzling for her and tempting.. drawing her to feel things - via tools like "sexual listening", escalating the vibe, using verbal affection(a soft stimulator), having strong potency in my vibe and kittenish self indulgent i feel good in my body/like honey type movements.
Unlike what others tend to do escalation wise I dont eg touch her before ive primed her via its on moments, "igniters" and "ghost escalations" along verbal escalations that mixes with subtle indirect ones and eg sois w barriers at points. part of it is that I eg move my body as if im feeling good and as if were already in bed - a naturalness in my signalling albeit reduced to doing it on the distance and for my self more than anything. I might show a confident sexual display to blow her away then only to reduce to tempting again. But its done very subtly just to awake her around me and make her feel good - not escalating on her . Instead i tempt her alluringly to a level where the sexual tension literally makes sex happen. its never sudden. Its a momentum of things executed as a flow waaaay before you get alone w her.
This is basically a power model in a nutshell. Mixing verbals and physicals as a momentum to ignite many sides in a very good experience for women and for myself. i have variety in my verbals and also spit more game when i need more punch and "crowd control" to get a set to react to me. But the above is just cores for 1on1s.
Verbally
eg. Verbally - Instead of talking about relationships talk about things like being in the moment - a SOT > makes her feel more immersed into imagination and feelings. This immerses her so that she softens on the more resistant responses.
A simple roadmap is outlined here. For a wider framework it is the basics of SS style conversation management as outlined technically by David Riker which will improve all things around it better and also provides the fundamentals. This style is field tested to be super effective and comes recommended by eg. me and bacchus - originally @Teevster pointed it out to me as a resource to improve verbals. Once i learned it i never looked back.
Other strong moves once you get the core down
Super strong but subtle way to elicit https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-a-simple-verbal-3-word-mirroring-tech.23029/
Questions to drive various things https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...tions-to-get-to-know-women.26425/#post-150745
Additional tactic https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/interruptive-questioning.26422/
"Physically"
In the physical realm i dont touch her at all. instead i am sizzling for her and tempting.. drawing her to feel things - via tools like "sexual listening", escalating the vibe, using verbal affection(a soft stimulator), having strong potency in my vibe and kittenish self indulgent i feel good in my body/like honey type movements.
Unlike what others tend to do escalation wise I dont eg touch her before ive primed her via its on moments, "igniters" and "ghost escalations" along verbal escalations that mixes with subtle indirect ones and eg sois w barriers at points. part of it is that I eg move my body as if im feeling good and as if were already in bed - a naturalness in my signalling albeit reduced to doing it on the distance and for my self more than anything. I might show a confident sexual display to blow her away then only to reduce to tempting again. But its done very subtly just to awake her around me and make her feel good - not escalating on her . Instead i tempt her alluringly to a level where the sexual tension literally makes sex happen. its never sudden. Its a momentum of things executed as a flow waaaay before you get alone w her.
This is basically a power model in a nutshell. Mixing verbals and physicals as a momentum to ignite many sides in a very good experience for women and for myself. i have variety in my verbals and also spit more game when i need more punch and "crowd control" to get a set to react to me. But the above is just cores for 1on1s.
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Could you provide some example on this verbal model? Topic is too abstract and I am not sure how to apply.
What if after trying this, when you want to escalate, she seems shocked because she just enjoy talking to you as a friend? I have experience where I deep dive with the girl and she enjoys it, but often the girl will reject escalation because she just enjoy our deep dive conversation.OP
I had a very similiar girl this week.
Girl Types: Distracted or Sexually Repressed Women
Ever meet a girl whom you never see express sexuality in any way, around you or any other guy? She might not be asexual – she might just be repressed. Sometimes a woman's sexuality is repressed. Or, she is so distracted by her other interests in life that boys and sex take a back seat. When you...
This article was spot on about my girl, except it wasn't straightforward as soon as we started kissing. I think she was inexperienced and repressed.
I have had that exact type of experience you describe. You just need to deep dive her, elicit her values and build a strong social frame. Until now, I have failed, for the most part, on these types of girls, but together with that article and alot of help from guys from this forum I think I'm starting to understand and succeed. I will try to schedule another date with the girl. I think she also needs more face time. Some girls need some time to warm up to you.
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Yeah i know its abstract like most new understandings. I even tried to compress it a lil.
its basically just tools from a much stronger model from the initial meet to the lay based on your more detailed outline
my point is just to avoid it by being seductive in more smooth ways from the get go and using field proven tools or approaches that dont slams you into these walls or friend-zoning u. I never get this and girls escalate on me mostly.
I gave you material names and links that explains on the verbal side for starters
i could be specific but youll have to explore this to find models yourself.
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Sure, rapport is a basic social frame.
But social frame is not just about rapport. It also includes a multitude of other things like value and familiarity. From a birds eye view, it encompasses the social side of a seduction.
And if you have a really good social frame, she will use this as one of her reasons for fucking you. Setting a really strong social frame will typically be a key moment in the seduction and will start to become a regular narrative between you and her afterwards.
There is a lot to learn when it comes to social frame. But I’d suggest you start with applying the concept of social value. An easy way to start would be pairing it along with your deep diving. Which will supercharge this behaviour of yours.
For example, while youre deep diving and building solid rapport, you can provide value. By presenting yourself as more experienced than her in what she is talking about, and guiding her towards new ideas and realizations about herself in these areas. You set the frame that you are an authority...the dynamic between you two becomes teacher-student...and she becomes attracted because you have value in her eyes.
Your social frame was weak in this interaction with this woman, and it really showed in mid-late game when you were driving home. Notice how when you tried to build sexual tension, she became accusatory you were trying to sleep with her. Had you built a stronger social frame, you would have experienced less resistance here. But you did, because she had very little social reason to fuck you.
It didn't help that you were uncalibrated with your sexual topics and attempts to build sexual tension. You are doing it out of nowhere, in a very unstructured way, and this is what is shocking her.
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arousal includes sexual arousal and emotional arousal. when i talk about stimulation, i am referring to emotional arousal
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^ this is on you, is a very poor structure of the things you are doing from texting ("her eyes are cute") to the date, to the actions on the date, to the interaction on the date, to baiting and switch to a closing location........ Is just totally extremely poor execution of all parts of the mating aspect.... She was never relaxed, she knew what you wanted, you totally trigger resistance (asd), which is why she was trying to sit in the back, she was uncomfortable all alone the date.... is not one thing you did wrong, it is the collection of actions during the date and seduction... you are also misunderstand concepts, though man to women flirting is important, to complement physically on a text in your context "off"...... During the changing of topics you went too strong and poor transition to sexual topics, that is a poor execution and understanding of sexual topics and how to transition to them.... The date structure was bad as well, and the bait and switch again, no how is done...
So could you mention what should I do for each part on the date? I read many times your advice but its too general.
I understand your confusion bro. Lots of the advice here is great but not structured. You'd have to piece them together. But what @Skills said was right tho