How to escape gracefully?

[Samson84]

I went on a date this past weekend. The woman and I live far apart and after many weeks of being lame and putting her off, I agreed to meet her half way. I organized for us to get a steak dinner and we both got hotels and met at the restaurant. I wasn't that keen, but I figured I needed the experience.

While we were there at the restaurant, she got up and went to the toilet and as I looked at her from behind I thought, yeah ok, I'll fuck her. Then when we finally got back to my hotel and were actually having sex, I got less and less keen. She went down from about a 5 to about a 2 in my estimation. And, she didn't smell great. After the first time I was having trouble getting it up again, and partly was due to the condom situation .. I got Durex Extra Safe and I couldn't feel a thing. Anyway I gave her quite a few orgasms but in the morning after a shower I felt pretty sick. I drove her back to her car and said goodbye.

Since then she is texting me and calling and I really don't want to see her again. However, I don't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily, or to be a dick, or to have her flame me to her social circle .. because some day I may want to date one of them.

I was thinking of maybe getting back to her and saying, yeah I had a great time, but we live far apart and I don't think we have very much in common, so I wish you all the best but I don't think I can date you again.

But, shit, I'm kinda lost here. I would appreciate any good thoughts or advice on how to extricate yourself preferably while maintaining high status.

Btw she is 40 years old, not very good looking, has 3 kids, hasn't dated in 5 years, and hasn't sex in quite a while.

 

[Samson84]

Re: How to escape gracefully

.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Samson,

Great to hear from you again. First of all, congratulations, you just took another step in the right direction!

I organized for us to get a steak dinner and we both got hotels and met at the restaurant. I wasn't that keen, but I figured I needed the experience.

Yes you do! And as you gain more experience, it will just become easier, and you will work towards more palatable partners

Then when we finally got back to my hotel and were actually having sex, I got less and less keen. She went down from about a 5 to about a 2 in my estimation.

It happens sometimes from online dating. You discover that she is much less promising than she initially looked - but it's already too late to step back.

And, she didn't smell great.

Older woman. You are much less likely to have the problem with younger girls. After a few experiences of the same sort myself, I now mostly target girls below 30 years old. My latest lay (yesterday hahaha) was 23. No problem keeping it up! Yet, some girls still manage to fool me with their age (they lie on their profile), and in October I ended up fucking a 42 years old, who claimed 10 years less. Not too palatable. LOL. But when she is in my home, I find it very impolite not to go all the way!

I got Durex Extra Safe and I couldn't feel a thing.

This one you will have to experiment and find the good brand for you, then stick to it. I go for the extra-thin.

Since then she is texting me and calling and I really don't want to see her again. However, I don't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily, or to be a dick, or to have her flame me to her social circle .. because some day I may want to date one of them.

Don't worry! Girls are made of a much tougher material than what they would have us believe. She will easily get the picture! As long as you didn't say or imply anything that would let her believe that you were up to more than that, there is no chance of heartbreak. Normally a girl will only start to feel attached to the man after he fucked her on two or three distinct occasions. You gave her a good time. You were gentleman enough to honor her. It's fair deal!

I was thinking of maybe getting back to her and saying, yeah I had a great time, but we live far apart and I don't think we have very much in common, so I wish you all the best but I don't think I can date you again.

I would simply avoid to say these things upfront. That's a bit tough for her ego to swallow. What I would do, I would just voluntarily delay my answers, become more scarce and more brief. Stay evasive about a hypothetical next time. You just "get busy with work". She will ultimately get the picture and stop chasing.

Great! After four or five such "data points", you will see that it comes just easier and easier. You will feel more confidence, and you will discover that girls are more attracted to you! Yes! Because you will start to "feel like a sexual man" to your girls, and they just dig that.

It is unfortunate that your first data point was not too exciting from your point of view. My own (post divorce, in 2014) was a 40+ y.o ex girlfriend - and same issue, not smelling too good (I lost my erection at some point). The next one was 31 years old, very sexy and beautiful. I still rate her an 8.

I would advise you to keep your radar on much younger (and fresher) females.

Seppuku

 

[Start_ed_young]

I usually go for girls aged 13-17 haha. Not much success there yet. I’m in he same boat as you Samson, really needin’ Some dates for experience atm.

 

[Samson84]

Ok, this one is getting a bit much. I got a load of texts I haven't replied to. She's saying how amazing it was, how comfortable she felt, how intelligent I am, etc., etc., and now asking where she stands, if she can buy me dinner next time etc.

It seems like a bit of a dick move to just ignore. I think letting her down as gently as possible would be right, so she doesn't end up feeling she made a fool of herself. Any suggestions?

 

[Rain]

Ok, this one is getting a bit much. I got a load of texts I haven't replied to. She's saying how amazing it was, how comfortable she felt, how intelligent I am, etc., etc., and now asking where she stands, if she can buy me dinner next time etc.

It seems like a bit of a dick move to just ignore. I think letting her down as gently as possible would be right, so she doesn't end up feeling she made a fool of herself. Any suggestions?

I had a similar situation except I didn't sleep with her, just an extra hand and I got about 40 texts over a few days or whatever. I added to spam numbers and ignored. Might be different since you slept together but she eventually stopped.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

Ok, this one is getting a bit much. I got a load of texts I haven't replied to. She's saying how amazing it was, how comfortable she felt, how intelligent I am, etc., etc., and now asking where she stands, if she can buy me dinner next time etc.

It is normal to get a bit of chasing from her after the act. But this seems a little more than the usual. You must have created (inadvertently) some strong boyfriend/provider expectations. It is all in the way you communicate. With experience, you can slowly acquire a calm and sexy vibe which will make no ambiguity. It's OK! Was a good job for a start. Just, next time think twice about what you say, and filter out anything that could imply you have a view on a longer horizon.

It seems like a bit of a dick move to just ignore. I think letting her down as gently as possible would be right, so she doesn't end up feeling she made a fool of herself. Any suggestions?

I was talking about "gradually fading away", and not outright ignore. This can be done without being a dick. Like, you take some time before answering (leave her messages with "status unseen"), and / or answering two messages out of three, etc... She will stop chasing.

Maybe the best is to do the way you feel, and experiment by yourself. It remains true that a woman normally becomes attached after you fucked her on two or three distinct occasions - so there shouldn't be a risk of heartbreak. Don't be too harsh with her ego!

Seppuku

 

[Samson84]

Hey, thanks Seppuku. I took care of it!

I sent her a really gentle reply, saying it was lovely to meet her too. I said I wasn't really ready for serious dating yet, and I hoped I hadn't given any other impression. And wished her luck with her goals. She got back and said, it was all good, she didn't think it would be anything more, just that she thought it was worth asking as she felt so good with me. Then she has been posting dreamy stuff on Instagram but that's ok, she's obviously feeling happy about the experience.

So... full circle mission accomplished. One reflection I have is that, although I didn't really find her attractive, it was certainly an interesting data point to be with someone who never got cruel or insulting towards me. Kinda makes me wonder if I have just grown to expect some level of mistreatment.

I thought of this again when, just yesterday, I tried to let her down very gently without putting any blame or judgement on her. In contrast, I think of how I was dumped by my previous girl (in the other thread) and now I see why that was so hard to go from being adored and making plans together, to being rejected, blamed, judged and then ghosted in the space of a few hours! Interesting to be in the other position and see the other side of the equation. Valuable experience indeed.

Now Seppuku, I want to ask about you dating women in their 20s. How is this possible consistently? What country are you in? For me, in the UK, I doubt I could get women in their 20s, even though I am very fit and successful and I have a killer bachelor pad in the city. And even if I could get someone for a night, I doubt I could get a gf in that range. Don't you find that they want kids etc, and this makes compatibility issues?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

well done, it seems you handled it well. With a little more experience, you will learn to control your communication, verbal and non-verbal, so as not to create unwanted expectations in the first place - which you probably did here inadvertently, even if she says otherwise. Then the question of escaping gracefully will be easier to handle. But like I said, the real attachment normally only takes place after repeated sex sessions. That's when she starts feeling that she "belongs" to her man. Before reaching that point, you normally do not risk to create unwanted tears.

I hope that this experience makes you realize that it is possible to have a casual relation with a woman, which can be pleasurable for both, without getting trapped into a committed relationship, and without hurting anybody (and I say this because I know it is a common misconception, I use to have it myself). In this specific case, it is only a bad circumstance that your first such experience happened with a woman that turned out not that attractive.

It had another merit: you were not tempted to rush into a relationship with her. Which is the other barrier against getting good with women: the guy will commit with the first pretty girl he meets, and his learning curve stops immediately here.

And yes, it feels good to be on the other side of the equation. It feels good to know that it doesn't have to be a negative experience. In fact, these casual flings are usually light, positive minded, and care free, they in fact feel very good! And for her as well. Girls do enjoy these, as much as men do (it is another misconception).

Now Seppuku, I want to ask about you dating women in their 20s. How is this possible consistently? What country are you in? For me, in the UK, I doubt I could get women in their 20s, even though I am very fit and successful and I have a killer bachelor pad in the city. And even if I could get someone for a night, I doubt I could get a gf in that range. Don't you find that they want kids etc, and this makes compatibility issues?

You remind me of where I was in 2013-2014. I dwelt into these questions, and in fact they paralyzed me into inaction. At some point I said fuck it, I don't want to become bitter and lonely and sad, so I kicked my ass beyond all my doubts and fears and questions. And I'm happy I did, it was worth it.

First: I am a European expat in Middle East, in a conservative society that frowns upon unmarried sex. Well, technically it's illegal and sentenced with prison - but in reality no one looks or cares as long as you remain discreet. There is a whole lot of illegal fucking happening everywhere.

Second: the demographics is 90% foreigners, 10% nationals. Within the foreigners, the proportion of unmarried, young european women is very tiny (most are expat wives). So... The bulk of my conquests are asian girls, but now also a significant amount of african.

This being said, what we do in seduction is to appeal to some aspects of femininity which are universal. "Women are women". So, nothing specific to asian and african. There is *no reason* why I couldn't pull it off with a european. I may have to do tweaks in my game, adjust a little, play with my value and my attainability, but ultimately it is the same. Just for the anecdote, there was a british girl in her early twenties who reached out to me on Instagram and tried to enroll me as sugar daddy. I made her understand that I fuck 22 new girls a year without paying. I describe to her, in minute details, my latest seduction. Next, she sent me pictures of her pussy. LOL.

But like I said here and there on the boards, the main challenge older men face in becoming seducers is their mindset. The main reason you cannot pull off 20 something girls is because you firmly believe you can't! From all what you said and described about you, you have a lot of very good things going for you which make you attractive for a whole category of girls. But first you need to remove a number of misconceptions from your mind. "I can't pull it off with a younger girl" is one of them. Remember: you are High Value. She doesn't come across a High Value man like you every day.

Once you have bedded a girl, it's easy to make her a GF. If you get such a girl for a night, and you like her, you just make sure that you organize a second night. Then a third. Now, you're de facto BF and GF. Easy!

The question of babies will happen if you stay many years with a girl. But before you reach there you have plenty of time. If she's 23, you're on the safer side that if she's 33 years old.

Seppuku

 

[Michal]

Hello Samson,

I will only add to what Seppuku said about the mindset. You already have the value on your side, you have the skills as well. I mean, you asked about how to escape a situation like this, got some advice but at the end, you went with your own intuition and made it happen exactly the way you wanted it to happen and ended it without her feeling hurt. So I would say if you try to seduce couple of 20-something girls, then a fourth one or fifth one will make you realize something about the "age difference" and how it does not matter that much like Seppuku says. And your mindset will shift and from there, it will be a piece of cake for you and in the summer you will have your 20-something girlfriend

 

[Samson84]

Hey Seppuku,

Just a little follow-up. I've been working on my mindset, as you suggested, and also learning more about the female mindset. I can feel that my understanding and attitudes are shifting - it can't be a bad thing! I bought Chase's book, How To Make Girls Chase, which is great, and I'm doing the homeworks.

Another guy I found helpful is called Corey Wayne, he has youtube videos and a book which is basically all the things that typical guys do to fuck up their chances with women they like and screw themselves over!

Also, just taking care of myself after some pretty shitty experiences in the past, and built up my self esteem and confidence again. I think some of my failures have not been about value at all (as I always assumed) but other issues.

As you may remember, I'm really into fit and strong bodybuilder women. I'm going to the Arnold sports festival in Ohio at the end of Feb, which will be loads of fun for me, and there will be thousands of people there into strength and fitness sports. So I am hoping to meet and talk to lots of women there and get a couple of dates out of it. I need to work on how to approach though. Once I'm on a date, I always do well - but getting from seeing someone I like to being on a date is the difficult part for me.

Finally, this has been on my mind lol:

Just for the anecdote, there was a british girl in her early twenties who reached out to me on Instagram and tried to enroll me as sugar daddy. I made her understand that I fuck 22 new girls a year without paying. I describe to her, in minute details, my latest seduction. Next, she sent me pictures of her pussy. LOL.

Wtf?! Can you share the transcript lol. I cannot quite imagine how this goes haha.

All the best
Samson

 

[Seppuku]

Samson,

Thanks for the heads up!

Also, just taking care of myself after some pretty shitty experiences in the past, and built up my self esteem and confidence again. I think some of my failures have not been about value at all (as I always assumed) but other issues.

That's very good! Probably the most important thing you can do for now. If I look back at my own history, I was officially divorced in October 2012, and starting to read GC about then. The following two years were essentially about working on my self esteem and confidence, as well as battling against the temptations of bitterness. Got a few fucked up dates along the way. But October 2014 I finally emerged with a healthier self esteem and outlook. Plus, in the meantime, I had absorbed and digested all the GC main premises of game. Went in the online dating market and started to get girlfriends again. It felt good!

It doesn't mean that you should take two years off like I did, by the way!

Once I'm on a date, I always do well - but getting from seeing someone I like to being on a date is the difficult part for me.

Yes I remember your preference for muscular women. It is good to try and get dates if you can, like you said, it will help you gaining confidence that it is possible to succeed with your top women. However keep in mind that you will be in a much better situation to succeed with your top girls, once you get experience with your second choice women. Why? Because you have less scarcity mindset around these second choice. Being in scarcity is the first thing you need to learn to fight off when you start. Hence my advice to open up a little bit your standards and get more girls. You can always work towards better girls later when you have more experience.

Wtf?! Can you share the transcript lol. I cannot quite imagine how this goes haha.

Mindset, mindset, hahaha! ;-) You're probably used to compete for girls as a provider. That is, show off how much you can better take care of her, of her financial and material needs. How good a boyfriend you would make, impress her, and impress her more, etc... Like we have all been taught to think and behave. But if you learn to display yourself as a sexual man from the very beginning of an interaction, you will be surprised to see a very different side of womanhood, that you maybe never even suspected. And that works much much better!

"But surely good girls are not like this! Are they?" Nope! This applies to all women. Like Richard (from these Boards) says, "woman is woman is woman", no matter education, country and cultural background.

So, here is the Instagram chat. She DM'd me out of the blue:

Her: Hi I'm cristie from UK, I am looking for a sugar daddy are you free to talk now
Me: Hello. Nice to know, but I'm not the good candidate for sugar daddy thing
Her: You don't like younger women?
Me: I do. But I fuck them for free, or not at all. Not into paid arrangements
Her: I enjoy sucking older dicks. They are huge. But not for free
Me: Ok, good to know. But I'm not into paid arrangements
[some little get-to-know chat, where you live, are you married etc...]
Her: So you now fuck young women for free. I love single older men
Me: Yes. I did fuck about 40 women in the last 2 years. Between 24 and 32 years old. Not bragging. How old are you?
Her: Oh My
Her: 24. And you?
Me: 47
Her: Nice
Me: Thanks. Well good luck for the sugar daddy thing. I think money fosters the wrong relationships
Her: I'm touching myself now. Talk dirty to me
[Sends picture of her naked pussy]
Her: You could be in it, now. Young pussy
Me: Nice. When is the last time you had sex?
Her: I'm busy, fucking myself now.
Me: Good. Relieve yourself. So yesterday there's a 23 y.o girl that I met online, we meet for real for the first time in a bar for snacks and drinks.
Me: I know immediately that she's into me because she's really touchy. By 9:30pm she hints something about my home. It's a big hint. So I propose to come to my home and listen to some music...
Her: And then?
...

Next, she went on to say that she's "not so into money", and started chasing me a little over text, sent me her pics in sexy underwear, etc... She lives in the UK, and me in the Middle East, so it didn't go further. And it is not even the best example of getting sexual with a girl. But when I manage to pull it off, and meet the girl in real, she's usually in my bed in less than one hour after first meeting ever, with no bullshit in the way. My two previous successes, three weeks ago, a 22 years old, and two weeks ago, a 25 years old. It just works!

Seppuku