How to follow up "Are you single" opening?

[TylerDurden]

I tried using the "are you single" opening, but I just get stuck after I get an answer, this feels awkward:

Me: Are you single?
Her: No, My boyfriend is around here (probably a lie)
Me: Oh ok, just curious, I'm Damian.
Her: ...
Me: What's your name?

I tried it a few times and got mostly the same responses, I'm blaming fundamentals (working on them) but is there anything I might say or do that gets her talking?

 

[jonnywishbone]

My advice would be to not use that as an opener. It implies that you want something from her. I think it's much more effective to go direct with something like...

You: "Hey did you know this place is open til 3am?" (or any random question)
Her: <whatever>
You: "Actually I just thought you were cute and I wanted an excuse to come and say Hi. Hi, my name is TylerDurden, what's yours?"
Her: "Oh hi...."

After that you can talk for 2 mins regardless of her relationship situation, then ask if she is single. This projects a lot more confidence, and for me the advantage is that you are actually being genuine because you did think she was cute, and that is why you are there - she can't argue with that! If she isn't single, then you can just have a laugh about it, and say it was nice to meet you anyway and she will probably be quite flattered. If she is single, then...

 

[nino]

Agreed with johnny, as part of Chase's Newbie Assignment I tried to use it as an opener too, but found it much easier to wait just a little bit and then imply it according to the situation, e.g I once met a girl looking for a place to sit down to eat when I offered her to sit with me "but only when she promises not to tell her boyfriend".

 

[Anonymous]

I tried using the "are you single" opening, but I just get stuck after I get an answer, this feels awkward:

Me: Are you single?
Her: No, My boyfriend is around here (probably a lie)
Me: Oh ok, just curious, I'm Damian.
Her: ...
Me: What's your name?

I tried it a few times and got mostly the same responses, I'm blaming fundamentals (working on them) but is there anything I might say or do that gets her talking?

Here's how I've done it after they respond Yes or No:

"Reason why...I ask...is because I'm...curious about you. Slim (extending hand)."

The "..." are pauses in speech. Don't *rush* the moment because...the moment itself is
the rush.

Granted...

...this works only if you're confident with this approach. The question itself get's to the
point. If a woman didn't know your motives before, she'll know it now.

Having a "Fuck it, why not?" attitude makes it work. When asking, you can't care how
she responds, favorably or not. And...she has to "believe" you believe it.

If...then...she feels you're not hung up on any particular outcome...she'll respond, often
times, favorably...regardless if she's single...or not.

You're right.

...it *does* come down to Fundamentals. Otherwise, I'd try some of the safer openers.

My advice would be to not use that as an opener. It implies that you want something from her. I think it's much more effective to go direct with something like...

You: "Hey did you know this place is open til 3am?" (or any random question)
Her: <whatever>
You: "Actually I just thought you were cute and I wanted an excuse to come and say Hi. Hi, my name is TylerDurden, what's yours?"
Her: "Oh hi...."

After that you can talk for 2 mins regardless of her relationship situation, then ask if she is single. This projects a lot more confidence, and for me the advantage is that you are actually being genuine because you did think she was cute, and that is why you are there - she can't argue with that! If she isn't single, then you can just have a laugh about it, and say it was nice to meet you anyway and she will probably be quite flattered. If she is single, then...

I can't say I understand the reasoning behind waiting to find out later in the conversation
what you wanted to know from the start.

Why introduce an strong opener in the middle of a conversation? I don't understand your
reasoning on that one, but...if it works for you...okay.

I've done that before and it just gives them permission to easily end any attraction they
may have had for you at the start. It's like holding a gun to your foot and telling her to
pull the trigger.

There's nothing wrong with telling a woman your intentions upfront without being lewd. It
is a signal of strentgh. Not weakness.

Women WANT to be wanted sexually. But it all comes down to your approach.

I don't claim to be an expert. Far from Chases level of skill. But, like most men, I'm con-
stantly working on it.

 

[Light]

I don't really use this line, as it is irrelevant whether she is single or not. When you become more experienced, you will be able to screen out the girls who aren't interested in you, and those who are regardless of their relationship status.

I do remember using this one time at a club, but that was after I had opened her and got to know her a bit. After a few minutes of chatting to her, I just simply asked: "So, are you single?"
She just looked at me and smiled, and said yes. - At this point, she could be lying if she really was interested in me. So you see, whether she really is single or not, its irrelevant. If you happen to find out later that she does have a boyfriend, but she told you she was single, then that is a huge hint for you my friend!

 

[candyman]

Instead of opening with "Are you single?", Why not try using an opinion opener?. At least if she is interested, it gives her chance to make conversation with you. Google opinion openers and you will find many.

An opener I have used is the "present opener". You say

Pre - open - Eye - contact and say "hey"

"let me ask you, its my sisters/friends birthday tommorow and I have no idea what to get her, shes turning 24..would you have any ideas?"

If she is at all interested she will think of ideas on what to get her, then you can playfully challenge her suggestions by saying things like

"are you serious? she already has one of those =)"
"I dont think she will like that =)


Then just transition off the opener with a question once she has invested. e.g Are you from around the area? Anyway try it out and see how you go. Just one last note, don't forget to get a couple of warm ups behind you using something like this, once you have built a bit of momentum, the opener becomes much more fluid and comes across a lot better.

 

[Garrett]

Hey guys,

The reason why Chase and Ricardus recommend using the, "Are you single?" opener is because it's direct and the girl knows what your intentions are right off the bat. The reason why you are not successful with it comes down to...

1) Fundamentals
2) Confidence/The Approach

I feel that for a beginner, this line is a bit ballsy and you need to warm yourself up before trying it. My recommendation would be to go for the compliment first. As Light said, you'll eventually be able to screen out the girls who are interested, the ones looking for convo buddies, and the ones who have no interest in you. You can do this simply by asking for her compliance and moving her shortly following the opener. If she follows your lead, you're in, if she doesn't, then cut her and move on. You should be working on your fundamentals in the meantime because I'm telling you, it opens a lot of doors and if you take care of yourself and your mannerisms, you don't really need much game anyway

Cheers,
Garrett

 

[candyman]

You can even tell a lot about her interest if you suggest a date or ask for her number. For example if you say...

"You seem cool, we should grab a drink sometime =)"

if she gives you at least an encouraging reaction or yes, then you know you have a good lead on your hands and getting her number is the obvious next step. Anything other than a yes is probably a time waster you and are best to just move on quickly. Just another way of screening for good leads when out and about meeting women.

 

[TylerDurden]

Thanks guys,
So if she doesn't tell me her name or respond in any way after I say "I'm Damian" or just answers to my questions without adding any content, I can assume my approach/fundamentals weren't enough, or at least not the correct for this particular girl, I always thought that I had to say something interesting to make her talk, but I'm realizing that if she puts no interest in talking I can't really do much.

 

[Jarradical]

While being direct is desirable, asking 'Are you single?' straight up is too direct. It tells the girl "Sex is what I'm about", which will put them on guard straight away.

You might argue that anything you say will carry this subtext. It's true, and the girl will pick up on it. Even if a girl knows you are talking to her with a pretext, she is going to prefer to believe you are talking to her because she is special.

Just spend a couple of sentences or minutes trying to give off this vibe - "Making other people feel good is what I'm about". Then ask her if she's single. You'll know what you need to, and she wont feel like an object.

This might be controversial on my part, but using 'Are you single" as an opener is only a couple of notches below "Wanna fuck?" I maintain that the best opener is 'Hello" - coupled with strong fundamentals. As Garrett said,

if you take care of yourself and your mannerisms, you don't really need much game anyway

Cheers,
Jarradical

 

[jonnywishbone]

I agree with Jarradical. Unless your approach is top-notch she has nothing to go on about you apart from the fact that she knows you want to get in her pants, so she might just say "no" as a reflex response. If you talk to her for a couple of mins first, then at least she can see that you are a cool guy, and then you can lay it on the line...

 

[Rasui]

Okay, the general consensus seems to be that "Are you single?" comes across as somewhat blunt. However, I can't help but think the reason it's suggested in the newbie assignment is that exact reason. Chase wants the new guys getting used to putting themselves out there in a big way in order to get over anxiety/rejection as fast as possible.

 

[jonnywishbone]

Chase wants the new guys getting used to putting themselves out there in a big way in order to get over anxiety/rejection as fast as possible.

Also agreed. I think for that reason it's a great exercise to do - I think I read that it gets you in the mindset of accepting your attraction for a girl and acting on it (or something like that), which I'd agree with as well.