How To Gain Back A Girl Who Auto-Rejected Due To Lack Of Commitment

[topcat]

But in relationships where I genuinely care about the person, I don't want there nor do I believe their should be a power struggle.

All relationships have a power dynamic. The power "struggle" I refer to isn't necessarily conscious, but in this case you will lose power if you continue to give her emotional reassurance without getting anything favourable back.

It's over. Do right by the next one.

 

[Developing_Man]

It's over. Do right by the next one.

Alright well... I think I got something to work on.
I am a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle to express my deep feelings.
So I want to learn how to be better at recognizing when a girl is in to me.
This was a 4 month relationship but it hurts like we have been together forever.
And I want to develop a process to make the girl feel cherished.
Got any advice on this.

 

[gameboy]

Alright well... I think I got something to work on.
I am a bit emotionally unavailable and struggle to express my deep feelings.
So I want to learn how to be better at recognizing when a girl is in to me.
This was a 4 month relationship but it hurts like we have been together forever.
And I want to develop a process to make the girl feel cherished.
Got any advice on this.

Sorry to hear that... Believe me, I know how it feels. I hate breakups, they always make me feel like a part of me dies.

But in this case, from reading your initial post, all it would have taken would be to ask her to be your girlfriend. Instead, you fell asleep even though you promised her to make it official in some way. She probably was expecting some big thing or maybe just a little cute ceremony or whatever, and then got *nothing*... I can understand how she is disappointed.

 

[Developing_Man]

Sorry to hear that... Believe me, I know how it feels. I hate breakups, they always make me feel like a part of me dies.

But in this case, from reading your initial post, all it would have taken would be to ask her to be your girlfriend. Instead, you fell asleep even though you promised her to make it official in some way. She probably was expecting some big thing or maybe just a little cute ceremony or whatever, and then got *nothing*... I can understand how she is disappointed.

Yeah LOOOOOL. I fee like a total idiot... like damn..

I saw this: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/25-maxims-on-relationships.25187/ and so much of this made sense...
It was the part where she saw she can achieve her goals through me... and i fucked that up... lol.....

 

[Developing_Man]

Firstly, accept that it may be dead in the water. Start from the assumption that the relationship is over.

Also,

do not lead with the idea that you’re now going to give her what she needs..

Instead,

Pace her, figure out where her mindset is, where she’s at in life, and reseduce her as you would an old lover.

Once you two are dating and lovers again, then you can worry about giving her what she needs (according to her present needs, not what she claimed to want in the past).

But first accept that it’s done. If you can’t do that, don’t bother reaching out.

So this would be the first time I attempted recovery from auto-rejection.
I don't think I fully understand the above process.

Pace her... what does that mean...
Mindset? what exactly does that mean?
Reseduce... assume we met again even though you have history?

The one below makes sense but it seems like it;s more for a girl you just met.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection

A girl who’s in auto-rejection gets cold and snubs you. To turn it around and effect a recovery, you must use this 4-step formula. This is a firefighting post. I say that because if you do things right you won’t have to fix anything. But we all make mistakes. On my article about screening girls...

www.girlschase.com

 

[gameboy]

The only thing I found to reliably help with breakup pain is GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women)

In my experience, T could also stand for Three... should in most cases be enough to forget a bit about the ex

After 10 other women I guess you won't even remember her name... but I'm not that good of a seducer so I don't think I've ever fucked 10 girls in between relationships.

 

[Developing_Man]

The only thing I found to reliably help with breakup pain is GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women)

In my experience, T could also stand for Three... should in most cases be enough to forget a bit about the ex

After 10 other women I guess you won't even remember her name... but I'm not that good of a seducer so I don't think I've ever fucked 10 girls in between relationships.

I don't think it helps me. Since my 10 year break up... 2.5 years ago, I have had sex with 14 women. The pain from my ex was gone per se but even when I got into a relationship and I genuinely fell in Love with a new girl... It felt like I kept running into baggage.

 

[gameboy]

I don't think it helps me. Since my 10 year break up... 2.5 years ago, I have had sex with 14 women. The pain from my ex was gone per se but even when I got into a relationship and I genuinely fell in Love with a new girl... It felt like I kept running into baggage.

Yeah me too, I tend to repeat the same dynamics over and over. I'm hoping that now that I'm becoming aware of this stuff (I did some therapy sessions), next time it will be better... but maybe the problems will just be different. I guess that's just life though. We have to keep growing and learning.

 

[topcat]

Pace her... what does that mean...

Literally ask her where her mind is right now.
Figure out what she claims to want for herself, what she’s feeling currently.

In that moment you propose nothing and just listen.

Once you hear her point you figure out her motivations and accept them for what they are, which gives you intel on what to propose to her in a way that she will have a higher likelihood of accepting.

Reseduce... assume we met again even though you have history?

No. Start as though she is cold to you or at least not warm to you and work on seducing her (warming her up to you again). This means again, pacing your verbal escalation in proportion to her investment, teasing, incidental touch, all after triggering her to signal you again.

Were it me, i would have met her with no intent but to listen, sit back and flirt if she gave the opportunity, happy to go home doing just that. Any time i’ve done that i’m often surprised that the girl will often escalate the vibe on me.. You HAVE to be intent on walking out of there with “nothing” though. Happy to simply have a chat and maybe a flirt…

This is all hindsight though. Your girls gone for now. It’s over, till she reaches out..

 

[TomInHo]

OP, Like @topcat said you need to go into this more laidback

I get that you guys have history but you’re too relationship focused. Because I’m not sure if you remember OP, but she dumped you

In fact she dumped you when you were about to escalate the relationship. And if I were you I would be naturally cautious about wanting to be serious with someone that would ditch me like that

You should naturally be the one that’s a lil reserved about a relationship and not her

So if you mirror that energy back to her, it will at least make you look like you have some self respect and she’ll probably start chasing you again

Keep it fun and flirtatious with no titles and let her work to win you over a bit

 

[Developing_Man]

OP, Like @topcat said you need to go into this more laidback

I get that you guys have history but you’re too relationship focused. Because I’m not sure if you remember OP, but she dumped you

In fact she dumped you when you were about to escalate the relationship. And if I were you I would be naturally cautious about wanting to be serious with someone that would ditch me like that

You should naturally be the one that’s a lil reserved about a relationship and not her

So if you mirror that energy back to her, it will at least make you look like you have some self respect and she’ll probably start chasing you again

Keep it fun and flirtatious with no titles and let her work to win you over a bit

I get your point, but she also dumped me because I took too long to escalate... so I was the one who was a little bit reserved... she was all in.

Literally ask her where her mind is right now.
Figure out what she claims to want for herself, what she’s feeling currently.

In that moment you propose nothing and just listen.

Once you hear her point you figure out her motivations and accept them for what they are, which gives you intel on what to propose to her in a way that she will have a higher likelihood of accepting.


No. Start as though she is cold to you or at least not warm to you and work on seducing her (warming her up to you again). This means again, pacing your verbal escalation in proportion to her investment, teasing, incidental touch, all after triggering her to signal you again.

Were it me, i would have met her with no intent but to listen, sit back and flirt if she gave the opportunity, happy to go home doing just that. Any time i’ve done that i’m often surprised that the girl will often escalate the vibe on me.. You HAVE to be intent on walking out of there with “nothing” though. Happy to simply have a chat and maybe a flirt…

This is all hindsight though. Your girls gone for now. It’s over, till she reaches out..

I appreciate the post in case of next time. I think she was ok with meeting up, she wanted to meet up today, but then i told her I already had concrete plans and that I was super busy with interview prep and some personal matters and to just let me know 4 days in advance when she wants to meet and she went cold turkey on me.

For the record I just want to understand this dynamic for learning purposes, I have no hope of seeing her again.

 

[gameboy]

I appreciate the post in case of next time. I think she was ok with meeting up, she wanted to meet up today, but then i told her I already had concrete plans and that I was super busy with interview prep and some personal matters and to just let me know 4 days in advance when she wants to meet and she went cold turkey on me.

For the record I just want to understand this dynamic for learning purposes, I have no hope of seeing her again.

What?

It sounds to me like you don't know what you want at all. You're talking about missing her and wanting to meet up and fix things, and then when she wants to meet you you're too busy?

This girl is clearly not a priority for you. "Let me know 4 days in advance??" To a girl you say you desire? Really?

That's not how relationships work. When I'm with a girl I love, I can always make time for her when needed. I mean we can all get busy with work or family issues or whatever life throws at us, but no girl wants to be with a guy who treats her like she is his lowest priority.

 

[Developing_Man]

What?

It sounds to me like you don't know what you want at all. You're talking about missing her and wanting to meet up and fix things, and then when she wants to meet you you're too busy?

This girl is clearly not a priority for you. "Let me know 4 days in advance??" To a girl you say you desire? Really?

That's not how relationships work. When I'm with a girl I love, I can always make time for her when needed. I mean we can all get busy with work or family issues or whatever life throws at us, but no girl wants to be with a guy who treats her like she is his lowest priority.

i see what you mean but before that she told me the intent of meeting up was strictly closer and time apart affirmed to her that were not meant to be together.

 

[gameboy]

i see what you mean but before that she told me the intent of meeting up was strictly closer and time apart affirmed to her that were not meant to be together.

Ok. But what girls say, and what they do, can often be surprisingly different.

I'm not sure if you really want her back, or if it would be good for you to get back together with her, but if that was your goal then meeting up with her would probably have been your best chance.

 

[Developing_Man]

Ok. But what girls say, and what they do, can often be surprisingly different.

I'm not sure if you really want her back, or if it would be good for you to get back together with her, but if that was your goal then meeting up with her would probably have been your best chance.

1. Initial Catch-up: The conversation starts with both of you catching up and sharing how your new year has been going.
2. Scheduling a Meetup: You suggest meeting up in person, but she indicates she's busy the following week and is participating in 'dry January' (abstaining from alcohol).
3. Discussing Availability and Intentions: There's a back-and-forth about finding a suitable time to meet. You mention needing a 4-day notice due to a busy schedule, and she expresses difficulty in scheduling, partly because she doesn't live in the city currently.
4. Your Explanation of the Meeting's Purpose: You explain that you wanted to meet to express the depth of your feelings and regret about not fully communicating your commitment, and to apologize for any misunderstandings.
5. Mandy’s Response and Closure: she appreciates the apology but mentions that she feels you both have different definitions of love and its expression. She doesn't believe you'll ever be on the same page and expresses a desire to move on.
6. Your Acknowledgment and Farewell: You acknowledge her stance, disagreeing but respecting her decision, and express gratitude for the time spent together, indicating that Mandy will always hold a special place in your heart.

This was a summary of our texts...

 

[gameboy]

I may have misunderstood. I thought you were trying to get back together with her.

Moving on and learning to do better with the next girl, is probably the better option though.