How to Get Over Emotional Baggage?

[benjisea]

Hey guys, I've been pretty much struggling on approaching chicks. I was a natural dude before I even found out about "pick up" so I'm no social newbie. It's hard cold approaching, it's very easy for me to warm approach though. I can make girls at work enjoy my company, I can make them feel attracted to me (even if they're married), but I can't get it past getting a simple ass date. The girls I would COLD approach on the other hand, I would get the number but it would not get past any of that.

I tried the noobie beginner's guide found on the Board index over here:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

I'm on Day 4 of simply saying hi to 6 attractive women, and I can't get bypass it. I feel like there is some sort of emotional blockage left by my ex and previous failures. I don't know what questions to ask myself or ways to get over these emotional stumblings. The things that go through my head include:
- I don't feel like we can click, I never feel any sense of emotional/verbal connection with a girl
- It's a waste of time, I work at the airport and I have no reason to talk to a chick I won't even see in the distant future
- Why should I bother? It won't work out, I'm too different from people in general.
- I have a health condition AKA type 1 Diabetes, basically when my sugar is bad, I feel like shit. I start doubting my ability to approach people when this happens. How do I get over these mental doubts I place on myself?
- I'm only 19, the people I see are pretty much 5-10 years older, or the girls I see at the mall are high schoolers/immature

(*Me one year ago would read this shit and be like, wow this guy is a victim-mentality loser! Just fucking approach)

How do you pass these mental barriers? I am trying to keep a positive mindframe but I'm pretty discouraged. I shouldn't be so hard at myself, but seeing myself talk to like 10 chicks but get nowhere, something might be wrong with me. And yes, I lift 4x a week, eat fine, have a few good friends, etc.

Live in the moment, be free from validation, yea that sounds all great but how do you guys even get there. Graduating from high school, I no longer have abundance of seeing and talking to familar chicks. I'm so confused on where to go, what exercises to do, where I need to start off...I'm not giving up, but I don't want to hold off on being a seducer either. What do you suggest I start doing? Shit, I can see you guys read this and cringe...LOL

 

[Richard]

Something I had to do (very recently, actually) was come to grips with the scars left by my first girlfriend. Mind you, I have had sex with over 30 women since breaking up with her a few years ago but I woke up one morning from a deep sleep and while I was meditating she came up and I explored things. I thought I was over it, but I was not and it held me back with developing real bonds with women so I had to get past it.

At 6 in the morning, on less than 4 hours of sleep, half naked in my boxers, I wrote her a letter (not to send, of course) that outlined the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and whatever else was bottled up for so long. I wrote 8 pages and haven't thought about her since - it's funny, that, as I was closing out my thoughts on paper I felt the weight lift off my shoulders.

As for the other bullshit you're letting hold you back - it's all rooted in fear. The way to crush your fears is to establish new, powerful standards for yourself. You're on the GirlsChase forums for a reason so deep down you're disgusted with some aspect of your social life/dating life/etc. and that's enough motivation to push forward if you can tap into it. All you need to do is "DECIDE" to not let this bullshit hold you back, acknowledge that you're afraid and then do it anyway. The only reason this stuff is holding you back is because you're not keeping tabs on your thoughts, and fearful thoughts that go unchecked become a heavy ball and chain.

One last thing from Chinese philosophy: it doesn't matter how you start, just start. There's no sense in trying to plan out your step 1 to reach step 2, any step you take towards your end goal will suffice. So, when you tell me you don't know where to go, how to start, etc. it lets me know that you're sabotaging yourself by looking for logical reasons to not conquer your fear (happens to everybody) so you need to destroy that shit by just taking an action. Go approach a chick regardless of how you feel, think about it, etc. Just go fucking approach!

P.S. Personal development is going to be my career and numerous people on the Boards can tell you that I've helped them get past their fears, emotions, thoughts, etc. so feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything as well. We're a very strong community (granted, I'm not as active as I used to be) that's here to help you get to where you want to be with women.

-Richard

 

[benjisea]

Thanks for the awesome reply Richard, I applied your "Written Letter" advice and it got rid of all that emotional baggage. All that animosity, anger, and resentment went like a poof. Now I know this is a psychological thing, but I wonder how our cavemen ancestors dealt with emotional pain! (Considering they have no form of writing back then)

As far as being rooted in fear, yup you're right again. After I got rid of that fear, I started listening to Wygant audio to pretty much, "reframe my cynical beliefs into positive ones". After much failure, we tend to develop irrational beliefs of why things are so. So it's good to listen to audio programs to change your fungus growing destructive beliefs.