How to keep a fuck buddy without committing?

[zappbrannigan]

Married woman is being put under pressure by her paranoid husband. He's made an ultimatum for her to decide if she wants to go with me (implying divorce) or with him (implying eternal unhappiness). This was to be expected, of course, because she's way too honest. She told him she was seeing someone else and on top of that has even stopped having sex with him, or so she tells me. This is the woman who was having sex three times a week (she has a strong sex drive).

So she called me yesterday under pressure from her husband (who was present in the room with her when she called!), telling me about the ultimatum, and essentially shifting the burden to me. I pointed that out to her (a bit of a dick move, but so is her move of shifting the ultimatum to me), and I remained mostly calm throughout. I think she even cried a bit at one point even though she's a very strong woman. I made it clear to her that I am not thinking of living together yet. "We don't know eachother well enough yet" is one of the lines I used, as well as "it's too soon".

Today again she got into my car after training, she was visibly stressed out. Her husband was patrolling the area on his bike and calling her. She wanted to quickly know: do I want to live together with her? Essentially, she wants to know if she can divorce him and then move in with me. I don't want to do that just yet (or maybe at all; I really don't know yet).

I have a hunch that her husband's behaviour is so out of control that all attraction she might've still had for him is completely gone. So she'll probably divorce him anyway. In fact, she's been saying she wants a change in her life from the very first moment we started talking. I'd like to keep her as a fuck buddy without committing, reaping the benefits without having to shack up with her.

 

[zappbrannigan]

Also, to avoid anyone getting the wrong idea: I would consider losing her as a fuck buddy before accepting her request of living with me. I have been truly honest with her about not wanting to live together "yet".

I've toyed with the idea of having her move in, in moments of weakness. I would absolutely love to have a steady relationship with a woman. I'm of a lazy disposition and know deep down I don't want to put in all that effort and energy to game women (because it is a shitload of hard work). Nevertheless, I really don't think it's a good idea to go and immediately live with the first woman I ever fucked, especially while I haven't been able to replicate my success, and while she is not even close to a "dream woman".

The reason for this post is mostly that I also realise that having a woman to fuck, getting the validation of having a woman who really is into me (and she is), is what I desperately need right now. This allows me to feel much more confident and this will hopefully be a good aid in achieving more success with other women. Also, I like that she's said she wants to try and fuck the idea of needing other women out of me

 

[Fuck This]

You are in the "DRAMA SPLASH ZONE"

There is no way you get out of this without being outed to the husband. Watch your back.

If that woman moves in with you she will do the same thing to you as she did to her husband. Monkey branch to another man.

Now by fucking a woman at your gym you have polluted your social circle there.

YOu gotta cut her loose and either you or she needs to leave the training group.

Just like dating a coworker.

Now clean up your mess your dick got you in

Oh BTW, he's not paranoid, he has deduced his wife is cheating. and she is. You are the cause of it. Right now he probably wants to kill you. That is more of an immediate problem for you than your FB's feelings right now.

you better go to him, prepared to defend your life or beat him into submission so that you can have the confrontation on your timing and terms. Otherwise you will be looking over your shoulder for the rest of the foreseeable future.

And don't let that cheap slut move in with you.

 

[Hiya1]

Married woman is being put under pressure by her paranoid husband. He's made an ultimatum for her to decide if she wants to go with me (implying divorce) or with him (implying eternal unhappiness). This was to be expected, of course, because she's way too honest. She told him she was seeing someone else and on top of that has even stopped having sex with him, or so she tells me. This is the woman who was having sex three times a week (she has a strong sex drive).

So she called me yesterday under pressure from her husband (who was present in the room with her when she called!), telling me about the ultimatum, and essentially shifting the burden to me. I pointed that out to her (a bit of a dick move, but so is her move of shifting the ultimatum to me), and I remained mostly calm throughout. I think she even cried a bit at one point even though she's a very strong woman. I made it clear to her that I am not thinking of living together yet. "We don't know eachother well enough yet" is one of the lines I used, as well as "it's too soon".

Today again she got into my car after training, she was visibly stressed out. Her husband was patrolling the area on his bike and calling her. She wanted to quickly know: do I want to live together with her? Essentially, she wants to know if she can divorce him and then move in with me. I don't want to do that just yet (or maybe at all; I really don't know yet).

I have a hunch that her husband's behaviour is so out of control that all attraction she might've still had for him is completely gone. So she'll probably divorce him anyway. In fact, she's been saying she wants a change in her life from the very first moment we started talking. I'd like to keep her as a fuck buddy without committing, reaping the benefits without having to shack up with her.

Dude, you might do better cutting her off all together.. she might use you to hurt her husband more so. Shes already shifting blame to you.

Either you can keep seeing her and tempt her with the possibility of moving in with you, with the idea her husband never finds out about your relationship, then once he starts to settle down ditch her.

Either way you dont want her husband to know it's you any time soon, as his actions say hes gonna KILL YOU and dont doubt he wont he will because hes in blinded rage. Do not speak to her husband or anything, tell her or persuade her to keep you out of this.

Shes the one who cheated not you, it's not your fault.

Your in a sticky situation dude and I wouldn't want to be you right now. You have to exercise tact and control over the girl to ensure her hubby doesn't know it's you. Keep out of his proximity because she might break down and tell him it's you, sounds like she might your mission is to stop that from happening.

 

[zappbrannigan]

I think you guys are totally overreacting

Firstly, he doesn't know me personally. Secondly, she already told him she's "talking to" someone and that she is no longer in love with him and has stopped having sex with him.

He did see her talking to me after training at some point when he was patrolling and he stopped at the sidewalk, looked at her and maybe said one word softly (I sure didn't hear anything) and then moved on. He seems rather weak, and he knows I do martial arts (because that's how I met his wife, duh).

Another reason why I think he's weak is that he told her he doesn't want to go find another woman because he is grossed out by the thought of being with another woman, haha. Maybe he believes women from my country are all total sluts who fuck hundreds of men and are unreliable.

She called me this morning and again asked me to "make up my mind", whilst I kept telling her it's better to gradually get to know eachother instead of moving in immediately. She said we weren't getting any younger and she is a very devoted woman who wants to share everything, and she can adapt, and if I want anything different I can just tell her so etc etc.

I asked her what she would do if I didn't want her to move in. Would she stay with her husband? No, she didn't, she would probably move somewhere else.

She told me she doesn't want to be "some toy, just to have fun with once in a while". Of course I told her that's not what she is. She kept saying I need to make up my mind, and I stuck to my guns that I believe moving in so quickly is unusual and I'm not comfortable with it. She knows I've never lived together with a woman, so perhaps that helps.

Funny thing: she's slut-shaming other women: "do you want some other woman from your own country who goes then with this guy, then with that guy?" (she's from another country), saying she's not like that and loyal, conveniently ignoring the fact she cheated on her own husband... I don't judge her for that and don't want to call her out for being , but I think it's ironic.

 

[Fuck This]

I'm smelling a rat......

 

[zappbrannigan]

Good news: We ended things properly and in a clean way.

She came to me at the start of training on Wednesday, very upset. She told me that I should not threaten her husband(!). Apparently he told her I sent him notes like "I get your wife to do everything with me in bed" and even threats of violence. I remained as calm as possible and simply stated the truth: I didn't even have the guy's phone number. She didn't believe me and stayed upset and I told her we'd talk on Friday (which we had agreed on earlier). She then bailed, not staying for the training.

On Thursday, I received a text from an unknown number. The text said "she was and will always be my wife" and "your relationship is over". It also said he had forgiven her (of course he had). I did not reply to his texts as I find it very odd that he's contacting me. Apparently he got the phone number when she texted me to tell me it's over.

When she arrived at my place on Friday, she was still a bit upset and told me I should "act normal". I again told her that it wasn't true and then decided to stop mentioning it because I didn't want to get stuck in a loop or anything. Later we sat down and she started to get physical again (with only some slight encouragement from me, of course). She explained that her husband had installed a tracker on her phone so he would know where she was at all moments, and also canceled her training subscription for her (wtf!). He'd even told her friends that she was cheating on him (trying to slut shame her into coming back to him). She left early from work and left her phone there so he wouldn't know she'd been at my place. Clever girl!

She gave it one more try to get me to commit and move in with me. I stayed the course. She argued again that she didn't want to be "just a plaything" and tried to make me see that I'd need a woman eventually.

Of course we eventually fucked. She was on her period but I didn't care. This was to be the very last time. We agreed that it's better if it's over. She said she was still in love with me and asked me if she contacted me later if I was still okay with picking up where we left off. I told her of course. Then it was time for her to leave, and I offered to hand back the bracelet she gave me for safe keeping. She told me I could keep it, which tells me she thinks the world of me.

When she was all calmed down she again told me not to send threats to her husband. I told her I didn't do it. I told her "I am too sweet for such things" with a smirk on my face, which of course went over very well. She asked me if she could visit me, together with her husband tonight to talk things over and clear the air. I told her I don't want to do that, it's between me and her, and between her and her husband and I don't want to get swept up in their relationship. I said no good can come of that. She seemed to understand.

So, concluding:

• I think I needed to go through this whole process with her to get as much out of it as I could, but it was also holding me back with other women. So it's good that it's over now.
• I am happy that we ended it on a positive note. I think I left her better than I found her, even though she was very stressed about it before.
• Hopefully her husband will accept that she's back at him and move on. I don't like his behavior one bit! It creeps me the fuck out.
• I am free to pursue other women at the training. I won't have to worry about her being there cock blocking me. Unfortunately, I also lose the social proof of her visibly being into me.
• Women can do the "right thing" socially and stick with their husbands even if they really want to go with another guy.
• Her husband is a total chode. Inventing lies about me, installing tracker apps on her phone and telling her all other women are worthless. She even literally told me she doesn't love him anymore because he just wants to sit at home and be with her, instead of going to his friends and having his own life. This confirms the new beliefs I've been trying to reprogram myself with from this site and other seduction material.
• If she gets bored with her husband again (or he finally succumbs to his disease) she knows how to contact me. She will be back, I'm sure of it!
• More generally, don't mess with married women unless I'm sure I really want her, and tell her to keep it a secret. The mistake she made was to tell her husband everything while it was still going on.

 

[Richard]

Pretty messed up situation to be in; since a lot of it has already been sorted out I want to add some other bits of information.

100% you failed to set a fuck-buddy frame which is why this blew up the way that it did. Her request of "living together" and all of that nonsense comes from you leading her to think that there is something more than just sex between the two of you which is a dangerous place to be leading a woman to when she has a husband. I'm in a somewhat similar situation now BUT it's rolling a lot more smoothly because I set good expectations and am sticking to my guns. Women are ALWAYS going to try to pull more investment out of you even if they already have a committed partner and that's something you need to learn to calibrate as you move forward.

 

[Hiya1]

Good news: We ended things properly and in a clean way.

She came to me at the start of training on Wednesday, very upset. She told me that I should not threaten her husband(!). Apparently he told her I sent him notes like "I get your wife to do everything with me in bed" and even threats of violence. I remained as calm as possible and simply stated the truth: I didn't even have the guy's phone number. She didn't believe me and stayed upset and I told her we'd talk on Friday (which we had agreed on earlier). She then bailed, not staying for the training.

On Thursday, I received a text from an unknown number. The text said "she was and will always be my wife" and "your relationship is over". It also said he had forgiven her (of course he had). I did not reply to his texts as I find it very odd that he's contacting me. Apparently he got the phone number when she texted me to tell me it's over.

When she arrived at my place on Friday, she was still a bit upset and told me I should "act normal". I again told her that it wasn't true and then decided to stop mentioning it because I didn't want to get stuck in a loop or anything. Later we sat down and she started to get physical again (with only some slight encouragement from me, of course). She explained that her husband had installed a tracker on her phone so he would know where she was at all moments, and also canceled her training subscription for her (wtf!). He'd even told her friends that she was cheating on him (trying to slut shame her into coming back to him). She left early from work and left her phone there so he wouldn't know she'd been at my place. Clever girl!

She gave it one more try to get me to commit and move in with me. I stayed the course. She argued again that she didn't want to be "just a plaything" and tried to make me see that I'd need a woman eventually.

Of course we eventually fucked. She was on her period but I didn't care. This was to be the very last time. We agreed that it's better if it's over. She said she was still in love with me and asked me if she contacted me later if I was still okay with picking up where we left off. I told her of course. Then it was time for her to leave, and I offered to hand back the bracelet she gave me for safe keeping. She told me I could keep it, which tells me she thinks the world of me.

When she was all calmed down she again told me not to send threats to her husband. I told her I didn't do it. I told her "I am too sweet for such things" with a smirk on my face, which of course went over very well. She asked me if she could visit me, together with her husband tonight to talk things over and clear the air. I told her I don't want to do that, it's between me and her, and between her and her husband and I don't want to get swept up in their relationship. I said no good can come of that. She seemed to understand.

So, concluding:

• I think I needed to go through this whole process with her to get as much out of it as I could, but it was also holding me back with other women. So it's good that it's over now.
• I am happy that we ended it on a positive note. I think I left her better than I found her, even though she was very stressed about it before.
• Hopefully her husband will accept that she's back at him and move on. I don't like his behavior one bit! It creeps me the fuck out.
• I am free to pursue other women at the training. I won't have to worry about her being there cock blocking me. Unfortunately, I also lose the social proof of her visibly being into me.
• Women can do the "right thing" socially and stick with their husbands even if they really want to go with another guy.
• Her husband is a total chode. Inventing lies about me, installing tracker apps on her phone and telling her all other women are worthless. She even literally told me she doesn't love him anymore because he just wants to sit at home and be with her, instead of going to his friends and having his own life. This confirms the new beliefs I've been trying to reprogram myself with from this site and other seduction material.
• If she gets bored with her husband again (or he finally succumbs to his disease) she knows how to contact me. She will be back, I'm sure of it!
• More generally, don't mess with married women unless I'm sure I really want her, and tell her to keep it a secret. The mistake she made was to tell her husband everything while it was still going on.

Interested to hear if theres been any further development with this women?

She was clearly emotionally involved with you possibly even loved you, I find your lack of understanding to her husbands actions concerning. Your saying his behaviour creeps you out? Why would it, he loves her, hes going to go through great lengths to keep her.

It also appears that as she requested, to sit down with her husband and discuss this as adults, she is interested in humiliating her husband and possibly thrives off that negative attention. It's possible she's done this before.

How have you left her better than you found her? She was pleading to move into your house after you allowed her to become to emotionally involved, your frame was incorrect.

However I think you did well by not succumbing to her demands and requests, you may have found that after she moved in, she soon went back to her husband. I think this way you still hold alot of power and she is likely to revisit you in the future.