How to Overcome Fear?

[Ken]

I am afraid of girls. Specifically attractive girls. I'm afraid of attractive girls giving me attention. My mom told me on occasions that a girl was looking at me and I didn't notice until she told me.

Fear is my copilot. Fear consumes me everytime I think of girls and everytime I try to Cold Approach. I am afraid to post on the Girls Chase boards because I am in the same place I was two years when I first joined the forum, and out of fear of becoming the guy who would always complain about something and never improve.

I am sick of it. I am sick and tired of being afraid of girls and not being good with them. I want to know: How do I overcome this fear? How do I stop doubting myself when it comes to girls?

Also, I have trouble with romance in real life and in fiction. I envy guys I know in real life who have girlfriends when I don't have one. How do they get them when I don't?

Also I don't care about romance in fiction for the same reason. I don't understand it. I can't relate to any of it.

I also haven't been spending enough time socializing in college. I spend more and more time by myself and in my head. I never hang out with any of them outside of college. I want to change all of this. How do I make friends in college? How do I be more social? How do I find someone in college who understands game and women and get them to help me?

 

[Frost]

To overcome your fear of attractive women, you have to become more and more exposed to them, and witness first-hand that they are just girls, who can be nice, who have their insecurities as well. So the first step in your journey would be to make more friends, in particular female friends, attractive or not.

You don't need someone in college who understands game. I think that first, while you are getting over you fear, just focus on making friends, rather than pickup, and you'll find that it's very easy to socialise in college; after all, when you are open, people tend to be more open to you, and when you are closed, they will close themselves, and I have witnessed this difference in behavior between one day and the next.

What you should do in practice:

When you're in class, get in the habit of talking to the people sitting next to you. It doesn't matter what you say. A simple hello, or maybe ask them about the time, what the teacher said, if they can lend you a pen... Anything works. Then after a small exchange, exchange names. Slowly you will start making individual acquaintances, and since people know each other, when you meet one of your classmates in the hall, go say hello. They will probably be with other people they know. You will get to know them as well. Then you can slowly start to integrate their circle. For example if you go to the cafeteria and see a couple of your classmates eating together, join them (or ask if someone is sitting where you want to sit).

The important thing is to just relax, don't overthink it. Let yourself flow, and you will build the momentum to meet more and more people. Eventually you will also meet girls, whether directly or through friends. That's your first step for now.

 

[Bastian]

@Ken, I can sympathize with that as I'm generally shy and my confidence plummets so much that I've resolved to get a car and a driver's license before cold approaching (though I live in a very car-dependent area as well, nothing more sexier than Mom <3 dropping you off at a date!), but I'm moving, got some AP exams to study, a local basketball tournament, and ended my second day of "real work" today!* The basketball, exams, and moving all end in two weeks; so I'll have enough time to get behind-the-wheel practice and not long after, enough money for a car. Note that I'm taking a gap year (or two) to work on a hustle (saving the funds of which for a venture), upgrade my applicant attractiveness (job I want cares about ranking, then I can include hustle/venture & some certs I'm getting into the application), and develop social skills.

The best advice I can give you comes from the pages of GC itself, wish I could link you the article and name the author. If you think about it, do it. Now I'm not saying that if you think about a girl slabbering over your dick to head-fuck her, that's sexual assault. But if you think of saying something or touching some one, don't deliberate on it or think about it much besides taking action. You'll learn more by pushing the limits and going over them than by simply inching your way forwards, Columbus didn't discover the Americas by calculating the Earth's circumference

You're not the only one and while our situation is hardly "admirable", it is something workable and able to be improved. But uhh, thank you for making this thread, Frost wrote some things that hammered home in my new work environment. Speaking of which....

@Frost, I'm in training right now and feels like you nailed the board dead-center on all sorts of classes. Just today my classmate (won't say co-worker, because we will work in unrelated fields) stood up to grab a pen next to me... when she herself is sitting to my right. I'm not attracted to her, but I realize that it's just folly for me to blame my shyness when I could have commented on it rather than staying silent. I'll be friendlier tomorrow, haha

*I've worked with my parents for half a decade, but I don't consider that to be real work. Neither was a 3 month stint after that, given it's minimum wage and I personally knew both managers, one of whose son I was friends with. This one isn't exactly clear from networking either, but first one with an HR department.

 

[Frost]

You're not the only one and while our situation is hardly "admirable", it is something workable and able to be improved. But uhh, thank you for making this thread, Frost wrote some things that hammered home in my new work environment. Speaking of which....

@Frost, I'm in training right now and feels like you nailed the board dead-center on all sorts of classes. Just today my classmate (won't say co-worker, because we will work in unrelated fields) stood up to grab a pen next to me... when she herself is sitting to my right. I'm not attracted to her, but I realize that it's just folly for me to blame my shyness when I could have commented on it rather than staying silent. I'll be friendlier tomorrow, haha

*I've worked with my parents for half a decade, but I don't consider that to be real work. Neither was a 3 month stint after that, given it's minimum wage and I personally knew both managers, one of whose son I was friends with. This one isn't exactly clear from networking either, but first one with an HR department.

I'm actually in a new environment myself, well since September actually. I had to get over my shyness and build momentum in order to make friends, and meet girls as well. Sometimes it's what you have to do to survive, because we are social creatures, so if you don't push yourself to meet new people it's gonna affect you in a bad way.

 

[headsup38]

As mentioned in a previous post, to overcome fear, you have to interact with females as much as you can--professionally and casually. This has to be your focus especially if you are not good at it. I haven't been as successful career-wise, like some of my contemporaries but that wasn't my focus. I was very awkward around girls when I was a teenager yet I wanted to be with them so whenever possible I was in clubs and joined sports where I could meet and interact with them. In college and at the workplace, I got jobs where females are more likely to work. I knew that if I wanted to get comfortable around girls, I'd have to learn about their interests and how to understand them. I did this my talking to whichever girl was near me(the not-so pretty ones), observation and watching TV.
Even with all this knowledge and experience, I am not fearless nor do I know everything. Going up to a strange girl at a bar is pretty terrifying for me and I get nervous texting someone I'm really hot for. I think the texting part won't change that much because if I had no fear in texting her, that means there's little romantic tension between us. I tell myself having some fear is okay. And knowing her as I do, she's probably feeling the same way so that calms me down a little bit more. Hope this helps.

 

[Ken]

Thank you for the advice.

 

[Mystique]

Hey Ken,
I'd advice you first make friends with all kinds of females, since your anxiety is that high. Everywhere you go just be friendly with the girls and don't think of it as you trying to seduce or approaching them. Sign up for classes that have lots of girls in it. Get a job (if you can) that requires you interact with people, both male and female. Also, talk to people generally. With time you'd get comfortable with girls and social interactions, then you can move to things like dates, touching, kissing, showing sexual intents, etc. Also, work on your fundamentals very well. Sexy haircut, your walk and posture, voice and your fashion.
Good luck!