How to spot a liar?

[Lithuanian]

Hey guys, Merry Christmas!

I'm here with an interesting question. Maybe GC community could write an article about this.

First of all, thank you to this community. After some relationship with very toxic girl, this year I got back on my road and learnt a lot. But I'm still considering myself as begginer (maybe a little advanced one).

I was dating previously a girl, who was dating other guy too, she told me at the end and now I can reflect, and see, that she was a liar. I know it's part of the game, but I also want to be part of this and play it too.

Now I'm dating two girls. One is working as a midwife and feels very sweet and down to earth (and she's not bad, maybe 6-7/10) We kissed on our first date and on the second she laid her head on my shoulder, she seemd such into me. I planned on taking her to bed on the third one, but she started playing push-pull game (not letting being kissed too much), but I was more than calm. But I sometimes don't believe her. She said she had no boyfriend since her school years (she is 24 now), but she doesn't seem as inexperienced. We met on speed dating event and on the second date she mentioned that she was on a date with another guy from this event, but she didn't like him. It's very strange she told me that. She also says we can meet on weekend, but one day before changes her mind, because she has exams now. She has, but is it a reason not to meet? Maybe. Maybe she's dating another guy.

Second girl is very beautiful and charming (9/10). She looks oldfashioned and very conservative, but at the same time she says she likes to go to clubs jsut for dancing (don't be kidding me). I felt I won't kiss her on the first date, so I tried on the second one. She turned her cheek. I remained very calm. But she reacted positively, when I put my arm on her waist, she did the same thing. But didn't let being kissed while saying goodbye. She speaks very smart and looks very serious. She mentioned she had 3 boyfriends in her life (she's also 24). She very polite and her speaking manner is very odd (I mean, it's her personality, and I like it). Though she looks very sincere and seems to like me, because we speak very deep, serious topics. She's working as administrator in company, so she takes care of herself, she dresses very good. And she has higher standarts for men.

But the feeling in me is, that one of the girls is lying me and playing game. Maybe both. But they're quite different and I like them in different ways. Maybe you could tell me some insights, how to spot a liar girl. If she says she didn't have boyfriend for a long time, I don't buy this. So how could I know? I'll be very thankful for your answers and they will keep me learning.

 

[Richard]

Spotting lies is something I looked into about 3-4 years ago after having a girlfriend cheat on me (which also inspired me to find GirlsChase) and I've kept up with studying this ever since so, before I continue I'll tell you that two of the best books to read on lying are What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro and Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception by Pamela Meyer.

If you're looking for the body language of liars then it'll take you a lot of time to build up that skill because you need to look for clusters or quick successions of different tells. Hollywood has driven home this idea that single clues like looking down when speaking, closing your eyes/scratching your eye, etc. absolutely mean somebody is lying and it's not the case. For body language you want to understand what the most common tells are and look for them so, if somebody is speaking and they're saying:

"Yeah, can't stay out late because my sister is arriving in town from Charleston and we're supposed to be going out to buy my mom a present"

and the entire time she's scratching her eyes, her feet are fidgeting, she's jerking her head around, and sometimes she touches her mouth then she's probably lying because there's a series of body language tells. Again, though, I think body language is sometimes unreliable and it's taken me a long time to develop the skills to see lying. Stay away from conventional notions like liars can't hold eye contact, etc. because most of them have been proven to be false. Check out the Joe Navarro book for body language stuff.

It's much much much easier, though, to detect lying by looking at language, something known as linguistic text analysis (if you find yourself interested in learning about lying then I highly recommend that you look in LTA on your own).

• Liars refer to themselves less when lying
• They speak as if the action is taking place now
• Curse and use more harsh language
• Lies are usually simple but explained in long and drawn out ways; can be over-detailed or under-detailed.
• Distance themselves from the events or lie

"The restaurant said the machine was broken" instead of "I forgot to order a milkshake"
"She's arriving in town"
"My dad won't let me go out, he's such a fucking asshole"

and so on and so forth. The best way to spot a liar is to combine both aspects; look for hints in their language and for hints in their body language (if possible) and you'll be good to go and as you practice this you'll become more and more proficient. Any questions?

-Richard

 

[Lithuanian]

Hey, Richard, thank you for your answer, it is very informative. I downloaded Joe Navarro book and started reading it, very interesting book, which just sucks you in. I hope, it'll help me in my dating life.