I’m not attracted to most girls

[ramirezs316]

I don’t know if any guys here can relate to my dilemma. I would consider myself a man of high value. I’m handsome, dress well, carry myself well, have interesting hobbies, and have no problem getting eyeballed by different types of women when I go out. This is a new thing for me, since I’ve only recently gotten all of my affairs in order and can now live confidently as this type of person.

When I was in college, I pretty much lived an asexual lifestyle, half by choice and half by certain factors that kept me from being social. After college, when I thought I was ready to become more social, I experienced a long period of unemployment and that set me back.

I’m working now and still living in a college town, so I go out every weekend. But in the seven months I’ve been doing this, I’ve only really felt sexual or romantic feelings for a handful of girls (and have only pushed hard to be with one of them). I do consider myself picky, but I'm very open minded. Yet I still find myself constantly uninspired and unmotivated by the girls I see and meet. It just feels like it takes a lot for me to be attracted to a girl.

I’ve wanted to move out of the town for awhile. Could this just be a case of me needing to go someplace else to meet a better class of women? Is a narrow attraction level a common thing?

 

[Light]

It is not uncommon. Most guys are picky even without any high values such as yourself. I for one am quite picky too.
We all have something called "Standards". Even girls do.

Maybe the girls you meet really are not meeting your current standards, and its just the case of you having to try a different location.

Just don't fall for the trap of "putting that girl who seems perfect on a pedestal!" - when you do find her...

 

[jonnywishbone]

Hi, it's hard to say exactly from your post but maybe a few things to consider are...

- Are you setting your standards to unconsciously avoid something about yourself? This could be a tough one as it might be something you are unaware of, but your mention of having an asexual lifestyle earlier on in life could hold some clues.
- I couldn't tell if it was lack of physical attraction that was the problem, so that you decide not to approach? It could be that by working on deep-diving skills you begin to find qualities in women that you previously didn't realise were there.
- It could be just as you say, that you value things in women that just don't seem to be very common where you live. I could imagine I would feel similar if I lived now where I grew up.

 

[ramirezs316]

In college, I sheltered myself because I was having the same dilemma of not meeting girls I found attractive. When I decided to just keep my head down and focus on classes, I ended up making myself kind of sexless.

As for now, I still talk to girls I'm not that attracted to. I used to not do that, but I like socializing now. It loosens me up. And it has made some girls more agreeable to me, but usually not enough to want to push further with them. Just to clarify, I'm still living in the town I went to college, not the town I grew up in.

 

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if any guys here can relate to my dilemma. I would consider myself a man of high value. I’m handsome, dress well, carry myself well, have interesting hobbies, and have no problem getting eyeballed by different types of women when I go out. This is a new thing for me, since I’ve only recently gotten all of my affairs in order and can now live confidently as this type of person.

When I was in college, I pretty much lived an asexual lifestyle, half by choice and half by certain factors that kept me from being social. After college, when I thought I was ready to become more social, I experienced a long period of unemployment and that set me back.

I’m working now and still living in a college town, so I go out every weekend. But in the seven months I’ve been doing this, I’ve only really felt sexual or romantic feelings for a handful of girls (and have only pushed hard to be with one of them). I do consider myself picky, but I'm very open minded. Yet I still find myself constantly uninspired and unmotivated by the girls I see and meet. It just feels like it takes a lot for me to be attracted to a girl.

I’ve wanted to move out of the town for awhile. Could this just be a case of me needing to go someplace else to meet a better class of women? Is a narrow attraction level a common thing?

I can relate on *some* level.

A few questions, if you don't mind me asking:

1. Do you think it served you better to have set aside any feelings you've had sexually
towards women *until* after you got your affairs straighten?

I ask because...

I, like most men here, will ALWAYS have affairs to straighten out. That'll never change.

Even multi-millionaires feel the need to constantly be working.

2. What are these factors that kept you from being social outside of unemployment?
And...does it serve you to shift that responsibility on factors outside yourself?

And 3. Is it possible to be *picky* and *open-minded* at the same time?

 

[Chase]

Hey Ramirezs,

I don’t know if any guys here can relate to my dilemma. I would consider myself a man of high value. I’m handsome, dress well, carry myself well, have interesting hobbies, and have no problem getting eyeballed by different types of women when I go out. This is a new thing for me, since I’ve only recently gotten all of my affairs in order and can now live confidently as this type of person.

...

I’m working now and still living in a college town, so I go out every weekend. But in the seven months I’ve been doing this, I’ve only really felt sexual or romantic feelings for a handful of girls (and have only pushed hard to be with one of them). I do consider myself picky, but I'm very open minded. Yet I still find myself constantly uninspired and unmotivated by the girls I see and meet. It just feels like it takes a lot for me to be attracted to a girl.

I’ve wanted to move out of the town for awhile. Could this just be a case of me needing to go someplace else to meet a better class of women? Is a narrow attraction level a common thing?

You're essentially a guy who sees himself as high value, in-demand, and attractive, and you're probably accustomed to having the best of the best, women-wise, expressing interest in you. This is the way it was for me when I began in pickup, and it was something of a slap in the face for me to start meeting all these "lesser women" and being rejected by them. I wasn't even INTERESTED in them! How could THEY reject ME?

For me, I spent a fair amount of time approaching a lot of women I wasn't all that attracted to and having to feign attraction and even sleep with women who didn't really do it for me just to get my skill levels and experience up. Eventually it paid off though - these days I don't just get the attention of the women I really like; I actually GET the women I really like.

The problem you're probably looking at is the gulf between knowing the women you like like you and being able to be with those women. For that you need skills and experience. But if there aren't enough of the women you like out there and around for you to practice on them all the time, you need to get into the habit of learning with others, or content yourself with the fact that you will always struggle to take "interest" and turn it into "romance" or "sex" or "relationships."

You can change towns to upgrade the women available to you; when I lived in San Diego, I found it a great town, and there were plenty of girls that were nice to sleep with, but I could not for the life of my find girlfriend-quality girls ANYWHERE. I used to meet plenty of them living in Washington, D.C. Eventually I just gave up on finding girls I could be strongly attracted to there and left. Different towns attract different demographics that appeal differently to different tastes.

Chase