"I don't want to have sex on the first date"

[Dragonetti]

This has happened a couple times...

I meet a girl, she says she doesn't have sex on the first date. I seduce her and make her horny, and we have passionate and enthusiastic sex. Then I want to date her but she seems to resent me for seducing her when she said she didn't want to.

This time I met a 21 year old who is into older dudes (I am in my 30s.) She said she didn't want to have sex but was super into me from the start. We go home and kiss and then have very hot sex. I ask her if she's sure she's cool with it before we do it and she says yes in the heat of the moment. She then says she wants to date me monogamously and I indicate my interest in that. Later she texts that we seem to want "different things" and, I ask her to call and she does: She says she is interested in men even older than me. What happened here? Is this probably another dude in the picture.

On the more general issue, these girls are usually not mentally normally but still. So, generally speaking, what do I do in these situations? Or what did I do wrong?

 

[Michael Chief]

On a scale of 1 to 10, how dominant would you say you were with her? Sounds like she's looking for a dom daddy, and you might have just been too vanilla. Just a guess.

I meet a girl, she says she doesn't have sex on the first date. I seduce her and make her horny, and we have passionate and enthusiastic sex. Then I want to date her but she seems to resent me for seducing her when she said she didn't want to.

Oh, and if you want to avoid this problem, flip the script and be the one who says that before she gets the chance to.

When you're on a date and you start turning her on, or when you start feeling that mutual attraction, start talking about how you don't want to take this for granted, and that you want to wait at least until the second date to have sex.

Then, if you end up having sex on the first date, she'll feel more satisfaction for "conquering" you in some way lol.
On the other hand, if you actually do end up waiting until the second date (seriously, try it), the both of you might end up feeling more satisfaction from the extended psychological foreplay. In other words, the sex could feel even better. That was the result of my own experimentation, at least.

 

[TomInHo]

This has happened a couple times...

I meet a girl, she says she doesn't have sex on the first date. I seduce her and make her horny, and we have passionate and enthusiastic sex. Then I want to date her but she seems to resent me for seducing her when she said she didn't want to.

This time I met a 21 year old who is into older dudes (I am in my 30s.) She said she didn't want to have sex but was super into me from the start. We go home and kiss and then have very hot sex. I ask her if she's sure she's cool with it before we do it and she says yes in the heat of the moment. She then says she wants to date me monogamously and I indicate my interest in that. Later she texts that we seem to want "different things" and, I ask her to call and she does: She says she is interested in men even older than me. What happened here? Is this probably another dude in the picture.

On the more general issue, these girls are usually not mentally normally but still. So, generally speaking, what do I do in these situations? Or what did I do wrong?

Why are you dating a girl monogamously after sex on the first date? It’s best to be a bit more cautious

You’re moving way too fast and that could be the reason for their hesitation. They think back about what they did and realize they committed way too quickly

Instead you can let girls know you’re open to the idea of a relationship and do a reframe to slow things down

“Let her know you both have great chemistry together but don’t want to rush into things too quickly.

Because you’ve seen other couples do that and they start fast and end fast.

You don’t want that to happen because you see potential and want to build trust and let things evolve naturally between the two of you in a low pressure environment”

Most girls will accept the above because it’s genuine and still give them hope of a relationship while keeping your options open

 

[Dragonetti]

On a scale of 1 to 10, how dominant would you say you were with her? Sounds like she's looking for a dom daddy, and you might have just been too vanilla. Just a guess.

I was extremely dominant. Without going into detail I gave her exactly the kinky shit she wanted. Roleplay and everything

 

[TomInHo]

I was extremely dominant. Without going into detail I gave her exactly the kinky shit she wanted. Roleplay and everything

She got relationship remorse. It has nothing to do with your dominance level

 

[Dragonetti]

She got relationship remorse. It has nothing to do with your dominance level

What do you mean? Remorse about what?

 

[TomInHo]

What do you mean? Remorse about what?

You agreed to a relationship. She then later realizes she not ready for that yet and then wants to end the situation

You agreeing to a relationship so fast brings up alarm bells in her head. Because how can you be so sure about her when you literally just met her

Also if you’re losing a lot of girls after first date sex, something is probably off in the way you set expectations and might also be making mistakes in your follow up

As a general rule don’t expect girls to convert until at least sex on 3 separate occasions

You must seduce them every time and handle any objections they might have in the early relationship during that period

Sex once is just the beginning

 

[gameboy]

She then says she wants to date me monogamously and I indicate my interest in that.

This. It happened way to fast. On one hand, it's weird for her to even bring monogamy up so soon, after the 1st date. You probably should have resisted more.

 

[orkie123]

You agreed to a relationship. She then later realizes she not ready for that yet and then wants to end the situation

You agreeing to a relationship so fast brings up alarm bells in her head. Because how can you be so sure about her when you literally just met her

Human psychology is so weird.

Girl wants to stop playing about and find a serious bf. She mentions it on first date. Guy hints he might be open to the idea. She gets scared of the idea and goes for unavailable guys again, gets hurt - repeat cycle.

So, generally speaking, what do I do in these situations? Or what did I do wrong?

Unless you are only looking for relationship (in which case losing girls who aren't sure can be a good filter), playing it cool like suggested by others will work regardless of what your ultimate aim is.

 

[Dragonetti]

Got it. Thanks so much.

So, I want to try to recover things with this girl. What's my move?


And to be clear: did I make a mistake by seducing her on the first date?

 

[Dragonetti]

ot it. Thanks so much.

So, I want to try to recover things with this girl. What's my move?

Here's the last of our interaction in text form with <context> added:

<we meet for first and only date so far. Have an excellent time, great chemistry. She brought up kinks over text and so we discuss them more at date. She is all over me and playing with hair and looking longingly at me. Says she doesn't like having sex first date I hold her hand and she grabs me like I'm daddy, throws her arms around me. We have sex first date, daddy dom stuff. She mentions wanting to date me and I indicate id be open to that. We plan to see each other again sunday. I follow her on instagram - I realize this was a bad move because she can see pics she might misinterpret, like pics of me with other girls/female friends/exes>

her: Soooo <indicating i havent texted her yet after seeing her>

me: Hey cutie. I'd love to see you on sunday <as we planned>, I had a great time meeting you

me: what are you up to tonight?

Her: Sorry out w friends

Her: Yes we can see each other on sunday

Her: are u 500% clear from STDs <we didn't use protection>

Me: Yes sweetie Her: Okay

<next day>

Her: I think we are looking for different things Her: But thank u for yesterday and best of luck Me: I want a monogamous relationship where we're cute together. Is that not what you want?

<i try calling her>

Her: driving

<she calls, we talk, she mentions wanting someone even older than me despite our 12 yr age gap. I say we should hang still she indicates maybe ok>

Her: sorry was really busy today <indicating plans were flaked>

Me: No sweat

Me: I love your kinky idea that you mentioned<I explain it her with the hot sweaty emoji> and want to do it

Me: How was your day?

That's the last we spoke on Sunday. She has midterms Wednesday so maybe she's busy.

 

[topcat]

ot it. Thanks so much.

So, I want to try to recover things with this girl. What's my move?

And to be clear: did I make a mistake by seducing her on the first date?

Here's the last of our interaction in text form with <context> added:



That's the last we spoke on Sunday. She has midterms Wednesday so maybe she's busy.

it’s over with this one i’m afraid. she’s not into you AND you’ve sealed it by chasing.

seducing her in the first date was not the problem, that is what you are supposed to do.

you simply missed her signaling and took her words at face value (her speaking about monogamy, i suspect was in response to your own lack of lover value - something to focus on)

 

[Dragonetti]

Lack of lover value? No way. I seduced her and she came buckets.

So, what *should* I have done when she first texted me that we "want different things"?

Also, I want to try a hail mary recovery. What should my text look like?

 

[topcat]

Lack of lover value? No way. I seduced her and she came buckets.

o scratch that then..my bad

So, what *should* I have done when she first texted me that we "want different things"?

me personally i would’ve agreed and wished her luck. moved onto another chick. This has actually happened to me multiple times in the past month..chicks i smashed once not seeing a future/wanting something more stable. I just let them go and find someone with aligned romantic goals.

Why is this one so special?

 

[Dragonetti]

She's special because he has my exact kinks lmao. Perfect chemistry over the bat. The sex was truly mind blowing. Also just a cool chick.

But the thing is... I don't know what she meant by "want different things." I interpreted this as her assuming im a manwhore, since she was worried about STDs and was talking about being into monogamy before. I don't know what she meant exactly! Maybe she saw pics of me with other girls on my insta? I really wanna figure this out.

I think this may be a matter of miscommunication and I'd like to try in a "chad" way to clear up those miscommunications.

 

[topcat]

She's special because he has my exact kinks lmao. Perfect chemistry over the bat. The sex was truly mind blowing. Also just a cool chick.

Yeah problem number one. She should be thinking this about you. Currently she isn’t. This is not a coincidence.

But the thing is... I don't know what she meant by "want different things." I interpreted this as her assuming im a manwhore, since she was worried about STDs and was talking about being into monogamy before. I don't know what she meant exactly!

buyer’s remorse. good luck turning that around over text..nothing is impossible, but something like that is best addressed in person and it doesn’t sound as though she is invested enough to come out again. Also with the chasing you’ve been doing i assume chances are near zero.

 

[Dragonetti]

How do I reset this chasing frame?

 

[topcat]

How do I reset this chasing frame?

lol

radio silence + go fuck some other women

 

[Will_V]

This has happened a couple times...

I meet a girl, she says she doesn't have sex on the first date. I seduce her and make her horny, and we have passionate and enthusiastic sex. Then I want to date her but she seems to resent me for seducing her when she said she didn't want to.

This time I met a 21 year old who is into older dudes (I am in my 30s.) She said she didn't want to have sex but was super into me from the start. We go home and kiss and then have very hot sex. I ask her if she's sure she's cool with it before we do it and she says yes in the heat of the moment. She then says she wants to date me monogamously and I indicate my interest in that. Later she texts that we seem to want "different things" and, I ask her to call and she does: She says she is interested in men even older than me. What happened here? Is this probably another dude in the picture.

On the more general issue, these girls are usually not mentally normally but still. So, generally speaking, what do I do in these situations? Or what did I do wrong?

Bit hard to say what's happening here, but I get the sense you're giving her mixed signals with the way you present yourself. I notice you call her 'cutie' and 'sweetie' and whatnot, and then you are also giving her dominant/kinky sex on the first date. Maybe the way you seduced her and her experience in the bedroom don't seem to fit together and it's confusing her?

If I had to guess at what her comment about wanting someone older means, it's that somehow you didn't come across as secure and sure of yourself as she would have liked. Especially with dominant sex she's going to be way more sensitive to your vibe and needing to feel very secure with you.

Also, I remember some article of Chase's where he mentioned something about how it's best not to ramp up the kink on the first night because the feelings it gives her can really spin her out, and that makes her more likely to ghost. I think this is good advice and mostly follow it myself, I've had some experiences where I've gotten a bit wild the first night and even though she's super happy and beaming afterward, she vanishes into the night, never to return my texts.

The more you ask and get from someone relative to what they would have expected to give, the harder their feelings can rebound once the emotions of the moment fade.

 

[TomInHo]

Bit hard to say what's happening here, but I get the sense you're giving her mixed signals with the way you present yourself.

You’re spot on about the mixed signals

I notice you call her 'cutie' and 'sweetie' and whatnot, and then you are also giving her dominant/kinky sex on the first date. Maybe the way you seduced her and her experience in the bedroom don't seem to fit together and it's confusing her?

I used to have retention issues too when I gave women very hot kinky sex.

It confused the hell out of me because I always thought you had to rock a girls world in bed

Then luckily I was able to convert some girls that were on the fence after first date sex and some told me it was because they felt “intimidated” or felt like they couldn’t please me

That really opened my eyes

So now I personally tone things down on the first night and just focus on having a good time. Because the sex doesn’t have to be earth shattering to retain them. It just needs to be good enough

If I had to guess at what her comment about wanting someone older means, it's that somehow you didn't come across as secure and sure of yourself as she would have liked.

I don’t think he should take her words too seriously. Because she is in auto rejection and looking for something logical to use to reject him

But when she says the older guy comment it’s very possible she means she wants someone that is not as “wild” as him

A guy that is more calm and has already sowed his wild oats

Also, I remember some article of Chase's where he mentioned something about how it's best not to ramp up the kink on the first night because the feelings it gives her can really spin her out, and that makes her more likely to ghost.

Well you have to read the room. If a girl seems a bit more relationship focused its wise to save all your crazy moves in the bedroom for later in the relationship

But if you’re with a girl that has a more casual mindset and is a pure nympho, going all out can actually make her start chasing you for a relationship

It’s pretty interesting really and I’ve learned the sex needs to be congruent with the girl and your style of seduction to increase retention

I think this is good advice and mostly follow it myself, I've had some experiences where I've gotten a bit wild the first night and even though she's super happy and beaming afterward, she vanishes into the night, never to return my texts.

I’ve experienced the same with more relationship focused girls

The more you ask and get from someone relative to what they would have expected to give, the harder their feelings can rebound once the emotions of the moment fade.

Yeah his issue was one of congruence

Think about it. He went on a date with a girl that wanted a relationship. Her plan was to probably go on two to three dates then have vanilla sex with this guy

Then he totally blows her mind, lays her on the first date and then gives her a wild experience

She is so excited from the experience she tries to lock him down immediately

But then when she leaves and has time to think she starts to wonder

“Does he really want a relationship?”

“There’s no way a guy like that will commit to me”

“Why did I ask him to be in a relationship? I’m acting so crazy right now this isn’t like me”

“I don’t usually behave that way, did he trick me?”

“There’s no way a guy that wild would be a great boyfriend. He probably ditch me for someone else”


OP would probably have had a better time with retention if he played the start casual and end up in a relationship angle

Because that would appear more congruent with a guy of his demeanor. Which ironically would allow her to trust him more

Which is why she said “We want different things” because based of his actions she doesn’t believe what he is saying

I actually think he can turn this one around but he would need to set it up in a way where sex is off the table so she doesn’t feel any pressure

Let her feel like he wants to get to know more about her before jumping into a relationship too soon

Then he can reseduce and give her a good time