FU I Flatlined My First Ever Date

[TwoNameGame]

Continued from the last entry of my journal (university Latina in boots).

Spoiler: TL;DR of Background

I open direct albeit with a push-pull. In 2-3 minutes of meeting her, I have her number. In 23 hours of meeting her, I have a date in 6 days (we were both busy). She was initially aloof because of exams but apologized and actually asked me about myself over text. I told her I love rock music, and we spend the rest of the week recommending albums and discussing music. We end up having similar tastes, worldviews, and philosophies. I mix in push-pull, qualifications, and even a tease all with positive reception. I tried not to text too much, but she kept asking about me, so I kept acting mysterious and asking about her.

Spoiler: TL;DR of Date

I planned to bounce between 3 locations in the university.

The outdoor eating area let us focus on ourselved but in public. We made small talk for about our goals and principles. I predicted a lot of hers based on our previous conversation. She also shared her past before asking me to share a specific story and for my values. Friendly kino.

The library exhibit was practically isolated but with substantial foot traffic outside. I broke the "no drinks" rule without consequence. I act as her tour guide and talk about the displays and generate interest. In the first section, I relate the exhibit to an album she recommend to me that I now like to expedite deep dives, but she isn't so quick-minded in person. In the second section, I ask what she seeks in a relationship and flirt a bit. I touched her shoulders a few time.

The alleyway was assumed to be isolated until the end. I compliment her more overtly but she is nervous. I fail to calm her down before she misinterprets a request and starts to leave. No kino.

As we leave, the energy resets to the beginning until I end on an awkward note. I text her and am left on read after trying a push-pull comment she seemed interested until.

No kiss, no sexual stuff, no hand-holding, nothing.

The Date
Duration: 1 hour 10 mins

Prelude

I have never been on a date before. Since we met on campus and are both students, I invited her to coffee on campus. I read Girls Chase articles and planned a 3 point bounce. I scouted the 3 locations the day before. I wore cologne and met her with the sunglasses I wore when we met.​

​

But I fell sick a couple days before and wasn't fully recovered, but managed to suppress my symptoms long enough.​

Part 1: The Meetup

• I confirmed date a couple days before and sent a check-in text an hour before.
• She got out of class early and was waiting nearby for me to call her over. She wore high heeled boots, a skirt, and tights.
• We meet on campus. I greet her with a hand squeeze and milk the opening. I compliment her outfit, kind of like when I first opened her (style determines who I approach).
• I lead her to the coffee stall, where we make small talk. Among other things, I mention I box.
• While we look over the menu, there is an awkward silence she fills by humming a song. I ask about it and joke she should have recommended it at some point. Neither of us get coffee, she orders a matcha first and I get an Italian Soda.
• I pay without hesitation; she seemed to expect it anyways. We discuss our drinks.
• I mention wanting to visit Italy and we talk about travelling there as she'd like to too. She asks why I want to visit Italy, and I explain, "...if you're planning of taking me one day."
• My drink comes out first and I offer her some while we wait, but she says, “maybe later.” I take a few sips before she gets her drink, which takes a while. I suggest we sit somewhere more comfortable. I lead her to a bench across this ‘section’ of campus (I wouldn't call it a bounce).

Part 2: The Bench

• This area has less foot traffic. Most people are either sitting alone or engrossed in groups. Our bench is blocked off and shaded by trees, giving us a measure of privacy in the shade. I remove my sunglasses.
• We sit next to each other and she is already turned towards me.
• She didn't get a straw so I give her mine. I initially wanted to ask to try her drink for compliance, but felt guilty because I was sick.
• We transition from travelling to our majors as they are related. I major in international business and she majors in HR. She wants to help people, and I want to understand people (and travel).
• Suddenly, some feminist nearby starts loudly talking to another person about how men suck and dating men sucks. I choose to ignore the feminist and instead try to capture my date's attention, which seemed to work.
• We didn't really know basic info about each other, but she talks about her family history, her goals, and her struggles. I successfully predict some of her values, beliefs, and experiences. I made her laugh a few times with my wit, and she laughed a few times after sharing something maybe embarrassing.
• I high five her when she expressed a value I shared. I later fist bump when she talked about doing something I respected, but she seemed uncomfortable with the fist bump.
• She mentions she is Latina and I say something in Spanish, but she admits she doesn't know Spanish. She claims she understands when her relatives speak Spanish because they are so expressive, and we joke around a bit. By now, she knows I know at least 3 languages.
• I ask to see her fit bit, which she removes and gives me. She qualified herself as sporty.
• She feels I understand her, but she starts asking me questions, like about my accessories and whether I value status. I explain I like the blue in my watch and my bracelet represents the year I was born. I value them as reminders of my efforts. We both value resilience.
• She then remembered that I mentioned past experiences with music, so I decide to tell her about the time I sang in Italian in a high school talent show and became an audience favorite. I try finding the video, but all I had is a photo. She notes I looked different, but I tell her that was before I hit the gym and experimented with my hair. Unable to find the video of me singing, I find the original music video and sing along with the first part. A bit later, I qualify her as spontaneous and she agrees. She also mentions she hangs out in the library often, so I ask if she's been to the gallery exhibit there. She hasn't, so I suggest going there. She agrees, and we head to my second bounce location as planned.

Part 3: The Exhibit

• The Exhibit is historical, so we talk about our mutual interest in history. On the way, I tell a joke, but my cold and the phlegm of my drink almost make me cough, so I sound like I laughed awkwardly after the joke.
• She admits she hasn't studied much history, and I ask if that was her way of asking me to be her personal tour guide. She accepted.
• No drinks allowed, so she downs hers, but I take mine anyways pointing out I am a well-coordinated.
• The exhibit Is dimly lit and almost no one comes in, so it is practically intimate even if there is foot traffic outside. Best of all, it covers a theme similar to her favorite album so I take the opportunity to deep dive using mutual interests.
• Between other topics, she also asks me questions about history and I answer with strong presentation skills. I also point out a few things she happens to find interesting too. For example, one display had a seal, which she seemed to like too, so I talked about how I like them. I even touched her shoulder to point out a painting she liked.
• Unfortunately, she isn't so confident analyzing art in person and my attempts to deep dive start slow (she would later admit she is more comfortable when she is texting and able to edit messages). My attempts to relate the exhibit to an album she recommended me (her favorite, in fact), falter a bit as she seems a bit unsure of the lyrics right now. It takes a while to get to the level of our texts.
• She also checks her phone as she has to meet a female friend after this, but her deadline matches with my planned time-frame anyway.

• We go to the second section of the exhibit covering a different topic where no one can see us.
• I explain a piece of art is about relationships and I ask her what she seeks in hers. She tells me she basically prioritizes an emotional connection with a provider. She also says physical contributions play a role too. I ask if she means she cares what 2 people give each other with their bodies and touch her shoulder, but she laughs and explains she meant presents of the sentimental kind like from her dead grandma. She sees a piece of handwriting and says that a man's signature matters as it says a lot about them, to which I ask, “Like whether they're good with their hands?” She laughs but denies it.
• Looking back, eye contact was lacking but she would look at me when she spoke and she would look where I told her to.
• I compliment her profound side (genuine) and how she always seems to have a thought whenever she sees art.
• While explaining the displays, I also flex my knowledge of languages and point out the "irresistible Italian charm" when we see an Italian song excerpt in the exhibit.
• Unfortunately, I had no clue what else to do as I never made it this far. I considered sexual framing somehow but I was genuinely at a loss for further escalation.
• I flirt a bit more when she checks her phone again and says her friend texted her but assures me not to worry. I'm not because I was planning to leave anyways since we hit the end of the exhibit.
• We walk out as I tell her the beauty of university is having so many wonderful things to discover when you're not looking. I bring up a cool alleyway on campus with drawings, but don't say much as I had to cough again. I made another weird micro-cough/nervous laugh sound. She asks for detail and I reply, “Chalk”. She is intrigued. I lead her to the alley, the third planned bounce location.

Part 4: The Alley

• I lead her to a set of stairs and considered offering her my hand, but chicken out when she hesitated to follow me (she would later claim to be clumsy in heels and got nervous at the stairs). I assume she got nervous of following me and slowed to to not rush her.
• I open the door for her at the end and lead her into a sort of alleyway/alcove between tall buildings. There are plants and chalk drawings and privacy (I believed).
• She finds the chalk drawings endearing and loves the message of affirmation there.
• I stand at a spot next to some bushes. She walks circles around me. We talk about how nice this all was and how it feels great meeting in person after just texting. I ask if she is nervous and she apologizes for being less open in person and feeling more comfortable behind text. I tell her she is braver than she gives herself credit for. She thanks me for tolerating her ramblings, but I point out that a woman voicing her thoughts on the world around her makes her interesting (genuine compliment).
• I consider offering her my hand and asking her to stop walking when she wanders off a bit near a room. Turns out a class was in session the entire time but had the lights off to watch a video, and probably heard us talking. I don't know if she saw this since she didn't react, but I ask her to come closer a bit. She thought we were leaving and started exiting the alleyway as she kept thanking me for listening.

Last Part: Something Else

• I follow her as she walks and chicken out of wanting to try to kiss her.
• As we walk to where she will meet her friend, we go back to small talk about the rest of our day (we both have exams). We are in the path with the highest foot traffic as we talk.
• I officially lose control of the situation but decide to try… something?
• 4 minutes later in a different region of campus, she asks about my upcoming exam and wishes me luck. I then ask her to stop by a nearby building on the way real quick related to my major. We step in and we are alone in a dimly lit hallway.
• I say I had a great time and ask how she is holding up. She doesn't get my question (the first miscommunication we have) and I once again ask if she was nervous. She says no and, somehow, the date dies down. I literally cannot remember what I said, but I didn't close it properly by any means.
• I think I mentioned wanting to see her again.
• She leaves to visit her friend nearby (she never saw me) and the date is over. I spend the rest of the afternoon doing school stuff.

Aftermath

• In the evening, I text her “drinks were fun hope you get home safe”.
• At night, after her class, she texts back thanking me and saying it was nice to get to know me in person (not an usual time for her to text me) I commend her for following me around in her high heels.
• Early next morning way before I ever texted her, she texts me downplaying her effort as her heels are “well worn”. She says the real challenge was ,”not losing balance as she has no coordination”. It is not unusual for her to wait until early morning to reply to me (even if the reply is a personal question).
• At noon (the time I start replying to her normally), I reply, “you handled the stairs like a pro, [NAME]. not sure if you're being humble or trying to humble-brag about your style”. I hoped for a little push-pull to lighten the mood as she has previously responded well to these types of texts. No reply all day (unusual).

Questions

1. Did I blow it? Did I miss an escalation windows and have no hope of fixing this?
2. What do I do on a date? This is my only date ever and all I have to go on is theory and self-reflection.
3. Do I have any hope of getting a girl using Girls Chase if I don't use sexual framing? I tend to avoid sexual tactics but I was at a loss for what to do next. I just want a girlfriend I'll be excited to see

In hindsight, I should have approached this seductively as cold approaches are all I really know in practice.​

 

[Atlas IV]

Hey man, for your first date ever this is pretty solid. You should be proud of a job well done!

Did I blow it? Did I miss an escalation windows and have no hope of fixing this?

You didn't blow it, but you did miss some escalation windows. It's not the end of the world though, the fact that she's still texting you is a positive sign.
Here:

I stand at a spot next to some bushes. She walks circles around me. We talk about how nice this all was and how it feels great meeting in person after just texting. I ask if she is nervous and she apologizes for being less open in person and feeling more comfortable behind text. I tell her she is braver than she gives herself credit for. She thanks me for tolerating her ramblings, but I point out that a woman voicing her thoughts on the world around her makes her interesting (genuine compliment).

Instead of asking her if she's nervous (don't ever do that), you could have just gone for a kiss or even held her hand. Just some sort of physical escalation. She probably felt a little confused that you were taking her around campus to these random isolated places and not making any moves.

What do I do on a date? This is my only date ever and all I have to go on is theory and self-reflection.

It sounds like you've done a lot of planning and preparation for this date with GC theory, which is great, but it's also important that you are actually enjoying it (because emotions are contagious - if you're having fun, chances are the girl will be too) and not just running through calculations. Since you're just starting out, your priority should be on gathering reference points and pushing the interaction as far as possible every time. You'll learn way faster this way and make lots of subconscious connections that will help you in the long run.

The theory is there to help you if something doesn't make sense, but it shouldn't be your main focus.

Do I have any hope of getting a girl using Girls Chase if I don't use sexual framing?

Yes.

I tend to avoid sexual tactics but I was at a loss for what to do next. I just want a girlfriend I'll be excited to see

Don't worry about sexual framing for now. Those are advanced topics, and you'll just end up tripping over your own calculations if you focus on it as a beginner. Just think about having fun on the date and hitting those escalation windows.

 

[TwoNameGame]

Hey man, for your first date ever this is pretty solid. You should be proud of a job well done!

Thanks. I just had no clue what success looked like from experience.

You didn't blow it, but you did miss some escalation windows. It's not the end of the world though, the fact that she's still texting you is a positive sign.
Here:

She didn't reply to my last text, but I might try texting again today to follow up on a conversation that was cut short.

You could have just gone for a kiss or even held her hand.

Thanks. That was the plan, but I chickened out I guess.

It sounds like you've done a lot of planning and preparation for this date with GC theory, which is great, but it's also important that you are actually enjoying it

I actually did enjoy it. She and I had a lot in common so I just did whatever and she seemed to enjoy it. It felt good doing something random and have her join in.

Your priority should be on gathering reference points and pushing the interaction as far as possible every time.

I won't hesitate next time. Everything went well until I failed to follow through.

Don't worry about sexual framing for now.

Got it. I'm still working on verbalizing chase frames and push-pull.

 

[POB]

1) Get her on another date since she is still receptive.
2) Before the date visualize having amazing sex with her....let the image of her body getting undressed be burnt in your mind. I like to visualize kinky stuff too (like hard anal and gagging), but that's just me lol. You can stop at the vanilla stuff if it's more your style. The important thing is to get that "you'll have sex with me" energy imprinted in your subcounscious.
3) Set a sexy tone right from the get go...look at her and bite your lips, have that lust feeling in your eyes all the time....let her know you are there to seduce her, not to be a "gentleman".
4) Remember you got a pair between your legs, so talk about sex and kino her....start to test the waters and physically ask for her compliance...if she is receptive, keep pushing for more and more. If not, back off a bit and start again after 5-10 minutes.

Not much to add here, your first date was ok, now is time to show her the big guns and go after what you want.

 

[TwoNameGame]

Update: She replied.
I didn't double text. It is unusual for her to not respond within a day, but it wasn't an automatic problem.

First thing this morning, she sent a long text and a text so long I have to tap [View all] to read it in full. Basically, she appreciates the flattery of my last push-pull but cites she tripped before the date started. She was neither humble (pull) or humble bragging (push).

She appreciated me being 'receptive' after bouncing to the alleyway (location 3). After all, she previously qualified herself as spontaneous and mentioned being connected to the area in the past but never going inside to see the chalk drawings. She's unsure if my 3-bounces were intentionally or not. Truth is, they totally were planned out the day before and I just happened to find excuses to go. I hope this seems like sprezzatura, not her thinking she controlled the frame and had me qualify myself.

 

[TwoNameGame]

1) Get her on another date since she is still receptive.

On it. I'll just banter a bit per Skills.

2) You can stop at the vanilla stuff if it's more your style. The important thing is to get that "you'll have sex with me" energy imprinted in your subcounscious.

And I'll be less likely to chicken out with a goal in mind.

3) Set a sexy tone right from the get go...look at her and bite your lips, have that lust feeling in your eyes all the time....let her know you are there to seduce her, not to be a "gentleman".

I probably do have a sexy tone (I've been told by Mexican family members who had vocal training for specific careers, not sure how to take it).

Not much to add here, your first date was ok, now is time to show her the big guns and go after what you want.

I have a better sense of direction thanks to y'all and am determined to not blow it.

 

[POB]

I probably do have a sexy tone (I've been told by Mexican family members who had vocal training for specific careers, not sure how to take it).

One thing I like to do is listen to very sexy music before going out to meet them.
Like r&b/eletronic sensual stuff that you would put in your place when sex is about to happen.
Something like this
Always gets me in that mood.
(and you don't even have to "like it"....it's just a trigger to get your mind into that trance)

 

[TwoNameGame]

UPDATE: GOT A SECOND DATE

She seems excited for a second date. I'll make sure to follow y'all's advice and not wuss out this time.