I Got Cheated On Out of Nowhere.

[KJ Francis]

Better just to find a chick with a sex drive matched to yours who's had a few partners already, preferably found the other guys very disappointing in the sack (lol), and so does not have a burning need to have tons more partners, and choose that one if you are going for a girl who's going to stay faithful.

Sounds solid. Wouldn't want her to have unrealistic naeivity. A few reference points seems beneficial, provided you are much more skilled relatively.

 

[Swati]

Yo playa, I've been there too,

OG @Chase said, Indian girl/women... MAN! The first cheating WIFE!!!! I FUCKED was an Indian, like those traditional Hindu background dress in those dresses from their culture, etc, yeah group of 4 going to an EDM Club... Yeah, she got some of her ovulation creams on her dick the night she decided it would be fun too... ONLY after the bathroom fucking, she told me she was unhappily married...

IRONY is that I have around an 80% to detect cheating partners, using Vedic astrology (also from the Hindu religion), is that if their RAHU and VENUS are in conjunction with one another, they are bound to be promiscuous and cheat. That's just how God made them to be. Every one of these girls I've met cheated before, with me, or afterward. So whenever I see this placement from a girl close to me, I lose a bit of my soul hahaha.

Anyway man, I hope you get over it, using day games, online, night games, and social circles, 1-6month but you will, only Good LUCKs from now

 

[Ambiance]

My man, I'm fucking sorry to hear that.

This is as fucked up as it can get. The pain can be felt in your lines.

Hope you can feel my virtual but firm shoulder squeeze.

It makes total sense that you feel helpless. For now, I'm still processing your post and not sure how to be of best help.

Until others chime in with practical advice, hold on man.

These dark moments don't last, although it sure does feel like they do in the moment.

Doing a lot better now. Thank you for your kind words, they helped a lot that day.

Fuck man, this is rough. You might need Chase for this one. I don't really have an answer. I still have insecurities like when a girl I'm walking with even glances at another guy. It doesn't make me mad or anything... I just get a little sad that "she only has eyes for me" is probably not ever true. So that means even my own married mother probably enjoys seeing Robert Redford or George Clooney when watching TV with my dad. It's weird.

Based on my quote above from your post though, if she was worried about dating outside her caste, maybe she was even more worried about dating an American? Would her parents ever really accept your marriage? If not, she still has to find her place in the mate market.

Funnily enough I was 99.5% past having insecurities about girls I am with looking at or thinking about other guys. Everyone (myself most included) has fantasies, and as long as they are infrequent and never affect our relationship who cares. The only perceived danger for me was the time lost dating a girl I poorly screened, otherwise I could always go find a new girl.

She was very worried about her family accepting me. I was gracious about this. But going forward, I'm going to treat this as an orange flag. A man with true absolute abundance doesn't need to worry about BS like this. I have a lot of abundance but am not there yet. I'll get there.

Wow, what a story. Sorry you hace to go through this.

The only sense I can make of your gfs behaviour is that her family somehow arranged for her to get together with guy C. Is there any chance of that? Maybe they weren't so happy with her marrying an American after all.

Might be worth finding out some details why this all happened as it happened while she was away.

They definitely did. Guy C's family is apparently rich by India standards (if only they knew how rich MY family is... fucking retards. Not that I am planning on ever receiving a big inheritance, but they don't know that).

This doesn't excuse my GF's behavior one iota, but gives me something else to watch out for in the future.

This sucks dude. However, even when bad things happen, there's a reason somewhere. Maybe you need to take a few days and just be with yourself for a while if it's too painful right now.

My intuition about this is that she felt like she had way too little control over things. Let's look at a few signs:

- She was a virgin when she met you. Not only does this mean she already feels a lot less certain about herself, but I've also seen first hand the effects throughout a relationship of locking down a girl who hasn't spread her sexual wings yet.
- The whole initial triangle between you, guy A, and guy B probably messed with her psychologically (and all this thing of staying in contact with other dudes was allowed to continue throughout most of the relationship), making her feel a lot more insecure about herself.
- She's far away from her familiar culture, family, sense of identity which has ruled over her life up until this point.
- Perhaps she felt intimidated by you - your sexual experience, your ability to dominate her psychologically, and you also mention your cold calculating side which, for those of us who have it, is a double edged sword when it comes to managing our relationships.
- She cheated with, as you say, an oafish nice guy with no guile. This suggests she was looking for a sense of security/control.

I can't give you a super clear answer on what went wrong, but as we know the less secure a girl feels, the more control her impulses have over her.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll bounce back and eventually understand how this came about, and how to prevent it in the future.

A lot of great insight here, thank you for sharing. I am great at making girls feel out of control, though for long-term committed relationships, I could definitely stand to tone it down a bit. It was foolish to confirm roughly how many girls I have been with, for instance. But my biggest issue was definitely screening. Gonna be doing a lot differently next time. Already started bouncing back too

Try break through difficult emotions by Shinzen Young

Try removing every possible reminder of her and changing your schedule and starting new activities, this can make the process of getting over her go faster as the synaptic pathways formed in relation to her won’t be renewed and will degrade faster.

Have a massive "To Read" list so it might take a bit but I will check it out.

Great advice to remove all reminders.

Sucks man despite you doing so much for you had to go through this.

From India, not to sound like a jerk but I would see it as you dodged the bullet.

From your whole story she sounded red flag and indecisive person.

Why because,

In India even after marriage girls stay for 1-2 months at their parents house. This could have happened at that time too. i.e. after marriage.

One more thing is She from Delhi Mumbai, families are far open there these days so sounds like bullshit. Unless she is marwari or Brahmin i would take her word with salt.

Many girls and guys use family as an excuse to breakup in India (I have did it myself, easy way out, have your cake and eat it too)

For Guy C it was Goa dude, cheap booze, girls in bikini, its a pass to do anything and forget about it, like how las vegas is in US.

Also, she was with 2 other couples, so this guy had a lot of time for building connection with her (more like rekindling his old connection) and your gf sounds like high sex drive girl and is inexperienced. You are seeing him as oaf from a Guys view.

Will add more points if something comes in my mind.

She is a small-town girl of sorts from the outskirts of Hyderabad. Good to know about India becoming more Westernized than I realized.

You're right, this trip was full of major red flags. Admittedly part of why I didn't break up with her on the spot after learning about it was due to seeing her as chaste and virginal (silly), but my finances were really tight too, so I really didn't want to move. I've had to move way too much throughout my 20s. I don't like having roommates but can't afford not to, so best case scenario to me was keep living with her and letting her do most of the chores and cook for me and fuck me 2x/day and assume nothing happened, because what girl would cheat 5 months into a near-perfect relationship? LOL

Yes, I know finances should not be an excuse for this shit. I am working on it hard. I have erased over $30K in debt this year through various means.

Thanks for your insight!

 

[Ambiance]

Sorry to hear about your current pain, it sounds difficult to bear.

Is there a hypothetical scenario where this could have worked out? Like if you'd told her to stop talking to Guy B, and forbidden her from visiting India without you?

600 bangs is HSD, this is sex twice per day every day.

Also, I believe Chase has written somewhere that you don't want to let a girl in on how much experience you have with girls (I try to downplay it as much as possible, never tell them how many sexual partners I've had, and may refer to a girl I saw once being like this or like that, but that is it) especially if she is a virgin / has no experience since you will awake in her the desire to, as Will_V said, "spread her sexual wings," or follow suit.

Finally, with respect, you say you became intimate with her like you haven't been with many other girls, yet you admit that you knew she may have been using you to obtain a green card (a side benefit of a potential knot tie with you). Maybe something to think about.

I don't think this would have worked out. I have come to grips that she cheated because it is her nature. If I was stricter about not letting her talk to other guys, either we'd have broken up fast when she didn't comply, or I would have been delaying the inevitable (especially since I was somewhat clueless to her nature).

About the HSD... I am very HSD myself, yet know for a fact I want to have lots of children someday, and understand the importance of having a stable environment for them while they grow up. So this created a conundrum for me. How do I keep myself both satisfied and safe? I knew HSD were dangerous, but MSD and LSD were less compatible. My ex of three years was mid to high sex drive and crazy about me, but even then it bugged me wanting it more than her.

So with my current GF, I thought I had hacked the system. Finally, here was a gorgeous HSD girl that could truly keep up with me, but who I thought I had completely under my thumb per my awesomeness and her history of not even knowing what sex was until age 22 and resisting sex with Guy A and Guy B for all this time. In reality, even if it takes a special person to open Pandora's Box, once it is indeed opened, there is no going back. I know this now.

You're right, I shouldn't have let on as much as I did about my sexual past with her. I've been like a mentor to her throughout our relationship, so it would make sense if this played into her ease of cheating when she has heard about all the other girls who have cheated with me (for the record, I have never cheated, though I have my doubts I could keep that going if I was in a relationship long enough...).

Regarding the green card, I can at least say I was wary of this the entire time and never once felt like she was using me to get one. If you reread what I said about it you'll see I only mentioned it as a potential benefit if I decided to marry her. I read Chase's article about the purpose(s) of marriage in the modern era (https://www.girlschase.com/article/marriage-worth-doing-anymore-if-youre-man) and came to grips with marriage being something I will probably want to eventually give to a special girl.

Our intimacy was very real. I just thought I had found a wife and mother, when in reality I had found a sensualist like myself who I could mentor and have a lot of fun with. It is a pity I did not see her for what she is sooner.

Anyway, thank you for your kind words and insight.

Sorry for what happened to you bro, honestly, it sucks.

But there a a few red flags in her story that stick out to me.

It seems you projected onto this girl what you wanted to see without properly vetting her, and seeing what really was.

You offered exclusivity based on a set of “sounds good on paper” credentials that in reality don’t protect you from much of anything. Virgin or not she showed traits of indecisiveness and potentially sensational seeking. Also virgins are prone to having sexual awakenings.

Should have kept distance and not wifed her while you were staying with her. And put her through a strict vetting period for a minimum of 3 months, before being so certain about committing with this girl.

Despite what most men say about “traditional foreign women” etc. being newly foreign in a western country requires CAUTION.

Why? she’s likely self selected as sensation seeking/higher in openness and bold AKA far less traditional than the women that opt to stay home.

Also moving from a restrictive culture to a more liberal one tends to open up a woman’s horizons in shocking ways (the amount of newly arrived village girls i’ve seen get buck loose when they hit these shores…fiancé back home and everything).

You picked wrong. You didn’t vet enough. You allowed her on paper credentials to do the work, that your eyes and discernment should have.

She was cycling multiple men when you met her. As you met her so will you lose her..

You’ll heal.

Thank you man. It does suck, but I am doing a lot better now, and am more annoyed with myself and a little disgusted with her rather than totally crushed like I initially was.

I definitely projected preconceived assumptions on her like you said. I was also in a tight spot, having to move out in 45 days and being super broke, and in some ways charmed my way into a better arrangement. Which isn't to say it was all calculated; I very quickly started bonding with her and feeling protective of her.

You are absolutely right about “traditional foreign women” new to a Western country being dangerous. I've fucked a few of these girls but never got too close to one, so I didn't know. I attributed these girls quickly banging me to me being a stud, but you're right about the logistics of moving to a more liberal environment and finding your place in it (kinda like freshman girls in college going wild before settling down a bit by their junior and senior year!). Was a painful lesson, and I wish I had figured it out sooner, but glad I understand these girls better now.

My GF is definitely sensation-seeking. Despite being pretty introverted, she always wants to be doing something in nature. Which was great for me in that it got me out of the apartment and having experiences (and further awakened my own sensation-seeking side, I have definitely caught the travel bug now LOL). But yeah, should have been a yellow or orange flag.

So yeah, I picked wrong. I thought I was finding hacks to get around the dangers of HSD and being truly monogamous indefinitely. Nope. Back to square one. Glad to happened now rather than after I married her or heaven forbid knocked her up.

Still sucks but I am already healing. I fucked the concert girl and am excited to be back on the prowl.

op, unfortunately this is GREAT, that it happen to you without you getting deeper with this girl, unfortunately she is not marriage material no cause of her qualities, but for her lack of loyalty (i been with couple of indian girls, they have a big incline to cheat in my experience, it could be due to all the repression, again but this is me speculating based on MY EXPERIENCES), i will advice you to read these articles:

Long-Term - My hoc theory (history of cheating theory) and why is so important to me...

I made a post on how to properly go into an ltr (though nobody really follows the advice a waste of my time)....Dating a guy like me is pretty much BRUTAL..... It is tough to be in a relationship with a dude that breath, eats and shit seduction.... My life is pretty much seduction, I go...

www.skilledseducer.com

Special Girl - Deep diving, my history and the style of deep divings i personally do

I did not know what deep diving was, till i joined this forum is popular with chase followers... But i used to do deep diving and i still do different types of deep diving, so i will cover my history with deep diving, why i stop using it and what i do instead... So when i was 15, i found a book...

www.skilledseducer.com

Long-Term - Relationships fundamentals 101- Part 1 How to enter into a serious relationship properly

So guys every other month you see variations of post like this, or like this, or like this I personally have tried different relationships set up with what you guys consider wife material ( 20s, 8s plus, low lay count, traditional values, eastern european, christians and the rest), to open, to...

www.skilledseducer.com

Then you need to follow this:

Break Ups - Break up dynamics for secret society members (seducers, women, gays)

Most break up posts, blogs, videos are mainly accurate but from a normal person view, not from a secret society (specially seducer/player) perspective. What is the difference you may ask? A secret society member is able to access sexual partners fairly quick and usually do not get onitis...

www.skilledseducer.com

You're right, this was the best case scenario for the hole I had dug myself into! Her sister did me a huge service.

GOOD to know about Indian girls. I had been with one before my GF but she was very Americanized. I had previously done research into this and learned Indians have the lowest average and median lifetime partner counts of any nation, so I let my guard down. Wish I hadn't!

You're probably right that the repression plays into their latent promiscuity, provided they ever place themselves away from their culture that controls them so. Most don't which is why the averages and medians are low.

I think Indian/Middle Eastern girls can be SUPER HOT (likely in part due to my strongest childhood crush being half Indian, who my GF looks like an even hotter version of), though I highly doubt I will ever get serious with one again after reading yours, Chase's, and a few other guys' feedback on them. Which kinda sucks, I was honestly looking forward to making some half-white/half-Indian super-spawn. Mixed guys and girls can reach dizzying heights looks-wise (Gamgee) (LoTR joke, we'll see if anyone gets it).

Thank you for the articles you linked. I read each one and have already started applying them.

Sorry to hear about your situation bro that sucks. I'm glad for you that her sister found out about the whole ordeal and snitched on her otherwise you would have never found out or maybe would've but under more strenuous circumstances. Everyone gave excellent tips about being more rigorous with vetting but here are a few NUCLEAR red flags I noticed while reading your post op:

1. She keeps in contact or close proximity with guys who she has had a thing for. This means exes, past/current crushes etc. This never ends well.
2. She has monkey branch swinging tendencies as she was seeing guy A and guy B at the same time. Later on she branch swung to you while she was still with guy B. This is why I was 0% surprised when she then swung from you onto guy C. The fact that she was hooking up and having sex with you while she still had a bf should have triggered a LOUD alarm in your head warning you that shes not LTR material.
3. This isn't necessarily a red flag but just highlighting that wild card situations have to be vigorously vetted. In your case the wild card is the cultural difference. In situations like these you have to try and anticipate any issues that might arrive and find a smooth way of vetting it until you are certain that a relationship can work. One quick example of something to vet would be to figure out if her family and friends would have been okay with her being in a relationship with a guy from completely different culture. Imo most wild card situations are not worth it for LTR so I highly recommend avoiding them at all costs.
4. This bullet point is not a red flag in her situation because shes coming from a different country but in general I've noticed that chicks that move somewhere far for a "fresh start" tend to be running away from something (usually related to dating) and always blame that particular issue on other people or the environment rather than on themselves. The only reason I bothered to mention this is because its good idea to EXTENSIVELY deep dive chicks who moved to a completely different place for unusual reasons. It usually means that they have a problematic trait that keeps them in toxic situations.

Also I want to re-emphasize what topcat mentioned about how you might've been projecting. It seems like you already had an idea in your head about Indian women being virtuous and perfect and you jumped into the situation with strong confirmation bias. I think that due to your confirmation bias you were unable to see all of the obvious red flags.

Thanks for your kind words. Yes, very glad her sister had the wisdom to intervene. This is ultimately better for everyone in the long run.

Going forward, I am going to have no tolerance for girls who are even loosely in touch with their exes. I don't care if they do it out of fear regarding a future with me. Instant downgrade to MLTR, FB, or ONS depending how busy I am.

Going to watch out for monkey-branching too. It seems like this is the default behavior for girls so I let it slide. But maybe that is my own selection bias. Or maybe it is bad even if it is the default and I was being silly. Don't know and would love anyone else's thoughts on it, but either way I will be more averse to it for serious relationships.

Yes, I should have treated her with more care per her status as a wild card. I focused too much on the potential upside when in reality there were a lot of unknowns for me. Idealism strikes again...

I allowed my confirmation bias, my fears of reconciling finding a worthy future mother with my own desires, and my financial and logistical situation blind me to her red flags.

 

[Ambiance]

@Ambiance,

Very sorry this happened, man. Though like @Skills notes, it is fortunate it happened EARLY(-ish).

I know it feels like getting the rug pulled out from under your feet.

As the other guys note, this girl has a lot of red flags.

From your green flags list, the physical characteristics and other descriptors (cook, likes to cook for you, masters, feminine, crazy about you, loves babies/kids, from India, etc.) mostly have nothing to do with how faithful or not she will be.

The only ones that impact that are doesn’t drink/do drugs (helps the most), Mom & Dad still together (helps the middle), and virgin when met you (helps the least).

Then we’ve got the red flags:

• Takes a male roommate as her only roommate
• Immediately connects with then fucks her new male roommate
• Is from a conservative third world culture that will not easily accept you as a husband, which automatically positions you as “just the fun guy, not serious”
• Continues AGGRESSIVELY (lunches and dinners and lots of texting/contact) pursuing things with her other “more serious” options while with you
• Sex 600 times in 300 days… twice per day; very high sex drive
• Takes a trip for a month… going from twice daily fucking totally in love to “no problem being away from you for a month” willingly, and then spends all her time hanging around with friends rather than hauling ass to get back to you ASAP

Think of it this way: you broke the seal for her on sex.

But this girl, seal now broken, WILL BE sleeping around.

She’s a high drive girl who’s discovered she LOVES sex.

Also, IME with Indian chicks, the ones that come to the U.S. at least, these chicks are all kinds of shady, lol.

I had a gorgeous Indian girl I picked up in an airport who confessed to me that she always got awesome boyfriends, made them fall deeply in love with her, then cheated on them (she had a fiancé when I picked her up). She called herself a “bad girl” and said she did not know why she did it. That one had a master’s too which is usually a sign of stability… but not in this girl’s case. She was not my only shady Indian smoke show. I have known at least 3. They are like the shadiest race, lol. I guess it is why their men keep them so locked down.

Anyway, you’ll get through this.

Maybe after the Lush Teases launch I’ll write something up on signs a girl is not going to make a loyal girlfriend. Your screening needs some adjusting here

Chase

Hi Chase, you've directly and indirectly done so much for me over the years, and in this dark hour of mine you were here once again. Thank you so much.

Like I told FunGuy in my response above, I let my confirmation bias about her green flags, the conundrum of balancing my desires with finding a worthy GF/wife (like in your article https://www.girlschase.com/article/8-tradeoffs-girls-men-must-choose-between-ltrs), and my financial and logistical situation blind me to her red flags. It is illuminating to have them so easily listed here. Some of them I hadn't thought enough about, but some I can't believe I allowed...

As I told Skills, it is GOOD to know how sketchy Indian girls can be, especially the ones that come to the Western world. No one ever told me! LOL. My intuition was dead wrong here. I'm going to be cautious with them going forward. Which sucks because they can be so fucking hot AND smart...

I'm doing a lot better now. I mentioned this earlier, but I fucked the concert girl. It is great I kept my approaching skills sharp and had this girl at the ready! She had small boobs but a very hot face, sexy fashion, and a wonderful taste in music I have never known a woman to have. She lives 50 minutes away but I am hoping to stay in touch and see each other here and there. Really cool chick.

I also had some reservations about settling down now as I am still in my 20s and have a lot more I want to do seduction-wise. I didn't know if I could even be faithful long-term (I've never cheated but have had close calls and love fresh pussy...). My GF is also short, and while our children would have likely been extremely attractive with their mixed race and their parents' genes, I was worried about them being small My GF seemed too good to pass up and I had become so in love with her... Now I don't have these problems!

I was initially worried all the wonderful memories I shared with my GF would be ruined... and while they have been tainted, now I see them as two kindred spirits coming together and having a wonderful time. It was so fun being a mentor to this beautiful girl who shared my lusts in and out of the bedroom. She also awakened in me a love for travel and experiences and new foods. It sucks I had introduced her to my family. They LOVED her, and it will be embarrassing whether or not I ever tell them why she's not the one for me.

I'll be honest... my GF and I are still living together. Besides the obvious, she has been SO good to me, and I know how in love with me she is despite her nature. I blame myself for going exclusive with her, and while part of me is pissed at her, I think she can still be a boon to my life and vice versa. I told her that if she stays, I am no longer exclusive with her, and she almost certainly saw me FaceTiming with Concert Girl and can probably figure out where I was the night of our date. I told her I don't expect her to be exclusive to me but has to follow rules if she ever gets with anyone else (she insists she only wants me LOL, we'll see). I also told her she has to somehow make up what she did to me. She was awesome before but has been even better since, making me tons of food, paying for every meal when we go out, doing all these favors for me, buying me all this stuff. I can tell how guilty she feels.

That said, I will never settle down with her, nor will I give her any illusions about this. I am being VERY careful about not knocking her up, and will insist on an abortion if she ever pulls anything (not that I am expecting this, but who knows). She and I can continue to have a great time (we are getting into BDSM and I am planting seeds for having MFF threesomes), but if she ever needs marriage/kids (and she might not now with the world I have opened up to her!) I will politely suggest she go find it elsewhere. I will also move out once my finances can afford living alone (I'd rather live with her than a male roommate, but I told her I won't bring girls here which is inconvenient). All in all, this might be the best case scenario where I can still enjoy her perks but shield myself from dangers.

Definitely risky of me to do this. Maybe insane. I get burned cutting corners like this, but I keep doing it since so often I don't get burned and get to have my cake and eat it too.

...

Would love an article listing signs a girl will not be loyal. I have a nifty note on my phone that compiles a bunch of tips I've snagged from many of yours and the other writers' articles. I have it sorted into Green, Yellow, Orange, and Red flags, and have a system about how many flags I will allow for the various roles a girl can have in my life (ONS, FB, MLTR, exclusive GF, future mother). I thought it was pretty thorough, but after this whole experience, I definitely need to add to/refine it!

Would love to share it if anyone wants to critique it. It is not just about loyalty and some of my flags are due to personal taste and goals not everyone will share, which is ok.

(deleted original post due to formatting issue)

 

[Ambiance]

There's a study I came across where they looked at sex drive, sociosexual restriction (i.e., how slutty or conservative she is), and partner count.

Sex drive is tied to partner count, BUT when you control for sociosexual restriction that goes away.

So basically:

• Low sex drive girl who is sexually closed-minded: few partners
• High sex drive girl who is sexually open-minded: lots of partners
• High sex drive girl who is sexually closed-minded: few partners

... the caveat being that high sex drive girls usually end up being sexually open-minded. But when they aren't, they end up having low partner counts, even though they want tons of sex.

(you also have to consider the fact that most girls are going to undergo a sexual awakening when they finally start to enjoy sex. Especially if they are around a sexually open-minded guy, and if you've fucked a bunch, you WILL BE a sexually open-minded guy)

But yeah, in theory you could have a high sex drive girl who doesn't sleep around because her sexuality is still deeply repressed.

In practice... I think you'd need to find a girl with some sort of OCD-level of rigid/anal thinking who doesn't want herself to entertain sexual notions + you never fuck her well enough that she starts to REALLY enjoy sex and isn't triggered to start imagining what it'd be like with other men, lol.

@Ambiance is not the first playboy I've heard of who took a conservative girl's virginity and gave her great sex + a great relationship only for her to seemingly inexplicably cheat. Inexperienced chicks can be super dumb, and especially if they are high sex drive and think you're not a "forever" boyfriend AND you've given them incredible sex, curiosity will sometimes get the better of these gals.

Better just to find a chick with a sex drive matched to yours who's had a few partners already, preferably found the other guys very disappointing in the sack (lol), and so does not have a burning need to have tons more partners, and choose that one if you are going for a girl who's going to stay faithful.

Chase

If I am very HSD, is monogamy not really in the cards for me? I would need a high to very high sex drive girl, and have my doubts she would stay loyal to me after this experience. Even if she has had 2-3 partners before me and they all sucked, I'm not going to want to hold back with her and she will quickly learn how great sex is.

I've been wondering this for awhile, and had the back up plan of being implicitly non-monogamous while doing my best to keep it far away from home and being a great husband and father otherwise (like Tony in The Sopranos if you have seen it, except if Tony was much more pleasant and loving when around his family).

Being the forever player would be lovely except for the fact I REALLY want kids someday and need to ensure they have stable childhoods.

 

[DarkKnight]

I'll be honest... my GF and I are still living together. Besides the obvious, she has been SO good to me, and I know how in love with me she is despite her nature

Dude.. what? Ambiance get rid of her. Look at everything you are writing the mental investment is huge here and the risk of you rationalizinf everyrhing in her favor as you did in the past as well. You wont be able to keep a cool head through this and this will gnaw at your self esteem. You already care too much about her if you didnt give a shit i would be less worried about this

Dump her and burn the ships behind you player. Time to get back to your senses real fast now.

 

[DarkKnight]

That said, I will never settle down with her, nor will I give her any illusions about this. I am being VERY careful about not knocking her up, and will insist on an abortion if she ever pulls anything

You are still rationalizing. Ambiance you are experiencing fear of loss.
She has fucked another guy and will never respect you the way you want to. Come back to your senses.

 

[topcat]

I'll be honest... my GF and I are still living together. Besides the obvious, she has been SO good to me, and I know how in love with me she is despite her nature. I blame myself for going exclusive with her, and while part of me is pissed at her, I think she can still be a boon to my life and vice versa. I told her that if she stays, I am no longer exclusive with her, and she almost certainly saw me FaceTiming with Concert Girl and can probably figure out where I was the night of our date. I told her I don't expect her to be exclusive to me but has to follow rules if she ever gets with anyone else (she insists she only wants me LOL, we'll see). I also told her she has to somehow make up what she did to me. She was awesome before but has been even better since, making me tons of food, paying for every meal when we go out, doing all these favors for me, buying me all this stuff. I can tell how guilty she feels.

You got hit with a heavy cross. Now you’re setting yourself up for a haymaker.

Bruv, respectfully you’re not as smart as you think you are, this girl is about to run circles around you. You can’t go anywhere and she knows it, you also can’t outcompete this girl sexually.

The only way I’d trust you in this situation is if you properly held her to account. But you’re not. You’re still being led by your feelings and she’s still getting the same investment she was before, only now she’s been given permission to fuck others. What happens to your BDSM plans etc. when she finds a more elusive and intriguing guy to chase? while the pull of his mystery grows, your mystery diminishes rapidly everyday you spend living with her..

What does she care if you fuck other girls, if you’re still living under her roof? She also now knows how to make you wince..

Fun times ahead.

If I were you I’d get out. This girl is outclassing you..

 

[Rakehell]

You got hit with a heavy cross. Now you’re setting yourself up for a haymaker.

Bruv, respectfully you’re not as smart as you think you are, this girl is about to run circles around you. You can’t go anywhere and she knows it, you also can’t outcompete this girl sexually.

The only way I’d trust you in this situation is if you properly held her to account. But you’re not. You’re still being led by your feelings and she’s still getting the same investment she was before, only now she’s been given permission to fuck others. What happens to your BDSM plans etc. when she finds a more elusive and intriguing guy to chase? while the pull of his mystery grows, your mystery diminishes rapidly everyday you spend living with her..

What does she care if you fuck other girls, if you’re still living under her roof? She also now knows how to make you wince..

Fun times ahead.

If I were you I’d get out. This girl is outclassing you..

Hate to agree but this thing should be over imo. You rewarded her with monogamy and she blew it.

Personally I don’t feel any concessions should be granted toward her, especially the prospect of having sex with her still (which is still a reward).

Not only did she cheat but she’s displayed an overall underhanded nature, and has shown she has no issue with hiding things from you.

With this in mind she has shown no indication that suggests she’s someone who will keep promises. So trying to hold her to rules seems like a waste of effort and energy. She may promise and still keep things from you.

The only communication you guy’s should be having is what’s related to bills, if you’re sharing a place which seems like the case.

I’d save yourself the hurt and the stress, let her fuck lesser men and learn. Find a different girl and screen harder if you want a LTR.

She’s given you more things to screen for.

 

[Ambiance]

Dude.. what? Ambiance get rid of her. Look at everything you are writing the mental investment is huge here and the risk of you rationalizinf everyrhing in her favor as you did in the past as well. You wont be able to keep a cool head through this and this will gnaw at your self esteem. You already care too much about her if you didnt give a shit i would be less worried about this

Dump her and burn the ships behind you player. Time to get back to your senses real fast now.

It’s temporary. I’ve completely changed my view of her. I’ll enjoy her good qualities while I continue to rebuild my finances and credit. If she breaks any of the rules I have laid out, I will accept defeat, take the financial hit, and leave.

You are still rationalizing. Ambiance you are experiencing fear of loss.
She has fucked another guy and will never respect you the way you want to. Come back to your senses.

I already lost “her”, the too-good-to-be-true wife candidate who existed only in my head. I am left with a girl who would have been a great MLTR had I screened her better but can’t be trusted as a full GF. Yeah, not ideal to live with someone like this, but we signed a lease and I just paid off a bunch of debt so am very low on savings. I’m taking a calculated risk nothing bad will happen by the time I get out. I need to pay down more debt and build my savings up first.

You got hit with a heavy cross. Now you’re setting yourself up for a haymaker.

Bruv, respectfully you’re not as smart as you think you are, this girl is about to run circles around you. You can’t go anywhere and she knows it, you also can’t outcompete this girl sexually.

The only way I’d trust you in this situation is if you properly held her to account. But you’re not. You’re still being led by your feelings and she’s still getting the same investment she was before, only now she’s been given permission to fuck others. What happens to your BDSM plans etc. when she finds a more elusive and intriguing guy to chase? while the pull of his mystery grows, your mystery diminishes rapidly everyday you spend living with her..

What does she care if you fuck other girls, if you’re still living under her roof? She also now knows how to make you wince..

Fun times ahead.

If I were you I’d get out. This girl is outclassing you..

I don’t think she can outcompete me, and she definitely doesn’t think she can. I already rebounded with Concert Girl. It was a little rusty but I still got it first try. Girls openly flirt with me in front of my GF. She knows roughly how many girls I had prior to meeting her, and she knows I was still seeing the girl from my LR, Indomitable Will for Pussy, the month we started hooking up.

Sure, any cute enough girl can go get fucked whenever she wants, but for what? She’s in love with me and already getting ravished by me 2x/day on average. She feels very guilty about what she did. She says she did not enjoy fucking Guy C, and showed me messages that seemed to corroborate this. I’m not going to rub her face in whatever stuff I get up to with other girls. She barely knows anyone here and doesn’t have a car. Her friends from grad school are all in different states. She is very shy. I’ve forbidden anything that facilitates something that is not casual, safe sex (like trips without me or texting old boyfriends) and will drop her immediately if she betrays me again. I honestly don’t care if she tries out other guys as long as it doesn’t affect me. I’ve completely changed how I see her. She’s a very sweet girl who happens to be a late-blooming slut.

I can leave anytime, it would just be painful. I hate moving and have bad credit and savings. I hate roommates, but at least my current one does most of the chores, cooks for me, and is constantly fucking me. Sure, if she decides she needs progress in the relationship and I will not give it to her, she’ll be at risk to bounce over to someone else. I’m just betting I’ll have my finances in order and be gone by the time that happens (and she might instead be one of those girls who is ok keeping things not too serious for ~6 years, at which point I’ll be the one dropping her for someone serious).

 

[Chase]

@Ambiance,

Quick thoughts:

If you’re doing the “she has to make it up to you” thing, just start throwing hints out that she needs to do a threesome with you. Might as well get some lemons out of the lemonade

You’ll probably be okay doing open relationship with her for a little while, considering you are high-skilled with girls and high sex drive. She’ll avoid banging other guys for a while hoping she can get you back into a more serious relationship.

At some point though she is going to give up, turn resentful, want to feel powerful, and start parading guys in front of you trying to mess you up. I’d aim to be out of the situation before that happens.

As far as “can I be high sex drive + totally sexually monogamous long-term”… yeah I don’t know, man. Well, your sex drive goes down in LTRs. It goes down again after you have kids. It goes down with age. So if your thing is “I just don’t want to cheat” I might personally aim to put off picking a settled girl until I was hitting my 40s or so. I have a couple of playboy friends who picked wives in their early/mid-20s when they (my buddies) were in their early/mid-40s. I think that’s probably ideal if you’re high sex drive and going for as stable a relationship as can be.

Chase

 

[Ambiance]

If you’re doing the “she has to make it up to you” thing, just start throwing hints out that she needs to do a threesome with you. Might as well get some lemons out of the lemonade

I’ve been fantasizing about her and another girl long before I found out what she did. She likes lesbian porn but swears she is 100% straight and would be grossed out doing stuff with another girl. Even during sex with her in a trance she only kinda gets into it when I tell her to imagine if there was a girl doing stuff to her as I fuck her. I wouldn’t have actually wanted to share her with another girl before all this happened, but what happened changes things. We’ll see if I can guilt her into one. May need to further corrupt her first.

You’ll probably be okay doing open relationship with her for a little while, considering you are high-skilled with girls and high sex drive. She’ll avoid banging other guys for a while hoping she can get you back into a more serious relationship.

At some point though she is going to give up, turn resentful, want to feel powerful, and start parading guys in front of you trying to mess you up. I’d aim to be out of the situation before that happens.

Noted, and completely agree.

As far as “can I be high sex drive + totally sexually monogamous long-term”… yeah I don’t know, man. Well, your sex drive goes down in LTRs. It goes down again after you have kids. It goes down with age. So if your thing is “I just don’t want to cheat” I might personally aim to put off picking a settled girl until I was hitting my 40s or so. I have a couple of playboy friends who picked wives in their early/mid-20s when they (my buddies) were in their early/mid-40s. I think that’s probably ideal if you’re high sex drive and going for as stable a relationship as can be.

This is genius. Don’t know why I didn’t consider my sex drive changing as I age and have already sowed all my oats.

This gives me all the time I need to do everything I want with seduction. And by the time I am ready to settle down, I’ll have ample finances to give my children a great childhood. I’ll find some great MSD girl in her mid/late twenties with a master’s degree and 0-3 partners (and do LOTS of screening to ensure she isn’t a late blooming slut). Then I’ll keep her barefoot and pregnant and build the family I always wanted.

Thank you! This seriously assuages concerns that have been plaguing me for years.

 

[DarkKnight]

I already lost “her”, the too-good-to-be-true wife candidate who existed only in my head. I am left with a girl who would have been a great MLTR had I screened her better but can’t be trusted as a full GF. Yeah, not ideal to live with someone like this, but we signed a lease and I just paid off a bunch of debt so am very low on savings. I’m taking a calculated risk nothing bad will happen by the time I get out. I need to pay down more debt and build my savings up first.

okay I get the financial considerations. Good luck to you with this all man.

I do not think she is outcompeting you either. You were probably surprised because she struck first in a way you didnt expect. So she had the initiative.

 

[Skills]

I know what op is doing... I have done that... He is just buying time for financial issues... He is done mentally...

 

[Bismarck]

You say it's temporary but then you mention 6 years, is that the "temporary" you mean?

 

[Ambiance]

You say it's temporary but then you mention 6 years, is that the "temporary" you mean?

Good point. It’s probably highly unlikely our relationship would last that long, especially with her age approaching 30 and the relationship regression of me moving out within a year. I guess part of me is sad to think of it ending. Which makes sense with how fresh the loss is.

Well, at least I know all the best Indian restaurants for after things end!

 

[OldGuy]

Watch out for her getting pregnant.