- Joined
- Nov 13, 2019
- Messages
- 1,293
Ahh, the old conundrum...you schedule a date and she cancels.
Over the years I've seen a lot of advice being thrown at this very common dating situation, like:
- what to say;
- how much time to wait before answering or even;
- if it's better to go radio silence.
But before we proceed, let's take a look at some important pointers:
- where you met her:
a) if it was in person, your chances go up
b) if it was online, your chances go down
- how strong was the interaction up untill that point:
- did you open and hooked properly?
- If online, did your texts got a nice string of answers?
- how you led the conversation, preferably using a proven texting structure
That said, what is the root of a flake?
Basically, we have three main reasons here:
1) something really came up and she couldn't go...now that could mean a lot of things, like she is busy, or disorganized with her personal life.... or some random event came her way, like her getting sick, or having to help a friend or family member (less common, but happens);
2) she was not that hooked by your interactions/not that attracted to you in the first place;
3) you said/did something weird that she didn't like (see @Skills comment below).
What to do?
First and foremost, you should deal with flakes like minor annoyances necessary to get into women's panties.
Don't overeact, because it comes with the territory.
Just accept it as a fact of life and move on.
Second, pay attention to her behavior before the flake!
Was she being responsive? Were the convos good and fun?
Then the reason is probably someting came up.
If not, she was not that interested, and should be put in the backburner so you can use your energy on more responsive chicks.
What to say?
My take these days is it's not even worth the trouble to persist that much with more aloof chicks.
I just let them be.
Now, assuming your interactions were good, there are a couple of scenarios you could face:
A) you text her on the day of the meet and she doesn't answer
Then something came up.
What I like to do is this, I text her first in the morning to confirm the meet.
If by one hour before the meet she doesn't answer, I cancel it myself.
I just say:
"Hey X, as I'm not hearing from you, I'm moving on with my day...just let me know if you are all right"
That shows that you are busy, but not butthurt (and actually a little concerned about her).
When she answers, you proceed with some banter and probe for another shot using a soft close.
B) you text to confirm and she cancels herself
This is an easy one:
"Hi X
Thx for letting me know
I'll do Y with Z instead"
You acknowledge it, and tell her you are moving on with your day like it's a no biggie (because it isn't).
DO NOT TRY TO RESCHEDULE RIGHT AFTER A FLAKE.
I'll repeat:
DO NOT TRY TO RESCHEDULE RIGHT AFTER A FLAKE.
That's a weak move that shows she does not need to value your time.
Instead, wait to see if she suggests another time (usually that's what happens with me).
If she doesn't, I like to wait one or two days and start again from scratch (open, banter, soft close, hard close).
Of course if she has flaked 2-3 times in a row, you have to draw the line at some point.
But that's a conversation for another post.
Over the years I've seen a lot of advice being thrown at this very common dating situation, like:
- what to say;
- how much time to wait before answering or even;
- if it's better to go radio silence.
But before we proceed, let's take a look at some important pointers:
- where you met her:
a) if it was in person, your chances go up
b) if it was online, your chances go down
- how strong was the interaction up untill that point:
- did you open and hooked properly?
- If online, did your texts got a nice string of answers?
- how you led the conversation, preferably using a proven texting structure
That said, what is the root of a flake?
Basically, we have three main reasons here:
1) something really came up and she couldn't go...now that could mean a lot of things, like she is busy, or disorganized with her personal life.... or some random event came her way, like her getting sick, or having to help a friend or family member (less common, but happens);
2) she was not that hooked by your interactions/not that attracted to you in the first place;
3) you said/did something weird that she didn't like (see @Skills comment below).
What to do?
First and foremost, you should deal with flakes like minor annoyances necessary to get into women's panties.
Don't overeact, because it comes with the territory.
Just accept it as a fact of life and move on.
Second, pay attention to her behavior before the flake!
Was she being responsive? Were the convos good and fun?
Then the reason is probably someting came up.
If not, she was not that interested, and should be put in the backburner so you can use your energy on more responsive chicks.
What to say?
My take these days is it's not even worth the trouble to persist that much with more aloof chicks.
I just let them be.
Now, assuming your interactions were good, there are a couple of scenarios you could face:
A) you text her on the day of the meet and she doesn't answer
Then something came up.
What I like to do is this, I text her first in the morning to confirm the meet.
If by one hour before the meet she doesn't answer, I cancel it myself.
I just say:
"Hey X, as I'm not hearing from you, I'm moving on with my day...just let me know if you are all right"
That shows that you are busy, but not butthurt (and actually a little concerned about her).
When she answers, you proceed with some banter and probe for another shot using a soft close.
B) you text to confirm and she cancels herself
This is an easy one:
"Hi X
Thx for letting me know
I'll do Y with Z instead"
You acknowledge it, and tell her you are moving on with your day like it's a no biggie (because it isn't).
DO NOT TRY TO RESCHEDULE RIGHT AFTER A FLAKE.
I'll repeat:
DO NOT TRY TO RESCHEDULE RIGHT AFTER A FLAKE.
That's a weak move that shows she does not need to value your time.
Instead, wait to see if she suggests another time (usually that's what happens with me).
If she doesn't, I like to wait one or two days and start again from scratch (open, banter, soft close, hard close).
Of course if she has flaked 2-3 times in a row, you have to draw the line at some point.
But that's a conversation for another post.
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