I Turned Down My Dream Girl

[ChaseMiser]

I really made a big mistake.

My dream girl, the woman who has all of the cosmetic and conversational traits of the kind of woman who I would want, told me "I really need a foot massage," and I somehow managed to turn her down. Is there any way for me to recover?

Some background on this situation... I work retail, and all of these interactions are happening at my place of work. I do not know this girl very well, but I've met her family and we have a few connections in common. I first met her older sister back in December. Several days later I saw the target and I just stared at her wondering why she looked so familiar; I was about to make the approach until I was whisked away. About a week later I formally met her and it sounded as if she remembered me staring at her and I told her that she looked so familiar which she concluded that was due to me having met her older sister. She also showed me her older brother. That was 7 months ago and I had nearly forgotten about it as I had not seen any members of the family since.

Last week I ran into my target again and as soon as I saw her I felt it; mutual attraction. I played it off and went with a 'cock funny' approach which I was slowly starting to shift into 'chase framing.' That is, until her older brother showed up, who I at first believed to be her boyfriend (they look nothing alike, and I had forgotten our earlier meeting.) At this point I was too nervous to hit on the younger sister, we have a huge age gap and I did not think it would be a good scene with her older brother there. I totally ignored her aside from her occasional comment during the conversation. Her brother and I probably talked for 10 minutes. The conversation concluded with me telling her older brother "It's good to meet you," as they began to walk away I added, "Oh, it's good to meet you, too, [target's name.]" After they left I remembered having met the whole family months ago.

Anyway, I 'conveniently' 'ran into her again' at my job. She lit up when she saw me. I asked her what she was up to which we discussed briefly. I showed slight interest in her during this interaction. It was right at the start of my shift and I was a bit sleepy, I don't have any game in the early morning and there's really no avoiding that. I was running low on content, so when her phone rang I told her, "Get that." I walked away, but she lingered around my area 'looking' at stuff in which she definitely had no interest, looking my way from time to time to smile at me or just look at me, in between typing on her phone. Finally, she made her move.

I was heading in her direction as she turned the corner and gave me eye-contact-smile. I replied "What's up?" in my aloof indifferent tone. I took care of something, and proceeded back. Somehow, I forget who began the conversation, but here is where it all happened...

I started by asking her follow up questions for her brother based on the conversation I had with him, using misdirection to make her work to get the conversation geared towards her. I continued this until she took a foot out of her shoe, she was cracking her toes. It was really bizarre and she didn't stop, so I asked her, "Are your toes okay?" She responded by explaining how long she's been on her feet and she concluded with, "I really need a foot massage."

Okay, here is where I destroyed myself, "I can't really do that on the clock." I've concluded that my mistake here was allowing her to be the one to lead the conversation. I was hoping to have this line lead into her giving me her phone number, but I left it too open-ended. I've since got a lot of advice about this foul up, the best Monday Morning Quarterback line being "I can't do that on my shift, but give me a call when I get off. I charge $100/hour." It's probably too late for me to deliver that one. Unfortunately for me, it gets worse from there...

Here is where things go from bad to worse. She responded "You're good," dismissing the notion of the two of us having intimacy. I think I might have said "Are you sure about that?" in absolute desperation, to which she might have responded, "Yes" while walking away. She still lingered around me on her phone for a bit while I took a few minutes in the back room to digest what I had just done by banging my head on the wall. Returning, I decided to dig a deeper grave. She was just standing around on her phone doing nothing, but I decided to make one final attempt to stir things up (I know I should have waited for her,) I asked her if she remembered December. She didn't. She offered that I might be remembering meeting her older sister (I know I met both of them.) I agreed that it was possible, and concluded that it was 'a long time ago,' as I walked away and she gave up on the notion of being with me, walking away herself.

Is there any possibility I can ever recover from this? To me, I really like her. I have a lot of girls who I 'want' but this young lady seems to have all of the physical qualities that I am looking for, so I would rather not lose her based on one stupid mistake. Any tips for any potential future interactions? I am hoping to see her again with one of her siblings so I can use the same tactic I used last week by ignoring her, but if I see her alone, I can't see me approaching her going well for me at all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, especially any tips on getting my 'early morning grogginess game' up to par.

Thank you!

 

[Michal]

Do not chase. I sense that now you are in the "I need to do something mode" which is where the chasing will bleed through one way or another. There was an article on the main site about this, small actions that make you think like you are not chasing but you acfually are. Even looking her way just to see in what mood she is when you have no reason other than wanting to know know her mood can be considered chasing. That is her being on her phone and looking your way from time to time. Same with conversation. That is as much as I can say really because I made girls go from cold to warm again only twice and it was by dumb luck. I usually see guys suggesting being warm but that is for others to explain. But do not chase and be careful how much "free" attention you give her

 

[ChaseMiser]

I think my best situation at this point would be if I see her again with someone else who I know or can talk to instead of her. This, in my opinion, is what gained her attraction in the first place. I worry that in asking her if I met her before I went from being a potential suitor to a weird creep. It's my goal in future interactions to rebuild the attraction she had that led her to her offer, make her want to have the opportunity with me and maybe open her up, but I need to make her work for it again like last time where she was desperate to make her move and spent a long time contemplating it and stalking me, even continuing to linger following my rejecting her, until I stupidly chased her off.

There's probably a way for me to build this into a deeper attraction. From what I can tell, her older siblings receiving more attention is the insecurity. I exploited it once, can I do it again, or will she have grown immune? Her conclusion that our initial meeting in December was actually her sister played into the frame of her insecurity, so it sounds as if I might still have the upper hand. On the other hand, that did chase her off. The worst situation I can find myself in is another 1-on-1 interaction with her. Even a passing glance that concludes in my recognizing her will destroy the frame I built of her being 'the sister' of people I know and not a real individual. Having her build up her rapport with me to gain her individuality is probably the angle I need to be working.

I will add that, during my first interaction with her, before her phone rang, I did mention something about her job which is unrelated to her siblings. Did this glimmer build the attraction necessary by giving her a taste of what she could have by pursuing me? Will I need to plant this seed again? Finally, I am not sure if I am correct with how I am reading into everything, does it sound accurate?

 

[Fuck This]

When you run into a target girl at your place of employment, It is always a good idea to have a time constraint to eject with. Gotta do inventory, you have another client to meet, meeting with your boss, etc.

..."Buuut.....I'd love to catch up with you later. Why don't you give me your number, and you can tell me all about the crazy tricks you can do with your toes."

There is a difference between chasing and going after what you want. Chasing is hanging around waiting for her to bring it up. Chasing is calling her just to chat. Chasing is texting "what are you doing?"

Taking the initiative to invite her to join you on an activity you are already going to do and will do regardless of her answer, and perhaps with some other woman is not chasing.

 

[ChaseMiser]

This is all great knowledge and I truly appreciate it. It will help me in future interactions. I can definitely move forward from this angle. I do have a related question. Is it possible I can re-frame the points in this interaction which felt like mistakes into a way that builds attraction?

Now that it's been a few days, I honestly think not jumping at her offer was the right move since it removes her preconceived notions about our interactions. This will help me build frame and build mystery. It might have worked out, but in the past, in particular in this age gap, I have received last minute resistance. I want to forego this and I think that if I am able to plan something with her that does not involve her ideas I will be able to lead her into something which she will have no reason to resist. Why resist when her goal is to follow my lead?

But, my question is, how do I make sure this rejection did not destroy the attraction I had already built? I do not want her to move on, I want her to continue to chase me. The thing about December I definitely feel helped to feed into the narrative of her insecurity rather than paint me as being a creep. How do I cement things in this frame while giving her a vague hint that there is a possibility that her chasing me will be rewarded?