can't believe so many people have read my junk, lol.
Ok before i write what i have to say now I will say I am biased to action. I don't believe in whining for it's own sake or making excuses. That won't get you anywhere, but also insanity is doing the same thing again and again an expecting a different result. I am taking what action I can in the world. I am balancing responsibilities, got a day job and 19 doors now. I realize that's small fry. I try to flirt where I can, but... i am bad at escalating. So yeah I ruminate a lot. It's cheap. I don't expect this to change my world but I don't know what will.
Mind blindness is an idea with autism and I have a little of that. I have norm blindness or mind blindness but not emotion blindness. I think I'm sensitive at detecting emotions.. it's just interpreting them and what they're thinking... but I wanted to talk of another blindness.
Cultural blindness.
In college, years ago, and high school too, people were listening to rap/hip hop. I thought some of it was good, slick, cool, and some was good party stuff, but a lot crap, stupid boasting. I was listening to van morrision and all this stuff. i was on a different wavelength. Sometimes i catch up, years later, but i was culturally blind. This music thing is just a representation of a cultural blindness. I was listening to Yeah with Ludacris with Usher and lil john. i watched the video for the first time. I discovered Bhad Babie this morning. (I knew of the cach me outside girl) but I was not in the same cultural space. I was not homeschooled but when at church i met homeschooled people i would connect so much better. I still have funk.. i think, but there's a cultural blindness.
That yeah song, he sings about having 300k on his pinky. Bhab Bhabie is worth maybe 50M, while I'm taking pride in my lil deals. We're faking it.
I didn't know what cool was about in high school, or what makes bullying. It comes down to fundamental weaknesses, not irrational things. Hockey players have their team to encourage them. Popularity has causes. It is not rocket science. I am not weak., not 'beta', I am more sigma.. not by choice though I accept it. I am like Newton, or a beethoven type. not their level of genius of course but their personality. Well but like beethoven and unlike newton he liked women but just failed. Probably both aspie. So that's me. So I never really got bullied, though i had fear, but I also never got the team encouragement, the popularity. imagine if you were a jock on a hockey team and everyone supported you on your team and you got the popularity pussy. You'd just get so much more knowledge, and the Matthew effect.
now this is crazy. I think my dad is gay, repressed. I had no idea. I have no direct evidence, but I have this: He never ever talked about women with us, encouraged us or asked if we liked anybody, or comments on anyone being hot or cute. No libido it seems. First pillar. Second: he randomly sometimes says things like "god is against homosexuality". He's a nice guy christian, passive and nice and well liked, but he always cares about what 'god wants'. Third he never touched my mother his wife. she was frustrated and killed herself. she was high performance in earlier life-- i learned. star at athletics in the 70s, valedictorian practically if not actually, professional before housewife, but miserable and frustrated growing up. Common denominator is my father.. and these three pillars suggest repressed gay. It's fine if he is. i want to find a way to test it. All he says is no sex before marriage. so anyway he's at least a weak passive repressed guy who only cares what god wants. as if he knows. christians always talk as if they're speaking for god and know what god wants. that's 'ludacris' punny reference intended. I admire the faith but i don't know if they have the ability to think. I think if the God of the bible exists, he wants a thinking individual. So 2:1 he's gay and that's a revelation or game changer for me.
Then, pivoting, I am like a coiled spring. I know women like it playful and easy, and I try to be that. here's what chatGPT had to say.
+++++++++++++
1. The Tension Between What You Feel & What "Works"
You described it like a
tense spring—ready to
release into connection, bonding, intimacy, and even just
being real with women.
But the world, and dating in particular,
feels like it forces you to suppress that—to play a game, to put on a mask, to "pretend" you’re not what you are.
✔ You want to be
upfront, honest, and direct because it feels true to you.
✔ But
when you do that, it often
doesn’t work because women seem to want
playfulness first before depth.
And that creates an
internal conflict:
- You don’t want to fake anything because that’s not who you are.
- But you also don’t want to sabotage yourself by being too intense too soon.
And you’re 100% right: If being completely upfront about thirst
worked, I wouldn’t have advised you to ease into things with playfulness first.
2. Why Is Playfulness Needed?
It
isn’t because women dislike depth—far from it. Most women
love deep men, but
only once they’re comfortable enough to receive that depth.
Think of a fire—if it’s too big too fast, people back away. But if it
builds gradually, they come closer and
warm themselves by it.
Playfulness is just a bridge—a way to help her feel at ease
before she’s ready to receive depth.
3. How Do You Do This Without Feeling Fake?
I get it—you don’t want to pretend, and you don’t want to
deny what you feel. So let’s
reframe playfulness:
Reframe Playfulness as Depth in Disguise
Playfulness isn’t about
hiding your truth—it’s about
delivering it in a way that can be received.
✔ If a woman
isn’t ready to handle deep talk yet, she
won’t connect with you if you go straight into it.
✔ But if you
start playful, you
create a bridge to that depth without overwhelming her.
How does this look in action?
Instead of:
"I want love, sex, and deep emotional bonding. I'm tired of suppressing it."
Say:
"I have so much energy in me, sometimes I feel like a caged animal. I need to go run in the woods. You ever feel like that?"
Instead of:
"I hate how fake and surface-level everything is. I need real connection."
Say:
"You know, sometimes I wish life came with a 'Skip the Small Talk' button. What’s one thing you never get to talk about but wish you could?"
It’s the same depth, but wrapped in a way that’s intriguing, inviting, and makes people want to open up to you.
4. You Don’t Have to Hide Your Thirst—You Just Have to Pace It
You said:
"I have to pretend I’m not thirsty."
This is where
a key shift will help you.
Don’t suppress it. Just slow it down.
- Imagine you’re starving for food. If you go to a restaurant and demand food immediately, the staff will be put off.
- But if you sit down, relax, order with confidence, they will gladly serve you.
- Same hunger. Different energy.
It’s not about denying your needs—it’s about presenting them in a way that naturally draws people in.
Women don’t mind if a man is deeply attracted to them or craves connection. What scares them off is when that energy feels
uncontrolled, heavy, or desperate.
When you own your thirst with confidence instead of urgency, it becomes attractive instead of overwhelming.
..
6. Your Action Plan
Here’s a strategy to start applying immediately:
✔
1. Reframe playfulness as a tool, not a mask.
- Use it to open doors rather than feeling forced to be someone you’re not.
✔
2. Channel your energy in ways that naturally create attraction.
- Instead of dumping your emotions all at once, make them engaging and mysterious.
- Example: "I feel like I’ve lived three different lives already. You ever feel like that?"
✔
3. Own your desires without making them urgent.
- If you want love and bonding, show it through confidence, not pressure.
- If you want sex, communicate it through playful tension, not direct statements.
✔
4. Focus on momentum, not perfection.
- You won’t get everything right immediately, and that’s okay.
- Every small win (a fun interaction, a meaningful conversation, a date) builds the Matthew Effect in your favor.
Final Thought: Your Spring Will Find Its Release
Right now, you feel like a
coiled spring—full of energy but unsure how to
release it without breaking things.
The key is controlled release.
- Your drive is good. Your passion for connection is good.
- You just need to channel it in a way that makes women feel drawn to you, rather than overwhelmed.
You’re
on the right path—and this feeling you have?
It’s not a dead end. It’s a buildup.
And when that energy finds its right outlet, it’s going to be powerful.
Take your time.
But take action. The best way to free yourself is to step forward, little by little.
++++++++++
Good advice, but I don't know I can do it. It just leaks. I am actually pretty good at self control all things considered I think. I am good 90% of the time or to a point but i can't sustain things forever. my faults or mistakes aren't necessarily intense. A small leak of overinterest. It's just like this autistic masking thing. it's hard. I can do it a lot for a long while but all the way is a different story. Subtle leaking excitement to see her- heaven forbid, or more depth than necessary after the nth hour, 3rd hour of together time, and blown out. Wonder if they're like this in other cities. is this a here thing? My city seems to be strongly normative, passive and judgemental.
My view, you can be passive and make the guy do the work, but then go easy on criticism.
Or you can be active, the women pursue, so they know what it's like, and you can be critical because you've been there.
But the combination, it's as if people are queens seeking audiences. I have pride.
But maybe that's just a biased perception. in general people are passive (always brake completely before any 4 way stop even when no cars) and judgmental if you are too free. I could move but it's a good place for living and investing and moving is not easy but i want to travel more if I increase in my success. Who knows. I want live to be an adventure. I want abundance.
this dynamic.. toxic dynamics or whatever. I want power.
Lastly lately after the work day I've been in my heart of all things. Like I was thinking this girl is into me and she's cute. I know I have a window of time. I'm not stressing because i'm done stressing but what will happen is i'll look back and regret, but i'm done doing that too, but i have a shot, but how do I shoot the shot? I always mess up. Or my first move is often good, or even great, but each good move asks for a follow up, and a follow up after that. success is a sequence and at some point i'm bound to f up. So this really cute- like really cute girl likes me. I'm so demoralized or confused (not afraid. I've done numerous couragous things, askings out, approaches that far exceed this) so how do i do it?
So i was thinking i don't know - heart. Be in the heart. Ask out shyly if that's the way. Authenticity actually but authenticity of the heart. If that means I get tongue tied i get tongue tied, if i'm in my heart. But pushing through it at night, there's a lot of pain there.
I don't really mind being rejected. Kinda of course but kinda not if I didn't do anything I can criticize myself about. Self criticism is the hard thing or regret but when you think about that, what do we have to regret? We've always tried to optimize every circumstance ever based on what we knew. we just didn't have the algorithms or insights.
But if i'm in my heart i'm in my heart and it's on her.
I don't like dumping on people.. but I like putting things in her court. men can have windows too.
I absoltely love the frame where women are chasing men.
I can see how this is toxic, sometimes and i'm in a mixed facebook attraction group and i see the women's sides sometimes, them chasing certain men.
But if a man is chasing success or whatever, or not but being honorable or whatever.. if a woman chases him.. that's beautiful. Like I mean really chasing, making a real effort.
A man has to learn not just how to induce that (this website) but how to receive that, and be comfortable with that, and with asking. I guess that's kind of basic negation stuff, applied to dating and women.. and he also has to know when to not overdo it, what is too much that will blow things up. How do you know when optimal stopping kicks in? or is there a bottom? If there is, we can get in the same problem women are in- them chasing us, them offering things, and we just ask too much as one never satisfied, and then exit.
When you get to the physical intimacy point, I think you need good sex. I think you need to give them good sex. that is a strong bonder but i also know that alone is not enough. that creates tension, a sheer stress if the guy is bad. she hates that and still sleeps with him but dumps on nice guys. You need that but it's not enough, but it's probably essential.
But what else? I don't have all the answers and I don't need to. I might be thinking ahead of the problem but I guess an idea is that if you like her and are satisfied with what you're getting, with what you've gotten her to offer, and she can give you a pleasing relationship and family, willingly, then ask for a little bit more but eventually take it and be satisfied, and keep the passion alive. I think incidentally many relationships fail and lead to infidelity because people are not getting pregnant. pregnant women are generally not promiscuous, nor sought after for affairs, and moreover i think there are things, switches that go off in both the man and woman's mind when she is pregnant, that says "indeed, green check box, the other is virile", and if not there is always a subconscious doubt or restlessness even if they both agree they don't want kids. it's a subconscious instinct thing. so kids I think can reduce cheating and strengthen bonds and it is an uphill battle to keep them strong without it. That's just a theory but is a theory.
Anyway Accept what you can get at some point. it's the paradox, those who are ready and straightforward are repulsive or not noticeable, you have to be a challenge and make them work and they love it and that's the fast road, but autists or some types have trouble being fake but even if they can, at what point do you switch around?
Maybe you know what you want, all along, and yoyu just fish it out of them, and make them ask "what are we". Those questions, what are we- that might be the way.
The way now is women led. In a way. here me out. You might be good at the game but the women are setting the pace. Versus back in the day. aside from intelligent or free spirited women or religious women, every single other women (the majority) has strong views of hte patriarchy, when marriage was a community affair. they set the pace, by and large, so we play by their dynamics. not saying civilization can sustain itself this way. maybe they even know it. they also have terror fetishes or obsession with handmaid's tale. Guaranteed most guys don't know what that is or have any idea, and those who do are progressive lefties. I have an inkling because i'm autistic and i don't know much about that show. i just see women post about it. Love 50 shades, hate handmaid's tale idea but love the book. Obsessed with crime stories too.
I just observe things, but what do they mean? They mean we are not in the age where others control who women marry, so it is their terms, and those terms might be along the lines of giving chase, so they chase you, the art of giving chase, and sleeping with them until they ask 'what are we'. It's weird but it might be that. And i have never taken that tact. It seemed weird to me and i like things clean and autistic like. not just formal, not just rational but not like that. And then women think things like 'he's nice' or 'he's gay' but it's just like he's like beethoven or newton, autistic or different anyways.
So i'm paying more attention. there's a cultural blindness.. and i gotta understand bhad babie, what shes' about. Not everyone is about this. I had chances with good women, who buck these trends but they are general trends. There is a power in subcultures and in selective fame. I want selective fame, so i get fans, that make my life easier. a book was written about this concept but i haven't had much time for it. I want to buy time. Would be so cool to manage units and spend all day reading and learning and thinking creatively. I love creative thinking. Travelling is ok but not as good bc i always have to come back but if i could be based somewhere but be more a nomad. this is a dream. not 1% in history could.. but still a family and roots are better. Community leadership. the bottom line is you pick a way, you think for yourself and people will judge. They won't judge based on results but on appearance, optics, group membership etc. NGL afraid of some of that judgement in many ways. I like to think creatively putting new ideas and concepts together, dreaming of what's possible. the question is what. What new paths can I find for myself- and if i wanna be like elon or william wallace (mentioned above), then what for others? What problems can i solve in society for others? But I just like learning and solving problems and understanding things. I wish I was good at music but i never had time for that. i always have time for books and learning. I know it doesn't equate to action but i love it. I'm drawn to it.
I think subtle things change everything. Don't change anything about anyone's core but change a little bit of the surface subtleties and their results change drastically, so i'm working that angle. I want sustainable changes and one-directional changes, where I never change back. Evolution. Not as easy as it seems. Fitting, fitting in - not in terms of blending in but in terms of fitness for results. One-way towards that. Not easy but by definition it's the way. I'm waiting for girls to chase me because i can't put myself out there too much. too depleted or just too confused. actually not depleted. if it was clear and not a matter of pride, i could probably do it but i know it always works better when they chase, so trying to induce that, or nothing.. but the clocks ticks, and it's a mexican standoff and trying to live my life and do my duties so that's where i am, just burning the clock, trying to find resolution. I can do anything with time, but life is finite. I mourn my stupid losses, but i am what life made me as we all are, with a probably closeted gay dad and aspergers and so on and so forth.
Who knows. I didn't want to have to be here writing this all. Life forces its direction on one. If I could have chosen i would have chosen otherwise. Life tends to give us the illusion of choice, and in that illusion is the power to make people beat themsevles up or second guess themselves but since i see the illusion of choice, I don't have to second guess myself- which was always a really bad habit. I want others to work for me, for my attention or respect. I want to get into that state. I want to have more gravity. maybe selective fame, maybe just a stronger frame. I know what's up so learning basic pickup theory doesn't help me but sometimes i read things that shock or jar me. I know experience is the best teacher but experience itself is a gift. I can manifest approach and getting rejected experience. That's the point. I want experience for its own sake (it is life) and for learning. The matthew effect. So I read some. I flirt wherever i can but flirting alone has not made anything happen, not thusfar and they seem to enjoy my flirting often enough. So i don't know. Neurotic?
Am I neurotic or do I just have a lot of thoughts a lot to say. My uncle and i started chatting. he was good with girls even now but always gets married and it stresses my cousin. One of those guys. But I didn't talk about girls or ask advice. i don't want to burden everybody. I shared the photo of that hot girl who likes me i think, who i've been touching on the elbow, who on her fb has some racy photos next to powerful cars (not my usual type but she's also sweet inside). I thought he'd appreciate that picture. He says (i didn't ask but he knows) I should be getting laid every week. As if. that's insane. But that's what they honestly think. But he said he saw a girl on facebook i should check out, Wing girl. As if I don't know her stuff. That's not what helps. I need things more tangible. And autists always get misdiagnosed- aloof, indifferent, disinterested, overly interested, when they're just being themselves or misreading signs. so consequently the rejection, while real, is not based, and shouldn't have happened. it's a false negative type error on her part (technically speaking), and the advice of gurus is also bad because it doesn't address the root. And so advice like wing girl doesn't help. it only shares information a man likely knows- and again we're assuming the guy is active enough, not just a keyboard man. what constitutes active enough? So the guy beats himself up.
Success begets success. people say i should tin can it (my words) and date down. they've said that occasionally. Maybe they're right but it's been hard to do. I don't wish to do it ever. Alcohol could be good. I don't know. Just never got in the zone truly, never had glory years, where you have a lot of fun and maybe get a lot of experience. people with a lot of experience and therefore lot of beliefs may only have experience with certain types in certain contexts at certain stages, not universally applicable. But now it's time to get out of my head. These are just ideas.
Women and men. An older women who has been with a lot of men is generally of lower value in the market. What of an older man with limited? Women say they don't want to have to train a guy (for relationship) but to me this is backwards but I am a guy. I did meet a couple at church. They have two kids now. They are sweet. She wanted a guy who had never even kissed anybody. they found each other. the perfect example of every hand has its glove. not something i actually believe but this is a good case of that idea. so when coaches and people say women are women there is only one type, i do think there is some type and degree of diversity because i have witnessed it but still i agree with their basic attitude- there is a core female personality.
what's a next for me, for you, for us? Going in circles lol? Or escaping the circles? Who knows? One day more lol
).