I'm Unable To Talk To Girl In Nightclubs; Can TRE Help Me?

[SexNotValidation]

I'm unable to talk to girls when i go clubbing.

I'm unable to talk even to girls who hover near me.

I've had this problem for years now.

The weird thing is still really enjoy going clubbing.

I LOVE going out to nightclubs even with this problem I've been going out 2-7 times a week now for 6 years.

The other weird thing is i am 100% comfortable going out alone.

I always go out alone and I go to the best clubs with the hottest girls and best looking guys and i feel 100% comfortable alone in these environments.

So its weird that i have no anxiety about going out alone at all but massive anxiety when it comes to talking to girls even the girls who hover near me.

A guy on nextasf recommended i try TRE a few months ago, he basically made it sound like 1 TRE session would solve this problem for me.

I paid over $200 for a 1 on 1 session and saw no changes at all in my ability to talk to girls in nightclubs.

A few weeks after I decided to try 1 more time with another teacher.

I did another 1 on 1 session with this new teacher and again saw no changes in my ability to talk to girls after.

Have any of you used TRE to successully solve a similar problem?

Should i try it again?

 

[Carousel]

You don't have to see an instructor every time you do TRE. If you have done it twice, you will be able to induce it on your own.

 

[SexNotValidation]

You don't have to see an instructor every time you do TRE. If you have done it twice, you will be able to induce it on your own.

i definitely did NOT feel like i could do it on my own after those 2 sessions.

and that was several months ago.

If i try it again i will definitely start with an instructor again.

 

[DarkKnight]

Dude, forget about this gay RTE which costs you enormous amounts of money (apparently). What worked a lot for me is using visualization exercises. Even now while I have no problem with opening, visualization works as a quick warm up especially after a hard day at work.

Chase had some good articles about those. Also when you encounter problems you can vizualise how you will handle them for the next time. You create contingencies.

Big bonus: no instructor needed.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Dude, forget about this gay RTE which costs you enormous amounts of money (apparently). What worked a lot for me is using visualization exercises. Even now while I have no problem with opening, visualization works as a quick warm up especially after a hard day at work.

Chase had some good articles about those. Also when you encounter problems you can vizualise how you will handle them for the next time. You create contingencies.

to be 100% honest, i fucking HATE visualization and other intangible things like that.

It's very difficult (at least for me) to implement mental stuff like visualization.

Probably because i never know if im doing them correctly.

But I dont have a lot of options right now so I'll look into this.

How bad where your issues talking to girls in clubs before you did visualization?

is there any specific book/product you used to learn visualization or you did it 100% with articles by Chase?

is this the Chase article you are referring to https://www.girlschase.com/content/rehearsing-your-approaches-you-talk-girls ?

 

[DarkKnight]

Don't overcomplicate with books and stuff. Also RTE is not very tangible either. It's not exactly plastic surgery haha.

Well trust me meditation and visualisation both are very potent. I use them (when I have time) simultanously. I noticed the difference with sales, with MMA and also with women. And it's free.

Chase's articles: just google girlschase and visualization. Youll get two articles, I am on the phone copy pasting links is shit for some reason.

My situation: I have always been a guy who is easy with talking, but also had AA for some time. These days it doesn't really register, but I think that is because I am experienced enough to know what to do even in worst case scenarios.

 

[DarkKnight]

Also how confident are you about your fundamentals? Makes big difference in approach anxiety

 

[SexNotValidation]

Also how confident are you about your fundamentals? Makes big difference in approach anxiety

if this was true then why do i have problems talking to girls who make it obvious they are attracted to me?

I do not even care about cold approaching, if i could just approach the girls showing interest in me i would be happy

 

[SexNotValidation]

Don't overcomplicate with books and stuff. Also RTE is not very tangible either. It's not exactly plastic surgery haha.

Well trust me meditation and visualisation both are very potent. I use them (when I have time) simultanously. I noticed the difference with sales, with MMA and also with women. And it's free.

Chase's articles: just google girlschase and visualization. Youll get two articles, I am on the phone copy pasting links is shit for some reason.

My situation: I have always been a guy who is easy with talking, but also had AA for some time. These days it doesn't really register, but I think that is because I am experienced enough to know what to do even in worst case scenarios.

how often do you go clubbing alone and what is your success rate in this environment?

how many girls have you fucked from nightclubs in 2019?

 

[DarkKnight]

Are you confident about your fundamentals then? If so there should be nothing to worry about, so why get anxious at all.

Edit: In response I barely do nightgame. I do daygame and have fucked plenty. But how is this related to your approach anxiety?

 

[SexNotValidation]

Are you confident about your fundamentals then? If so there should be nothing to worry about, so why get anxious at all.

Edit: In response I barely do nightgame. I do daygame and have fucked plenty. But how is this related to your approach anxiety?

brother are you serious?

why are you giving me advice on how to solve my problems in nightclubs when you do not do nightgame?

wtf?

what is your advice based on?

anyways, i will just ignore everything else you post in this thread.

 

[DarkKnight]

Your problem was not nightgame, but being unable to open girls. But hey if you want to act like a big shot, have fun with non-approaching.

 

[Velasco]

Look at whatever it is she is currently doing/wearing:

• Sitting on a couch talking to no one or not dancing like the rest of her friends.
• Leaning against the wall on her phone.
• Ordering a drink.
• wearing a hijab (lol)

Then think to yourself. what would be something that would make me and probably the girl laugh based on what she's currently doing.

• sitting on a couch talking to no one = excuse me. is your ass glued to this couch?
• on her phone = are you texting your husband (said to a girl that looks to be in her early 20s)
• ordering a drink = what is this like your 8th drink already?
• wearing a hijab = hey does your parents know where you are right now. its ok what mama don't know won't hurt her.

(this is all shit that makes me laugh. Don't use these lines if it doesn't gel your own sense of humor. But this is the structure I use to get me opening girls)

respond to whatever she says. Then ask her a question (so where are your friends?/what are you celebrating?) spike based off her answer (cold read/tease/disqualify her based on about what she just said). then vibe with her. move her to another spot if you can't really hear her that well. Then start setting frames.

 

[Hue]

I'm unable to talk to girls when i go clubbing.

I'm unable to talk even to girls who hover near me.

These are beliefs you have.

The issue with these beliefs is that they do nothing but limit your potentials and abilities. By telling yourself these things, yes, you may not be seeing the success you thought possible with women.

Try rephrasing, "my current attempts to talk to girls out a clubs need some work", or "I'm currently working on how to make my results better".

Growth can take a while, may man. But a lot of times it starts by creating an attitude change, and frankly, this is not a helpful attitude.



Are you journaling?

Are you writing field reports?

Start paying attention to your specific behaviors, methods, and techniques and recognize those are malleable. Experiment with something newer and fresher than what you're currently doing. Then, your results follow the trend as well - they too become malleable.


EDIT: just found your journal. awesome. I'll comment there (=



Hue

 

[naturalmikey]

exposure therapy is free. just do it. talk to ugly girls and guys first if that helps.

 

[Skills]

The 3 Second Rule is guideline that many PUAs follow to overcome approach anxiety. Hesitating too much before an approach can lead to overthinking and nervousness. It can also creep a set out if she notices you staring at her for too long. Opening a set within three seconds allows you to “be in the moment.” Following the 3 Second Rule also doesn’t allow you time to come up with excuses for not approaching the set.

Even the best PUAs have AA. Thus, the 3 Second Rule is a counter to this natural, biological fear of rejection.



or 5 second rule:
5
4
3
2
1
go and start moving....

Amazon.com: The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage (Audible Audio Edition): Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins Productions Inc.: Audible Audiobooks

Amazon.com: The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage (Audible Audio Edition): Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins Productions Inc.: Audible Audiobooks

www.amazon.com

 

[hey_lover]

Approaching is like training a muscle. How many bicep curls do you have to do before you see growth in your biceps? How many approaches do you have to do before it becomes easier to approach? It's the same learning process.

 

[Franco]

brother are you serious?

why are you giving me advice on how to solve my problems in nightclubs when you do not do nightgame?

wtf?

what is your advice based on?

anyways, i will just ignore everything else you post in this thread.

SNV,

Please watch your tone. He was just trying to help you.

I can tell you from personal experience that approach anxiety 100% overlaps in both day game and night game. If you don't believe me, trying going to a Trader Joe's this weekend and approaching a cute girl to ask her for her number. I'd put my money down that you'd feel exactly the same anxiety, if not worse because it's not a social setting (AND you're probably sober).

As far as advice: One thing I've told guys to do in the past is to assume you are going to get blown out with the first 3 girls you approach. In other words, your first three approaches should be with the assumption that this is not a girl you will ever fuck or date. She is just a girl who is going to eject from you at some point in the conversation, and then you are going to move on with your life.

There is something about getting the first approach or two out of the way that reminds you that "life goes on and more beautiful women appear" after you eject (or get rejected) on a few approaches. You'll likely find that the next approaches you do will come much more quickly, as long as you do them within a reasonable timeframe after the first 1-3 approaches.

Hope this helps.

- Franco

 

[SexNotValidation]

Look at whatever it is she is currently doing/wearing:

• Sitting on a couch talking to no one or not dancing like the rest of her friends.
• Leaning against the wall on her phone.
• Ordering a drink.
• wearing a hijab (lol)

Then think to yourself. what would be something that would make me and probably the girl laugh based on what she's currently doing.

• sitting on a couch talking to no one = excuse me. is your ass glued to this couch?
• on her phone = are you texting your husband (said to a girl that looks to be in her early 20s)
• ordering a drink = what is this like your 8th drink already?
• wearing a hijab = hey does your parents know where you are right now. its ok what mama don't know won't hurt her.

(this is all shit that makes me laugh. Don't use these lines if it doesn't gel your own sense of humor. But this is the structure I use to get me opening girls)

respond to whatever she says. Then ask her a question (so where are your friends?/what are you celebrating?) spike based off her answer (cold read/tease/disqualify her based on about what she just said). then vibe with her. move her to another spot if you can't really hear her that well. Then start setting frames.

Right now I'm focusing 100% on finding a way to talk to the girls in nightclubs who already show interest in me.

The most common way girls show interest in me is they will come and stand unnecessarily close to me
or if im on the dancefloor they will dance unnecessarily close to me.

how do you suggest i talk to these girls?

 

[SexNotValidation]

These are beliefs you have.

The issue with these beliefs is that they do nothing but limit your potentials and abilities. By telling yourself these things, yes, you may not be seeing the success you thought possible with women.

Try rephrasing, "my current attempts to talk to girls out a clubs need some work", or "I'm currently working on how to make my results better".

Growth can take a while, may man. But a lot of times it starts by creating an attitude change, and frankly, this is not a helpful attitude.



Are you journaling?

Are you writing field reports?

Start paying attention to your specific behaviors, methods, and techniques and recognize those are malleable. Experiment with something newer and fresher than what you're currently doing. Then, your results follow the trend as well - they too become malleable.


EDIT: just found your journal. awesome. I'll comment there (=



Hue

These are beliefs you have.

The issue with these beliefs is that they do nothing but limit your potentials and abilities. By telling yourself these things, yes, you may not be seeing the success you thought possible with women.

Try rephrasing, "my current attempts to talk to girls out a clubs need some work", or "I'm currently working on how to make my results better".

Growth can take a while, may man. But a lot of times it starts by creating an attitude change, and frankly, this is not a helpful attitude.

To be 100% honest i really really hate advice like this.

All this intangible mental stuff almost never works for me.

do you have any practical suggestions for what i can do to talk to the girls in nightclubs who hover near me?

Are you journaling?

Are you writing field reports?

yes i am

A Black Man's Pragmatic Approach To Finally Have Sex With A Hot Girl

I've known about the pickup community for more then 10 years and in all that time I've never consistently documented my process which I suspect might be a reason why I've not experienced the success I want in this area of my life. I've decided to start this journal to document all my attempts...

www.skilledseducer.com

Start paying attention to your specific behaviors, methods, and techniques and recognize those are malleable. Experiment with something newer and fresher than what you're currently doing. Then, your results follow the trend as well - they too become malleable.

yeah this makes senses