- Joined
- Oct 18, 2016
- Messages
- 10
One thing articles often talk about is acting like it's no big deal if she doesn't want to meet up. However, I saw another article which said that you need to reward behavior which gets you closer together, and punish behavior which does not. e.g. it said if she doesn't want to meet up, you want to act disappointed, and not be the tension avoiding guy who says "no problem!" to avoid creating discomfort.
Which one should I be doing in social circle?
Also I've seen the following from a girl in my social circle, and I'm just trying to interpret what was happening socially, and how I should have handled it.
1) I try to organise a meet with a girl from my college class and she says maybe, and then she starts acting completely different. The next time she comes into class she puts her hand on my shoulder and and talks to me in front of the entire group. It felt like she was putting on some sort of a show for the group. Is this some sort of thing that women expect when they have pegged you for the boyfriend role?
2) Later on in the week before we were supposed to meet, she clumsily tried to turn a frame of us being together into friends by talking about how she can't read people, it felt like the intention was to pretend she doesn't know I'm interested. What should I have done with that?
3) When I say that I don't view her as a friend so we can't be friends, she acts upset and gossips about it to other girls in the social circle.
4) Same girl as above sees me get close to another girl in the social circle, starts acting very jealous, and then walks up to me in front of the entire class, hugs me and says "we are friends". I obviously can't do anything with that, so I do not warm up to her. The next day she is stone cold.
5) Girl acts friendly with me when alone, but acts aloof when others are looking.
6) Girl asks me to come out with the class for a drink and then ignores me and spends all her time getting to know another guy, lots of eye contact and lots of signs of interest. She puts on a show with him like she did with me in 1)
I try my best to ignore it and socialise with others in the group, but eventually I leave because it's starting to make me feel bad. She starts texting me asking me why I left. I made something up and said that I promised to meet someone else.
She then starts showing signs of bitterness.
I wonder if I should go cold on her every time she does the above in front of me, like a girl would do if a guy did the same to her. It feels weak to just sit there watching her flirt with another guy for the evening.
She may interpret it as you being upset, which in a way would create tension because she has harmed the relationship between both of you, which I guess would be good because such a thing should not be comfortable because if it is then you're clearly in the friendzone and theres no feeling of she messed things up. But then articles also talk about not being reactive to be important.
7) When she feels like shes losing me she becomes more friendly and touches more, when we become closer she pulls away again and becomes more friend-like.
Which one should I be doing in social circle?
Also I've seen the following from a girl in my social circle, and I'm just trying to interpret what was happening socially, and how I should have handled it.
1) I try to organise a meet with a girl from my college class and she says maybe, and then she starts acting completely different. The next time she comes into class she puts her hand on my shoulder and and talks to me in front of the entire group. It felt like she was putting on some sort of a show for the group. Is this some sort of thing that women expect when they have pegged you for the boyfriend role?
2) Later on in the week before we were supposed to meet, she clumsily tried to turn a frame of us being together into friends by talking about how she can't read people, it felt like the intention was to pretend she doesn't know I'm interested. What should I have done with that?
3) When I say that I don't view her as a friend so we can't be friends, she acts upset and gossips about it to other girls in the social circle.
4) Same girl as above sees me get close to another girl in the social circle, starts acting very jealous, and then walks up to me in front of the entire class, hugs me and says "we are friends". I obviously can't do anything with that, so I do not warm up to her. The next day she is stone cold.
5) Girl acts friendly with me when alone, but acts aloof when others are looking.
6) Girl asks me to come out with the class for a drink and then ignores me and spends all her time getting to know another guy, lots of eye contact and lots of signs of interest. She puts on a show with him like she did with me in 1)
I try my best to ignore it and socialise with others in the group, but eventually I leave because it's starting to make me feel bad. She starts texting me asking me why I left. I made something up and said that I promised to meet someone else.
She then starts showing signs of bitterness.
I wonder if I should go cold on her every time she does the above in front of me, like a girl would do if a guy did the same to her. It feels weak to just sit there watching her flirt with another guy for the evening.
She may interpret it as you being upset, which in a way would create tension because she has harmed the relationship between both of you, which I guess would be good because such a thing should not be comfortable because if it is then you're clearly in the friendzone and theres no feeling of she messed things up. But then articles also talk about not being reactive to be important.
7) When she feels like shes losing me she becomes more friendly and touches more, when we become closer she pulls away again and becomes more friend-like.
