Is Damage Control Possible Here?

[Andrew77]

Hey guys,

I've gotten back into dating since my divorce last year, and moved to a new city so have been using online dating apps. I usually come from a place of non-investment in the beginning, letting her qualify herself, and she starts to chase. I've been having increasing success with this lately.

The other night, I got caught up with one girl who messaged me and messed up and I want to know if there's a way to turn it around. She messaged me, I took a look at her profile, and was blown away with how uncanny all of the interests and particulars matched mine, which was rare for someone in er 20s (I'm 42). I know I should have just been unphased and used the same style I use with every girl, but was genuinely happy to find someone to talk to with so many mhatching ideas, that I gushed a whole paragraph out at her and she stopped replying. I wasn't trying to qualify myself, just genuinely happy to talk to someone who agrees with me.

But from her standpoint, all she did was message some guy "Hey there handsome. How are you liking it here so far?" and is immediately sent some long story, which comes across as me not being high value and jumping on some rare opportunity, when this isn't the case.

Just chalk it up to a learning experience, and treat every single one the same until she earns it, or is there a way I get this one back on track?

Thanks

 

[DarkKnight]

You're one-itising someone you barely know. Get her off the pedestal first. Online game is whimsical and a tough area. Not a great place to be investing much on one person.

 

[Andrew77]

Well, no, I have a rotation and am not caught up on this one, but I don't want to pass up something if I can add her because she's interesting.

 

[DarkKnight]

Hmm, I guess I interpreted it wrong in that case. Let's leave it to the online game experts on the board then

 

[Velasco]

She messaged me, I took a look at her profile, and was blown away with how uncanny all of the interests and particulars matched mine

Beautiful opportunity to make a unique comment (not a lengthy paragraph) on one of the interests you guys share in common to stand out from the rest of the "hey trouble" chodes.

I wasn't trying to qualify myself, just genuinely happy to talk to someone who agrees with me.

Plennnnnty of time to talk to her about all that stuff AFTER you've fucked her (hell maybe even on the date) But before that, its a game. Play the game or the game will play you (don't know if that makes sense but it sounds cool )

 

[naturalmikey]

when you get a message like that send this verbatim:

thank you, i think you’re attractive too. if you don’t mind, id love to grab your number so i can talk to you outside of tinder. i hate texting on this app

a girl likely meet up with you when she opens by commenting on your looks. don’t try so hard next time. it’s just a girl online. there’s plenty more don’t stress over this one. maybe ping this one in a week.

also, you don’t have to say everything at once. that long message could’ve been strung out over a long conversation, either piece meal over text or in person.

stuff like this really makes me wish i could screen shot texts. id show you how easy it is to get a girl out that sends you a looks compliment.

why the message works: she opened you with a compliment she is too invested to not give you her number. then you’re getting her compliance out the gate. she is getting invested already and you’ve only sent one message.

 

[Andrew77]

Thanks for the replies so far. Yeah, I do realize what I did wrong and what I should have done instead, but what I'm really asking is can I turn it around by this point

 

[Velasco]

read between the lines, guy...

 

[naturalmikey]

message her “hi” in a week. then again in a month. some of my reopeners are:

hi
no response, is it my looks
please respond (don’t use this because you already look needy)
...
...?
oh my god so i totally hate you now

there is a chance she gets so many messages she just never got down to yours when she was going through. a reopen will put you at the top, at least for a little while. she also may only get on every few days. if she does message “sorry i’m never on here” my message is “that’s cool i think you’re really cute and would love it if you would message me your number so we can comminicate off tinder. i hate texting on this app.”

 

[Fuck This]

I'd love to read the paragraph you texted her...