Is Girlschase not for for hard-case newbies?

[GeneralFap]

What I mean by hard-case newbie are guys that are not only bad at talking with women, but people in general. Guys that are just so socially awkward, low self-esteem, and fucked up mentally that they can barely talk to people (guys like me). I don't think this website is for those kind of men; I think it's more for guys that are intermediate with women or beginners who at least have the foundation of being able to communicate with others. Let me explain. I don't think I have seen someone who used this site and went from zero to hero all by himself. All of the guys I've read about already had some sexual experience with women or were able to talk to women and people and just needed the tools to advance their game. I don't think their has been a guy who went from complete loser virgin in his twenties, to master seducer simply by reading dozens of articles or books. Take this quote from senior board member Hector Castillo, "Before finding Girls Chase I considered myself quite the ladies man and had crafted some decent natural game." He was already somewhat good at talking to women!

The reason I think this is is because of the mentality of hard-case newbies: since they don't even have the ability to communicate with people, even at a basic level, they constantly put too much pressure on themselves to get women by reading theory over and over and end up even more fucked up after they don't get any success out in the field. In the end, it ends up doing more damage than good.

Now, I'm not blaming Girlschase for this problem. It's just a warning to guys like me that they may end up even more depressed and anxious by putting too much stress on themselves to get women. If you're really bad at talking to people, then I think it's better to just ditch all this stuff for now because it will cause you to be in your head too much.

 

[Franco]

Charm,

I wouldn't say it's not helpful (nor that it can't be helpful), I think you just need to personally assess where you are at as an individual before you dive head-first into this material. If you're trying to think about how to deep dive a girl, and how to move her, and how to get her number, when you aren't even capable of talking to strangers and having a healthy conversation, then none of that is going to matter!

In several places on this website, I think one of the things that we mention to guys who feel like they are literally starting from ground zero (i.e. no friends, no social life, introverted, etc.) is to get out in the field and just start talking to people -- anybody! Old people, young people, guys, girls, salesmen, store clerks... just get a feel for what it's like to hold casual conversation. At the same time, you need to take a leap and start experiencing things that the average guy who has success with women actually partakes in. This includes, but is not limited to, going to parties, going to bars, going to the movies (with friends), etc. The guys who have established a "normal" (for lack of a better word) social life with women established that by allowing themselves to be involved in common activities that kids/teens partake in when they are growing up. Sports is also a great way to get involved with people and learn about teamwork (as well as possibly craft an athletic body and frame, which is always attractive to women).

You have to feel comfortable in your own shoes around people. If you can't feel comfortable being around people, you certainly aren't going to feel comfortable trying to seduce a woman, and she's going to pick up on it immediately, and you're not going to have any success. So you need to expose yourself to just about everything you possibly can that involves being around other people and socializing. Along with sports, which I mentioned above, are clubs and communities that do fun things together. For example, I have a co-worker that's part of a "running" community called the Hashers, and their tagline is "Drinkers with a running problem." They basically drink alcohol at all of their events, but they combine it with running to make it a fun activity as well. Fraternities are also an obvious choice for getting exposed to a lot of social activity (both with guys and girls).

There's all kinds of things you can do to begin getting yourself integrated into society and comfortable talking to people. Once you can do that, and you begin to understand social norms when it comes to actions and communication, you can begin to translate that into success with women. But you need to recognize where you're at so you can focus on what you need to improve first before moving along the path to success with the opposite sex.

- Franco

 

[idioticwisdom]

Is there a website for socially awkward guys who need to build up their social circle?

 

[PrettyDecent]

Charm,

I'd actually consider my beginning stages to be one of these cases - I'd had a strong social anxiety, and not much clue at all how to interact with people.

In fact, one of the reasons I learned pickup was to make new friends after I moved to a new country at 17. GC is pretty awesome in that regard because it places a special emphasis on social calibration.

What I ended up doing to get over my anxiety and to build friendships/romantic connections was exactly what Franco advised in that earlier comment...sparking a conversation with absolutely everybody: on trains, at the gym, in the grocery store. It was damn petrifying, and I was often forcing myself to do it, but it started the wheels and layed a foundation socially.

The people who achieve success relatively quickly (Anatman, NJ, Zphix) are the ones who already had that foundation. Those starting from scratch indeed endure a longer learning curve...I started my Newbie Assignment back in March '13, and I'm probably just now getting to the point where Anatman was when he first created a profile on the boards over a year ago.

It should also be noted that even Anatman was breaking his back for years in learning his own socializing/seduction, just like everybody else here. But what you see is a couple years of practice + a couple years of practice with GC.

~Nick

 

[Tripz]

I'm no expert here, but I'd suggest that you don't move onto picking up chicks upfront. If you have a problem generally speaking to people, just start small and develop from there, even though it looks scary and frustrating and confusing, just think of it as learning something new. Because every time you start learning something new, your mind goes into overdrive trying to figure it out and you almost get to the point of quitting. Don't put pressure on it because everyone else seems to be good at it, it's something you haven't fully developed, YET.
I'd suggest reading a book on social anxiety, why it happens, what triggers it, when you learn what are the causes you can recognize them and avoid them, and actually face them and overcome them. Then you move onto bigger steps, which will in time lead you to start developing your game on girls a.k.a girlschase dot com.
What's that saying, "you gotta learn to crawl before you can walk". Correct me if I'm wrong, english isn't my native.

 

[Ross]

Is there a website for socially awkward guys who need to build up their social circle?

I would argue that the last thing someone who is socially awkward should be doing is going to a website full of negative influences. That just feeds the issue.

Get outside, get talking to people. Start with small talk, get into longer conversations, cold approach, etc. The longer you wait, the worse off you are.

 

[Black]

I concur. . .

When I was in my early-20s-and-a-virgin I use to spend a lot of time in social anxiety forums.

I did help organize some meet ups and even got two girlfriends out of that - but, in general, it's a waste of time; NO ONE there knows how to get out of their rut, so what are you going to talk about? Also the reference points you build by interacting with people there tend to be skewed because of the issues they have. Finally the flaming, politics and clique building are up and through the roof; after all, they have nothing better to do. You try and share some interesting content or comment something and next thing you know you are in the middle of a flame-war with some looney who attacked you for no reason. What kind of reference point is that?

I also got, briefly, into sites/forums for people who never/rarerly get laid. Again, waste of time; a dog chasing it's own tail.

Just imagine going into some pick-up forum where everyone is whinning about how evil women are, how difficult is to get laid and how unfair everything is - with articles about that too. . .

_

I would probably be better off now if back then I had gone directly to the material here instead. . . it didn't exist just yet anyway.

 

[Smith]

Charm,

Now, I'm not blaming Girlschase for this problem. It's just a warning to guys like me that they may end up even more depressed and anxious by putting too much stress on themselves to get women. If you're really bad at talking to people, then I think it's better to just ditch all this stuff for now because it will cause you to be in your head too much.

I agree. The 'hard-case' newbies would take seduction so seriously that every bad reaction from women would destroy their self-esteem even more, which makes them more depressed and anxious that they would think they're not worthy (can you see this viscious cycle going on?)

I remember I read somewhere that in the end it's about 10% theory and 90% action. And honestly, I have read a lot of articles on GC for two months before I even started taking action. Once I started taking action, I realized how simple it is to socialize and talk to people and girls. The knowledge on GC helped a lot, but even if I had that knowledge I still didn't know what to do until I failed a lot of times and learned from my mistakes. It's very different reading something on the screen then actually apply it in real life, but It's fun to fail then finally succeed. Here's a quote I really like - "The universe doesn't give you what you want, it gives you what you need". It means don't be a victim. Things are happening for you, not to you. Like others have said, figure out how you got yourself here in the first place, then it's easy to target where you need to improve and most importantly you should be having fun. Don't take social feedback too seriously.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

What I mean by hard-case newbie are guys that are not only bad at talking with women, but people in general. Guys that are just so socially awkward, low self-esteem, and fucked up mentally that they can barely talk to people (guys like me). I don't think this website is for those kind of men; I think it's more for guys that are intermediate with women or beginners who at least have the foundation of being able to communicate with others. Let me explain. I don't think I have seen someone who used this site and went from zero to hero all by himself. All of the guys I've read about already had some sexual experience with women or were able to talk to women and people and just needed the tools to advance their game. I don't think their has been a guy who went from complete loser virgin in his twenties, to master seducer simply by reading dozens of articles or books. Take this quote from senior board member Hector Castillo, "Before finding Girls Chase I considered myself quite the ladies man and had crafted some decent natural game." He was already somewhat good at talking to women!

The reason I think this is is because of the mentality of hard-case newbies: since they don't even have the ability to communicate with people, even at a basic level, they constantly put too much pressure on themselves to get women by reading theory over and over and end up even more fucked up after they don't get any success out in the field. In the end, it ends up doing more damage than good.

Now, I'm not blaming Girlschase for this problem. It's just a warning to guys like me that they may end up even more depressed and anxious by putting too much stress on themselves to get women. If you're really bad at talking to people, then I think it's better to just ditch all this stuff for now because it will cause you to be in your head too much.

what is your age OP?

 

[GeneralFap]

I'm 21.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey Charm I agree that reading a whole lot of GC material and not putting it into practice would be depressing, but this applies to anyone whether they already have some social skills or not... like the advice is to kiss a girl within 10 minutes of getting her back to your place... and it's hard to get the balls to do this, I remember lots of times before GC when I didn't do this, and now I really wonder what would have happened had I grown the balls and just gone and done it!

If you read Chase's ebook you'll see that most of the advice is centred around getting as much practice as you can with the material!!! Basic conversation takes some months to master and I'd imagine it's more difficult when you're starting with strong anxiety. Add sexual flirting and it takes months all over again. But you know, you're complaining about feeling anxious around people... well I would feel anxious talking to a supermodel... so it's basically the same thing right... and the only way to get around this is to practice! After approaching thousands of regular women and getting success I feel like I could tackle a supermodel... maybe.

If you're experiencing social anxiety I would suggest to focus on your conversational skills, a lot of the anxiety results from not knowing what to say in a given situation and feeling you're under pressure as a result. Another thing I'd suggest is working on fundamentals, making yourself a sexy guy, because (unless your anxiety is really bad) a lack of social skills wouldn't stop you from going shopping for clothes, going to the gym, buying jewellery online, buying cologne and so on. More than likely the validation you receive from the people around you (even just family) will make you feel a lot better about things and give you confidence!!!

-Ray

 

[BarryS1]

Hey Charm, I was definitely a bottom-of-the-bucket hard case before this website. I could talk to people at a working proficient level, but not a whole lot after that After starting on the newbie assignment, I found talking to people MUCH easier. Since then, I've made tons of quick-fixes to my conversation skills through this material.

Thinking back to the beginning, I would have done it different and made a plan like Franco's suggestion. Only hanging out with friends who are meeting new people, plus a little cold approaching on the side. Starting off, I think group activities are more time effective for gaining reference points. For example, setting aside a couple hours per week and meeting 10+ people at an event instead of cold approaching for hours and hours walking around the mall and only meetings a few girls. I know the feeling of being stuck in your own head walking around by yourself, its not fun.

 

[P.a.p]

What I mean by hard-case newbie are guys that are not only bad at talking with women, but people in general. Guys that are just so socially awkward, low self-esteem, and fucked up mentally that they can barely talk to people (guys like me). I don't think this website is for those kind of men; I think it's more for guys that are intermediate with women or beginners who at least have the foundation of being able to communicate with others. Let me explain. I don't think I have seen someone who used this site and went from zero to hero all by himself. All of the guys I've read about already had some sexual experience with women or were able to talk to women and people and just needed the tools to advance their game. I don't think their has been a guy who went from complete loser virgin in his twenties, to master seducer simply by reading dozens of articles or books. Take this quote from senior board member Hector Castillo, "Before finding Girls Chase I considered myself quite the ladies man and had crafted some decent natural game." He was already somewhat good at talking to women!

The reason I think this is is because of the mentality of hard-case newbies: since they don't even have the ability to communicate with people, even at a basic level, they constantly put too much pressure on themselves to get women by reading theory over and over and end up even more fucked up after they don't get any success out in the field. In the end, it ends up doing more damage than good.

Now, I'm not blaming Girlschase for this problem. It's just a warning to guys like me that they may end up even more depressed and anxious by putting too much stress on themselves to get women. If you're really bad at talking to people, then I think it's better to just ditch all this stuff for now because it will cause you to be in your head too much.

Don’t believe everything you read online, watch his videos and decide for yourself.