Is it a date? Or a friends' night out?

[Samson84]

Recently I was introduced over instagram to a couple of female athletes in a US city I am going to visit next week. Afaik they are both single and they are friends. The younger one has
a better body. They both reached out to say hi, however the older of them was very chatty and a bit flirty and seemed quite keen. When she said, "I don't get out much," I said, "We will have to fix that. When are you free next week?" And I made a definite time and place to meet up with her at a bar near my hotel. She seemed happy and said, "That's lovely, thanks very much for the invite." So I had that in my mind as it's a date.

Meanwhile I had messaged the younger one too, saying hey, when are you free, it would be cool to meet up. Very neutral, and she said sure we can arrange something.

Then I get another message from the first (older) chick (single mom 30s) saying her friend (that same younger one) may be able to join us too for that evening.

So now I am like ??? didn't we just arrange a date? Why are you inviting your friend whom I will probably be even more attracted to than to you? What does this mean? And what should I do to keep my options open, as I have not met either of them yet.

So far I have not replied to that.

 

[Fuck This]

I've been in that situation gotta weigh your options and see if your advances are welcomed and returned.

Besides you are from out of town and if you totally fuck it up, you are out of therethe next day or two. The time constraint is in favor of "Now or Never" so be physical, keep the social lubricant (booze) flowing, seed sexual themes in your conversations. If the girls start talking about bisexual experiences or tendencies, you might have a threeway on your hands. In my experience PF asked CP on a scale of 1-10 how much of a lesbian CP was and she replied ".5 " so that pretty much ruled that out early in the night.

If you get pretty lovey dovey with your target, the other girl will get the hint and bail. Now if it is 3 girls and one isn't feeling it, it can tank the whole thing because both the other girls don't want her to feel left out and their guilt is exponential.

Get a feel for logistics early on. If you have a hotel room, have them pick you up or take you by it, to seed familiarity. Hot tub hours are a nice draw...

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

did it occur to you that "I don't get out much" could be a subtle hint that she would prefer to be inside with you?

Now when I get something like this, I assess whether I'm really into the girl or not. If it's medium, I still prefer to meet her out first as an initial screening before deciding to move forward or not - and then would proceed like you did, a coffee date close to my place. But if she seems real hot then I would answer "let's make it inside then!" then proceed to ask for a dinner at my place, or to come home and listen to such and such cool music playlist.

Her telling you that younger friend could also join, is likely a test. Younger friend told her that you texted her. She is now testing if you would insist to be one on one with herself. In addition, there was still an ambiguity about whether it's a date or not. She now plays with this ambiguity, and you let her turn a potential date, into a non date.

Her: [younger friend] may be able to join us for that evening. Note that it's not a question. It's a statement. She is framing you.
You: Yeah? OK sure! test failed: you're not romantically interested in her. And this is no longer a date. To pass the test, you should have been firm to be one on one with her:
You: No. It's a date. You and me only! test passed. And now she can't play with the ambiguity anymore

Women are masters in the art of framing things. Don't let them. Be acutely conscious of the frame, in order to keep it under control. And when in doubt about whether it's a date or not, assume it is.

As a result for failing the test, you will now have a harder time, and risk getting none of them. For all the reasons you and FT mentioned. I have a feeling that you could otherwise have had older friend easily. Then maybe get younger friend later on as well.

Note that it can still work but now requires some tighter game. Please keep us posted!
Seppuku

 

[Samson84]

It occured to me it was some kind of test to find out my intentions. Yes like you say they were in touch with each other.

I left it a day without replying to see if she switched it up again.

Since they are already friends I will not be able to express interest in both. Older one probably looks for me to exclude younger to continue with her and get the date, like you say. Other possibility is maybe she only ever thought it was "meeting new friends"?

Seems like I now have option to date older or neither. Younger one always very measured neutral responses. Agree?

I was thinking maybe
"Sure if that's what you prefer. " To put the switch in vibe back on her.

Or a bit more forward
"Sure, if you already have too many dates with charming British guys." (She told me she likes the accent.)

Or again, I could accept the switch and then wait to see if there is any mutual attraction with either and then ask for a date. But I will be out of town again after a few days.

I go to this place often and I might end up moving there so I gotta not blow the whole show here.

 

[Seppuku]

Other possibility is maybe she only ever thought it was "meeting new friends"?

Never ever buy such BS from a woman's mouth. If you're going to meet her one on one, she knows very well what this is.

Seems like I now have option to date older or neither. Younger one always very measured neutral responses. Agree?

Neutral responses most likely mean she is not available. If you want to try anyway with younger, you risk getting nothing at all. It's up to you to decide! But it seems to me that you have a free run with older.

To be where you want to be in seduction, you absolutely need to accumulate data points! It's like deadlifting, you don't go from zero to 200 kg overnight, lol. There's a lot of work in between. So unless she's really undesirable, I would suggest you give a go to older, obviously more into you. Be very forward. If you haven't taken the bait about bringing girl #2 in the picture, then that's great, just tell her that the proposition is for her, and her only.

I was thinking maybe
"Sure if that's what you prefer. " To put the switch in vibe back on her.

Nope! You're transferring decision (leadership) to her. You're the man, you've got to be leading. It's about what you prefer. Just state what you want!

Or a bit more forward
"Sure, if you already have too many dates with charming British guys." (She told me she likes the accent.)

Nope! There is a little bit of teasing here, which is fine, but it can also be interpreted that you're worried about her other options, which shows insecurity. You should never give any sign that you worry about competition.

Or again, I could accept the switch and then wait to see if there is any mutual attraction with either and then ask for a date. But I will be out of town again after a few days.

You don't have time to wait and see mutual attraction. It's a typical male mistake, trying to stay around long enough to (1) be sure she's attracted, and (2) impress her to make her like you. The reality is, you're most likely getting *only one shot* at her. Assume there will be no second date. So no time for this. In fact, her agreeing to a one to one date with you is proof enough.

I go to this place often and I might end up moving there so I gotta not blow the whole show here.

I wouldn't worry about that. Just because you had a quick one with a woman you met once, is not going to blow anything. And believe me, she knows what this is. She knows you won't be here next week and that she may never see you again. She maybe is OK with this. In fact, maybe she likes it this way.

So... Don't worry! Get one on one with the one you choose, have a brief simple date, then bring her back to your room and escalate! That's seduction in a nutshell.