"It's not a date, right? We're just hanging out, right?"

[readjusting]

This girl: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=16552#p82534
TL,DR: Met her on the street. I went indirect. Chatting with her for 20 minutes. She asked me for number.

She responded to the initial text.
I asked her out for coffee. She agreed. Then she flaked.
A week later, I asked her out for coffee again.
2 days later, she responded: "Sorry for the late response. Been busy for the whole week lol ) Let's hang out today."
Then another text shortly afterwards: "Just to clear any misunderstanding, it's not a date, right? We're just hanging out, right?"

How would you recover from this situation?

 

[Hue]

CKTC,

From your journal it sounds like your intentions weren't exactly clear, or at least not explicitly. Were you eye fucking her or anything with nonverbal to indicate it wasn't platonic?

"Sorry for the late response. Been busy for the whole week lol ) Let's hang out today."

Winky face = good sign, less platonic
Let's hang out today = definitely a good sign

Did you reply to this?

"Just to clear any misunderstanding, it's not a date, right? We're just hanging out, right?"

I would chase frame in some way that's congruent with your swag. Not exactly these texts, but something like:


"if by not a date you mean my attempt to not get seduced, yea maybe (; meet me at [coffee shop] at [time]."

ballsier, not that smooth but you get the idea

"we'll see what happens (; meet me at [coffee shop] at [time]." less ballsy

I'm also a fan of splitting both statements up into two texts, but sending them at the same time. Makes it appear like you just read the message if that's what you're going for.


OR


since she flaked you go cold for a little bit to show her you don't put up with that.

"shit happens. I'm actually busy today "



Dunno though, could be a shit test because she's incongruent with her first text.

Hueman

 

[foggy]

Okay...basically she's asking what your intentions are with her.

What are your intentions with her? Do you want her as a girlfriend? Do you want to take her as your lover? Do you want her as your friend? I have a feeling your intentions with her involve the first two.

Notice how she has written "right" at the end of each sentence. She is really hoping that you will follow the path of least resistance that she has set up for you, and say, "yes, it's not a date, we are just hanging out." You would be agreeing to her frame by saying this. Think back to the interaction. You were indirect with your verbal communication. Were you direct with your non-verbal communication? Hmmmm...You can get some clues to further decipher her message by analyzing your behaviour towards her.

The term "hanging out" is super ambiguous. Hanging out could mean anything! It could mean hanging out as friends or it could mean hanging out and fucking her brains out...Ultimately, you decide what you will be doing when you are hanging out with her. The fact that she's being ambiguous is good.

I would say something like:

I haven't figured it out yet. But I do know that maybe you can remember the fun we had meeting! Let's get together and we'll see what we can figure out.

You are being equally as ambiguous by saying this, and inviting her to see where it goes with you, ultimately preserving your attainability and value as well as asking for compliance from her.

Here's some reference material:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/frame ... ame-anyone

viewtopic.php?f=28&t=42

https://www.girlschase.com/content/19-co ... beat-these (specifically look at "what are your intentions?")

 

[readjusting]

Yeah, I admitted that I was too platonic in person.
She sent both text at the same time. Never saw that kind of text before.

I'll go the route of "we'll see what happens next."
Btw, I like the link "turning objection into advantage." Haven't used that gem for a while.

 

[Sandman]

Happened to me a few times. I usually go with we'll se what happens as well. Not an ideal situation but I've managed to turn it around once.

 

[readjusting]

Damn it.
If I turned back in time, I would have responded "it's a date. You want to go?"

I got friendzoned. Case closed. Thanks for the help guys.

 

[LoverOfWomen]

I gotta say I've enjoyed reading through your posts. Respect to you for actually going out there and interacting with women.
As you mentioned you should be more dominant and assertive.
If I'm talking to a girl whom I don't know (outside of social circle) then I'm more assertive because I'll probably never see her again. however with girls within my social circle I'm more reserved as I don't want to be judged or known as that guy who got rejected or who hits on multiple girls.

You said you've interacted with girls at bus stops/stations,
How does the eye contact usually go? (Are you the first to look or is she looking at you?)

How long after you spot the girl do you approach?
I ask this as you mentioned that one girl was annoyed (due to her facial expression.

 

[readjusting]

Sometimes I looked at her first. Sometimes she looked at me first.
I'm not sure what approach is better.
But right now I'm just going in, do something, and sort it out later.

In social circle, yeah, gotta be careful.
Especially like workplace, you don't want to be kicked out.
Still I think I have to start slow, like being friendly first, obviously be competent.
Then later on add sexual tension.
Then later on add asking her out when there's an opportunity.
Just like gym. Start small, and build it up later.