It's Really Hard to Do Well with Girls When You're Negative

[Osiris]

My solution to it is to think of yourself as an actor when I approach, putting on an initial energetic/charismatic/intrigued performance. Eventually it just becomes a default part of your approach, like the angle you approach from or the eye contact you make or the types of things you say.

With all due respects here, I have a hard time just socializing and find it tedious, let alone cold approaching so would you still recommend emulating the guys below

If you don't want to wait for that though... three of the guys in particular from the charisma breakdown series showcase good, captivating, attractive approach energy worth emulating in cold approach scenarios:

• Russell Brand
• Errol Flynn
• Sean Connery

or is there someone else to emulate, for everyday social interactions..you know like texting, calling on the phone, face to face interactions with people ..I seem to muck up these simple things and it annoys the shit out of me that I can't seem to improve even when I know, which all aspects to improve. If anyone here was in such a position, how did you manage?

 

[Rakehell]

@Rakehell, This is something I have done intuitively, and I'm sure like Chase said, what I, consider normal, might be considered low/depressing/ uptight to other people. Is the whole depressing/downer/vibe killer because there is a mismatch in energy levels?

Not necessarily. You can be chill and laid back around people who are gregarious and outgoing and loud and still be welcome. It’s more about the nonverbal expression of your vibe and mood.

Think Eeyore from winnie the pooh, he’s low energy, and his nonverbal expressions showcase his negative emotions:

Context matters too, if you’re at a party, or a concert, you generally won’t wanna be the guy who looks like he isn’t having fun. Even if you aren’t bouncing off the walls you still wanna look like you’re enjoying yourself.

It takes reading the energy of the room, you never wanna be too low, but also not way high either.

Don’t be the guy who walks into a funeral super high energy and starting conversations left and right, but also don’t be the guy who walks into the party like it’s another day at the office.


It’s hard to fake but i’d fake it till you make it until you get a handle on your emotions.

This relates to the victim mentality article Chase penned years back, There is no way to improve anyone continues to see themselves as victims, I have started taking initiative to meet and talk to people, and have noticed that it is usually me who has to initiate contact otherwise people forget about me, is this normal or does it signify maybe these people were just putting up with my presence? If so do I ask them for feedback or do i just move on?

Theres a post made about this

Friendship’s take time. I myself am known for going mia. Even if I think a person’s really cool and I enjoy hanging out, I may go long stints of not texting back, not hanging out, or not contacting them in general. It isn’t because I don’t want to be their friend, but it has more to do with priorities.

You can’t take it personally

Not to say you shouldn’t continue to work on making yourself someone people want to hang around but food for thought.

Also know why you’re trying to hang out. Look for commonalities so you have an easier excuse to hang out. If you both like to bowl or golf or drink there’s an excuse.

Bottom line though i’d focus on the basics of making yourself an attractive person. Chases blog is pretty much the holy grail for that.

Also continue to be social, find someone you think is cool, and build from there. It can be as easy as “Nice shoes I have that exact pair”.

 

[Chase]

@Rain,

Do you wrinkle your nose like Samantha does from left to right(and her mouth slightly moves as well)
Or is it an up and down thing?

No, I am not talking about the Bewitched nose wiggle.

Though it would be pretty hilarious to see a guy opening women doing that, I've gotta say.

I'm talking about crinkling your nose when you smile, like this:

Yeah videos can be good to show this type of difference. Along with walk as well. Maybe sexy smile vs nonsexy smile? Although thats partly been touched on here where Jess suggested a duechenne smile (showing bottom teeth and crows feet near the eyes) , yet he didn't suggest a sexy smile? Anyway thats shown in that thread with a photo, so maybe the smile one isnt necessary for a video if a photo is enough.

I'm doing a fundamentals series for GC.TV, since guys have been asking for that for ages, and a lot of this stuff is impossible to describe perfectly in text. So I'll be covering all that, yeah.


@climbingup,

No worries man. Problems with text communication... sometimes stuff comes off as if it's meant more authoritative than it is.


@Osiris,

With all due respects here, I have a hard time just socializing and find it tedious, let alone cold approaching so would you still recommend emulating the guys below

or is there someone else to emulate, for everyday social interactions..you know like texting, calling on the phone, face to face interactions with people ..I seem to muck up these simple things and it annoys the shit out of me that I can't seem to improve even when I know, which all aspects to improve. If anyone here was in such a position, how did you manage?

Depends on your goals.

I have known some DEEP introverts who'd strike you as the most outgoing, charismatic guys because they just got that persona down cold for their cold approaching. One of these guys, who was a pickup legend, confessed to me that after a night out picking up & socializing he'd be completely drained, and that it took him years of going out, at first just for an hour at a time, to build up his reserves to the point where he could stand about 6 hours of high intensity socializing before he crashed.

Once while traveling with him and another friend my other friend snooped in his journal and reported that he had a bunch of notes about how most of the conversation with myself and the other friend was "nothing interesting" "no new lessons" with the occasional "Chase had an interesting perspective: 'XYZ blah blah'. Otherwise, boring day, nothing new." We both had a laugh over how quirky the raw comments were... but nevertheless he still presented an outward appearance of being outgoing and friendly.

If that guy could become a highly skilled, seemingly outgoing/gregarious seducer, anyone can... of course for him, it was basically a life mission. It may not be for you.

If you just want to have decent social skills and find a nice girlfriend, and not be some high skilled seducer, I don't see a need to go far outside your comfort zone and learn to emulate a dynamic, super seductive guy. Just pick a lower energy charismatic (in which case, John Wayne or William Holden or another such example ought to suffice).

There are even some highly skilled seducers who are not very energetic or verbal... @Cody Lyans and [REDACTED].

The easiest path to better seductive success though is developing a charming, electric air about oneself. Without that, it is generally a steeper climb / you are taking some winding alternate routes there. Not impossible, but it is more difficult.

Chase

edit: the other member I mentioned in the second-to-last paragraph above has complained via a third member that he did not appreciate being referenced as an effective seducer with a non-energetic personality... actually more specifically he complained about the personality analogy I used with regards to him. I believe due to cultural differences... the example is going to make sense to any US/CA/UK/AU/etc. English-speaker, but perhaps not to folks less familiar with the pop culture reference I referred to. Out of respect to him and sympathy for the mutual friend whose ear he has, I have removed the reference. Though I wonder if he sees the irony? Maybe not? Fun times running forums!